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What to do when a close friend ghosts you, according to experts

  • As we get older, we have fewer but more genuine friendships.
  • Losing a friend can come with grief, which makes it tougher to recover from. 
  • Friendship experts says some friendships are worth fighting for.

Insider Today

In budding romantic relationships, being ghosted after a date or two seems to come with the territory these days. Sure, it stings, but it's relatively easy to bounce back from a failed love connection, especially one that started online. But when we're ghosted by a longtime trusted friend , our grief can be intense and difficult to navigate. 

By the time we become parents, our friendships feel more solid and reliable. We might have fewer friends, but they're more genuine. It's no wonder that losing a friend can be a tough blow to recover from . Here's why ghosting happens and how to find closure.

Why do friends ghost us?

Friendships break down when one person is consistently considering their needs over the other person's, said Dr. Marisa G. Franco , a psychologist and friendship expert. "There's a concept called identity affirmation. The idea is, I'm able to see my friend for who they are. I am able to respect the ways that they want to live their life," she told Insider. That means supporting a friend's dreams even when their values don't align with our own. If we can't, the friend probably won't stick around.

We rarely break up with somebody who leaves us feeling good, said Shasta Nelson , a friendship expert and author of " Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness ." "Research shows that we need five positive emotions for every negative emotion for a relationship to stay healthy. By the time we're breaking up, that ratio has usually gotten reversed," she said.

In friendships, we tend to avoid conflict at all costs. "If we can think about conflict as a way to enlighten each other so that we can treat each other better, it can be a healing force rather than a destructive force," Franco said. Addressing our issues is the only way through them. 

How to let go and when to hang on

There's a lot of shame surrounding friendship breakups, Nelson said. "We feel like every single friendship is supposed to last forever, and if they don't there's something wrong with us. But not every relationship is going to last," she said, so learn to let your relationships ebb and flow.

It's important to recognize your loss and grieve it in a healthy way. Holding in our feelings leads to "the rebound effect," Franco said. "When we try to suppress something, it ends up coming back stronger. Your feelings have to be felt for them to pass," she said. 

Friendships that have brought you happiness in the past are probably worth fighting for. Even a difficult conversation is worth having if the person has added value to your life, said Smiley Poswolsky , a friendship expert and author of " Friendship in the Age of Loneliness: An Optimist's Guide to Connection ."

"Take the time to send a handwritten letter and just say, 'Hey, I've missed you. I wanted to reach out. You mean a lot to me. I'd love to have a conversation about our friendship.' Then your cards are on the table and you've made the effort, and that's a beautiful thing," Poswolsky said. 

"We can't force somebody to interact with us, but we can reach out to say, 'Is there any chance you'd be willing to tell me what happened between us or what you're feeling right now? I want to try to fix it or at least apologize to you,'" Nelson said, and if our friend isn't open to a conversation, we have to forgive ourselves and our friend, doing our best to learn from the experience.

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Why Friends Ghost On Even Their Closest Pals

ghosting friendships

I n high school, I was part of a trio: Marlene, Susan and I were constant companions–until one day, for reasons she did not disclose, Susan refused to have anything more to do with me. Marlene tried to stay friends with both of us, but since that meant sticking with Susan, I was locked out. Being cut off by a close friend, someone integral to my daily life, was shattering. But I learned, as I interviewed over eighty girls and women (ages 9 to 97) for a book about friendship , that cutoffs are a common calamity. And so is ghosting .

I heard many accounts of cutoffs and ghosting — both from those who’d suffered from it and those who’d done it. The ugliest stories were about being ousted by a group of friends in middle school or high school. And it haunted not only the ejected but also the ejectors. For example, a woman, Annie, said she still feels regret and shame for not speaking up when, in tenth grade, her entire friends group turned on one member. Annie wasn’t the ringleader, but, she said, “I went along. And we had been very, very close friends.”

Most of those who had been cut off said they didn’t know why. But those who said they’d cut off a friend always told me the reason. For example, a woman, Linda, said she had let a friend stay with her for what was supposed to be a brief time. As the days became weeks and then months, she finally asked the friend to leave. Instead of thanking her for months of hospitality, the friend exploded in anger. “If your boyfriend moves in,” she snarled, “you’ll probably kick him out after a few months, too!” Linda never spoke to her again.

Even when a cutoff is traced to a single outrageous thing said or done, that supremely tellable violation usually caps frustrations that had been mounting over time. For example, a college student recalled a high school friend who “was great and funny and just a riot. She was a hoot, and great to be around.” But the friend’s jokes were often barbed — and made her feel terrible. “It just kind of built up,” the student said. “I didn’t want to keep enduring it.”

Comments about erstwhile friends included: “She made me feel inadequate and intimidated, correcting my grammar and always having done one better”; she “did a number on me, made me feel inadequate, awkward, unattractive”; “She made me feel inadequate and depressed.” All these descriptions include the word “inadequate” — that universal fear that we are just not good enough. And the same fear is part of why it is so painful to be ghosted.

Why cut someone off without saying why? For one thing, explaining opens a conversation, implying you want to work things out, which you don’t. But there’s another reason, too. Many of us find it hard to say anything negative outright, so we swallow our hurt—until it chokes us. Ghosting means still not saying anything negative. Someone told me he calls this “stamp collecting.” When a person you’re close to does something you don’t like, you say nothing, but put a stamp in your book. When the page is filled with stamps, you slam it shut and throw the book at them.

For those who are pondering what they did to cause them to be ghosted, it may help to know the answer may be: nothing. A woman was relieved when–-decades later— a friend who had disappeared reconnected and explained that she’d been going through a tough time and had cut everyone off. Another woman recalled her own habit, when she was younger, of cutting friends off: she’d pursue a friendship , then feel overwhelmed by the closeness she’d created — and flee. A particularly unjust—and pernicious — reason may have been why Annie’s high school group turned on one of their own. Annie recalled that the victimized friend “was good at every sport and cute.” Sadly, it is common for girls to reject a girl who stands out or excels, labeling her “stuck up” or “a snob.”

Sometimes the decision to end a friendship wasn’t made by the friend herself, so both are victims. When young adults live with parents or guardians, the adults may demand a cutoff, because they disapprove of a friend, or — though they probably don’t think of it that way — because they envy the attachment and feel displaced by it. And that, it turns out, is what happened with my friend Susan.

In the years since she ended our friendship, I made many attempts to find Susan, to ask why. But, as often happens with women who marry and change their names, she couldn’t be found. From the moment I decided to write a book about friendship, I was determined to solve this mystery once and for all. When the book was pretty much done, I enlisted the aid of my friend Paul, who has a gift for finding people online. Luckily, Susan has a brother whose name has not changed and whose email address Paul found online. I emailed him, and he replied immediately, cc’ing his sister. Within a few hours — 54 years after our last conversation — I was talking to Susan on the phone. And the very first thing she said was that it was her older brother — not the one I’d emailed, but a different one — who had insisted she stop seeing me, because he felt I had too much influence over her. But looking back, she said, she thinks he was just jealous. And it broke her heart at the same time that it broke mine.

One of the wonderful things about friendship is that we get to choose our friends, an option we don’t have with family. But that also means we can choose to end a friendship — and a friend can choose to end it too. When that happens, it might help to know that others have suffered the same fate, and that sometimes it really is —as I learned was the case with Susan — not because of anything we did wrong. It might, in fact, be a testament to how important the friendship was.

Tannen is a linguistics professor at Georgetown University and the author of You’re the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women’s Friendships

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What to Do if a Friend Ghosts You

It’s not just a dating thing, and it can hurt. A lot. Here are ways to cope — and move forward.

A woman in three-quarter view has black hair and a blue face; she is wearing a red shirt and a green jacket and is holding her hand up to her mouth, as if she’s calling to someone. The woman is looking across a river of choppy blue water to the land on the other side. There is a woman with her back turned, wearing a pink sweater and a black skirt. There is white, ghostlike smoke emanating from the woman. There are mountains in the distance and the sky is yellow.

By Catherine Pearson

In my late 20s, I was ghosted by one of my closest friends.

We met in college and began drifting apart after graduation. He moved to the Midwest for grad school; I stayed in New York, but we visited when our circumstances and budgets allowed, and emailed — frequently at first, then less often. I have tried not to dwell too much on the time when our relationship ended, but I recently dug up my last email to him from 12 years ago: “I’m putting this out there as a final attempt to be in touch,” I wrote in a note that makes me feel a combination of heartache and embarrassment, even now. “I hope we can reconnect.”

He never responded, and I never tried again. It felt an awful lot like being dumped.

Ghosting — when someone unilaterally cuts off communication without warning or explanation — has become a seemingly inescapable part of the modern dating scene , but we pay far less attention to it as a phenomenon between friends.

Yet research suggests that experiences like mine are pretty common. In one study from 2018 , 39 percent of the participants said they’d been ghosted by a friend. And a study published earlier this year found that people often feel just as hurt after being ghosted by a friend as they do after being ghosted by a romantic partner.

“With ghosting, we know that there are four fundamental needs that get threatened,” explained Gili Freedman, an assistant professor of psychology at St. Mary’s College of Maryland who was an author of the 2018 study: “Your sense of belonging, your sense of meaningful existence — that you have a place in the world, and that place is meaningful — your sense of control and your self-esteem.”

Dr. Freedman cautioned that there isn’t any research on the best strategies to help you cope with being abruptly dropped by a friend — and stressed that the bulk of research on ghosting has focused on dating and romantic situations. But she and other experts who study friendship and ghosting offered several approaches that may help.

Validate your experience — and your pain

There is “a certain shame” to being ghosted by a friend, said Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and author of “Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend.” She believes much of it stems from the mythology that you’re supposed to keep your friends for all eternity, when in fact research in the Netherlands suggests people may lose about half of the friends in their social network every seven years.

Simply reminding yourself that fluidity is a hallmark of friendship and that platonic ghosting is relatively widespread can offer some comfort, Dr. Levine said, because it helps normalize the experience.

“Try to step back and remember that not all friendships, even very good ones, last forever,” Dr. Levine said.

It may also help to recognize that being ghosted is a form of “ ambiguous loss ,” a psychology term that describes a loss without information or closure. Marisa Franco, a psychologist who studies friendship, said it is normal to feel sad, angry or embarrassed, and it is normal to ruminate.

Research suggests simply naming feelings without trying to change them or push them away — a technique known as “ affect labeling ” — can offer solace.

"Anything that helps you express emotion will ease grief,” Dr. Franco said. That might include journaling, crying or talking to friends who won’t minimize your feelings. Try to validate your suffering in a compassionate way, she urged, by acknowledging that your feelings connect you to others who have struggled with similar issues — an idea called “common humanity.” (I, for one, have found it cathartic to write this story and realize I’m not the only one who has been through an experience like this.)

Reclaim some control and a sense of connection

Because ghosting is characterized by uncertainty, it can help to “fortify your need for control,” Dr. Freedman said. Focus your time and attention on areas of your life where you feel a sense of agency, she said. Is that at work? Through certain hobbies? Pour your energy into those pursuits.

Christina Leckfor, a doctoral student in social psychology at the University of Georgia, added: “If you think you’re being ghosted, try to fill that void in your life with social connection from other people. If you can try and spend time with close friends or family members, you might still feel hurt by the experience, but hopefully you won’t feel as lonely.”

At the same time, although being ghosted feels deeply personal, it may help to “remind yourself that getting dumped may have nothing to do with you,” said Dr. Levine. She noted, for instance, that your friend might be grappling with mental health issues, an illness or family problems, and they “may not be ready to share — even with a very good friend.”

Consider reaching out once more

Sometimes it’s obvious a friend is done with you, as was the case for me. But often, friendships simply peter out. For instance, an often cited 1984 study among young adults found that physical separation was the most common reason friendships end.

So, consider the possibility that your friend isn’t deliberately ghosting you; life simply got in the way. “Typically, friends don’t go: ‘I will be moving across the state to start a job, and at that time I’m not going to keep in touch as much,’” said Jeffrey Hall, a professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas, who noted that friendship does not have the same kind of clear expectations for behavior that romantic relationships tend to have.

It’s possible that if you get in touch, they might thank you for your persistence, Dr. Hall said.

Even if you never hear back, it can at least help interrupt the cycle of rumination , Dr. Franco said. Taking initiative can offer more closure that the friendship really is over, she said, rather than leaving you wondering.

“You might just say, ‘Hey friend, I haven’t heard from you in a while. At this point, I’m not sure if you continue to be interested in a friendship with me,’” Dr. Franco said. “Try to welcome them to just be honest with you. I think ghosters often think honesty is worse than ghosting.”

Have you ever been ghosted by a friend? Share your story in the comments below.

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Being a good friend means offering your support in times of need. Just remember: Sometimes less is better than more .

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What Is Ghosting?

When a Friend or Romantic Interest Disappears Without Explanation

Wendy Rose Gould is a lifestyle reporter with over a decade of experience covering health and wellness topics.

ghosting friendships

 Verywell / Catherine Song

  • Increased Use
  • Why It Happens
  • How to Cope
  • Why You Shouldn't Ghost

Alternatives to Ghosting Someone

  • Is It Ever OK?

Ghosting is a relatively new colloquial dating term that refers to abruptly cutting off contact with someone without giving that person any warning or explanation for doing so.

Even when the person being ghosted reaches out to re-initiate contact or gain closure, they’re met with silence. As you can see, it’s called ghosting because it involves someone essentially “vanishing” into thin air as if they were a ghost.

The term is generally used in reference to a romantic relationship, but it can technically refer to any scenario where contact unexpectedly ceases, including friendships and family relationships.

Signs of Ghosting

Ghosting is often obvious, but it can also be a gradual process. The other person might start by 'soft ghosting,' where they progressively minimize contact over a period of time. Some early signs that someone might be ghosting you include:

  • They regularly bail out on plans to get together
  • They struggle to make commitments
  • They don't like to share personal information
  • They don't want you to meet their friends or family
  • They disappear from social media
  • They rarely respond to your texts or calls
  • Your conversations with them lack depth, and they seem disinterested

If you have made repeated efforts to contact someone and they won't respond, it is a strong indicator that you've been ghosted.

Ghosting can also occur on social media. It involves cutting off all social media contact with another person without explanation. The other person may unfriend, unfollow, or even block you on all social media platforms. They may even go so far as to deactivate or delete their social accounts to prevent all contact.

The History of Ghosting

The term "ghosting" became mainstream about seven years ago alongside the surge in online dating ; it became an official entry in the Merriam-Webster dictionary in 2017 . Interestingly, though, the term was actually used as far back as the 1990s. Some pop culture writers and scholars have even used the term to describe ghostwriting in hip-hop music.  

Bree Jenkins, LMFT

The word ‘ghosting’ gained popularity long before [2017] via ‘90s hip-hop, often in the sense of escaping.

Though a new term, the act of ghosting existed well before the digital age. “I think references of ‘going for a loaf of bread and never coming back’ are examples of ghosting," says Bree Jenkins, LMFT , a dating coach in Los Angeles, Calif. "Ghosting used to be leaving a person and moving away or not leaving [them with] your contact information—its earlier origins are even the simple act of leaving a party or social gathering without notice and goodbyes.” 

How the Term Became Popular

So why did the term “ghosting” become mainstream just within the last decade? The argument is that online dating has simply made it way easier to ghost people.

With the higher frequency of ghosting instances, and with more people who could relate/understand being ghosted or doing the ghosting, the term was widely adopted.

Why Do Some People Choose to Ghost?

Ghosting is often seen as an immature or passive-aggressive way to end a relationship. In other instances, it may even be a form of emotional abuse.

There are two primary reasons why a person ghosts another, and often it's a combination of the two.

It's the Easy Route

The first is that some find it's way easier (in the short-term, anyway) to ghost someone than to have an awkward, uncomfortable heart-to-heart about why you’re not interested in maintaining contact.

The person doing the ghosting often wants to avoid confrontation or dealing with someone else’s hurt feelings, so they simply cease all communication and hope the hint is delivered.

Option Overload and Fatigue

“With internet dating comes what may seem like infinite choices as opposed to walking into a bar and having limited options," explains Margaret Seide, MD , a board-certified psychiatrist based in New York City.

"Because there are so many choices, online daters are quick to have the ‘OK, next’ or the ‘Yeah, but what else?’ mindset," says Seide. "Sometimes the person is nice enough, but is juggling a few other people and that person just didn’t make the cut.”

There are also other reasons why people ghost, including being fearful of the other person's reaction to rejection.

How Ghosting Can Impact the Ghosted

As you can imagine (or know from personal experience), ghosting can have a real psychological impact on the person who’s being ghosted.

It’s almost like sudden loss [or] grief, especially the first time you’ve ever been ghosted. You are shocked, and you’re in denial, thinking things such as ‘maybe they didn’t see my text.’ Then you feel anger.

Jenkins adds, “Next, the feelings of depression [can] kick in along with feelings of poor self-esteem as you mentally reexamine your relationship and last conversation for possible warning signs."

Ghosting is inherently ambiguous because there is a lack of explanation for why the relationship ended. For the person who has been ghosted, it can lead to significant feelings of rejection, guilt, grief, and shame.

A person who has been ghosted may be left wondering what this type of behavior says about them, but it is important to remember that ghosting says more about the person who cuts off contact than the person who is ghosted.

Working Through Grief After Being Ghosted

The grief cycle may not run that exact course, but being ghosted often triggers a flood of ranging emotions. Thoughts of ‘Not only did the person not want to date me, but I wasn’t even deserving of an explanation’ can make someone feel dehumanized and devalued.

It’s often more painful when it’s a relationship that’s marinated a bit, but the ghosted person can also feel this way if it was a new connection. It can take some time to work through the pain, but with acceptance the person being ghosted can move on.

To gain closure in a situation where you feel you’ve been ghosted, Meide says it can help to send a message by saying something like, “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while. I’m not sure what happened, but I don’t want to continue pursuing this. My time is valuable and I don’t want to leave this door open. Best of luck with things.” While the ghoster may not respond, it can help provide closure.

How Ghosting Can Impact the Ghoster

Ghosting doesn't just impact the ghosted; it also is a detriment to the ghoster. The bottom line here is that ghosting is either a passive aggressive way to end a relationship, or it is the “easy way out.” Either way, it’s not doing the ghoster any favors in their ability to communicate with others.

“Ghosting doesn't take into account how you affect other people and it makes it easier for the person to dip out or disengage when things get uncomfortable. There’s no way to have a healthy, long-term relationship without being able to work through problems and use your communication skills,” says Jenkins.

Jenkins adds that ghosters create unhealthy problem-solving patterns for themselves, and that they also contribute to a larger pattern of societal flakiness that increases their chances of being ghosted as well.

Avoiding the easy route of ghosting someone will benefit both parties. Meide says that the best thing you can do when ending a relationship , however long or short, is to treat the other person as you’d like to be treated.

“I usually suggest two spoons of sugar with the medicine in the middle for delivery,” Meide says. “It can sound something like ‘Hey, you seem like a really great catch, but I don’t feel it’s working between us. I respect your time and just wanted to be honest. Warm regards and take care.’

"Or, ‘Hi—it’s been cool getting to know you, but I’ve decided to take a break from dating and don’t want to waste your time or be dishonest. Best of luck with everything.’"

These messages are short, sweet, honest, and end with an outro to signal that you don’t want to have a long and drawn out conversation. It’s possible that you may get a negative or hurt reaction from the other person, but it’s far better to exit the relationship after giving an explanation than to ghost completely.

Is Ghosting Someone Ever OK?

In many cases, ghosting is considered a rude route to take when trying not to talk to someone anymore, or especially when ending a more serious or established relationship. However, there are most definitely exceptions—when further communication can be a bad thing or even potentially unsafe.

Situations in which ghosting can make sense is if you find out the person is married or in a relationship , participating in illegal or unsavory behaviors, or if they display toxic traits.   In such cases, you do not owe that person an explanation for abruptly ending the relationship. 

If you are uncomfortable or feel threatened by someone in any way, remember it's best to follow your gut instinct. You may simply have a bad feeling. In cases like this, you don't need to prove that this person "deserved" to be ghosted—ghosting might be a useful mode of self-protection and peace of mind.

If you feel your best interest would be to completely cut off contact with the person in question, don't let your feelings of guilt keep you from doing what's right for you and what will ultimately keep you safe.

A Word From Verywell

Ghosting has become more commonplace in the digital age, but just because something is easy or common doesn’t mean it’s always the ideal route to take. Consider how ghosting might impact both parties and do your best to treat others with kindness and honesty. If you’re the person who’s been ghosted, it’s OK to feel confused, sad, and angry. Sending a quick note to end the relationship yourself can help you regain a sense of power and confidence in yourself and give you closure.

However, if you feel threatened or deeply uncomfortable by someone, you don't owe them anything. Sometimes ghosting, when used thoughtfully, can be a healthy mode of self-protection and removing yourself from a potentially bad situation.

Navarro R, Larrañaga E, Yubero S, Víllora B. Psychological Correlates of Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Experiences: A Preliminary Study among Adults . Int J Environ Res Public Health . 2020;17(3):1116. doi:10.3390/ijerph17031116

Anderson HE. No Bitin’ Allowed: A Hip-Hop Copying Paradigm for All of Us . 2011.

 Vilhauer J. When Is It OK to Ghost Someone ? Psychology Today . 2019.

By Wendy Rose Gould Wendy Rose Gould is a lifestyle reporter with over a decade of experience covering health and wellness topics.

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Purple kids playground with various social media symbols all around it

Friendship Ghosting Is Real, Here's How To Deal With It

Social media leads to as many hurt feelings as the playground ever did

We've pretty much all been there: Maybe it's a friend ignoring our messages; maybe they're not liking our posts anymore; maybe we realize they've unfollowed us entirely. If we're lucky, we can rationalize it: It was an accident, we tell ourselves, and move on with our day, neuroses-free.

But a lot of us will overanalyze it. If we know the person in real life, we'll scroll back through our last interactions, wondering what we did wrong. Sometimes these social media slights truly don't mean anything, but a lot of the time, they do—especially since, increasingly, we live out entire friendships online .

While we are all very familiar with the idea of ghosting in the romantic sense—when someone you thought you had something with stops communicating with you, too cowardly to let you know it's going nowhere; and so, you're left picking at clues where there are none, blaming yourself for it going sour. But what about when it happens in non-romantic relationships? The internet has made it easier to maintain relationships than ever, but it's a double-edged sword in that it's also very easy to end them without ever having to break the difficult truth to someone that, well, you just don't like them anymore.

An unfollow in itself might not mean much, sure. But when conversations have already been petering out, when someone has snubbed your invite to hang out a few times, it's often the final nail in the coffin. I spoke to Nikki, who told me that her IRL best friend ghosted her after Nikki had experienced a bout of bad mental health. After a while, Nikki says, her former best friend stopped answering her calls and texts and unfriended her on everything. This, understandably, damaged Nikki's self-esteem: "I felt rubbish, because I guess I'd been cut off based on the fact I experience mental illness? It's so damaging to be cut off for any reason, let alone for something you have no control over. It made me feel ashamed of my experiences and like I wasn't good enough".

This might all seem very "millennial problems," but Catherine, who is 42, experienced this with a longtime friend. Not only did this friend start changing plans on Catherine, but then also, she left Catherine on read receipts, so that Catherine could see that texts were being read but not replied to. When Catherine tried to confront the issue, asking her friend if everything was okay between them, she got no response. It escalated to the point where Catherine reached out to her friend's husband "to make sure she was okay," but he didn't reply and eventually also deleted her off Facebook. While this behavior hurt, Catherine looks at it rationally: "Initially, I was concerned as to what I'd done, but if someone isn't willing to discuss it—whether by text or in person, then I don't have time to think about it any further. I find the behavior very strange and attention-seeking, and it must be terribly draining for her."

The internet has made making friends easy, but with that is the message that everyone is replaceable.

There are different ways that online ghostings signal that a friendship is entirely over. I spoke to Jane, who told me that she experienced a social media ghosting following an IRL one. She tells me that she was living with a best friend who suddenly moved out of the house without a word, not even replying to texts asking if she was okay. When Jane discovered her friend had a baby, she texted her congratulations but got no response. While her experience is slightly different, Jane believes ghosting in friendships is common because "it's easier to do 'life admin' and overhaul who you hang out with now because so much of your connection is online. You can just say, 'I'm done with you,' and block them on everything." Social media removes the awkwardness of having to hear someone's reaction to you falling out with them.

Not knowing where you stand with someone can wreak havoc on your mental health. I spoke to experts to determine whether these playground-style tactics are new and whether they can have a negative effect on us. Frank McAndrew, a social psychologist, told me that he believes it is nothing new but is "facilitated by the internet." He added that "people have always abruptly ended relationships by simply not returning phone calls; the internet is just one escape route." While he doesn't believe being ghosted is any more traumatic than a traditional dumping, he did say that one bad thing about simply disappearing is that "the other person goes through a period of uncertainty about the status of the relationship and may waste time and effort trying to reestablish contact."

Christine Hohlbaum , who wrote the article "Why Ghosting is Leading the World's Mental Health Crisis" in Psychology Today , takes a more hardline approach. She believes that due to the internet speeding up life, "people make snap decisions based on convenience, whether it is ordering something online or ending a relationship." She adds that this leads to people thinking they are anonymous, when in truth they are not. She believes that being ghosted can be traumatic as it "leads to a sense of powerlessness" as you have no context or information. She adds that "ghosting is cruel, and can have an enormous impact on a person's self-esteem," as well as a "cowardly way of expressing your dissatisfaction."

We need to stop acting as if "online" is separate to "real life."

All of us, at one time or another, have made thoughtless decisions that have hurt someone else's feelings. But how can we behave responsibly online? Well, for one, we need to stop acting as if "online" is separate to "real life." We spend all day constantly interacting with people we know from different parts of our lives. For every 10 minutes that you spend speaking to a friend on Whatsapp, how many do you spend at their house? The two realms interact, and McAndrew agrees: "Try as best you can to treat people online the way you would treat them in person. In many ways, it is easier to treat others badly online because you do not directly see the hurt in their eyes. It may take a little extra effort to be sensitive in an online relationship."

Not only that, but context is lost online: An interaction you might think is harmless could hurt someone else because they can't see you laughing. Christine adds: "Remember that a typed message has no tone, so the other person may misinterpret what you are saying. Emojis can help convey your meaning, but in truth, picking up the phone or sending an audio note are better ways of conveying your feelings. Face-to-face contact is the best because 90 percent of communication is transferred through body language."

The internet has made making friends easy, but with that is the message that everyone is replaceable. More than ever, we feel as if we don't owe anyone anything: We put ourselves first in the name of self-care, isolate ourselves, take baths, and cut out "toxic" people. But we do have a responsibility to the feelings of others: If you can't maintain a relationship with someone anymore, tell them. Having that conversation is hard, but what's harder is feeling abandoned with no explanation and no idea how to change your behavior. Ending a friendship with an unfollow or by ignoring someone's messages is childish and cruel. It's playground behavior: "Why has Megan unfollowed me?" is the new "Why wasn't I invited to Megan's sleepover?" It's a social tactic that unfairly forces you to fill in the gaps. And because it exists "just online," you feel petty if you talk about it. Jane agrees: "It can often feel really stupid to outright ask them about it, because it looks so juvenile written out in a text, even though it can be legitimately hurtful."

If this does happen to you, it's normal to wonder what you've done, but the answer is often: not much. People get sick of people, they let grudges accumulate, and sometimes friendships just run their course. But the humane, responsible thing to do is tell someone if you can no longer continue your relationship with them. If you can't follow someone but still want to be their friend, tell them. If it's unhealthy for you to be around them, tell them. The world is a difficult place, and we all owe one another kindness and honesty, even if the maturity and emotional strength that confrontation takes is difficult.

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Why Ghosting Hurts So Much

Ghosting says nothing about your worthiness for love..

Posted November 27, 2015 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

  • Ghosting means one person cuts off contact with another after a period of friendship or dating, usually to avoid one's own emotional discomfort.
  • Ghosting upsets the one ghosted because people are wired to regulate their emotions partly through social cues from others.
  • Those with low self-esteem can take longer to get over ghosting because they have less natural opioid released into the brain after a rejection.

Antonio Guillem/Shutterstock

The opposite of love isn’t hate; it's indifference. Ghosting , for those of you who haven’t yet experienced it, is having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating , disappear from contact without any explanation at all. No phone call or email, not even a text.

Ghosting isn’t new—people have long engaged in disappearing acts—but years ago this kind of behavior was considered limited to a certain type of scoundrel. In today’s dating culture being ghosted is a phenomenon that approximately 50 percent of men and women have experienced—and an almost equal number have done the ghosting. 1 Despite how common ghosting is, the emotional effects can be devastating, and particularly damaging to those who already have fragile self-esteem .

Why do people ghost?

People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel. The lack of mutual social connections for people who met online also means there are fewer social consequences of dropping out of another’s life. The more it happens, either to themselves or their friends, the more people become desensitized to it, and the more likely they are to do it to someone else.

  • “I didn't understand exactly how I actually felt at the time, so instead of trying to talk it out, I ghosted.” 2
  • “I used to disappear when it was all I thought it was [a fling], or I got scared of finding what I wanted… Or some kind of fear factor from a past relationship kicks in.” 2
  • “Looking through the lens of a coward, passive withdrawal from dating seems like the easiest and nicest route… until it’s done to you.” 3
  • “I kind of think that it's part of what makes the online dating scene so appealing. Since you don't have friends in common or weren't introduced through some other channel, it's not the end of the world if you just drop off the face of the earth.” 4
  • “I, for one, consider myself to be an honest and straightforward person. And yet I’ve ghosted... And I’ve told myself, time and time again, that it’s all the fault of the toxic dating culture we’ve created. And at the end of the day, I think that’s what we’re all telling ourselves.” 5

How does it feel to be ghosted?

For many people, ghosting can result in feelings of being disrespected, used, and disposable. If you have known the person beyond more than a few dates then it can be even more traumatic . When someone we love and trust disengages from us it feels like a very deep betrayal.

  • “I felt like an idiot. Like I had been played a fool. And more so I felt disrespected. Take the romantics away, to have a great connection with a new friend and then all of a sudden never hear from them again? That’s painful and really disappointing. No one deserves to be blown off.” 6
  • “It still felt a bit like someone had punched me in the gut when it happened. The disregard is insulting. The lack of closure is maddening. You move on, but not before your self-esteem takes a hit. The only thing worse than being broken up with is realizing that someone didn’t even consider you worth breaking up with.” 7
  • “Going from texting every day and seeing each other a couple of times a week to nothing without the slightest hint of why was a kick in the gut.” 8
  • “Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of torture dating can serve up.” 9

Why does it feel so bad?

Social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain. 10 In fact, you can reduce the emotional pain of rejection with a pain medication like Tylenol. 11 But in addition to this biological link between rejection and pain, there are some specific factors about ghosting that contribute to psychological distress.

Ghosting gives you no cue for how to react. It creates the ultimate scenario of ambiguity. Should you be worried? What if they are hurt and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe they are just a little busy and will be calling you at any moment. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what has happened. Staying connected to others is so important to our survival that our brain has evolved to have a social monitoring system that scans the environment for cues so that we know how to respond in social situations. 12 Social cues allow us to regulate our own behavior accordingly, but ghosting deprives you of these usual cues and can create a sense of emotional dysregulation where you feel out of control.

One of the most insidious aspects of ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character? What did I do to cause this? How do I protect myself from this ever happening again? This self-questioning is the result of basic psychological systems that are in place to monitor one’s social standing and relay that information back to the person via feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. When a rejection occurs your self-esteem can drop, which social psychologists propose is meant to be a signal that your social belonging is low. 13 If you have been through multiple ghostings or if your self-esteem is already low, you are likely to experience the rejection as even more painful, and it may take you longer to get over it as people with lower-self-esteem have less natural opioid (painkiller) released into the brain after a rejection when compared with those whose self-esteem is higher. 14

ghosting friendships

Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty. 15 It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem.

Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars.

How do you move forward?

The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he or she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don't understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case, they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: "I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you." Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him or her go peacefully.

Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship. Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy. Know that if you are someone who treats people with respect and integrity then the ghoster simply wasn’t on your wavelength and someone better is coming your way, as long as you keep your heart open and your focus forward.

For more, see " When Is It OK to Ghost Someone? "

http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/advice/a12787/girls-ghos...

http://www.chicagonow.com/accidentally-sexy/2015/03/ghosting-three-guys-...

http://goodguyswag.com/ghosting-when-a-nice-guy-is-too-scared-to-say-no/

http://www.vice.com/read/i-asked-men-why-they-ghosted-me-511

http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/08/why-good-people-ghost-how...

http://www.therefinedwoman.com/ghosting-so-thats-like-a-thing-now/

http://www.gq.com/story/the-reason-you-just-got-ghosted

Krossa, E., Bermana, M., Mischelb, W., Edward E. Smith, and Wager, T. 2011. Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS), 108 (15), p. 6270–6275, doi: 10.1073/pnas.1102693108.

DeWall, C., et al. 2010. Acetaminophen Reduces Social Pain: Behavioral and Neural Evidence. Psychological Sciences, 21 (7), p. 931 -7

Cynthia L. Pickett, C., Gardner, W., and Knowles, M. 2004. Getting a Cue: The Need to Belong and Enhanced Sensitivity to Social Cues. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 30 (9), p. 1095-1107.

Leary, M. R., Haupt, A. L., Strausser, K. S., & Chokel, J. T. 1998. Calibrating the sociometer: The relationship between interpersonal appraisals and state self-esteem. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, p.1290-1299.

Hsu, D. et al. 2013. Response of the μ-opioid system to social rejection and acceptance. Molecular Psychiatry , 18, p. 1211–1217.

Williams, C., Richardson, D. Hammock, G., Janit, S. 2012. Perceptions of physical and psychological aggression in close relationships: A review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 17, (6), p. 489–494.

Jennice Vilhauer Ph.D.

Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D. , is the Director of Emory University’s Adult Outpatient Psychotherapy Program in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science in the School of Medicine.

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My BFF Ghosted Me When I Needed Her Most

Accepting that other people have limitations was my first step toward healing.

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My mother-in-law had died unexpectedly a few days before hosting her huge annual Thanksgiving dinner. My dog had just been diagnosed with cancer, and I was in the middle of a vicious battle with my son’s school district. Consumed with anxiety and grief , I was a walking zombie, barely holding it together, when a house we had sunk all our money into as a rental property burned to the ground.

The morning after the fire, I collapsed on my living room floor and howled inconsolably. When I turned to my closest friend for support, the one I met almost every day for tea, she was sympathetic at first, but then she completely disappeared—no texts, no calls, no asking to go for a walk. A few years before, she had gone through a terrible divorce , and I was there through her heartache and subsequent dating fiascos. I had leaned in to support her, and now that it was my turn to crumble… poof …she was gone.

A 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships showed that 39 percent of people have been ghosted by a friend, and that it hits even harder when you’re at your most vulnerable. Not only can it contribute to a deep sense of loneliness and depression, but the ghosted party is also left wondering if it was something they did. The short answer: It wasn’t. Much of the time, it’s not you, it’s them—and there’s science to back it up.

Miriam Kirmayer, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Montreal who specializes in friendship, says that a person who ghosts simply might not have the capacity to manage your emotions. “Showing up for someone in a time of distress necessitates a certain level of empathy, compassion , and presence,” she says. Many people just aren’t equipped to handle a crisis. Mahzad Hojjat, PhD, professor of psychology and friendship researcher at UMass Dartmouth, adds, “A friend might find it easier to ghost than explain why they can’t or won’t help.”

But just knowing this won’t make you feel better. So how do you move forward and open your heart after the crushing, unexpected loss of your bestie during a major life crisis? Here’s how to move through the pain and emerge in a better place.

1. Understand that ghosting is emotional abuse

After experiencing her second miscarriage at 20 weeks, 36-year-old Elaine Parker (not her real name) turned to her longtime college bestie, who she says showed up in the immediacy of the trauma, bringing her food and checking up on her. But when it came to ongoing emotional support, her friend began avoiding her. “She just went silent. Like a literal ghost. And it feels like this giant wound,” she says. Parker couldn’t understand what happened, and the loss of her friend only compounded her grief.

.css-fzy37w:before{margin-bottom:1.2rem;height:2.25rem;content:'“';display:block;font-size:4.375rem;line-height:1.1;font-family:Juana,Juana-weight300-robotoFallback,Juana-weight300-localFallback,Georgia,Times,Serif;font-weight:300;} .css-1s8pvpw{font-family:Juana,Georgia,Times,Serif;font-size:1.625rem;font-weight:300;letter-spacing:0.0075rem;line-height:1.2;margin:0rem;text-transform:uppercase;}@media(max-width: 64rem){.css-1s8pvpw{font-size:2.25rem;line-height:1;}}@media(min-width: 48rem){.css-1s8pvpw{font-size:2.375rem;line-height:1;}}@media(min-width: 64rem){.css-1s8pvpw{font-size:2.75rem;line-height:1;}}.css-1s8pvpw b,.css-1s8pvpw strong{font-family:inherit;font-weight:bold;}.css-1s8pvpw em,.css-1s8pvpw i{font-style:italic;font-family:inherit;} Never let another person’s abusive behavior define your worth.

Many people feel confusion and shame after being ghosted, as if they brought it on to themselves. But when someone cuts off contact without an explanation, especially in times of difficulty, it’s emotional abuse. “Ghosting contributes to tremendous personal harm,” Kirmayer says, explaining that the uncertainty, sadness, and grief that results from not knowing why a friendship ended can be the most damaging part.

Instead of obsessing over where you went wrong, focus on the idea that you deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. Never let another person’s abusive behavior define your worth.

2. Acknowledge your friend’s limitations

When someone puts limits on their relationships, it could be because they are protecting themselves from their own unresolved issues. “We often don’t know what people are experiencing in their personal lives,” says Hojjat. Your current crisis might remind them of something that happened to them in the past, and they may have difficulty separating their bad memories from your experience. This doesn’t mean you have to cut them slack; it’s just helpful information as you process the loss. “We should always consider that there might be another reason they are acting the way they are that has nothing to do with us,” she continues. I eventually recognized my friend was holding on to so much of her own pain, she couldn’t hold space for mine.

People who ghost don’t want to participate in the emotional labor of showing up because it feels too intense. It’s a question of what they can emotionally handle, and it’s not something you can control.

3. Let yourself grieve

For over five years before the break, my friend and I had spent countless hours sitting at her kitchen counter, laughing, crying, and sharing secrets. After she vanished, I felt so many emotions, including anger, and I didn’t know how to express them.

When a friend abandons you without explanation, it can feel just as painful as a romantic split. A study in BMC Psychiatry tells us that social support is critical during bereavement, reducing the severity of depression and symptoms of PTSD. It’s important to reach out to other people you know and trust, or to seek out an organized group to talk about your experience. But even more important, Kirmayer recommends being patient with yourself and channeling self-compassion. She suggests asking yourself, What would I say to a friend going through this? and then following that advice as you navigate the grieving process. Put simply, try to focus on yourself, not the ghoster. Acknowledge your pain, treat yourself with kindness, and provide time and space to feel all your emotions.

Put simply, try to focus on yourself, not the ghoster.

4. Say what you need to get closure, but don’t expect anything in return

Should you confront the person who ghosted you? It’s a tough call, says Kirmayer. “If you are hoping to share your perspective, that’s something you probably have a little more control over than eliciting an apology or explanation.” In other words, don’t expect your former bestie to be accountable or come begging for forgiveness. I reached out to my friend to discuss my feelings and move forward, but she told me she was too busy to meet up. I never got the closure I desired.

If you do reach out and don’t hear back or feel satisfied with the response, Kirmayer suggests writing a letter to your ex-friend summarizing your experience, but—and this is the important part—don’t send the letter! The simple act of writing it can help you gain clarity.

5. Know that people come in and out of our lives

People evolve, and so do friendships. A study conducted by Gerald Mollenhorst, assistant professor at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, shows that 70 percent of friendships dissolve after seven years. Once the sting of a breakup has subsided, says Kirmayer, you can feel sad that the connection has ended but also appreciate the friendship for what it was and honor the role this person played in your life. Sometimes relationships have served their purpose, and once they end, you can invest more deeply in the connections you still have.

6. Open yourself up to new friendships

Elaine Parker acknowledges that she still has PTSD from the medical trauma she has endured, but her day-to-day life is filled with joy. And though she still misses her friend, she is no longer weighed down by her absence. “What a loss for her that she couldn’t hack it,” Parker says, adding a lovely silver lining to her story: “I sought connection with people who get it. I’ve tried to find humans who know how to grieve.”

Once you’ve healed from the shock and trauma of a friend’s disappearance and mourned the loss, that’s precisely what experts recommend doing: seeking new and healthier connections. “There’s a whole world out there filled with wonderful people who want to be your friend,” says Hojjat. Letting go of my former BFF hasn’t been easy, but it’s taught me that I can move on from toxic relationships and forge new bonds that will endure all of life’s inevitable curveballs.

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Psychologists Shed New Light On The Causes And Effects Of Being Ghosted

Gone without a trace here is what it means..

By Mark Travers, Ph.D. | May 25, 2023

A new study published in Telematics and Informatics explores the factors that lead individuals to ghost others in friendships and romantic relationships.

I recently spoke to Michaela Forrai from the University of Vienna in Austria, lead author of the study, to understand the importance of maintaining social connections to minimize the psychological consequences for both ghosters and ghostees. Here is a summary of our conversation.

What inspired you to study ghosting in friendships? What was the methodology of your study?

Ghosting refers to a one-sided termination of communication without explanation. I was inspired to study ghosting after I (like almost every other young person) made some personal experiences both as a ghoster and a ghostee. Additionally, I kept stumbling upon the topic on social media — the posts I saw often dealt with ghosting within friendships and came from ghosters' perspectives.

We conducted a two-wave panel survey. Participants were asked about their ghosting behavior within friendships and within romantic relationships, as well as relevant well-being indicators (namely communication overload, self-esteem, and depressive tendencies). This procedure was repeated four months later, which allowed us to investigate what predicts ghosting as well as the effects ghosting can have over time. We analyzed the data using two separate structural equation models — one for ghosting friends and one for ghosting romantic partners.

What were your findings?

We were interested in what would predict ghosting, and in the effects of ghosting over time. I'll start with the predictors.

Communication overload (the feeling of receiving more messages than one can handle) increases the likelihood of ghosting romantic partners, but not friends.

To explain this, we highlight that interaction with romantic partners is often more demanding than interacting with friends, so communication overload may be less easily manageable within romantic relationships — also assuming that a temporary slowdown may be considered more legitimate among friends.

Moreover, depressive tendencies did not lead to a higher tendency of ghosting others, neither within friendships nor within romantic relationships. We assumed that depressive tendencies would make ghosting others more likely because they are associated with avoidant behavior. However, experiencing mental health issues is also related to seeking support via social media, which may make ghosting friends and romantic partners less likely, and these two tendencies could have canceled each other out.

We also found that individuals with high self-esteem are more likely to ghost their friends; simultaneously, self-esteem is unrelated to ghosting romantic partners. This may be the case because people typically have more friends than romantic partners, so it might be easier for those with high self-esteem (which is related to taking action to gain control) to choose who they want to stay in contact with and ghost people who they do not want to keep around.

Moving on to the effects of ghosting others, ghosting friends and romantic partners did not affect self-esteem . This can be interpreted as support for the notion that ghosting has become a "new normal" within different types of relationships.

Finally, ghosting others within friendships subsequently came with higher depressive tendencies; regarding romantic relationships, we found no such relationship.

While we know that being ghosted by romantic partners can cause intense psychological harm, consequences for ghosting romantic partners and thus being "a bad partner" may only be enacted by ghostees themselves and their closest confidants. Although being ghosted by friends may lead to less harm for ghostees, gaining a reputation as a " bad friend " may have more far-reaching consequences among peers.

What would you say are the key takeaways from your research for those who have the tendency to ghost others? How can they keep themselves in check?

First, social connections are important for one's well-being. These positive effects of relationships, even those with limited emotional intensity, are often underestimated. Friendship ghosters may not see this and, thus, rob themselves of these benefits.

Second, while ghosting others may have short-term benefits, such as not having to explain oneself, it can have detrimental effects in the long run — if you're just feeling busy, for instance, it might be a good idea to simply drop others a quick message and let them know rather than ignoring their messages and then feeling too guilty to get back to them later.

Finally, I would like to point out that most young people have ghosted another person before. However, if this becomes someone's norm (that is, if someone tends to ghost — particularly friends — over and over again), it would be a good idea to reflect on it — not only to protect ghostees from psychological harms, but also for one's own benefit.

What are your top pieces of advice for those who are at the receiving end of ghosting? What can they do to manage the psychological consequences of being ghosted?

While we exclusively focused on ghosters, l can summarize some insights from other research ( see LeFebvre and Fan, 2020 ) and provide my perspective.

For instance, in the study I just referenced, trying to "move on" was rated the most effective strategy for dealing with being ghosted. They focused on ghosting within romantic relationships, but turning toward other people (for instance, when one is looking for social support or spending time with another person) can also work for friends.

Furthermore, I personally try to remind myself that being ghosted doesn't necessarily mean that it's my fault. Like we say in our paper, some people receive so many messages that they simply don't have the time to get back to everyone, and some messages might even get buried by accident. Once these people realize that they ignored someone, they may feel too guilty to belatedly respond.

Lastly, also in line with the study I mentioned, I try to distract myself if I feel like I'm being ghosted. I shift my attention away from the fact that I am waiting for a response so as not to make the time that passes feel even longer.

How does ghosting affect those who ghost others and those who are ghosted?

To sum it up, ghosting within friendships, but not within romantic relationships, increased the likelihood of heightened depressive tendencies. However, ghosting others did not affect ghosters' self-esteem, neither when they ghosted friends nor when they ghosted romantic partners.

While we found that self-esteem positively predicts ghosting one's friends, it does not predict ghosting romantic partners. This may be the case because people typically have more friends than romantic partners, so it might be easier for those with high self-esteem (which is related to taking action to gain control) to choose who they want to stay in contact with and ghost people who they do not want to keep around.

Regarding ghostees, I can only summarize other studies since we exclusively focused on ghosters' perspectives. Most research has focused on ghostees' experiences in a romantic context, such as lower self-esteem, being disillusioned with one's romantic appeal, or feeling angry. Some consequences have also been documented for ghosting within both relationship types, such as internalized self-doubts, hopelessness about relationships, or feeling sad .

Can you finally talk about why people choose to ghost others?

Potential explanations for ghosting that were put forward by past research can be characterized as external causes (meaning that they involve the ghostee) or internal causes (which only exist within the ghoster). The following three factors can be considered external causes :

  • Relational reasons refer to perceptions of the relationship with the ghostee before ghosting occurred. For example, ghosters have indicated that they had not seen romantic relationships they ended by ghosting the other person as serious.
  • Situational reasons indicate that, in some instances, ghosting occurs more frequently than in others. People have stated that ghosting is their preferred method of ending communication on dating apps; however, ghosting might be far less common among co-workers who see each other all the time.
  • Self-protective reasons imply that the ghoster ends communication by ghosting the other person because they feel that this is a safer option for themselves than confronting the ghostee. This may happen because of past disrespectful or abusive behavior by the ghostee.

Internal causes include the following factors:

  • Cognitive reasons are related to people's limited information processing capacities. For instance, individuals are more likely to not respond when they perceive the number of messages they receive as too high.
  • Self-conceptual reasons are grounded in individual dispositions. For instance, in our study, we hypothesized that depressive tendencies would make ghosting others more likely because it is associated with avoidance.
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Ghosting A Friend: The Only Reasons When It’s Okay to Ghost Them

Friendships have their ups and downs. but is ghosting a friend really the right way to end a friendship face the problem and talk about it instead. .

ghosting a friend

Friendships can be just as complicated as relationships. There are arguments, misunderstandings, and upsets from time to time. However, friendships are precious and it’s important to hold on to the good ones. If you do want to end a friendship for whatever reason, is there ever a good excuse for ghosting a friend and walking away without a word?

Although commonly used in dating, ghosting someone doesn’t have to mean breaking up and disappearing only in a sexual relationship.

Ghosting a friend means you literally break up with them in the harshest way possible. It isn’t a term you use when you just stop talking to a casual acquaintance.

Ghosting a friend means you go from full to zero with someone significant in your life. [Read: Bad friend – 25 types of friends you must unfriend from your life ]

Wait, ghosting a friend sounds kind of brutal, right?

Yes, because it is. Ghosting involves cutting all ties with someone without any warning, explanation, or word at all. It means completely letting go of communication with one of your very best friends.

There aren’t many reasons why you would ghost a friend. It would have to be something pretty drastic to make you consider it and even then, surely it’s better to sit down and work things out? Even if you decide to part ways and end the friendship, at least do it in an adult and respectful way.

Ghosting is a devastating thing for the person on the receiving end. When you are close to someone, your absence may cause great distress in their lives, especially if you disappear without any explanation.

So, before you decide to do it to someone you love, think long and hard first. There is no turning back. [Read: What is Ghosting and how does it really affect you? ]

The only reasons ghosting a friend MAY be warranted

We exaggerated the word ‘may’ there because there are really only a handful of reasons why it is appropriate, or fair, to ghost a friend.

Again, a very hurtful thing to do to someone’s psyche, just make sure you do it for a good reason. If you have a choice, it’s always better to talk to them or let them know you need to walk away.

NEVER ghost someone only because you’re too embarrassed or cowardly to actually let them know you feel hurt for sone reason. Grow up and talk it out, or slowly wean yourself away from a friendship if it’s hurting you.

Ghosting is an option, but it should never be used as an excuse to avoid a conversation.

Know, once done, there is likely no turning back or repairing the relationship. [Read: Got ghosted by someone? 10 clear signs and ways to deal with it ]

Let’s look at a handful of reasons why it might be warranted to go full-on Casper the “Friendly” Ghost with a friend.

1. They cheated with your partner

A no-brainer. If someone cheats with your significant other, then there is no choice but to ghost them. It matters not why they did it, or if they were just “soulmates” and couldn’t help themselves. It isn’t just your boy/girlfriend’s fault that they got together. They’re both to blame.

Your friend broke the code and had an affair with someone you love, knowing how devastating it would be.

Instead of giving them the chance to apologize or explain, make it clear there is no forgiveness or explanation. Your friendship is no longer existent. [Read: 10 questions to ask before dumping a cheating partner ]

2. They told your greatest secret

The type of secret they could tell that would be grounds for ghosting isn’t that you eat ice cream on Fridays when no one watches. The type of secret worthy of ghosting is if they tell people something so confidential that they promised to take it to the grave.

There is almost always room for forgiveness in a relationship if someone is sorry, but not if they told something about you that forever alters the way that you, and everyone else, sees you. If they betrayed you, it’s ghost time. [Read: Keeping secrets in a relationship – The must-know rules and exceptions ]

3. Thy bashed you to other people

People are pretty predictable creatures. We all talk. If we want to be honest with ourselves, there isn’t a person alive who hasn’t said something nasty about a good friend in the heat of the moment or when in an argument with them, to another person.

But, if you find they continually say negative things about you and have nothing good to say, whether jealousy is a factor or not, it is time to let them go entirely. Make them a ghost from your past. [Read: One-sided friendship – 15 clear signs it’s time to cut them loose ]

4. They have a relationship with your partner that is toxic

When you are good friends with someone, that doesn’t give them a license to get all chummy with your partner. Sure, we can all be friends. But, if you notice something more developing or even some flirting going on either way, then it might be time to cut ties and ghost.

That old saying about friends being tighter than sexual love is wrong. If they don’t respect your relationship with the person you love and keep boundaries, and it starts to affect your romantic relationship, cut them off.

Of course, perhaps talk about it with them first because maybe they aren’t aware of what they’re doing. But, if that doesn’t change anything, it’s time to pull a Ghostbusters on them.

5. Their friendship is toxic to you

Sometimes we become really close to people who are just not good for us. Some relationships become very co-dependent or abusive. If you are friends with a narcissist who continually breaks your heart, breaks plans when something better comes along, or robs you of your self-esteem, then it is time to say goodbye. [Read: How to tell if a friend is toxic & brings unhappiness to your life ]

Narcissistic people don’t get it no matter how many times you explain it to them. Some friends are hurtful and continue to hurt you no matter what you say. That is when it is time to let go of the toxic relationship by cutting off it cold.

You can’t be close with a narcissistic personality, nor can you find a happy medium. In the end, if you let them back in, they will take advantage, take your heart, and leave you empty and bottomed out. [Read: Toxic people – 25 early warning signs to watch out for ]

6. Every time you let them in, they hurt you

Let’s say you’re a people pleaser. Let’s also say that your friend messed up over and over. In that scenario, you might find it hard to break up with them but it might be time to just cut contact. Some of us are stronger than others. Some people never give up on a friend no matter how much they kick them.

But, the only way to save yourself is to cut the people who continually hurt you out of your life.

Sometimes even seeing their contact number pop up sends anxiety. It isn’t worth it.

You have other friends. And, if not, then you can make some. If all they do is hurt, it is time to ghost them. [Read: How to recognize a fake best friend before you get betrayed or hurt ]

7. They have stolen something valuable from you

When a good friend has stolen something from you, then it is time to ghost them. Valuables don’t always come in the form of something physical. In general, if they steal anything from you that you can’t get back, like your trust, your love, or monetary items that meant something, then it is grounds for ghosting.

Hanging onto a bad friend isn’t going to bring whatever you lost back. It will only be a constant reminder of what is gone. Let them go and let yourself heal.

8. You can’t trust them

Whether it is talking behind your back, flirting with your boyfriend, or saying they’ll meet you at a bar and not showing up, if you can’t trust a trusted friend, then it is time to ghost friend them.

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Don’t stay friends with someone you wouldn’t turn your back on. It isn’t worth your time, your energy, or your anxiety. It is time to break it off and cut the cord. [Read: Be careful who you trust – 15 ways to recognize the backstabbers ]

9. Their codependency causes you problems

There are times when close friends are way too needy. If their clinginess or possessiveness is causing a problem in your life, then you ghost them.

One of the hardest things to do is to hurt someone you are close to. But, if they hold on so tight they lose themselves and take you down with them, then it is time to move along for both of your sakes.

You can sink together, or cut them loose and regain your life. It really is that simple. [Read: 8 detailed ways to calmly deal with a jealous friend ]

10. You just can’t forgive them

If they did something so egregious, no matter what it was, that you know in your heart you can never forgive them, holding onto the friendship isn’t doing either of you any favors.

Not only does it make it uncomfortable for you to be around one another, you probably experience a lot of anxiety over it. If you can’t forgive someone for what they did, then it is time to ghost them and move forward. [Read: What is a true friend? The 12 key characteristics of real friends ]

Don’t tell someone you forgive them and then just keep them around to punish them. The kindest thing to do is just to let the friendship go and not make them grovel to get you back. Cut them off completely for you both.

Understand the consequences of ghosting a friend

For sure, there are some situations when ghosting a friend is the only open, but you need to be 100% sure. If you ghost someone and then regret it later, it’s likely that you can’t do anything to change it. There are few people who would be willing to forgive and forget a ghosting.

Perhaps the better option would be to sit down with this person and explain your problem with them. You don’t have to change your mind about ending the friendship but at least you know that you’ve gone about it the right way. Then, they can’t point the finger of blame at you for anything. [Read: How to break up with a friend – 5 respectful steps you must follow ]

Friendships are precious but sometimes so-called friends turn into enemies. It could be the case that you think everyone in the metaphorical boat is rowing in the same direction, but if you look around, you’ll see someone drilling a hole in the bottom without your knowledge.

Basically, not everyone can be trusted. In the end, if you have to end a friendship, simply do it in a way that means you can hold your head up high afterwards.

[Read: Like ghosting? Prepare yourself for these 10 consequences ]

Think through ghosting a friend before you put your plan into action. Once done, the fallout may be harsher than you saw coming and you don’t want to end up being sorry or regretting it.

Read: How to apologize for ghosting a friend and undo the damage you caused

Read: How to ghost someone when you’ve never ghosted anyone before

Read: Why being ghosted hursts so much and what you can do about it

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Coping With Friendship Ghosting

Authored by Elizabeth Bennett

W e have friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime,’ the phrase goes but sometimes these friendships don’t end in the best possible way. You may have heard the word ‘ghosting’ used to talk about romantic partners disappearing off the face of the earth without even a text but friends choosing to cease all communication without explanation happens too.

“In today’s society, ghosting in friendships is very common,” Consultant Psychologist Dr. Elena Touroni notes. It’s natural for some friendships to naturally fizzle but an abrupt ending normally comes down to two factors. “It’s normally a fear of confrontation and lack of self-awareness,” Performance and Confidence Coach Olivia James highlights.

It’s an upsetting and painful experience but one that can be processed. In fact, in the long run, it can improve our friendships and strengthen our boundaries.

Why does being ghosted by a friend hurt so bad?

Senior Woman And Her Daughter Enjoying The Nature In Winter.

Much like romantic ghosting, a friendship rejection can really hurt . It’s a form of trauma and it takes time to grieve and process this loss. It stings hard because being ghosted by a friend can make us question ourselves and what we have to offer. “We gain a lot of self-esteem from our friendships because they make us feel likable and loved. When there is a rejection, we question that,” Dr. Touroni explains.

It can also reactivate past psychological wounds. “It plays on the inner critic we all have,” James explained. “For example, the voice in our head which says: ‘I knew I was no good, they have confirmed it’”. “It can really knock our confidence and bring up feelings of unworthiness and shame,” she adds. Plus, it can raise feelings of resentment and betrayal, both difficult emotions to process and let go of.

When a friend seemingly disappears into thin air, it’s normal to go over and over in your head about what might have caused it. “Rumination can drive us mad,” James says.

How to respond

If a friend disappears without any explanation, the default is often to send an angry or emotional message. However, this will never help the situation. It’s better to take the high road. “Try to come from a place of self-respect,” Touroni suggests. “Make sure you don’t come across as pushy, but rather tap into the thoughtful side of you that wants to understand what happened,” she adds.

If you are struggling to contact a friend or they haven’t responded to a string of messages over a long period, you could try one last message giving your friend a chance to respond. James advises approaching them from a point of neutrality, naming the pattern you have noticed and asking the question. She gives the example of a simple message along the lines of: “I haven’t heard from you for a while and wondered if you wanted to keep this friendship going.”

Cropped image of two women crossing little fingers.

If the silence continues, you need to respect their decision and make peace with it. “Remember however close you were to this person, you never really know what is going on in someone’s life,” Thomas says. Importantly, you must try and not take it personally. “Remind yourself that just because someone has made this decision, it doesn’t mean anything about you as a person,” Tourini concurs.

It can be easy to over analyse why this has happened, but like at the end of a romantic break-up, it is often hard to get to the bottom of what really went wrong. “Try and get to a place where you’re OK with not knowing,” Thomas says.  “People have all sorts of reasons for making decisions, and are influenced by all kinds of experiences, emotions and difficulties,” Tourini adds.

Use this time to reevaluate your views on friendships

Instead of wallowing, try and pour your energy into other friends in your life. “Meet your need for connection by reaching out to people in your life that care about you and help you feel important,” Tourini says.

Falling out with friends can sometimes be a good point to take a step back and consider what is important to you in your friendships, and consider what you want in a friend moving forward. While you may be hurting from the rejection of being ghosted by a friend, it may transpire with a time that the friend was not necessarily well suited to serving your needs. It can be easy to wonder what we did wrong but it may not even be because of you. By working on your inner dialogue , you can find ways to make moving forward a bit easier.

Try to See the Other Person’s POV

You may have never thought about ghosting a friend before, but it might be helpful to understand why someone else did. Although the situation is tough, ghosting friends is never done without reason. By understanding your friend’s perspective, you may be able to find closure in knowing that it wasn’t your fault. A lot of times it can be due to an issue that the other person was dealing with and had nothing to do with you. Regardless of the cause, ghosting friends isn’t fair. However, understanding their point of view can potentially help you to move forward.

Let go and gain closure

Psychotherapy, mental problem or depression treatment concept. Vector illustration of sad girl talking with psychologist. Psychology doctor looking for the key to locked mind of patient. Woman issues.

Talking to someone — a therapist or friend separate from the situation — can help you process the experience. Saying the feelings out loud can help slow the spinning in your head. Journaling about your feelings — scribbling out how you feel — may also help. Take some time to focus on yourself and to build self-care rituals .

It’s important not to dwell too much on it. “There are certain situations in life that you just can’t change, so by accepting them for what they are, we can gain some closure,” Tourina says.

“Be wary of any behaviors you may be doing which could be keeping the drama alive. Maybe you’re overthinking the situation or discussing it over and over again. At some point, you need to decide to draw a line under it and let it go,” she adds.

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What It’s Like When A Good Friend Suddenly Ghosts You

ghosting friendships

Melissa Mason

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I was ghosted by a friend a year ago. What I mean by that is, there was no pivotal moment that our friendship ended – but also, it didn’t just fade out. We didn’t text each other to hang and keep cancelling meet-ups, the friendship died when I tried to organise time to see them and they simply didn’t respond.

This friend was living overseas for a few years – I wasn’t great at keeping in touch to be fair, but we messaged a few times while she was away. I’d definitely say our friendship cooled a little during this time, but we used to have heaps of fun together and be relatively close when she did live in Sydney so I assumed it was just the distance.

When she returned, I was excited to see her. I didn’t necessarily expect us to be super close again, but I did want to catch up in person. I commented a few times on social media posts, “when can I see you!” kind of stuff. No response. This wasn’t necessarily a red flag though – maybe she just saw the comment and was caught up with all her mates wanting to hang. Fair enough.

So I messaged her. And was left of read. I took the sign, and accepted that this person didn’t want to be friends with me anymore.

At first I felt hurt. Why didn’t she like me anymore? What was wrong with me? I went into a spiral of self-doubt – asking all my friends whether I was rude, annoying, flaky, everything I could think of. They all said no – at least, not to a level where they didn’t want to hang out with me. No one’s perfect, but I had friends telling me there was nothing absolutely awful about me as a person, no trait I wasn’t seeing clearly.

Then I felt guilty. Had I been the one to ruin this friendship? I am a terrible person when it comes to keeping in touch with people overseas because I hate Skyping, I won’t even Skype my out-of-town boyfriend. Maybe this was selfish of me, and my lack of trying was the reason we weren’t friends anymore. But, I reasoned, it’s not like she was trying with me either…

I fell into a pit of self-esteem issues, stalking her Instagram and feeling shitty when she popped up in social media posts from other friends of mine. Why did she want to see them, and not me?

Now, a year on, I’ve let that friendship go. I quietly unfriended this person on social media and accepted that she simply didn’t want to be in my life, and that’s okay. I learned a bunch of stuff along the way though – maybe it’ll help you if you’re going through a ghosting from a friend.

1. It’s Not You

For a while, I thought it was me. I’m sure some people who don’t actually read this article (or maybe a few who do) will think it absolutely IS me – if someone actively decides to unfriend you, surely you are in some way the problem?

Sure, if ALL your friends disappear on you, maybe question why that is. Hopefully you have someone you trust who you can ask.

But if it’s just one or two friends who are ghosting you, the first and most important thing to remember is IT’S NOT A SIGN YOU’RE A SHIT PERSON. It isn’t.

Sure, their own reason for ghosting you is likely to do with you – but just like with dating, that doesn’t mean you need to change anything about yourself or that anything is shit about you. It can simply be that you’ve grown apart, that they have issues of their own that makes hanging out with you hard, or that they’re, well, an asshole. Just like dating, some people are cowards and won’t be honest about why they’re opting out of your friendship.

Whatever the case, it will do you no good to start wondering what you did to terminate the friendship. To put it simply – who gives a fuck. As long as you try to be a decent human being and have people in your life who believe you’re a decent human being, the opinion of this one person means shit.

2. Don’t Ask Why

Years ago I asked a friend who was clearly starting to fade out on me why she didn’t want to be friends anymore. I thought it was the best way to be honest about the situation and to clear the air – surely I’d done or said something unintentionally that upset her. But what I got was a vague answer that just hurt my feelings more – something about friendships ebbing and flowing. It made me feel like my personality was shit, or like I wasn’t a fun person to be around.

The thing is, as Brene Brown my Queen says – you should be vulnerable, but not with people who don’t deserve your vulnerability. A friend who can’t simply tell you honestly that they’re upset with you doesn’t deserve you opening yourself up to hurt, you know? If you KNOW you did or said something that’s likely hurt them deeply, you should absolutely address it. But if you honestly can’t think of a reason why this person is off you, don’t ask.

It’s hard, but just accepting that this person is actively choosing to disappear from you life, and letting them is better for you in the long run, trust me.

3. Don’t Chase

Like with people you date who end up ghosting you, it’ll only make you feel worse if you chase a friend who wants out of your friendship. Absolutely, make an effort to hang out with them, but if they blatantly ignore you don’t keep messaging until you look like a psychopath. In short – let it go. They’re sending a message they no longer want to be friends with you.

I get it. It’s hard to accept that someone wants nothing to do with you – especially if they’re a close friend. So in saying all of this, also go easy on yourself, and don’t beat yourself up if you DO send them a lengthy drunk email about how much you miss their friendship and don’t get a reply.

5. Focus On What You Have

Something I did last year that I shouldn’t have done was to fixate on the friend who was ghosting me, instead of focusing on the excellent people who did want to be in my life.

Look at all the wonderful people who want to go to brunch with you, to join sports teams with you even though it’s winter and it’s bloody freezing, who will call you when you’ve been broken up with. These are the people worth giving your attention to, not someone who doesn’t want to be your mate and is ghosting you.

From now on, I’m choosing to let the people who want out of my life go, and while it’ll hurt – I’m also going to choose not to dwell on them. I have plenty of friends who love me, and focusing on that will make it easier to accept the few that don’t.

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Ghosted By A Friend? 5 Steps To Moving On From Toxic Relationships

Ghosting isn’t just for romantic relationships. Friendship ghosting is real and can hurt just as much as a significant other leaving you without a word. This simple guide will help you deal with ghosting and move on from it healthily.

When you think of ghosting, you usually think of someone cutting off communication with you after chatting on a dating app or not texting you back after you’ve gone on a few dates. But believe it or not, ghosting can happen in friendships too, and unfortunately, it happened to me at one point.

I was hesitant to open up about this on the blog, but I feel like my experience can help other people who have gone through this, so I thought I’d share some steps I took to get over losing someone I thought was one of my closest friends.

But first, for those of you who aren’t familiar with ghosting, here’s a simple definition…

What is Ghosting?

Ghosting is when people cut off all communication with their friends or the person they’re dating. They do this with zero warning or notice beforehand. They avoid your phone calls or texts, social media messages, and posts, and even go as far as to avoid you in public.

This is essentially what happened to me a few years back, and it was done to me by someone I considered as close as family. I was ghosted in a friendship.

In some regard, being ghosted by a friend can be even harder to deal with than by a boyfriend, girlfriend, or love interest. Friends are supposed to be there for you no matter what, especially after you’ve gone through a lot with them, confided in them (and they in you), and made specific promises to never walk out of each other’s life without explanation.

For weeks and months after the fact, I went over the whole situation and tried to conclude why my friend did what they did. But honestly, I couldn’t figure it out, and I don’t know if I ever will since they refused to have an adult conversation with me or even acknowledge my presence.

One of the hardest parts about being ghosted is that it comes without warning and typically as a surprise. This was the case for me since I went from planning to meet up with my friend one day to the next (and from then on) ignoring me completely.

Has a friend ghosted you?

Some other people who have been ghosted in a friendship shared their experiences with me, and I was amazed at how similar our stories were…

My best friend since I was 10 unfriended me for unknown reasons a few years ago. I reached out numerous times but she will not answer me nor tell me the reason why. | RS I have experience with it in a platonic relationship. Someone who was supposed to be a very close friend just stopped messaging me one day. I tried because I know relationships are a two-way street, but to no avail. I find it extremely immature – if I did something, tell me. If you’re just too busy or moving in a different life direction, tell me. Don’t just disappear. | SZ Even when you knew it wasn’t a good relationship and wasn’t bound to last, getting ghosted makes you feel like you need more answers. It almost makes you care more while you sit obsessing over what you did or didn’t do and how the other person could so quickly go to just completely ignoring you! | LA

I can relate to all of these sentiments….especially the feeling of wanting ANSWERS. When the ghosting first occurred, I felt upset for many reasons. Sad, angry, and slightly depressed over losing what I considered a “good” and important relationship.

Now that I am more removed from it all, I am no longer “mourning” the lost friend, but I still need closure. I am the type of person that likes closure in any situation…good or bad. If I did something wrong, tell me. Tell me if something is happening with you that changes this between us. Regardless of the situation, I prefer to end things like adults with mutual respect rather than being treated as if we’re in kindergarten and ignored. But I realize this is a lot to ask of someone, especially if they are not as socially mature or empathetic as you are.

As I said at the beginning, I am sharing all of this because I’ve gone through ghosting, and now, on the other side of it, I’ve been able to reflect on the steps it took for me to get through it and MOVE ON. If my experience can help one other person do the same, this post will have been worth it.

Ghosted in a Friendship? Here’s How to Move On

  • Acknowledge your feelings
  • Talk it out
  • Prioritize your wellness
  • Try to see the other person’s POV

Ghosted By A Friend? 5 Steps To Moving On From Toxic Relationships

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Whether you were best friends for years or just started hanging out, the experience of being ghosted is likely to evoke feelings of upset, anger, sadness, and confusion. Being ignored, avoided, or dumped doesn’t feel good, so it’s normal and human to experience a range of emotions in response. Don’t try to stuff down these emotions or put on a brave face. Give yourself some grace, sympathy, and understanding.

2. Talk It Out

If someone close to you ghosts you, it may be difficult to confide in others about your experience, particularly if the person you typically turn to for venting is the one who ghosted you. But as hard as it is, putting your thoughts and feelings into words to another person can be extremely cathartic. When you share your experiences instead of holding them in and ruminating on them, you can begin to move out of the difficult rut that you’re in. Processing painful experiences is so much easier and more healing when done with someone else and not in your mind. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to another friend or family member, consider seeing a therapist/counselor.

3. Prioritize Your Personal Wellness

When we feel down or upset about something, it can be challenging to motivate ourselves to engage in typical healthy habits and take care of ourselves. But believe it or not, the basic tasks of eating well, getting good sleep, and moving your body are incredibly important to managing emotional and mental pain. Mind-body practices (yoga, meditation, etc.) are especially helpful in reducing the strain that sadness causes on our bodies and minds.

4. Try To See The Other Person’s POV

Even though ghosting is cruel and probably something you would never do, it can be helpful to consider the other person’s perspective. It can help you move on if you acknowledge that the person who ghosted you thought he or she was doing the right thing. While it was mean and cowardly, some people who have ghosted others may sincerely believe it was the easiest way to let the other person down. They may have thought that ghosting gets their message across without confrontation. ( Not saying this right or FAIR, but it can help you move forward to consider the other person’s thinking process in making their decision. )

And finally…

5. Let It Go

Arguably the hardest yet most important step, and easier said than done. Whatever happened to your friendship, you’ll feel ten times better once you stop dwelling on what was. Instead, start putting your energy toward your future. Use the mental space you reserved for grieving the lost friendship to foster REAL healthy relationships. This will help you move forward and fill the void your bad friend left. You can learn from your experience of being ghosted that people don’t always reveal their true colors. Some only stay in friendships until they get what they want out of them. These “users” are not the people you want to be friends with long-term.

They take but don’t give, so it’s not worth being involved in any friendship that lacks reciprocity. It’s perfectly normal to worry about being ghosted in a friendship in the future. However, stressing over that possibility is not worth all the opportunities you’d miss for true friendship by not moving on.

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Have you ever been ghosted in a friendship or maybe done the ghosting yourself? Share your experience and perspectives in the comments!

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110 responses to “Ghosted By A Friend? 5 Steps To Moving On From Toxic Relationships”

So, this was a term with which I was unfamiliar. Not with the actual act- just the term. But, here’s another point of view. I ghosted someone. (Not in a romantic relationship.) Because his prejudices and racial animus was becoming more pronounced. I knew that I was not going to correct his behavior- it was clearly something that he had buried for decades, but now felt entitled to spew freely. So, I decided it was time to cut off all contact. Because his behavior and actions were repulsive to me- and because I refused to be tainted with his prejudice by association. (Others would assume I must agree with his tenets, if we spend that much time together.)

Thanks for sharing your perspective, Roy. I completely understand where you’re coming from in your specific situation.

Good article, though I had never heard of “ghosting” before. I learn something new everyday.

Thanks for reading, Trish!

Ugh, so so true! I’ve been there this year actually. A “friend” just removed me from all social media out of the blue. Again, I tried to see it their way but honestly , it wasn’t that great of a friendship to begin with. I’m okay with that and I’ve moved on. It hurt for sure but I’m better now.

Ghosting is a term I hadn’t heard before – but the concept is certainly familiar – I have had it happen to me once. Thanks for a great explanation of what Ghosting is – and how to get past it. 🙂

I am sorry you’ve gone through this as well. It’s terrible and no one should have to deal with it.

Omg this exact thing happened to me in April of 2016. I was so so completely blown away, never saw it coming, and was extremely hurt!!! But after several months, I was able to get over it. To this day I have NO IDEA why she did it, because I’ve never asked. I honestly don’t believe she’ll tell me the truth, so that’s why I didn’t bother to ask! It was literally like we were the best of friends one day, and the next – nothing! And come on, she’s GOT to know she did it to me! Doesn’t she sit there and wonder why I haven’t asked?? That’s so strange to me! She didn’t delete me off of her social media, and I didn’t delete her, but I hid her from seeing my stuff. I thought ok, if she is gonna pull this cruel stunt on me, she doesn’t deserve to see what is going on in my life anymore!!! She can hear it second hand! Even the posts she CAN see, she never likes them or acknowledges me in any way. So I’m like, whatever. She couldn’t have been that great of a friend to begin with!

I’m so sorry that you went through this too, Julie. It is really awful and no one deserves it. I am happy that you’ve been able to move past it though. Sending you love! <3

[…] Ghosted by a Friend? 5 Steps to Moving on from Toxic Relationships | Healthy Helper […]

I have been through a friendship where 1) I’m not sure it was a real friendship, 2) my awareness and expectations of who this person really was was entirely wrong, 3) I’m not sure if I did anything to bring about her rapid change in tone with me, and 4) I’m sure I was dealing with a person with one or more personality and mood disorders.

Let’s call this friend (or should I say “friend”?) Tara. Tara works with me in the same company. She’s a couple years older than me, now in her mid-40s, and has been in this company a couple more years as well, not a supervisor, more of a senior colleague. Tara was divorced/single when we met, and I am married.

Some background: Tara had married young, she married her husband when they were classmates in grad school, and then were classmates during an arduous 5-year training program, and then another year in practice working together until they had – what I heard to be – an ugly divorce (he had taken money from her, I heard). She never spoke much about him, occasionally mentioned she thought he was an alcoholic, but said they probably would have stayed together if they had had kids (they never did, she didn’t talk about that).

So she had been in her early thirties, divorced and single. She proceeded to go through several relationships, none lasting more than two years (one man she mentioned she had been “almost engaged” to, not sure what that means). She had also been through several jobs in the same field, with different companies.

At our company, she worked two floors above me for the first couple years after I joined. She was always friendly and cordial with me, I only saw her occasionally. But I began to hear that there was some rift between her and our other staff on her floor. I never heard what exactly had happened, but know Tara to sometimes be defensive, irritable, and territorial about her work – which she occasionally expressed in angry emails to the team!

The chiefs of the department had to switch her office for other purposes, so they transferred her downstairs to my floor, a quieter floor.

Our friendship started pretty quickly then. I had been one of the few coworkers who she had been casually friendly with even before she came downstairs and I felt sorry for her about how the others were treating her upstairs. Although I didn’t know the details about what happened up there, I felt that she was a good worker who was being unfairly maligned.

We hit it off quickly. Mornings and afternoons chatting in each others’ offices, lunch together in the team breakroom, went to conferences together, walks to the company store together. We began emailing and texting quite frequently. Text conversations almost every day. Book and movie ideas, political discussions, you name it, fun chats. Her mother passed away and I spent several long phone conversations with Tara, although she later told me she generally did not like to talk on the phone. Tara describes herself as an introvert, she certainly is, and when she had her door closed and needed to just get her work done on her own, alone, I let her be. Some days she wouldn’t show up to work and I’d text to see if she was ok, she’d tell me she was having “a really bad time” and just needed to be alone.

We saw each other at concerts, where she hung out at intermission with me and my wife. Went to a few company excursions with her, she was friendly with my wife too.

Occasionally, I now realize more clearly, she didn’t treat me as a friend, though. Couple times going out with others from work, she drove me to the venue, and then just left me there without a ride at the end of the evening (once some boyfriend she was all nuts about came and took her away from our group, once she said she just needed to leave, and left me standing there alone in the parking lot calling Uber!). I asked her a couple times if she wanted to join me and my wife for dinner before a concert, and she always said she “didn’t want to be a third wheel.” When my wife and I went on a double-date with her and her then-boyfriend (later fiancee), to a festival (an excessively PDA-filled showing on their part), they just suddenly declared in the middle of the day they were leaving since he didn’t feel well. Another time we went on another double-date with them to dinner and a concert, at the end of the music, they just left without staying a minute to say goodnight. Except for one evening when I invited her (single at the time) to join me and my wife and my parents for a Christmas garden festival and nice dinner, I realize now she never wanted to go out with us unless it was to serve as a double-date for her and a guy! She never invited me out or over to her house.

She shared with me here and there some relatively private details about her life and family (although I now realize she left a lot of details about prior work and relationship life to herself). I used to ask about how she was doing all the time. I really felt more and more that I cared about her. In a purely platonic way, I’m happily married! But I cared and felt sorry for hardships she was going through and wanted (and offered) to help in any way I could.

One notable time I offered her advice I now realize may have been a major mistake. Thing is with Tara, she is very self-assured and confident that whatever she is doing is the right and smart thing to do, no matter what common wisdom says. She had embarked on her newest relationship and after only a few weeks of dating, he had moved into her house, she was planning to buy a baby grand piano to convert her home office into a music room for him, they went ring shopping, and she was planning on quitting her job and moving with him across the country in about a year to live closer to his parents. I only suggested to her that this relationship was moving very fast and she should keep her head on her shoulders – if she was sure it was the right thing, fine, but I was just hoping she wasn’t making rash decisions. (of note, I have kind of made the “instant relationship” mistake myself, and it didn’t turn out well!!). She became quiet – noticeably perturbed at my suggestion to merely think carefully about what she was doing – and tersely told me she had been through many relationships and could easily see that she had found the right man. After just over a month of dating, she knew everything that was bad about him and could live with those things.

On the other hand, I told her about some private health issues I had. And a few months into our “friendship” my wife had a baby, my new son. And she never once asked me about how those things were going, about how I was doing or the baby or my postpartum wife! Not once!

It’s remarkable to think now, but in the months before my son was born, I asked her (at first casually, then with a heartfelt written letter) if she wanted to be the Godmother to my son. She said yes, she was honored.

The major rift happened about a week before my son was born. She had been dating a guy for about 2.5 months and was very content and excited to be in a relationship (the same boyfriend from the double-dates I mentioned). On Monday she was friendly, joking around with me, had a nice chat and walked to the store with me ….

Tuesday morning … not a word. No good morning, no nothing. She shut her office door all morning, seemed very angry when I saw her come out of office in afternoon, I tried to talk to her and she abruptly and rudely cut me off in mid-sentence, closed her door in my face. And she remained like that the next week until I had to leave work for the birth.

I texted her a few times, I was concerned about her very sudden change in behavior. After my son was born, she never texted back. I was reading about depression and noticed her symptoms seemed to match almost entirely (at least from an external view). She finally wrote me a text saying she was overwhelmed and needed some space. Although she said she knew I was trying to be a good friend to her, my periodic checks on how she was doing were increasing her stress, she needed space. I understood. I sent her an emoticon text every week or so to let her know I was there if she needed to talk, but I otherwise kept silent and gave her space all that time.

When I got back to work a few weeks later, I found out from another coworker that after a couple weeks when she was very upset, people had thought she and the new guy had broken up, she came in one morning to announce they were engaged. Other than flashing the ring at me with a smirk over her shoulder, she never mentioned it to me.

Continued silence from her. A few weeks later I wrote to her, congratulated her again, but said I hoped we could clear the air between us. I said I had valued our friendship, and hoped we could resume more cordial interactions, if only for workplace harmony. She eventually replied, again stating that she was an introvert and my interactions with her were making coming to work difficult. My “constant need for attention from her” were “very draining.”

Brief list of possible reasons for all this: 1- self-centered, borderline/narcissistic personality disorder(s) 2 – insecurity/desperation being single for so long 3 – involuntary/circumstantial childlessness 4 – jealous/controlling boyfriend/fiance

I’m curious your thoughts on this painful/confusing situation.

First off, thank you for sharing all of this with me Rick! It’s nice to know that I am not alone in going through this and I am SO sorry you experienced the same thing. Having been through it myself and since having talked to the person this post is referring to, I can say that all the reasons you listed are SPOT ON. For me, my friend was going to through a tough time at the same time I was and she felt that she couldn’t support me while she was also struggling. She also tends to isolate and turn into herself when she’s struggling so in hindsight it makes sense that she ghosted. However, like you, I would SO have appreciated just a little bit of communication from her so that I knew what was going on and WHY instead of being left in the dark.

I can’t really offer much advice, but I can say that everything happens for a reason. I now look back on that friendship and see how toxic it was. I am in such a better place now having moved on from the relationship. And although it still hurts because we were close, shared personal things, and had a real connection, I know in the end it was all for the best and great learning lesson.

I hope you’re able to get through this tough time. Just turn to those around you that you can depend on fully. 🙂

I was ghosted a few years ago by a relative of all things and it hurt deeply as well as made no sense to me. Admittedly they rarely replied to texts claiming they were too busy yet would reply via FB so that’s how we stayed in touch. I confided something personal to them but things seemed fine for over a year. I didn’t talk to them incessantly as we weren’t that close, though I would have liked to have been, but I at the very least contacted them on holidays. One day out of the blue I noticed their account was gone. I later learned their number had also been changed and over a year later learned they had created a new profile under a fictional name where they’d added back many people including other relatives yet never added me. I tried contacting them via text using their new number I received from a relative but i was too wimpy to actual call them. I never received a reply and eventually they renamed their account with their real name only to reject my friend request with no explanation. I finally decided it wasn’t worth the drama to remain in contact with them and later when I saw them in person they acted like everything was fine so I did the same.

I vowed to neveer ghost anyone after how I felt…and recently I broke my vow. My “friends” began to unofficially ghost me a while back by never contacting me, never sharing details of their lives, etc. They didn’t block me nor unfriend me yet it felt like the same thing. Once in a blue moon they’d contact me out of nowhere yet this became very uncommon. Finally I decided our relationship was toxic and felt I shouldn’t be friends with them yet couldn’t confront them. Already feeling like I had been ghosted and self-labeled as a convenience friend I removed them from all social media. I didn’t block them in any way so they can still contact me and I doubt they’ll even notice I unfollowed/unfriended them. I still feel guilty but I don’t think in this case I have any reason to.

I’m so sorry all of that happened to you, Robert. I hope this post helped a bit and made you feel a little less alone. Ghosting can happen to anyone…and it does!

I’m going through this right now. My best friend of 15 years is ghosting me. Our lives have been diverging for awhile now. For years we had a fairly co-dependent friendship. I usually played the helper and the support system. A couple years ago, I started to put down boundaries for myself and to pursue my own interests. I also have been pretty successful career wise whereas she has flounderd. A few months ago my boyfriend and I invited her out to lunch while we were in town. My boyfriend and I were both relaxed and visibly happy after what had been an incredibly difficult year. At the end of the day I could tell something had shifted. Afterwards she stopped returning texts, phone calls, invitations or emails. She called once to collect on a debt that we had agreed would be repaid in November. I happily paid the full amount not thinking much of it. Then, she stiffed me on a phone bill and abruptly removed herself from the plan without any notification. The whole thing sucked. First, because I was worried something had happened to her, and then because I realized she had just decided to offload me and my family. This is a women who lived in my mother’s house and was essentially a part of the family. Her actions were immature and cruel, but I suspect it had more to do with her unresolved internal issues than anything else.

I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. It is incredibly painful when a close friend does this, but know you are not alone in experiencing it. Sending you lots of love!

This comment is to Rick. I’m seeing you as a very caring sweet friend who was screwed over by a narcissist. I’m being ghosted by my close friend he was my husbands best friend my husband passed he was in my husbands estate. I supported him felt like he was family he ghosted me. Like I never existed I’m hurt but getting over it quickly and finding my self no longer interested in anything with him. Congratulations on new baby and glad you are in a happy family. I feel your pain we all could use friends like you god bless you and your wife and baby Nancy

I’ve been the ghoster and ghosted. The ghoster to guys on dating sites cause Im not in the mood to argue with them on confrontation since essentially they are strangers and if I feel like I wont get along w them, I ghost. I ghosted some people who have ignored my texts…a friend that 2 months later bitched me out for it even though she has fingers to text back and if someone ignores me I will just simply stop texting. She messaged me on fb and i told her i stopped texting because I was being ignored and I got tired of talking to myself. But the worst type of ghosting Ive received was being ghosted in the middle of a relationship which is just downright rude but thats how people behave these days and in all honesty, Id rather them just ghost me anyway.

It can be hard being on either side of the equation, but I think it definitely helps us empathize with the person in the opposite position as well.

This article just helped me TONS. I met a really nice woman through a moms group, and we have been hanging out for maybe a year before COVID hit. Our kids were great playmates, and she and I got along great. I felt very comfortable around her and she was super nice to me.

Recently, out of the blue, she just ghosted me. Our last conversation was via text and it was so odd. She said she was moving (which was confirmed by another mom) but she never told me. She said she was “making new friends” but was glad she knew me, and I was one of the nicest people she ever met, and valued our friendship. Then about three days ago, her social media accounts were back up but I was blocked. I texted her several times and she had never responded.

All I could figure is that whenever we spoke, she was itching to go out during the pandemic (when it was safe mind you, she is a good mom) but I refused because I just didn’t agree with it. I have two immune compromised people in my house with COPD and heart conditions that I didn’t want to risk bring a virus home to.

I felt like she could have been more straight forward with me and we could have been friends still, because I was never trying to hold her back or be negative. It hurt, and still does that she is not speaking to me. We may never speak again, but reading this makes me realize that confrontation or holding a grudge isn’t the best thing to do.

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It really does stink to not have closure either, but the best thing we can do is just move on and remember that those people weren’t really meant to be in our lives if they treated us like that. Sending you love!!

Just had my first experience being ghosted by someone I thought was a good friend. I’m so sorry that this happens to anyone. It’s hurtful, immature, and unkind. I’m pretty sure I was ghosted due to us disagreeing on masking wearing. But since I’m being totally ignored I guess I’ll never know… no fun!

It really is awful!! I am so sorry it happened to you. Sending you a virtual hug and wishing you the best in future friendships!

Thank you for sharing this post. I found it on the Pin Junkie Pin Party. I am currently going through something similar and even though I am past the painful part, I too would like closure. But also accepting that I will never get it. Thanks for your insight.

Thank you so much for stopping by Donna!!

Thanks for your article!

I want to tell me ghosting story. Part of me feelings bad for having “ghosted” this “friend” who “ghosted” me too for some time before. It’s like a part of me says it was the best for my soul and mind and the other says I should had try to close that relationship better.

This friend is not from my country, we were internet friends for years, we talk about lots of things…. He was really nice, always sending me stuff he knows I like,etc- We even had sent presents to each other. . So last year he decided to visit my country, I was happy because I have many friends around the planet, I have met some of them and they have been so kind and cool,. I have never had a problem with people I’ve met on internet . So I decided to travel with him, We planned a travel , together and as his is my country I planned almost everything and He was welcomed at my home as part of my family. I live with my family and He was really welcome for them all and We gave him a room for his days here. I never do nice for people because I want something back, I do them because I like see people happy and confortable. I never wait for them to be awesome, but at least I want some respect. He was awful to me in many parts of travel and have a inconstant mood. Zero empathy… I hurt my feet in a trekking and he let me alone and walked really really fast…and We previously had agremment to both use my camera because He forgot his own, so He was using mine and despite of it and my problem He didn’t care. .. in the rest of walks We had to do he had the same behaivor… leaving me behind and rushing me…( It is supossed that if you go for a walk in nature is for be calm and enjoy is not a marathon) .he never asked me how I was feeling, never. I don’t like to play the victim, but I feel really sad and alone while I saw many people walking in groups with their friends, and I was alone in the middle of the mountains, even some people I don’t know asked me how I was. In my case I tried to do the best to be a good host. I translated everything to him, I suggested the best restaurants and places, I helped him when He had altitude sickness,etc. Sometimes He also was rude when we were talking and he even say stuff that was classist about my country.

Months later He apologyzed and say he was bad to me because of he have been feeling worried because of his job and that stuff, and He also said that here he thought I was too slow walking and that my shoes were not especial ( what is no true),etc… I know that were no a real apology, but as I always have run away from people who has been bad to me I accepted them and I said to him let’s talk about the nice things of the travel, when we were talking I said him that I was glad he finally told his problems because I didn’t understand why his behaivor was like that and… what he did? dissappear and say nothing to me for a month ( but he was healthy because He was using IG a lot) I was feeling really bad asking myself what I did wrong?. And then when He was back his 1st mensagge was “Sorry for my late answer I am like this with everybody” and I didn’t want to answer, but weeks later as He was writing again I said to myself: I am going to be mature, I am not like him ..I will stop this in a good way. So I told him about what I felt and I said to him that his behaivor is not ok, is not ok to do that to others and as I am so silly and it is difficult to me cut off toxic people and I said to him that for me It was better no to talk abot the subject. We told as We used to do for some days…. this was in march of this year. We were talking about his pictures, covid and music. Conversatioon was normal and he let me talking alone again and after many days ( just ignoring me because He was active in social media) He answered me without even say ” Hi.How are you?” I So I “ghosted” him. I don’t know if I did right or no. But I felt that friendship was dead long ago. He has written me again a couple of times, but I don’t have the will to answer. I had already told him how bad his behaivor made me felt, so why explain myself again?. Sorry for write too long, but is a weight I still had inside. It was really sad to me, I felt like this “friend” has only used me all this time because He needed someone to listen/read to him. It’s impossible to keep in touch with someone who acts like that. He didn’t even send me the pictures he took of me. I should have seen this coming because before He came he was like taking days to answer to me when we were planing stuff.But I didn’t get mad because I know sometimes people is busy..I didn’t seen it as a signal of a inconstant person. My mom and some friends said it’s the best thing I could do about that.

Thank you for sharing your story. Sending you love! <3

I can relate to Chelsea M post. I had made a mom friend that I really enjoyed and we got along well. She has been recently pulling away. We are very strict with COVID. That might be a factor. I just sent a friendly text that was met with a short reply. I will let it drop. No need to chase and beg someone. Unfortunately I try not to get to attached to potential friends so it won’t hurt when they ghost or reject me 🙁

Wow this is just so weird people do this, I could never imagine ‘communicating’ like that. Its happened to me for the third time now by the same ‘friend’. from sending casual messages in the morning to not speaking or saying hello anymore in the afternoon. We go to the same gym so its difficult to behave normal for me, I would rather just leave and find another gym but I’m happy there. And I know its not going to be allright anymore, this is the third or 4th time and the person usually acts like nothing had happened after a few days/ weeks as if I’m the one exagerating. So this time I’m not going to reach back our, asking what I did wrong as I have no idea or trying to understand the difficult times she must be going through privately which I am sure is the case. If I am honest this is just a very selfish person and always been, I have enough good friends and know for sure this isnt me as people know me as caring and very understanding towards others. So its done, too bad but I just dont like the fact there we’re still bumping into each other and follow the same group classes..

My friend started dating a guy who was very controlling. Even she saw it after a while, and they broke up. Then he ‘mistakenly’ pocket dialed her, they ended up going to a church service together, and then went for a walk after. She saw a religious pamphlet on the ground & they took it as a ‘sign’ to try to mend things. (Eye roll). They went to counselling & he was so irritating that the counsellor actually yelled at him! My friend decided to take him back, and then had to spend all her free time with him so they could ‘work on the relationship’. Then it got weirder…..he HAD to go everywhere with her. She went to a craft project at the library with another gal pal, but he went too, as he wanted to try the craft, but he went separately. Like he was spying on them or keeping tabs on her or something. And if a woman friend invited her somewhere for a “girl’s night”, he just happened to come along, too, when he wasn’t invited. So, still very controlling. I let her know she should do what works for her, but I had no interest in hanging out with this guy for the time being as I thought he was still being emotionally abusive. She was fine with that…for about 3 weeks. Then she started whining about how I had to respect her being with her “partner” (barf), and her decisions etc. I repeated that my boundary was, I didn’t want to deal with him “for now”, until it looked like he had maybe really changed, and that I can disagree with her decisions in theory, & we don’t even have to talk about it unless she wants to, etc. I respect her right to make her own choices; they just don’t have to involve me, necessarily. And then she ghosted me. We are still on each other’s social media, but she doesn’t reach out at all. If a mutual friend is hosting a group event, they don’t show if they think I’ll be there, and honestly – that’s great with me, because it’s been a few years now, & I still think he’s manipulating her, in ways that are financial, emotional etc. This dude’s over 40, and she is not far behind – she wants to get married, and he is still stringing her along….they don’t live together, they’re not engaged etc., because he keeps setting these ‘goals’ she has to meet – keep her place cleaner, save X amt of money, etc. Like he’s her dad or something….very creepy. I know some of her family, and we have mutual friends, and they all think the same thing, that this guy’s a manipulative loser, but she basically either ghosts people or loses her sh*t on them if they express any concern at all, so no one bothers anymore, apparently. Really sad & pathetic stuff. I miss hanging out with her, but I’m not holding my breath hoping she’ll re-connect, or compromising my own principles, either. Sometimes you just have to shrug & wish people the best, and hope they wake up & make better decisions, and if the better decisions mean they still don’t re-connect….oh well…

Great article! I am going through a friendship break up right now. Someone I saw as my best friend, who I still have all my classes with (I’m 18 years old), ghosted me. She was ill and did not go to school for a week. When she came back, she wouldn’t look at me and ignored me during the whole day. I was really confused, because the week before we were just fine. The day after, I asked her if I could sit next to her. She looked at me and said “If you want to…”, but I could tell she really did not want me to sit there. I decided to sit alone and hoped she would tell me what was going on at lunch break. This was 4 months ago. I still think about what went wrong. I really don’t know what I have done wrong. I just don’t understand how she could ghost me, because she knows me, I’m not someone who gets mad when confronted with anything and I am always working on myself to become a better person. It’s really hard for me to get over this, because I see her every day. She is more social than me and hearing her laugh with others makes me so sad. I feel like I did something wrong and she is better off without me. The problem is, I have no idea what that could be, so I can not fix my behavior and I am afraid my other friends will leave me too because of it. I also dream about her telling me she’s sorry for ghosting me frequently. I just don’t seem to get over this and I am sure it’s because I see her every day. Articles like this one help a lot, but it’s difficult to move on in this situation. If anyone has had an experience like this one, I would love to hear about it and about some coping strategies. Thank you!

I am so sorry this happened to you. It can be incredibly difficult to deal with. I encourage you to read through the other comments here. You are NOT alone. So many people here have gone through something similar and come out stronger on the other side!!

Just had this happen to me as well by an old best friend that i had not seen in 20+ years. I got his number and re-connected. We text every day, multiple times, talked on the phone and vented life’s issues back and forth for months.. He even told me he considered me one of his very best friends. We made a plan to see one another, strictly platonic – and I felt really insecure because I look older and gained weight (I showed him pics and told him I was super insecure about it) not that I look awful but still. Anyway, we met up and spent a few hours together just chatting. Everything seemed normal. After that day, he got weird. His texts started coming less often and he stopped replying to mine like he used to. I asked what was going on and told him he could tell me but he just kept saying he was really busy. Finally, he completely stopped texting me back and completely ignored me. I sent 2 messages that went unanswered and I will never message him again. I am extremely hurt and feel almost like I am mourning. It is so depressing, not knowing what went wrong, losing a friend i had thought about for so many years. Not knowing if he was so shallow he judged my looks or if I was just annoying or something to him. I really thought we were such good friends and i cherished his friendship so much. Now I feel super dumb opening myself up like that and confiding in a person that i guess i really didn’t even know. I think what he did was really mean and he knew very well it would hurt me.

I am so sorry you experienced this. Ghosting is so hard to go through because the “not knowing” is what’s so crushing. Just know that this person was not meant to come back into your life. Things and people that are ‘for you’ in life won’t jeopardize losing you for anything. Sending you love.

I’ve been ghosted by a friend recently, and I feel like it’s really been messing me up. We’ve both been going through it because of quarantine, but we’d go on weekly walks outside to make up for lost time. Near the end our conversations became very tense, and I didn’t enjoy the pointless discussions we were having. After our last walk i tried to tell her how I felt uncomfortable about it, but after initially responding she soon stopped altogether. I’ve tried reaching out to her before, saying that I’m sorry if I said anything wrong, and that I wanted to make up, and that her prolonged silence hurt my feelings. She never responded to that either. Right now I’m really struggling with it, because we’d talk almost every day. It’s just sent me on a downward spiral of guilt because I don’t know why she’d ghost me just for expressing my discomfort.

Thank you for providing a place in the comments to talk about this. The whole situation’s left me feeling terrible.

I can totally relate to this, Suzy! It really is horrible to go through something like this and to also feel like things are left so unresolved. Sending you love!!

I just got ghosted by the person that I liked. I am very confused and sad because I was trying to get close to them so I could confess, but they just didn’t respond one day, and it continued like that. Its upsetting that I was getting so close to feeling close enough to tell them, then being totally left.

So sorry this happened to you, CJ! It can be incredibly hurtful. Hoping you’re able to heal from this experience and find someone who values you.

I first just have to say “Thank You!!.” It’s been over 10 years since my ghost last wished me Happy 23rd Birthday. I wish I knew at the time it was the last time I’d ever hear from him. Long story short, we were besties for 8 years at that point and at the end he ghosted me as a result of his wife’s wishes. And that’s fine. Two years ago, we passed each other in the Lansing Mall and he is a woman now. I wish I could express to her how proud I am of her. How I envy that confidence and how I so badly wish she could have shared that part of her life with me. Some nights I am so convinced that if I send her a song link from our past, our relationship will be re-kindled and all will be well. It’s not my place. She decided to end our relationship for her own reasons and I’m okay with that most days. Some are harder than others. I still wish she would reach out but here we are. Your experience makes it easier to understand all of this. Thanks again <3

So welcome, Arat!! I am so sorry you had to experience this.

I can completely relate to all of these messages here! Thank you for the blog and your posts as I work to get over the double whammy! I got ghosted by a best friend that was like a sister to me. (My kids even referred to her as auntie ____) and being ghosted by a work peer that I helped out significantly! The best friend just completely stopped answering calls and texts. When a mutual friend passed away – I messaged her through LinkedIn even going so far as to state that I am not sure why we are not talking. What I got back was “I hope you and your family are doing well.” I was heartbroken again. The work person is 25 years younger than me but she left my territory as my business partner assuring me that we would remain good friends and continue to talk all the time. Sadly, I ended up in a stressful work situation and each time I called to ask for her help she was conveniently in a meeting. Apparently those meetings went for weeks at a time because she never called. That is, until she needed something from me. By that time, I was so beyond hurt that I told her I couldn’t help her because I was on vacation and out of the country. I then suggested she contact our old manager whom neither of us liked. We haven’t spoken since. Both of these “ghosters ” were people that I went to great lengths to support and help both personally and professionally. It has made me question myself and my ability to select the right friends. I literally have decided to not have friends like that again because the pain has been deep and long. It’s history that seems to repeat itself with me where I will die on the sword for people and don’t get back what I invest. My husband tells me that my expectations are to high. I also know they say you can count your true friends in one hand. I don’t have even 1 finger up when talking about it. The article helped because I can truly say I tried one last time to be the more mature person by reaching out to one of the ghosters and even giving her an opportunity to tell me why I am horrible and don’t deserve to have communication but for nothing. The work person sadly I heard from another long standing friend that she does this to everybody that she no longer needs. I guess I am not needed anymore. What I need to do, the lesson I am taking from this is I don’t need people like this in my life and around my kids. The question is, how do you spot these “ghosters” so you don’t have to have history repeat itself or is there some way to spot them so you can protect yourself from heartbreak again?

I think this happens to so many people. My best friend ghosted me about 5 years ago. It was really painful, and also so bizarre because she was a marriage & family counselor and I just assumed they’d frown upon doing that sort of thing to another human being. Anyway, I spent several years driving myself crazy trying to figure out what I did to cause our friendship of 25 years to dissolve. It’s tough not to get closure, but I think I’ve almost made peace with it. it’s been hard because it feels like I’m mourning someone’s death. I have to hear about her every once in a while because we have a close mutual friend between us, so if I feel myself starting to dwell in a dark place about the situation, I just remind myself to always “Go where you’re wanted.” It helps me. Much love to those who’ve been ghosted. What can I say? It sucks big time.

Thanks, Kaila, for this post! It’s been helpful!

I am so happy to hear that, Krissy! I’m sorry you’ve experienced something similar.

what if that person who gost me text me back or come to my house like nothing happen what should i do

I have a friend of about 3 years who would visit regularly and buy us groceries and gifts. Then suddenly cut all contact. She would always call us 2-3 times a week. Now no calls. I waited and no response. Shocked and confused. She appeared to be such a nice person. She was religious too. I did text and she replied she was busy and would call me but never called again.

I’m struggling to keep my sanity because this person came across as nothing but genuine and sincere. How can such a wonderful humanitarian who loves helping people just cut us off? The person is highly educated and well respected in our community. My wife can’t understand why she would do this. I suppose we are now considered trash so we are thrown away like rubbish. The person is a teacher and also teaches mindfulness so they would know they are hurting us. This person is also married to a doctor. I can understand ignorant people acting like this. She showered us with overflowing kindness for over 2 years and now just tosses us away like we are garbage. Was she ever sincere? If she was how do we explain this willingness to deal us shattering hurt. I can only reason that this person is not mentally sound or and a narcissist because I’ve never met a ‘seemingly’ more genuine person. Now however I see that she is definitely not normal emotionally or mentally to be so cruel to those she supposedly considered close friends.

I was recently the person who ghosted someone else. This relationship was extremely toxic and in the making for almost 3 years. This person was always crossing boundaries I made clear to them, intruding in my mental health, and even as I was healing from a painful loss they still got upset at me for not being supportive of them during that time. I felt exhausted, mad, and un excited every time I interacted with them. After years of reminding them of boundaries and how they hurt me, I decided that they simply don’t listen to me. So I ghosted them. It took them a while to figure it out as I was more of a convenience friend, but they became very irate when they figured it out. This only solidified my decision for me.

I was ghosted back in 2019 by my closest friend at the time. It hurt. It still hurts. I blamed myself for what THEY did to ME, and I’ve been in this vicious battle with myself because of it. I thought that after the 6+ year long friendship we had, through everything we helped each other with, that she would give me the decency of telling me what went wrong when it went wrong, but to this day— nothing. I know that she doesn’t even think of me, she’s usually very good at ghosting and forgetting people, but I thought I would never experience that from her. I miss our friendship and the memories we had, but I don’t think she can say the same. I just need to let go, but it’s hard. It’s hard but I have to do it. I’ll say goodbye because you couldn’t. Goodbye, D. I wish you nothing but the best and good luck in life.

In the absence of someone trustworthy enough to talk with about this, I’ve decided to share my story here so I can stave off the ill effects of holding my feelings in for too long for a little while longer.

6 months ago, nearly to the day, I made the decision to ghost someone I thought I was close with. I’ve had a strained relationship with them that really started to crumble after a screwup I caused made me despondent because I feared screwing up again by being who I am in my then-current situation. After some time, they-who-shall-not-be-named found some new people to be with, which didn’t bother me. What did bother me, however, was being talked down to afterwards. Specifically, they attributed some of the actions I took out of inexperience to selfishness instead, despite me telling them my reasoning behind what I did. They decided not to respond to me for the rest of the day. The exchange absolutely broke me and caused me to spend the following evening and night in bed doing nothing productive. It was then that I decided to discuss with them about selfishness as a last-ditch effort to save myself from doing something I’d regret. One surprisingly civil discussion later, I’ve secretly determined that it wouldn’t be enough to save me. My thoughts then were to the effect of, “If you’re choosing to see me as selfish, let me show you just how selfish I can get!” I nearly succumbed to my desire to follow through with fully acting as their mental image of me, aggressively hounding them with outlandish demands whenever I deem it appropriate, complete with severe consequences should they refuse to comply. Somehow, some remaining part of me that still cared for them stopped my vengeful self before it could execute the plan. The best way to describe what happened next would be to say that my vengeful side and my caring side made a compromise. Instead of actually moving forward with the foolish act, I’ve decided to set status messages that hinted towards me being selfish and/or a monster, regularly changing them as I “made the transition to evil” without actually contacting the intended recipient. Eventually, they unfriended me on all the stuff we were friends in, though I don’t know if they also blocked me, as those places don’t have a clear indicator of whether a user has blocked another without attempting to do something like commenting on their profile or befriending them, and at the time, I would have been a little too afraid to try in fear of a notification on their end. With that, I had successfully (semi-)ghosted my close confidant to keep myself from doing anything worse to them.

Now, I’m dealing with compounding stress, one of the sources being the person I once thought of as a trusted companion. The lack of closure from our falling-out has finally started to eat away at me, but I can’t find them because the way some search filters work keeps me from doing so. Long before our final time talking, they also cut contact with everyone else I know who is connected with them, thus leaving me with even fewer leads, if any. Besides, even if I could easily find them, I don’t feel courageous enough to reach out quite yet, fearing what they would say about me if I tried to. So right now, my best options are to either save up enough spare cash for a therapist or to finally trust strangers with the specifics of the story. I’ll go with whichever comes first. Hopefully, whoever I choose can successfully aid me in moving on.

Funny thing, I’ve been on both sides of the ghost spectrum now. I was once ghosted by my best friend while we were in school together, and could never sort out if there was an exact moment that I had done something wrong. I had a new boyfriend, and admittedly, was probably not great at organizing time for everyone in my life at that time. I was hoping she’d be understanding and we could talk it all out eventually, but it did take a year for that to happen. Regardless, friendship saved. I want to be understanding of her feelings, (and understanding my recent adhd diagnosis has helped me come to terms with some of my own habits.) Fast forward to now. My other equally close friend who I made at work about a decade ago has been around for some hard moments in my life, and vice versa. It was a chaotic few years, but I think we helped each other regularly where we could. In a complex situation, I’ve been dating an ex of hers for a year now. I never knew either of them while they were dating (almost 10 years ago as I understand it) and admittedly I had a very different idea of their dynamic. For a while I thought things were okay, but then she admitted how hurt she really was. We gave each other space until she was ready to talk, and actually patched our relationship quite a bit. It just didn’t stay that way, and I knew if I felt guilty in this situation, there was little I could really do, because I still care about my partner immensely. In their past, they really weren’t good to each other. Now I have a friendship where I can’t talk about my partner, and can’t see him in the same day as her, because it will hurt her feelings. I’ve felt like I’ve been in the wrong for this entire process, but at the same time, it doesn’t feel like a situation where there is a clear wrong. She’s refused to see him so we can’t talk about it as a group. A few other friends of mine have cut off contact with her because of how her actions have hurt them in the past, but that’s a whole other conversation. I’ve been hurt by her too in different ways, but I was always quick to sweep it under the rug. The last time we talked, it ended well, but a few things she said stuck with me, and haven’t left my head. It’s made it hard to reach out to her again, because I just keep thinking about them, and how her actions contradict the principle she wants to uphold here about exes being off limits. Nothing is overtly her fault, but I wonder if our whole dynamic is just wrong in this situation. If I talk with her about it again, I know what she’ll say because we’ve had the same conversation a few times now. At the end of the day, we are different people. That didn’t use to be a bad thing. All of that plus the number of people she has sworn off, whom I also love and care about, it’s made it feel like I have to decide on a side just to keep my own mental wellbeing. If they ever want to work it out again, I’ll always be willing, I just don’t want to denounce other friends that I care about anymore for their sake. I heard someone say there are not toxic people so much as there are toxic behaviors, which has been my experience with anyone I’ve ever struggled with. They wouldn’t have gotten so close at all if there hadn’t been a good reason. I guess the only other thing is, I’m not avoiding texts or calls or meetups. There just haven’t been any. When we meet it’s usually because I message first, so if I don’t what happens? It feels like breaking up with someone I love, and maybe it won’t be forever, but I need it for now.

Some of these stories are absolutely unbelievable and horrible but I am glad youve shared as it has shown me and other people that they are not alone. I am guilty of being the ghoster and ghostee. Now ive learned what ghosting is on hindsight it my first experience was when I was about 14 with a girl i had known since primary school. The second time was with a friend who I remained friends with all the way through high school and college up until my daughter was born in 1995. When she just blanked me in the street one day and continued to ignore me for several years only to send me an friend request on Facebook which i never accepted to much water had gone under the bridge by that point That’s two friendships I never got closure with and it had a profound effect on me for years and years. I never found out what I had done wrong but then to send me a friend request was just to bizzare,

I am so glad Ive found this page after having issues with two ‘friends’. These two women where women I met at work and worked with them for a long time. These two women where the women I thought I got on with the most. I was very friendly and supportive towards them with they first started work at the company. We went our separate ways but continued to speak to each other via social media, etc. I moved to a different part of the country. I was due to go back down on holiday to visit family. I contacted them both to see if they wanted to meet up for coffee. One said she was ill and suggested we have a rain check. The second said it was to short notice, which was true but seemed eager to meet up again. Second time I went back down I tried to arrange better in advance to give them some notice. Again, I was faced with one going away on holiday and the other one just didnt even bother to reply. This was in the space of two months. Their reasons could have been genuine but im to old to be chasing round after people so I deleted them as contacts. They had two opportunities and I just found myself thinking they were just excuses. So I suppose I ghosted them. I didnt reply asking them if they wanted to meet up again as it occurred to me that im putting more effort into this than they are and to me they just arent bothered.

The same thing has happened again when I relocated in May and started my new job. One woman I met first we hit it off instantly. Unfortunately she left abruptly but was really keen and eager to keep in touch so we swapped numbers. We said we’d meet up and go out etc. I send her a message a week ago asking her if she was ok and enjoying her new job. Havent heard back from her. I am tempted to send her another message asking if everything is ok but she has obviously read the message and for whatever reason hasnt responded. Even a simple explanation or ‘yeah im fine, just busy’ message. Now i’m left hanging as to whether its worth bothering her again because that’s how I feel and I hate bothering people.

I ghosted my ex partner of 14 years, 5 years ago but that’s a long story. May be i’m the problem.

I am so glad I found this page. And thank you for all who shared your stories. As a person who is just going thru a friend of 10years ghosting me. It really really helped. It’s like I finally was able to unload my feeling, validate it and found a direction.

My story. She and I became friends about 10 years ago, when she just lost her husband and started going out with her new BF. And I just finalized my divorce and started going out with my Bf at that time who is currently my husband.

We took trips together, lunches & phone calls. Group texts together. Invited her to my house. She is a fitness instructor for dance group fitness. So we saw each other every week. There was a time, when she started her new class. I made sure I supported her by showing up to her class since it was a very few people (sometime 2-3) students there. And in the 10 years we also developed many many mutual friends they the dance fitness.

I sort of always played a support role to her. Now I go back and think about it. The friendship was never 50/50. She would never ask me about my work or tell me have a safe trip if I have to go out of town for my work or see my kids.

But I guess she doesn’t need me anymore. She started ghosting me about 2 month now. It became so obvious. So I messaged her to see what’s going on and if I said or do anything to upset her. No answer. So I texted her again asking her I would appreciate if she can be civil. At least say “hi” because we will see each other thru mutual friends and at gyms. Still no answer. I think it is so cowardly and disrespectful. Especially to a person who was there for a long time.

And guess what. She doesn’t seem to mind ranting on social media tho! So stupid. If you don’t have a nerve to say to a face. Don’t say at all. But she would post things like “Quietly jealous to me “ or “backstabber” I’m like…. Let me see … if I think of all life categories like, kids, job, family, finance, health, I am very happy with where I am blessed in many ways. And mine comes with loyal friendship to top that.

Anyway, she shows aggression to everyone in the world hinting for someone. While she ghosting me.

What an immature action.

But It did give me a chance to realize that she actually hasn’t been a good friend to me. I just liked her so I stuck with her. It’s time for me to trim the fat of me. It hurts but it’s also not my choice obviously.

At least I can communicate to some mutual friends so they understand my side of story. When she starts to lie about this.

Yeah, I’ve been ghosted 3 times now by friends who said they are my best friend. This article has been helpful. I don’t seem to totally grasp that my closest, truest friend is nobody but myself.

This was posted a while ago but wow these responses make me feel so not alone.

In the past (high school days about 10 years ago) I did ghost some friends after we all graduated. I felt that I was growing In life and the path they were taking was not one I wanted or saw my self taking. I was respectful about it and did it gradually not just from one day to the next. I realized as I got older that I could and should have been more open about it since I know more about feelings now.

Recently I was ghosted by a coworker of a few years. We started working together around the same time and we would always pair up and do what had to be done. Over time I looked at her as best friend not just a co worker, we went through break ups, life issues, going out and enjoying our single lives, and many other things together. She silently left the area we work at and moved to another area in the same building. When she did tell me she left she said it was due to personal reasons and I responded letting her know that I whole heartedly understood and she had to do what was best for herself. Few weeks pass she removed all her social media, I’ve seen her a few times and she doesn’t look at me or even say a word. I was taken by surprise and never really understood why she went about it the way she did but I’ve accepted it. I told my self at the end of the day she was just that, a coworker. It’s sad and disappointing but I’ve learned to say “if it won’t matter or benefit me 20 years from now then it shouldn’t matter right now.”

I’m very sorry to anyone who has experienced this, the universe works in ways we will never understand until we fully understand ourselves. Always be kind to others as you never know why or how they’re trust issues may have been brought upon them, we are all silently going through battles we fear we may never win or understand 💕.

Thank you for sharing your story!!

I was ghosted by a group a couple of years ago – I’m in my 40s and we had all been friends as a group since our early teens. The sort of friends who buy group presents for birthdays and have little rituals like Christmas Eve dinners in a specific place for decades. It started when one of us got married and excluded me from the bridal party. I was hurt but I did accept it and still had to organise much of the hen do, which was weird but it seemed there was a friendship line there I never knew existed. Comments were made about how I had to be sure not to wear anything “similar to the bridesmaids” at the wedding. Fast forward a few years, I’m the one who doesn’t have children and I just stopped being included in plans. I had a bout of depression and wasn’t able to go to everything. I tried to explain but was told I wasn’t making any effort. Then boom all three of them stopped communicating with me at all. I still don’t know what I did wrong, other than have a hard time for a while and not reproduce(!) writing this has been cathartic as sometimes my heart still hurts. I had to delete myself from their social media as all the photographs of them meeting up and rejoicing in being “all together” like I never existed were so painful. I guess sometimes even long term friends aren’t really friends if they treat you with contempt and don’t value you.

Thank you for sharing your story! Sending you so much love.

I lost my baby during pregnancy and I sought counselling to help with the grief and mourning. The pain from the loss of my baby was as painful as the pain I felt because my childhood friend ghosted me 5 years ago. Because I never properly mourned the loss of that friendship, it came flooding back with the baby loss. My therapist told me to write a letter to her, saying everything I wanted to say, pour out all my emotions and say goodbye, and then do something cathartic with the letter-burn it, shred it, send it in a bottle away, tear it into pieces, mash it in water and flush it down the toilet.

I thought she was being ridiculous, but tried it anyway. I have just finished writing my letter, almost 5 pages long and I feel so so so so so so much better. The ghosting was not about me, it was about her, and I am okay with that. I just have to accept that she thinks this is the best way for her, she probably doesn’t have the emotional maturity to have whatever uncomfortable conversation she was anticipating, or maybe she is in a place where making a totally selfish decision is the right thing for her, I will never know, and that is okay.

This is my story: My friend of 20 years, my oldest and best friend ghosted me. Z and I have been best friends since we were ten years old, we were born one day apart in the same year and we always say we were sisters born to different mothers. We experienced so many firsts throughout teenagehood and in our twenties, breakups, parent divorce, we moved cross country together, we knew everything about each other, we set each other up with boyfriends, we talked about growing old together, I thought she was my person. Just out of the blue, close to Christmas, we were supposed to meet and she didn’t show up. I was so scared, I called everyday, text, nothing. For a whole week, I thought she was dead. Luckily her brother responded and said, ‘ she lost her phone, this is her new number’, but then she never picked up, never responded to text, emails, fb, instagram, linked in, sent messages through her family, our mutual friends, nothing! It’s been 5 years now, every birthday, Christmas, Easter, I kept calling, texting and hoping she would respond. I would never understand what I did, what went wrong. I am just glad she is alive. Finally, this year, on the 5 year anniversary of her ghosting me, I have poured out all my emotions on paper, and I can finally let her go. I don’t have to ask why anymore, or seek any explanation, because it is outside my control, I just have to say, thank you, and goodbye.

“I just have to accept now that you were a friend for a season, the memories are good and I will always remember them fondly, but now I am letting you go. I forgive you for all the hurt because I believe the ghosting is not about me, but about you. Anytime I remember you now, I will just smile and let it go. You were my friend for a season, and there is nothing wrong with that. I thought we were supposed to be in each other’s lives forever, but now I know that you won’t be. You were my friend for a season.” Goodbye forever, Z. I wish you nothing but the best and good luck in life.

Thank you for sharing your story!

I was ghosted by my best friend of 5 years. His name is Kyle Diamant. We both are in the Santa Clarita, CA. We were so close. We did everything together. We were basically brothers. He never explained it to me. I tried to reach out so many ways but he still didnt respond. I have been blocked everywhere by him. It has been almost 2 years since he ghosted me and I still have not let it go. I want him to feel the pain he made me feel mentally. I just feel like he is a soulless person with no heart at all. His mom also controls his entire life. I still dont know what to do. Let it go? I have talked to so many people about it. How do I just let it go? I want him to still see this and see that he still has me hurt. I still dont know what to do.

So sorry you’ve experienced this, Ryan!

Oh, my, how this has spoken to my heart today! First of all, I’ve learned a new term for what has just happened to my husband and I – ghosting. I am married and we had some wonderful friends, we thought, and we shared some lovely times. He had chickens gave us eggs and in return I would bring him a banana pudding. We all went out to eat regularly and were best of friends. My husband and the other guy texted each other every morning. We supported each other in all things. Then one day it all just stopped! We never heard from them any more. My hubby would text, call and even went over to their house. He asked, what did I do? If we said or did anything to offend you please know we’re sorry. We couldn’t think of anything we had done. I finally got through to my lady friend and she talked with me but just said they had so much going on and she was sad – didn’t make sense. Anyway, I shared all of this with another friend who knows both of us. She took my friend who had ghosted me out to lunch and found out that the reason they turned on us was that we had chosen another couple over them! My friend said – that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. You mean you won’t be my friend if I have other friends? So, I’m working on the ‘you’re very imature and we didn’t really realize it and trying to let go’ part. Thank you for bringing this up and I see by all of the comments, it’s quite common and now I have a word to call it. Be a sweetie, Shelia 😉

You are so welcome, Shelia! Sending you love.

I know this post is several years old. But I’m so glad that I found it. I’m also heartbroken to read how common this is. So many replies from people who had relationships as long as mine. It baffles my mind as to how you can just cut off contact one day with a person you’ve known since you were 13 At the age of 43. My friend and I have been friends for 30 years. And although we have been through some rough patches, we have talked about those issues and I thought overcame them. Years ago. We grew into adults together, our families are intertwined. And I think the reason why it’s so hard for me to just get over it is because every day someone asks me about a post she made on Facebook or whatever. And it sucks because I have to then say, I don’t know I haven’t talk to her since July 2021. And then of course the next question is, oh my god what happened? Then you have to say, I don’t know. I will say we are in different stages of our lives. She got married really young and now she’s divorced and living her best life in her 40s. And I’m very happy for her. I am married and have settled down and have younger children. But when the roles were reversed I always made time to hang out with her when she couldn’t go do the party scene. Which she still did sometimes, I just got to do it more. but nonetheless I don’t feel like I’ve ever made her not do anything because I can’t or don’t want to now! She moved about 10 hours away in our late 20s. She got divorced while she was down there and decided to come back home about 6 years ago. I was there for her every step of the way. Physically, emotionally, a little financially. I drove down after work with a car full of people overnight to help her move back. I feel like I’ve been there for her for a lot of the important things. And she has also been there for me at many important times as well. Things changed a little bit when she came back home, but I understand because when you go through a break up and become newly single your life changes. And you have to do what you have to do to keep yourself happy. I was going through some mental health issues. And back then she told me that she loved me but she didn’t wanna hang out as much because basically I was a Debbie downer. And I totally understood that. We still talked all the time. I just kept my issues to myself. That was five years ago or more. And it’s literally been that way ever since. I’m not mad about this or upset about it. I get it. Plus when I’m not doing well I tend to pull myself away from everyone. Because I just need to get my head an order. Plus nobody wants to be around somebody that’s depressed. It is what it is. But knowing that she said that, when I wasn’t doing very well I wasn’t always as available as normal. But, I would send a text and say love you not doing well. Would love to hang out soon. Hope all is well. Call me if you want to talk or whatever. And I just wouldn’t say anything about what’s going on with me. We were just chat like we always did. The reason I say this is because I’ve literally gone through a years worth of messages to figure out what the hell I did. In July 2021 is when I really kind of felt like she didn’t wanna hang out with me anymore. I would ask her to go shopping she would tell me she couldn’t because she had other plans with other people. Fine not a big deal. But this one specific day she said I can’t stop over or do anything because I already have plans, but I’m going to my aunts tomorrow I’ll stop at your house on the way back. She never stopped over, and never really text or called me since then. About 3 or 4 months later, I don’t get on Facebook very often but an old friend of ours was sick and passed away so she got a hold of my husband to make sure that I read her message on Facebook about what was going on. And her message said, I know we don’t talk a lot anymore but so and so isn’t doing well blah blah blah. I told her thank you and I would get a hold of another friend of ours. Then on my birthday in December 20 21 she text me happy birthday I love you. I was sick with Covid and just replied thank you I love you too. I have logged onto Facebook to see if there’s anything that I could figure out what the hell happened. And she still will repost our memories and tag me like it’s so weird to me. I didn’t know this right away but my husband reached out to her I think in November or some thing to ask her what the hell was going on because I had been crying and finally opened up to him about it. She told him that she just had to walk away because she got tired of me not showing up and ghosting her when plans were made and she just can’t participate in a relationship like that anymore. And while I understand everybody has their own point of you, I just don’t understand how that is a truthful point of you. I showed my husband all of our messages she was the one who would not make plans. Because she was so busy. I even asked her in August if I did something to upset her because I felt her pulling away. She said no I’m just super busy right now I’ll get a hold of you next week and we can have a visit. And she just never messaged me again except for those other times to tell me happy birthday and about our friend. I can live with the fact that we’ve grown apart. But I feel like 30 years of a friendship, actually more like family I deserve a conversation. I’m a grown ass woman, you can tell me, hey I don’t wanna hang out with you for whatever reason. It might still hurt but but I can respect that. What I don’t respect is being treated like a one night stand or a guy you met on a dating app who’s annoying. And you just never reply back. We have been through a lot together from our childhood to adulthood. There are times in my life when she’s the only person I would talk to. And vice versa. And I feel like whatever is going on is extremely deceitful. Because of what she said to my husband. Because I cannot come to a resolution of how what she said it was truthful at all. And that’s what hurts the most. I have never written to her to say what did I do, what is going on. Because I feel like showing her vulnerability is just going to hurt me more because she obviously doesn’t care. And when I asked before she said nothing she was busy. ButI will say it’s crazy to me that I’m not the only one going through this. Because I just don’t understand. Like I said boyfriend and dating is totally different than friendships that have turned into family. My kids called her mom grandma. They call her aunt. I gave her Child his first bath. Like we were more than friends. And I just can’t think of what I possibly could have done to be treated like such trash. This is still pretty fresh for me. And like I said it’s hard because I’m asked almost daily about some thing that’s going on in her life. And I don’t want people to talk badly about her or whatever. Because I truly do love her and wish her nothing but the best. I just wish I meant enough to her and was worthy of a conversation.

Sending you love!! No one should have to experience this.

I am so glad to not be alone. I am sorry others are going through this but it’s like a group therapy site I feel. I have been ghosted twice and am going through it now again. Reading everyone’s experiences is so helpful and I can tell everyone here: it’s not your fault. I am going through all the same emotions too, the doubt, the depression, the obsessing, the mourning and wondering if I can ever be that close to anyone again. All in all: yes, even though they ghosted me now and it hurts and is a complete shock, the years of friendship were worth it and I was lucky to have had a best friend at all.

My story: I have been best friends with a person for over 10 years. We did our PhDs together, immediately bonded, both found that we had a fantastic emotional connection and also common interests. We both studied psychology and have high emotional intelligence so am very surprised this is happening. He was best man at my wedding and I at his, we were proper best friends and open about it. We stayed in touch even after he moved to another country but then I realized these past weeks we were speaking less and I was asking him about it and he just kept saying he was busy. I kept planning for a trip together and when we finally were going to buy tickets he said I should go ahead without considering his dates. When I said I think something is wrong he kept denying it until he finally admitted it and said he thought we were growing in different directions and needed space and time. He refused to talk to me and has since not replied to my messages, ironically saying I shouldn’t try to make him feel guilty and he doesn’t want to hurt me (as if this is “not” hurtful). He is fully self aware but clearly has become a different person and probably isn’t secure enough to tell me which is so unlike him. My old friend would have said anything to me, talked to me about anything, and despite how much I told him I was there and would be happy to talk and sure we could iron it out he does not engage. At this point I can’t imagine anything but a huge apology and admittance to being an ass could repair our bond but something is lost forever.

Conclusion: I love friendship, it’s a very important part of my life. I always lived by the concept of having many good friends but few best ones. I am lucky to have a good support group and be surrounded by a lot of love in my life and I hope everyone here is able to build that, don’t give up! You are all clearly good people who are mature and just want to create meanigful connections with others. If someone ghosts you remember they don’t deserve your trust anymore, protect yourself but don’t close up to the world. We clearly all could use a friend in times like these 🙂

Thank you for sharing your story, Jay! I agree. This page has definitely become like a group therapy session in some ways. You are not alone and your friend’s decisions do not reflect what kind of person or friend you are…that’s on them.

This is an older post but I have a story so I bonded with this “friend” at work told her some really secretive stuff and I asked if she wanted to hangout after work she was all good then the time came for us to hangout nothing She said she was in contact with covid I said ok fair enough I would call her she would ignore it and text me let me know she can’t talk at the moment and I waited waited and waited but never got to hear back worst of all she came to visit work and avoided me all day! So immature!

Very immature. So sorry!!

I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’ve know this friend for over 15 years as work colleagues and potential business partners. I should have know it’s my turn when she turned on her own sisters and brothers.

What I don’t get is the suddenness: one minute they are taking you for your covid booster and having tea with your family, the next you are labelled the “crazy” who they want to ghost.

It’s senseless because all it tells me is that they have not emotionally developed intrinsically and will justify their avoidance behaviour as being the norm. I find this as being an attribute of an narcissistic personality who think their behaviour is right.

A word of advise if you can’t say it, put it in a letter and state that you do not want contact. Atleast that person get closure.

Your loss mate not mine. I am loyal to my friends, if you don’t want that kind of friendship then there are others that do. Enjoy your life. Karma is real and I hope one day you face yours. Today is the day when I get closure.

YES!!! You get closure NOW. So sorry you went through this.

I am going through this right now, with a friend I considered very close. I go from hurt to anger to numbness and back again. I know I’ll get over it in time, but I wish I could just move on, which isn’t that easy of course, but I CAN DO THIS. Thank you for posting this. You helped. I feel less alone.

I am so sorry this is happening to you but I am happy this post provided you with some comfort! You are definitely not alone.

I was also just recently ghosted by a female fiend. Unfortunately this is the society that we are living in now. Facebook twitter dating apps cell phones til tok etc. everyone is disposable now. But I always believe in karma what goes around comes around

Definitely true! So sorry you’ve experienced the same as thing as so many others here.

I’m so thankful I found this article. It’s helping me pull through the ghosting that just happened today. I’ll be the first to admit that I suck at making friends. Im socially awkward and led a very shelterec life as child. This led to me not being able to recognize if I’ve offended someone with what I’ve said. I still struggle with this. However, I try to mitigate this by telling someone I’m starting a new relationship with that if I do or say anything that makes you uncomfortable please let me know. Open communication is the only way I’ll learn to change. My goal as a friend is to make you feel better about yourself. With all that said, I hired a sitter so i could go to the gym a couple of times a week. The person I found and i hit it off imediately and we became good friends very quickly. I told her the above and that I can come on too strong sometimes. Please let me know. She said the same thing to me. We talked about anything and everything. She genuinely loved my kids and i hers. We were excited to see each other when we made plans. She had a situation come up where she couldn’t watch my daughter anymore but we still kept the friendship going. Then her phone got shut off. She was able to send messages when at the library and I was able to invite her over for my son’s birthday party. She came we had a blast she gave me and invitation to her son’s party. Her phone still wasn’t working and she didn’t respond to any messages I sent. I didn’t think anything of it because it had taken her several days to respond. She didn’t go to the library everyday after all. However, I needed to know what her son wanted for his birthday. I stress that I don’t do this but with me believing she couldn’t recieve any type of phone communication I stopped by to ask the birthday question. She wasn’t home but I messaged her anyway letting her know that I stopped by. Like I said, I know enough not to show up unannounced but I felt it was the only option. Today she finally messaged me back. She didn’t want to stay in contact anymore. That she was sure I didn’t mean it but I’ve said things that made her feel bad and she needs to work on her mental health and goodbye. This came completely out of left field. I cannot for the life of me remember anything. We went from talking every day, buying our daughters matching outfits, making plans for the summer to this. Yall, when I say I might be offensive it’s usually due to a dirty joke. I just don’t understand. Living in a military town with no family nearby with my husband deployed, I treasure any friend i can make. I would never intentionally make someone feel bad and for the love of god to let me know. We often talked about the same subjects frequently. Why can’t people just communicate? It’s the unknown for sure. Was it really me, was my own mental health ( I suffer from depression and anxiety) bringing hers down, or could it have been her projecting if I said something that made her recognize her down flaws? The worst thing about this whole situation trying to come up with a reason for my children to understand why they can’t see their friends anymore. Sorry for the long post. This just happened today.

Hi Kate! I am SO SORRY you’ve experienced this and that it’s such a fresh wound. I’m glad this post was able to provide you with some comfort. You are not alone.

I was recently ghosted by a dog-sitter my husband and I had done business with for years. We always paid on time and tipped well, showed up when we said we would, etc. She always said she loved keeping our dog and that he was no trouble at all. She had agreed to dog sit for us over the weekend then, when we reached out regarding details, she never responded in spite of several texts, emails and phone calls from both of us. We saw that she had posted her whereabouts on facebook over the weekend so we know nothing happened to her – she evidently just changed her mind and decided to not communicate with us about it. It’s hard to fathom why a business owner would treat loyal, paying customers this way but I will writing reviews about her business everywhere I can as it’s extremely unprofessional behavior. Ghosting is something done by people who are extremely immature, untrustworthy and who have zero empathy – sort of something a sociopath would do.

So sorry this happened to you!!

I guess my situation would top most here. I am now older and worked many years in construction and needed a couple of surgeries thar would leave me incapable of caring for myself for months. A homeless female friend was sitting on my door step waiting for me to come home. I asked her what was up she said I came to help you I know you have no one. She cared for me for months before I recovered from spinal surgery and double hernia surgery within a week..we became so close I wanted to help her she needed a place to live I allowed her to stay and after a awhile it got into romantic and she asked me to marry her . I lived my friend so it seemed like a great idea and over two years things went well I got her all the medical care and got her mental health care and got her off court cases against her and once she was doing well she left while I was at work ghosted me and divorced without a word of communication… I went thru alot of pain and tears because I loved my with and friend I was buy her a home and planned a future….just when things were starting to lessen after 6 month I met this absolutely beautiful sexy lady in tears and distress. I made contact and we became friend I had empathy for her and tried to boost her self worth by comlamenting her everyday saying good morning all the time spending our weekends together playing pool, cards ,and going bowling .we did breakfast lunch and supper spent all our time together. I let her know from day one I was attracted but was a true friend to her never looked at her sexually always treated her like a lady..changed her deamor completely she held her head high and was a beautiful lady happy funny and fun… things between us as friends were going great never a disagreement totally matched on everything finished each other’s sentences or thoughts when talking…spent alot of alone time playing cards listening to music or with the TV on. Went to the lake for walks or just to get out . We really were so compatable as friends it was amazing how much fun we had. I was always a gentlemen to her never touched her when alone kept my distance and treated her as the lady she was and had total respect for her…she even on many occasions said I had a fantastic time thank you and said goodnight. One Saturday morning we had talked nothing unusual she was a little stressed because she didn’t get a apartment she applied for she claimed. Told her I was sorry and it was only the first one there will be others…she went about her business and me mine an hour later I went to talk to her she was gone I called no answer after ringing many times I text and emailed no answer… I had bonded to her and loved ir was in love with our friendship it had taken me from that dark place and given me back my self confidence and worth again and made me feel good that this beautiful lady had chosen me to be her friend I was so proud and honored to be seen with her out to dinner or anywhere. She was the type of lady when she entered a room every single guy and half the married men noticed no matter who they were with or what they were doing you could just see all the heads turn when we entered. We looked like the perfect couple because I am not bad looking myself and we use to joke about it that we were friends and they had no idea what we were doing . I had the most fun with her more than any other female in my life with my clothes on.. this ghosting has totally devastated me so soon after my wife pulled the same thing.going on two months the pain and tears are horrible I can’t function I starve all the time because I don’t want to go our anywhere and when I do memories flood my mind and I have to rush home before I break out in tears again. I dont know what to do this seems to hurt as much as losing a romantic relationship but we were just friend so it’s confusing. Never was falling in love or lived her other than friend but the pain is real I feel it Noth mentally and physically…I had my first panic attack in my life from this a week ago at 65 and now anxiety grips me and depression..lost as to how to cope with this

I don’t exactly agree that being ghosted by a friend Is sometimes harder than a romantic partner… Because your PARTNER, should be all those things you mentioned and more. Your partner is “supposed to be there for you no matter what, especially after you’ve gone through a lot with them, confided in them (and they in you), and made specific promises to each other to never walk out of each other’s life without explanation.” Your partner is supoosed to be there for you, for better or for worse. Your partner is the person you are sharing your intimate life with and planning a future with. I have been ghosted by both friends and a boyfriend, and as much as it hurt me when my friends ghosted me -it was agonizing to be ghosted by my boyfriend after 2 years together. How could they say they ever loved you if they could be so cruel and selfish to just cease all contact without any explanation or closure. Ir was far worse than being ghosted by my “best friend”

Your article makes it sound like I can discuss my feelings with the person. But, if they have ghosted me, there is no communication with them. I am trying to understand my “friend’s” situation. (Friends for over 25 years.) She went through cancer and changed the way she lives. She has a mentor that is channeling her ancestors, mediating and doing Reiki…so quite a different person. I thought I was being supportive and never expressed any negativity about her new found lifestyle…but, she has chosen to end all communication with me. Trying to let it go.

I’m so glad I have read all your messages, thank you .

Luckily for me it was a newish friendship of around 1 year, I have no idea why she has decided to Ghost several weeks ago, she sent a voice message with mixed messages about being ill, but not ill, not to speak to anyone in the village about this mysterious illness , that she still wanted to groom my dogs but no more than that as laying low ! I continued to wave if I passed her with a neighbour who she has become very friendly with but realised she would either pretend she didn’t see me or stoop to pat her dog !! I was shocked when it finally dawned on me she was ghosting me !! At first I was hurt , then angry at the immaturity of a 57 year old women to stoop to this behaviour ! Thank goodness I had only invested my friendship with this woman for a short time , her behaviour has proved to me she had never been worthy of my friendship she was a Manipulator and Toxic . Unfortunately its my next door neighbour so I will still see her out and about a few times a week ,

I will not be waving !

I had a gf of 6 years ghost me, less than 3 months after my Second parent died. I wasnt particiarly sharing about that parent or my upset about my loss, not that it should matter. I was so angry hurt and disgusted- that last adjective being the one I held onto. Most of the hurt was from realizing her potentially nepharious motives for being friends wirh me, in the first place! She loved the way I built her up. Funny, I think from her perspective, things were going well for me when she ghosted me despite that my mother had just died. Things were happennikg for me that maybe I didnt care about so much that maybe she wanted, in lofe. I also see some mistakes I made over the course of the friendship- but these were cleaned up and amended, in the moment and hopefully all friendships have room For the kind of mistakes I had made. I see her differently- very differently- that’s the hardest part. It’s Not even the friendship that I miss so much, it’s the disgust of how the friendship unraveled and ended without a willingness to talk despite my loving suggestions to do so, that I’m left with that hurts the most. And without a Massive apology, initiated by her, I’d never go back. She also said to a mutual friend of ours (that I brought to her life), “did Cheryl tell you were aren’t speaking”? She prmptly went i to the jever again box ar that moment. Maybe she didn’t understand this piece but perhaps her own karma will show her down the line.

Can I also say that I stopped seeing our mutial friends which was, oddly, a slight relief. I never felt that connected with them and they were, frankly, a frequent part of our nightlife that left me feeling a bit empty. I’ve met other friends who have been lovely and truly a much better fit for who I want to be. Yes, it was a deep friendship that suddently Traumatized me, unnecesarily, and at a time that was gross to do that to anyone nmw (Very shortly after the death of my secondparemt). But, the reality is, I’ve been oddly slightly better off. I never felt That great about how I felt seen in that friend’s eyes, at times, and always on the sidelines low key wondered why she lent such an ear and cared so much lol I played the role but I didn’t truly love her the way I loved my best best friends. Maybe she felt that.

I was just ghosted by a friend of more than 5 years. It’s awkward because we have a good friend in common who, understandably, doesn’t want to get in the middle of it. I’m a kind person and I can’t fathom what I might have said or done that would cause her to say “I need to distance myself” to our mutual friend. I’m embarrassed and sad and angry. I’m moving so it won’t be as “noticeable” in my life in a few weeks but it hurts. I’ve stuck up for this person in groups for years. Only to be treated this way. I’ve been ghosted before and now having a real hard time envisioning any new friendships due to trust. I have other friends and yet this one person has made me feel so lonely. I tried texting and apologizing for anything I may have done, offering to talk about it. Our kids are friends too so I just can’t imagine cutting someone off and not letting my kids see their friends.

Thanks for this article. I have recently been ghosted by a ‘friend’ of 32 years, so just trying to work my way through that. Its certainly an unpleasant experience, particularly when they also seem to have roped in the rest of their family, which I always considered surrogate family. I ghosted someone once – different circumstances, but now I know how it feels and won’t do that again.

This was really helpful for someone who has never been ghosted before. I feel so much better about letting go of that friend.

So happy you found it helpful!!

While it makes me sad to see that so many people have experienced this, I am so grateful for everyone who has shared their stories! I’ve recently realized that my best friend of the past few years has been ghosting me. She is a new mother and I loved her little girl like a niece. The last few time we saw each other we had a great time like always. I texted her each month since to let her know I am thinking of her or to share something that reminded me of her with no response. Last week I tried to call her and left her a voicemail wishing her well and acknowledging I hadn’t heard from her in a while. She continues to post on social media, ignoring my own posts, my texts, and my voicemail. Yesterday I met with a mutual friend who excitedly said “Oh, I bet you already knew this but she is pregnant again!” I didn’t know this. Last year I was the first person she told when she found out she was pregnant with her first. I have cried and obsessively gone over in my head every possible reason she no longer wants to include me in her life but I come up with nothing. It is comforting to read the stories of those who made it to the other side of these feelings – I really look forward to that!

You are definitely not alone!!

I understand your pain. My adult niece ghosted me. We’ve had an odd relationship since she came back into my life five years ago. I was estranged from her sociopathic father, and he turned his four children against me. After he died, I reached out to them, but she was the only one who was interested in having a relationship with me, but she limited that relationship to FB messages. She refused my invitations to get together, and I often saw photos of their parties on my feed, which I was never invited to. It made me feel rejected. A couple of years ago, I told her about some childhood abuse I’d suffered, and she said, “I’ll get back to you on that later. I’m busy right now.” And she never did. That hurt, but time passed, and we moved on, continuing to text each other occasionally. She wrote to me a month ago, and we exchanged some messages about the happenings in our lives. In my last one to her, I told her about a personal problem I’m having, and she ghosted me. For me, that was it. I was done. I realized that we were never going to have a normal relationship. I also realized that she doesn’t want to hear about my problems, which tells me that she doesn’t really care about me. And now, though it hurts, I’m trying to move on. I started by putting her and her siblings on my restricted friend list.

I was ghosted by someone who I didn’t even really know existed till she kept interjecting in conversations at church. She eventually asked me if I could watch her house while out of town, she seemed down to earth & genuine stating she couldn’t wait to get back so we could hang out… but when she got back she kept blowing me off and always having excuses. I didn’t really understand why someone would try so hard to get noticed by you just so they could use you and then ignore you but she mentioned her mom playing toxic games like that so maybe it is just kinetic we hand it down or plain old toxic behavior. She will be here at a Friendsgiving Thanksgiving, Im just gonna keep my cool and avoid interaction.

Thank you for writing this post. Going through this right now and reading this and the comments makes me realize im not alone. Adult friendships are hard! Although in my situation i was sent a vague text message that they are not interested in our friendship and then I was blocked. No conversation. The rumination about what i did or didnt do wrong is probably the most sinister part.

You are so welcome! So sorry you’re going through this.

I am in my later 50s and was ghosted by my best childhood friend. We often lived hundreds of miles apart and there would be long gaps in communication but we would pick up easily over and over (we took turns reconnecting – it always seemed “even” and was never tense) and always reached out to one another when there were big life events. I finally moved back home and close to her and we had her and her husband over to dinner. Everyone got along well, it seemed. They live sort of like hippies (their words) and did make quite a few comments about our home being big. We bought a home with 5 bedrooms to accommodate kids and elderly parents (and could afford it by buying a home with some drawbacks on a busy street). She never contacted me again after the dinner. I can only speculate that her husband harped on how different we were (read: he thinks we are materialistic) and I’ve heard him be judge-y before. I can see on social media that she gets together with others from childhood and she never lets me know, which she would have in the past. As much as it makes me sad — and even angry — I have not sought clarity from her. I don’t have tons of friends, but I have enough true friends to keep me feeling happy, and I do not want to spend precious time with someone so willing to drop me like this. I remain surprised – she was not like this growing up, but I think her husband’s influence is an issue. I will move on, protect my heart, and appreciate venues like this to read and vent from sympathetic people who understand!

So sorry to hear this! You are not alone.

I want to ghost a friend because she was being mean to me, and I felt like she was being a toxic friend. I planning to ignore her and not reply to her messages. She is probably not going to ask why, but I really don’t care. All that I care about is to move on with my friendships and find better, new, more encouraging friends. I had always had trouble with friendships, it always seemed like my “friends” disapprove of me. Thank you for posting this article, it helped me a lot.

You are welcome!!

I had a friend who was a former coworker of mine. He initiated talking and hanging out with me. A lot of times I listened to him about his struggles and issues. I normally don’t mind people ghosting me if we weren’t friends for very long, as in less than a month, but we were friends for over a year and used to text or hang out a few times a month.

He then got more obsessed about his appearance and fitness and wanted to hit on girls all the time. Once he started that he said he was too busy to text, but gave me his address so I could send an invite for my wedding coming up. I have friends to where we won’t talk for a while, but they will still respond after a month. People are busy and I totally get it.

I gave him space and time, about four months, and he hasn’t responded. I have a good idea about why he stopped talking. It felt rude since I’m trying to plan a wedding and he hasn’t said a word. He even works nearby where I live and has ghosted our other friend that he knew longer than me. I feel silly taking it so personally, but I felt like we were starting to be really good friends.

Now I’ve unfriended him on Facebook and if I have to see him I just avoid him. It’s tough since I take my friendships seriously and thought I’d be over it by now. I will try to talk to more friends about it and see if it helps. I’ve ghosted a couple times by friends in the past and I got through it so despite how I feel right now; I’m optimistic for the future.

So sorry you’ve been through this but I am happy to hear you’re feeling optimistic!! 🙂

First, thank you for posting such an amazing article on this topic. I am going through the exact same thing right now with a friend who I felt we had a strong bond since we met. When things are good we are on top of the world together and I feel like we are family. But, we had a simple argument last week in which I walked away from and yet, he continued to insult me got a little physical. However, I know we all have our bad moments so I wanted to be a friend and let him have his moment, However, he has not spoken to me since that day EVEN though he was very hurtful and aggressive towards. We’ve been through a lot so far as friends and I am very hurt that I can not even get a face to face apology. Especially considering that I WOULD NEVER do him that way. I am in between ended the friendship and trying to see if we can work through this. But, I am battling with if am truly ready to lose this friend. I try to ignore it and act like it does not bother me but, it does and I really want to be honest and fair to myself. I really want to make the best decision because loyal people are hard to find these days. But, I refuse to be disrespected or not have the same energy reciprocated.

The suddenness of ghosting is what makes it so bizarre. No warning. Like being in the middle of a phone conversation and the line just goes dead. Permanently. But the more I read on the subject the more I realize that for the ghoster, the relationship was probably hanging by a thread for a long time before it broke. For me, that’s what makes it tragic. The loss is on both sides. I lost my friend suddenly whereas she lost me gradually. I mistook her tolerance of certain attitudes for agreement. Especially concerning her family. The anger I felt towards them for the abuse they doled out to her was not mine to express in the manner I did. She forgave them. I could not and there was nothing she could do to change that. I wrote her a letter acknowledging this fact, let her know I would respect her unspoken ‘don’t call me, I’ll call you’ request, thanked her for the great memories and love and said goodbye. Yeah, it hurts the way all serious loss hurts but after reading that ghosting can be a safe way for an abused person to avoid more pain, I’m glad I didn’t lash out.

I thought I had found a good friend, someone to talk to and listen also. A quick no notice move from the area and I became damaged goods. A text here and there. I was told I was a good man. A month later I was ghosted, no explanation ! It hurt so bad, worse than a death. I accept it’s over but why not just step up and tell me WHY ? I want to move on but can not with that hanging over me.

So sorry to hear this.

I think I’m being ghosted now for the 2nd time by my best friend I’ll call “Michelle”. Today is her birthday and I was trying to figure out if I should send her a “happy birthday” text when I saw this article.

The background – we are both 57 and there were 3 of us who became close friends when we were 12 (me, Michelle and “Diane”). Over the years, sometimes I felt Michelle and Diane were closer and I was a bit left out but we all still cared for each other and were close (for example in our 30’s, I would ask Diane to go do things and she usually didn’t seem interested so I kinda quit asking). We all got married in our 20’s and were all in each other’s weddings – our kids all knew each other since they were born.

When we were almost 40, Michelle moved away due to her husband’s job. We kept in touch by phone – Diane and I visited her with our kids and we talked frequently. The move was hard for Michelle and they were considering moving back near me and Diane. During a phone call with Michelle about neighborhoods they may move to, I was encouraging Michelle to move close to me – she made a comment to the affect that they would want a better neighborhood. I don’t recall now the specific words but I imagine I let her know I didn’t appreciate that – after that, she ghosted me (no term for it at the time but looking back that’s what it was). We didn’t text at that time but I called repeatedly and even wrote her a couple of hand written letters (old school I know!). So, while there was a “reason” in my mind, it did not seem justified to be completely ignored after so many years of friendship. It was devastating to me – I shed many tears, discussed with my husband and other family. I tried not to put Diane in an awkward position but I did ask her if she knew why Michelle continued to ignore my pleas for communication. Eventually I quit reaching out but remained friends with Diane even though we didn’t talk as frequently.

Then one day Michelle called me (before the days of always knowing who was calling) and when I answered the phone I was surprised to hear Michelle and she told me she had bad news about Diane – she had cancer and the prognosis was not good at all. Diane fought for about 2 and a half years before passing and it was rough – Michelle and I are also very close (to this day) with Diane’s family.

At some point Diane told me that Michelle had moved back to our city – can’t recall if it was before or after Diane got sick but I do remember that was particularly hard – knowing that Michelle moved back and didn’t even tell me. Sometime during Diane’s cancer struggle, Michelle called me and asked to get together and talk – we met at a restaurant. Michelle told me she had too much going on and (essentially) needed a break from our friendship while dealing with other stuff – and if I recall correctly she was considering divorce at that point (actually divorced a few years later) – she wanted to know if we could resume our friendship. I was incredibly hurt that she cut me out and I was absolutely willing to be friends again (I’m not one to hold a grudge). In total I think it was about 2 years of not speaking prior to the reconciliation.

Diane passed away and Michelle and I became closer – we’ve been through so much together over so many years! We have confided in each other and had each other’s backs about many things, we help each other out with kids, pets, etc. (after she divorced she moved close to me). We both have other friends too but many mutual friends. Michelle doesn’t have much family other than her kids – and is estranged from her only sister.

About a month ago I was at work and talking to Michelle and the conversation was getting a bit heated – we disagreed about our outlook toward being informed of news, politics, etc. – we were not disagreeing about “politics” but rather the idea of whether it matters to stay informed (I think it does and she doesn’t). I was trying to explain why I think it matters – I could tell she didn’t like what I was saying and I had to get back to work so I said, I’ve really got to go and that was the end of the conversation. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal but we didn’t communicate the next day (we usually talked or texted daily).

The day after that I reached out by text with something kinda funny – thinking it would break the ice since I figured she was irritated with me. She did not respond at all. Another week went by and I sent her this text:

“I’ve been struggling with how to handle and how to react to our lack of communication. It seems that we had an uncomfortable conversation, I texted you after, and you have not responded, which is obviously out of the norm. I might be overly sensitive, considering what happened before [Diane] died when you flat out ignored me for a very long time despite calling and writing you. I’m not sure if you realize how incredibly hurt I was when you would not respond to me before, so I think that makes me more hesitant to make efforts now for fear of being rejected again. When you did reach out, I was happy to resume our friendship but the hurt and pain was real and strong – and I don’t want to be in that position again. I didn’t understand then and I don’t understand now what I have done to warrant such rejection/ghosting – I mean it was tense last time we talked but it’s not like we had a big argument.

Nevertheless, considering all the years of friendship and all the things we’ve been through together, it seems crazy not to try reaching out at least this once to let you know what I was thinking. Since I am perplexed about the reasons this is happening and I hope history isn’t repeating itself, I leave what’s next to you. If you choose not to respond, I will be thinking about you, hoping you are well, but I cannot afford to make numerous efforts to reach you. I hope you decide to open back up to me – hope you don’t take our friendship for granted by ghosting me – but until then I will hope and hurt.”

Michelle did not react well and sent me a long scathing message. She asked me if I remember something I said nearly 30 years ago that hurt her (I don’t remember), she brought up my lack of religious belief and asked why I would attend church with another friend (for my family as I told her previously – and she has told me she doesn’t like that friend despite her being nothing but nice to Michelle), she accused me of not being supportive of her moving several months ago to her dream location (despite me recommending a wonderful realtor who she acknowledged she should have contacted), she said I belittled her in our last conversation – that I “displayed an arrogance almost narcissistic demeanor in our last conversation” and that she will not think like me, that I spoke to her disrespectfully (I felt she would not hear me out and disrespected me), and finally that she was going through all sorts of losses when she previously ghosted me – she was “in survival mode” but that I only thought of how it impacted me. The last thing she said was that she has “backed off until I can say something nice. It’s not ghosting.”

I was pretty darn shocked at all these accusations and prepared a lengthy response/defense but then decided it would be better not to send it and instead sent this: “There’s a lot more going on than I have realized. I didn’t mean to bring up decades of problems with each other – I owe you an apology and would like to see you when you’re ready. I would like to explain some things and ask some questions so that I can see things better through your lense. I was just afraid of a repeat of 2 years of not knowing how you are doing and if we are friends.”

I truly would like to talk to Michelle and understand if I have done things that have hurt her – but I feel like it’s up to her now. I do not want to “pursue” her if she is unwilling – that prior experience was too painful. It’s hard for me to imagine that after 45 years of friendship, we may end it like this but here we are.

And here I am today – wondering if I should send a simple “Happy Birthday” text – or if it’s better to leave the ball in her court.

Thank you for this post, the words were exactly what I needed to hear to help me cope with how a friend is treating me.

I’m not sure if this is replying under my original post, but regardless, I posted about a ghosting by a childhood friend. Through a strange set of circumstances, I discovered we had both relocated to the same area in recent years – very unexpected! With encouragement from folks who knew us when we were best friends, I reached out to her and discovered I had not been ghosted. Yes, we had both let the communication fade, but during that time she went through enormous and very sad upheaval. We are now back in touch and it’s a great lesson for me. Sometimes a person might love you but might not have the bandwidth or energy to reach out. Sometimes life is just too hard. We both are happy at being reconnected and have gotten together individually and with our daughters. I hope we stay this way forever, and if we do lose touch for a bit, I will be more likely to consider more than just “I’ve been rejected” and rather understand that life throws us unimaginable curveballs that cause disruption to everything – even vital relationships. I realize others have more concrete reasons to know they have been ghosted (which is brutal – I am sorry when that happens and have experienced it in other cases – why can’t people be mature???) but also sometimes, it’s not a ghosting, but rather a sad detour in a relationship.

So glad I found this! A bit of very relevant background. .I was abused as an infant, and was in 7 foster homes in about 18 months. So, I had a friend, we had differences, but we both encouraged each other in our different paths. She, of all things, was working on becoming a person who empowers women, and helping them dump the baggage from their past, and a life coach. So, there was an incident, as soon as it came to my attention, I admitted my crossing a line, and apologized. The only thing I can figure is my apology wasnt done the way she thought it should be done. And now, I’m a ghostee. So, back to the infant trauma. I have trouble letting people in. I have walls, and over the course of time, I had let some of those walls fall. Well, now, after this, All of the walls are back up. Including with my husband. This ‘friend’ was privy to so much stuff. We both homeschooled, and she helped me, by listening as I struggled with my oldest daughter, who has so many issues (asperger’s, sensory issues, motor skills, etc). I trusted this person with my deepest struggles. And now, my daughter has a degenerative neurological disorder, and I have a big.hole in my circle, as to who i can talk too. But even if there were someone there, I’m at a point, emotionally, where I’m not sure I could trust somebody. So, my “friend” who works as a personal coach to help women achieve their best has left me not trusting anyone with my thoughts, situations, and feelings.

YES!!! I was ghosted in 2019 by a friend who was in an abusive relationship. She could talk for hours about how poorly her BF treated her but one time when I ECHOED HER WORDS she cut me off completely.

One year later, almost to the week, she called and apologized. We were reunited and currently work together.

Last week she ghosted me AGAIN because I stated a factual thing about a lack of communication (on her end) about a mutual task we do together…

She has once again blocked me. 🙄😒

Going forward I will ONLY communicate related to work, and ONLY if absolutely necessary.

EFF HER & the stick up her a**!!

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Friendshipsy

Steps to Repairing Relationships After Ghosting Friends

Ghosting friends is never a good thing. It’s like disappearing into thin air without a trace and leaving your friends feeling hurt, confused, and maybe even angry. You know that feeling, don’t you? When you’re, the one left behind, wondering what went wrong.

From understanding the impact of ghosting on relationships to rebuilding trust and setting boundaries you ready to start repairing the damage, you’ve done to your friendships? Whether you’re just starting or working on it for a while.

So, this guide has got you covered. We’ll review everything you need to know to make things right with your friends. Let’s dive in!

Forms of Ghosting Friends

1. Slow Fade: Gradually reducing communication and becoming less available to hang out or respond to messages.

2. Busy Schedule: Being too busy with work, family, or other obligations to make time for their friend.

3. Technology Glitch: Accidentally ignoring or not responding to messages due to technical issues with their phone or computer.

4. Miscommunication: Thinking that their friend is too busy or not interested in maintaining the relationship, they stop reaching out.

5. Life Changes: Going through a major life event, such as a move, a new job, or a health issue, which leads to a decrease in communication without intention.

Discovering How Ghosting Affects Your Friendships

Have you ever been ghosted by a friend? It can be a confusing and hurtful experience. One day, everything seems fine, and the next, your friend is nowhere to be found. They stop responding to your texts or calls, and suddenly, your friendship is over without any explanation.

But do you ever stop to think about the impact ghosting can have on a friendship? It can leave a person feeling rejected and like they did something wrong. It can shatter trust and make it difficult to repair the relationship.

Have you ever considered why someone may ghost a friend? It’s important to remember that everyone has their own reasons and struggles. Maybe they were going through a tough time or felt overwhelmed and unable to communicate.

It’s important to think about these things and try to understand the impact ghosting can have on a friendship. Next time you’re in a situation where you feel like ghosting a friend, consider reaching out and talking about what’s going on. Communication is key in any relationship.

Purpose of Repairing Relationships After Ghosting Friends.

The purpose of repairing relationships after ghosting friends is to rebuild trust and reestablish a connection. When you ghost someone, it sends a message that you’re not interested in maintaining the relationship.

This can be hurtful and confusing for the other person. By repairing the relationship, you show that you value the friendship and are committed to making it work.

Another purpose of repairing relationships after ghosting is to prevent future conflicts and misunderstandings. Ghosting can lead to negative feelings and resentment, which can linger and cause problems down the line.

By repairing the relationship, you can address any issues that may have contributed to the ghosting and ensure that you both clearly understand what each other needs and expects in the friendship.

Finally, repairing relationships after ghosting can bring joy and fulfilment back into your life. Friendships are important, and they provide you with support, comfort, and companionship.

When a friendship is damaged, it can impact our overall well-being and happiness. By repairing the relationship, you can rekindle the connection and bring joy and positivity back into your life.

Step 1: Acknowledge and Accept Responsibility

Before you can begin the process of repairing relationships after ghosting friends, it is crucial to first acknowledge and accept responsibility for your actions. This means taking ownership of what you did and understanding the impact it had on your friends.

Acknowledge your mistake: Take some time to reflect on your behaviour and why you chose to ghost your friends. Recognize that this was not a kind or respectful way to treat someone and that it likely caused pain and confusion for those you care about.

Accept responsibility: Once you have acknowledged your mistake, it’s time to accept responsibility for it. This means acknowledging that you are the one who chose to ghost your friends and that the consequences of your actions are your responsibility to repair.

Express regret: Showing remorse and expressing regret can be a powerful tool in repairing relationships after ghosting. A sincere apology can help to demonstrate your commitment to making things right and can begin the process of healing.

In summary, acknowledging and accepting responsibility is the first step in repairing relationships after ghosting. By admitting your mistake and expressing regret, you can lay the foundation for a healthy and positive relationship moving forward.

Step 2: Reach Out and Apologize

The next step in repairing relationships after ghosting friends is to reach out and apologize for your behaviour. This can be a challenging step, but it is crucial for rebuilding trust and repairing the relationship.

Make contact: Choose a method of contact that feels comfortable for you and your friend(s). This could be a phone call, text, email, or in-person conversation. The important thing is to reach out and start the conversation.

Apologize: Express your sincere apologies for ghosting your friend(s) and for any pain or confusion your behaviour may have caused. Let them know that you regret your actions and that you value their friendship.

Commit to repairing the relationship: Let your friend(s) know that you are committed to repairing the relationship and that you are willing to put in the time and effort to make things right. Show them that you understand the impact of your actions and that you are genuinely remorseful.

By reaching out and apologizing, you are taking an important step in repairing the relationship and showing your friend(s) that you value their friendship and want to make things right.

Step 3: Make Amends

Making amends is an important step in repairing relationships after ghosting friends. This involves taking concrete actions to show your friend(s) that you are serious about repairing the relationship and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make things right.

Offer sincere apologies: A heartfelt apology can be a powerful way to show your friend(s) that you understand the impact of your actions and that you are truly remorseful. This could involve writing a letter, sending a card, or simply expressing your apologies in person.

Make a thoughtful gesture: Another way to make amends is to offer a thoughtful gesture, such as sending a small gift or treating your friend(s) to a special activity. This could be something as simple as bringing over their favourite dessert or planning a fun outing together.

Spend quality time together: Spending quality time with your friend(s) can be a valuable way to repair the relationship and show them that you value their friendship. This could involve going out for coffee, taking a walk, or simply hanging out and catching up.

In summary, making amends is an important step in repairing relationships after ghosting. By offering sincere apologies, making thoughtful gestures, and spending quality time together, you can demonstrate your commitment to repairing the relationship and show your friend(s) that you value their friendship.

Step 4: Be Open and Transparent

Being open and transparent is very beneficial in repairing relationships after ghosting friends. It involves being honest and upfront about what led you to ghost your friend(s) and why you are now committed to repairing the relationship.

This can help build trust and understanding between you and your friend(s) and lays the foundation for a healthy and strong relationship moving forward.

Explain your reasons: Explain to your friend(s) what led you to ghost them in the first place. This could involve discussing personal or professional challenges that you were facing or simply acknowledging that you made a mistake and regret your actions.

Share your perspective: Share your perspective on why you are now committed to repairing the relationship. This could involve expressing how much your friend(s) mean to you, or simply emphasizing your desire to put the past behind you and move forward together.

Be willing to listen: In addition to being open and transparent about your own thoughts and feelings, it is also important to be willing to listen to your friend(s) and hear their perspective. This can help to foster understanding and build trust and will be essential for repairing the relationship moving forward.

In summary, by being honest and upfront about your motivations, sharing your perspective and being willing to listen to your friend(s), you can help build trust and understanding, and lay the foundation for a strong and healthy relationship moving forward.

Step 5: Listen and understand

Listening and understanding are important steps in repairing relationships after ghosting friends. It involves allowing your friend(s) to share their perspectives and feelings about what happened and showing empathy and understanding without judgment.

Create a safe space: To listen and understand effectively, it is important to create a safe space where your friend(s) feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. This could involve choosing a quiet and private location, avoiding distractions, and simply being present and attentive to what your friend(s) have to say.

Show empathy: Showing empathy is a critical component of listening and understanding. This involves putting yourself in your friend(s) shoes and understanding their perspectives and feelings. Try to see things from their point of view, and avoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions.

Listen without judgment: It is important to listen to your friend(s) without judgment. Avoid interrupting, criticizing, or invalidating their thoughts and feelings. Instead, simply listen and show understanding, and try to acknowledge and validate their perspectives.

In summary, Creating a safe space, showing empathy, and listening without judgment, can help your friend(s) feel heard and understood and work towards building a relationship that will last.

Step 6: Be patient and persistent

Repairing a relationship takes time and effort. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to make things right.

It’s important to recognize that rebuilding trust and repairing relationships takes time and effort. There may be setbacks along the way, but it’s important to be patient and persistent in your efforts.

Be there for your friends, and make sure that you are consistently demonstrating your commitment to making things right.

This can involve regularly checking in, making thoughtful gestures, and being there to listen and support them.

Remember that everyone heals at their own pace. Don’t pressure your friends into forgiving you or moving on too quickly. Allow them the space they need to process their feelings and work through any hurt or anger they may be feeling.

In the end, a successful relationship repair will require both parties to be patient, persistent, and dedicated to the process.

Step 7: Practice self-care and positive self-talk

Take care of yourself and engage in positive self-talk to help maintain a healthy mindset while repairing relationships. Remind yourself of your worth and the value you bring to your relationships, and keep you motivated to continue the effort.

Some effective self-care practices include exercise, meditation, spending time with loved ones, and pursuing hobbies and interests.

In addition, write down affirmations and repeat them to yourself daily, such as “I am worthy of love and forgiveness” and “I have the power to repair relationships and make things right.”

It is also essential to be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to heal. Recognize that repairing relationships takes time and effort and that it is okay to make mistakes along the way.

Keep practising self-care and positive self-talk, and seek support from loved ones when needed.

Finally, a case study approach can be helpful in examining real-life examples of successful relationship repairs after ghosting. Seeing others who have successfully repaired relationships can be inspiring and provide a sense of hope for those who are in the process of repairing relationships themselves.

The Value of Meaningful and Healthy Relationships

Having healthy and meaningful relationships is essential for our well-being. As humans, we need to feel connected and valued by others, and this starts with the relationships we have with our friends.

It takes effort and commitment to maintaining a healthy relationship. When issues arise, it’s important to have open communication and mutual understanding. This means being willing to listen to each other’s perspectives and finding a way to work through problems together.

Forgiveness is also a key component of healthy relationships. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. But, it’s important to be able to forgive and move forward rather than letting past issues linger and damage the relationship.

So, take some time to reflect on your relationships and see if there’s anything you can do to strengthen them. Whether it’s being more present, improving communication, or simply making an effort to understand each other better, small changes can make a big difference.

Remember, your relationships are important and valuable, and they deserve your attention and care. By prioritizing them, you’ll create a strong support system that will enrich your life in countless ways.

Final Thoughts

So, there you have it! You now have a roadmap for repairing relationships after ghosting friends. By understanding the impact of ghosting, identifying the underlying issues, and valuing healthy relationships, you can work towards mending broken bonds and creating stronger, more meaningful connections.

So, next time you find yourself in a sticky situation, remember these steps and use them to repair your relationships. And, if all else fails, a little humour and lightheartedness can go a long way!

Thanks for reading! We hope you found this article helpful. If so, be sure to leave a comment and share it with your friends. We’d love to hear your thoughts on ghosting and repairing relationships.

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What Does Ghosting Mean in Friendship

Ghosting in friendship refers to abruptly cutting off communication without any explanation or warning. It can be hurtful and damaging to the relationship, causing confusion and feelings of abandonment.

What Does Ghosting Mean in Friendship

In today’s digital age, where we are constantly connected, ghosting has become increasingly prevalent and easy to execute. Whether it’s ignoring calls, messages, or avoiding social situations, ghosting leaves the other person wondering what went wrong and often leads to the end of the friendship.

While there may be valid reasons for ending a friendship, it is important to communicate openly and honestly to maintain respect and understanding. We will explore the definition and impact of ghosting in friendship, as well as its potential reasons and consequences.

Understanding The Concept Of Ghosting

Definition and background of ghosting in friendships.

Ghosting is a term commonly used in the context of dating, but it also applies to friendships. Essentially, ghosting refers to the act of abruptly cutting off communication with someone without any explanation or warning. It is like disappearing from their life without a trace, leaving the other person feeling confused, hurt, and abandoned.

While ghosting in friendships has always existed to some extent, the rise of technology and social media has made it more prevalent in recent years.

Key points:

  • Ghosting in friendships involves suddenly severing all communication with a friend, leaving them wondering what happened and why the friendship ended.
  • It is a form of silent treatment that can be damaging and hurtful to the person being ghosted.
  • Unlike fading away slowly, ghosting is an immediate and complete withdrawal from the friendship without any explanation or closure.

How Ghosting Applies To Interpersonal Relationships

Ghosting is not limited to romantic relationships; it can also have a significant impact on interpersonal relationships, including friendships. It is important to understand how ghosting applies to friendships and the reasons behind its occurrence.

  • Friendships are built on trust, support, and communication. Ghosting lacks respect for these fundamental aspects of a friendship.
  • Ghosting can occur for various reasons, such as conflicts, disagreements, or simply growing apart.
  • It is essential to have open and honest communication to avoid misunderstandings that might lead to ghosting.
  • Technology and social media platforms make it easier for people to ghost others due to the ease of avoiding confrontation and difficult conversations.

Impact Of Ghosting On Friendships

Ghosting can have a profound impact on friendships, leaving emotional scars and affecting trust and self-esteem. Understanding the consequences of ghosting is crucial in order to prevent and address this issue in friendships.

  • The person who is ghosted may experience feelings of betrayal, rejection, and self-doubt.
  • It can create a sense of loss and emptiness, especially if the friendship was once close and meaningful.
  • Ghosting can damage the ability to form future friendships and make individuals hesitant to trust others.
  • It perpetuates a cycle of poor communication and unhealthy relationship dynamics.

To maintain healthy and meaningful friendships, it is important to address issues openly and directly instead of resorting to ghosting. Open communication, empathy, and understanding are key to resolving conflicts and maintaining strong friendships.

Significance Of Ghosting In Friendships

Ghosting, a term that originally gained popularity in the dating world, has now made its way into the realm of friendships. Ghosting in friendships refers to suddenly cutting off all communication and contact with a friend, without any explanation or closure.

This behavior can have significant emotional effects on both the person being ghosted and the person doing the ghosting. Let’s delve deeper into the reasons behind ghosting in friendships and explore the emotional impacts it can have.

Examining The Reasons Behind Ghosting In Friendships

  • Lack of interest: A person may ghost a friend if they no longer feel interested in maintaining the friendship. They might not want to invest time and effort into a relationship that no longer holds value for them.
  • Conflict avoidance: Ghosting can also occur when there is a disagreement or conflict between friends. Instead of facing the problem head-on and addressing the issue, one person may choose to disappear from the friendship to avoid confrontation.
  • Personal issues: Sometimes, friends may ghost others due to personal challenges they are facing in their own lives. They might be dealing with stress, mental health issues, or other life circumstances that make maintaining friendships difficult for them.
  • Lack of communication skills: In some cases, individuals may resort to ghosting simply because they lack effective communication skills. They may find it easier to fade away from a friendship rather than engaging in potentially uncomfortable or difficult conversations.

Exploring The Emotional Effects On The Person Being Ghosted

  • Hurt and confusion: Being ghosted by a friend can cause intense feelings of hurt and confusion. Suddenly losing contact with someone we considered a friend can leave us questioning our worth and value in the relationship.
  • Self-doubt: The act of being ghosted can lead to self-doubt, with the person being ghosted questioning what they did wrong or why their friend no longer wants to be a part of their life.
  • Trust issues: Ghosting can erode trust, not only in the friendship that ended abruptly but also in future relationships. It can make it difficult for the person being ghosted to trust others and form new friendships.

Exploring The Emotional Effects On The Person Doing The Ghosting

  • Guilt and shame: Ghosting someone, even in a friendship, can evoke feelings of guilt and shame. The person doing the ghosting may wrestle with these emotions, understanding that their actions have hurt someone they once cared about.
  • Conflict avoidance pattern: Engaging in ghosting behaviors may reinforce a pattern of avoiding conflicts and difficult conversations. It can become a coping mechanism for dealing with disagreements or uncomfortable situations.
  • Impact on self-perception: Ghosting a friend can impact the person’s self-perception, potentially leading to a negative self-image. They may question their ability to maintain healthy relationships or feel guilty for their actions.

By understanding the reasons behind ghosting in friendships and exploring the emotional effects it can have on both parties involved, we can begin to shed light on this phenomenon. Whether you have been ghosted or are contemplating ghosting a friend, it is crucial to assess the impact it can have on everyone involved and consider alternative ways to address issues within friendships.

Recognizing The Signs Of Ghosting In Friendships

Friendships play an important role in our lives and when a friend suddenly starts to disappear, it can be confusing and hurtful. Ghosting, which is typically associated with dating, can unfortunately also occur within friendships. Here are some key signs to help you recognize if you’re being ghosted by a friend:

Identifying Subtle Changes In Communication Patterns

  • Decreased frequency of messages or calls: If your friend used to be regular in staying in touch but suddenly starts to communicate less frequently, it could be a sign of ghosting.
  • Ignoring or taking longer to respond: When your friend consistently ignores your messages or takes much longer to reply, it may indicate their lack of interest in maintaining the friendship.
  • Superficial or generic responses: Instead of engaging in meaningful conversations like before, your friend may give short, generic responses that show a decreased level of interest.

Analyzing Decreased Or Inconsistent Social Interactions

  • Canceling plans last minute: If your friend suddenly starts canceling plans frequently or makes excuses to avoid hanging out, it could be a sign that they’re trying to distance themselves from the friendship.
  • Unavailability and lack of effort: You may notice that your friend becomes mysteriously unavailable when you try to reach out or makes minimal effort to initiate social interactions.
  • Exclusion from group activities: If your friend starts excluding you from group activities that you were previously included in, it may indicate their intention to move away from the friendship.

Understanding The Role Of Avoidance And Avoidance Behaviors

  • Avoiding discussions or conflicts: When you attempt to address any issues or concerns in the friendship, your friend may avoid discussing them altogether, preferring to sweep them under the rug.
  • Reluctance to make future plans: Your friend may show a lack of interest or enthusiasm when it comes to making future plans, indicating their desire to avoid further commitment in the friendship.
  • Choosing to be around new friends only: If your friend consistently surrounds themselves with new friends while intentionally excluding you, it may signify their attempt to replace you in their social circle.

Remember, ghosting in friendships can be painful, but it’s important to recognize the signs and respect yourself enough to move on if the friendship is no longer bringing you happiness or fulfillment.

The Impact Of Social Media On Ghosting In Friendships

Exploring the influence of social media in fostering ghosting behavior.

Social media has undeniably changed the way we communicate and interact with others. It has provided us with new platforms and tools to connect with friends, family, and even acquaintances. However, with these advancements come certain challenges, and one such challenge is the phenomenon of ghosting in friendships.

Let’s explore the influence of social media in fostering this behavior.

  • Social media has made it easier to disconnect: With just a few clicks, we can unfollow, unfriend, or block someone from our social media accounts. This ease of disconnection has made it tempting for individuals to resort to ghosting rather than having uncomfortable conversations or addressing conflicts directly.
  • The pressure to maintain a curated online persona: Social media platforms often encourage users to present an idealized version of themselves. This pressure to maintain a perfect image can lead individuals to cut ties with others who don’t fit into their desired online narrative, contributing to an increase in ghosting behavior.
  • Fomo and the fear of missing out: Social media bombards us with constant updates about the lives of our friends and acquaintances. This can create a fear of missing out (fomo) and a desire to constantly keep up with others. As a result, individuals may prioritize their online connections over offline friendships, leading to ghosting when they feel a lack of connection with someone in person.

Addressing The Phenomenon Of “Online Ghosting”

With the rise of social media, a new form of ghosting has emerged: “online ghosting. ” This refers to the act of abruptly ceasing all online communication with someone without any explanation or warning. Let’s delve deeper into this phenomenon.

  • The anonymous nature of online interactions: Online platforms provide a certain level of anonymity, which can make it easier for individuals to ghost others without facing immediate consequences or accountability. This anonymity can contribute to an increase in online ghosting as people feel less obligated to confront their feelings or communicate their intentions.
  • The lack of non-verbal cues and context: Online communication lacks the non-verbal cues and context that we have in face-to-face interactions. This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or misinterpretations, making it easier for individuals to opt for ghosting instead of having difficult or uncomfortable conversations.
  • Online relationships might not feel as significant: It’s common for people to have a wide network of online friends or acquaintances, many of whom they may not have met in person. Due to the virtual nature of these relationships, some individuals may not place the same importance on maintaining these connections as they would with offline friendships, leading to online ghosting.

Discussing The Challenges Of Maintaining Authentic Connections Through Social Media

While social media has undoubtedly revolutionized the way we connect with others, it also poses challenges when it comes to maintaining genuine friendships. Let’s explore some of these challenges:

  • The superficiality of online interactions: Social media platforms often encourage quick, superficial connections based on likes, comments, and emojis. This can lead to a lack of depth and authenticity in friendships, making it easier for individuals to ghost others without feeling a sense of guilt or remorse.
  • The impact of the digital world on offline relationships: Spending excessive time on social media can take away from our ability to fully engage in meaningful offline interactions. This can result in shallow connections and an increased inclination towards ghosting as individuals prioritize their digital lives over their real-life friendships.
  • Comparison and envy in the social media era: Social media is notorious for fostering feelings of comparison and envy. Seeing the seemingly perfect lives of others can lead to dissatisfaction and a lack of fulfillment in one’s own friendships. These negative emotions might further contribute to the act of ghosting as individuals seek to distance themselves from perceived inadequacies.
  • The potential for miscommunication and misinterpretation: Online communication can be easily misconstrued due to the absence of vocal tone and body language. This can create misunderstandings, conflicts, and ultimately contribute to the breakdown of friendships, leading to ghosting as a way to avoid addressing the underlying issues.

Social media has undoubtedly influenced the frequency and ease of ghosting in friendships. The anonymous nature of online interactions, the pressure to maintain a curated online persona, and the challenges of maintaining authentic connections through social media all contribute to ghosting behavior in friendships.

It is important for individuals to recognize these challenges and strive to foster open and honest communication in order to maintain healthy and meaningful relationships both online and offline.

Frequently Asked Questions Of What Does Ghosting Mean In Friendship

What is ghosting in friendship.

Ghosting in friendship refers to the sudden and unexplained disappearing act done by a friend, where all communication and contact cease, leaving the other person feeling abandoned.

Why Do Friends Ghost Each Other?

Friends may ghost each other due to various reasons such as lack of communication skills, avoidance of confrontation, or personal issues that they prefer not to discuss.

How Does Ghosting Affect Friendships?

Ghosting can deeply impact friendships by causing hurt feelings, confusion, and a sense of betrayal. It can erode trust and make it difficult to rebuild the relationship.

How To Cope With Being Ghosted By A Friend?

Coping with being ghosted involves giving yourself time to heal, seeking support from other friends, and attempting to communicate with the friend to gain closure, if possible.

Ghosting in friendship can be a painful and confusing experience, leaving one feeling rejected and abandoned. It is a phenomenon that has become more prevalent in the age of technology, where it is easier to cut off communication with a simple click.

The effects of ghosting can be long-lasting, causing emotional distress and impacting self-esteem. It is important to remember that ghosting is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. It is an unfortunate behavior that some individuals choose as a coping mechanism or a way to avoid conflict.

In order to move forward, it is essential to surround yourself with supportive friends who respect and value your time and feelings. It is also important to communicate openly and honestly in your friendships, addressing any issues that arise before they escalate.

Remember, you deserve meaningful connections and friendships built on trust and respect.

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Jeffrey Epstein: documents linking associates to sex offender unsealed

Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson, David Copperfield and Prince Andrew among names contained in court documents

  • Explainer: who was Epstein and what are court documents about?
  • Read unsealed documents in full

Numerous court documents identifying associates of notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein were made public on Wednesday.

Some of the high-profile names in the court documents include Prince Andrew, the former US president Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson, and David Copperfield.

These associates’ just-unsealed names were contained in court documents filed as part of Epstein accuser Virginia Giuffre’s lawsuit against Ghislaine Maxwell ; the documents include excerpts of depositions and motions in this case. The British socialite was convicted in December 2021 of sex trafficking and similar charges for procuring teen girls for disgraced financier Epstein.

Prior to the unsealing, the names were listed in court papers as variants of J Doe. Many of the names are people who had been publicly identified as Epstein associates prior to this unsealing.

The inclusion of a name in this list does not mean that said associate has been accused of wrongdoing in relation to Epstein. Among the names are people mentioned in passing at legal proceedings

In a deposition, Maxwell appears to say that Andrew visited Epstein’s Island in the US Virgin Islands. Epstein has been accused of abusing numerous girls on this island.

“Were you present on the island when Prince Andrew visited?” Maxwell was asked.

She responded in the affirmative and, when asked how many times, she said: “I can only remember once.” When asked if there were any girls on the island at that time, Maxwell insisted: “There were no girls on the island at all. No girls, no women, other than the staff who work at the house.”

One document included a deposition given by Johanna Sjoberg, whom Maxwell allegedly procured for the purpose of performing sex acts on Epstein.

Sjoberg said in her deposition that Epstein “said one time that Clinton likes them young, referring to girls”.

In 2019, Clinton’s spokesperson Angel Ureña denied claims made about Clinton’s involvement with Epstein and wrote in a statement on Twitter that “President Clinton knows nothing about the terrible crimes Jeffrey Epstein pleaded guilty to in Florida some years ago, or those with which he has been recently charged in New York.”

Clinton notably had an 18-month long affair with Monica Lewinsky, his then 22-year-old intern, during his first term as president. He was 49 years old.

Sjoberg also said that the late musician Michael Jackson was at Epstein’s Palm Beach mansion, and that she met the famed magician David Copperfield.

“Did you ever meet anybody famous when you were with Jeffrey? she was asked. “I met Michael Jackson … at [Epstein’s] house in Palm Beach.”

Asked whether she massaged Jackson, Sjoberg said: “I did not.”

As for Copperfield, Sjoberg said that he attended dinner at one of Epstein’s homes and “he did some magic tricks”.

“Did you observe David Copperfield to be a friend of Jeffrey Epstein’s?” she was asked. Sjoberg replied in the affirmative.

“Did Copperfield ever discuss Jeffrey’s involvement with young girls with you?” she was also asked. “He questioned me if I was aware that girls were getting paid to find other girls.”

Copperfield, she said in the deposition, didn’t tell her any specifics of that question. “Did he say whether they were teenagers or anything along those lines?” she was also asked. “He did not.”

Donald Trump, whose association with Epstein has been widely reported, was also mentioned in the documents; the former US president is not accused of wrongdoing. In Sjoberg’s deposition, she said that they went to one of Trump’s casinos in Atlantic City when a storm prevented Epstein’s plane from landing in New York City.

“Jeffrey said, Great, we’ll call up Trump and we’ll go to – I don’t recall the name of the casino, but – we’ll go to the casino.” Asked at one point whether she ever gave Trump a massage, Sjoberg said “no”.

The deposition also includes Sjoberg’s account of allegedly meeting Prince Andrew at Epstein’s New York home. “Ghislaine asked me to come to a closet. She just said, Come with me. We went to a closet and grabbed the puppet, the puppet of Prince Andrew,” she said in the deposition.

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“And I knew it was Prince Andrew because I had recognized him as a person. I didn’t know who he was. And so when I saw the tag that said Prince Andrew, then it clicked. I’m like, that’s who it is.”

Sjoberg and Maxwell then returned to the living room with the puppet. “I just remember someone suggesting a photo, and they told us to go get on the couch. And so Andrew and Virginia sat on the couch, and they put the puppet, the puppet on her lap,” Sjoberg recalled. “And so then I sat on Andrew’s lap, and I believe on my own volition, and they took the puppet’s hands and put it on Virginia’s breast, and so Andrew put his on mine.”

Sjoberg said she went to bed shortly thereafter. “Did you hear Ghislaine Maxwell tell Virginia to do anything while you were in that room?” she was asked. Sjoberg replied: “No.”

Giuffre, who claimed that Epstein and Maxwell forced her into a sexual encounter with Britain’s Prince Andrew at age 17, had sued the publishing heiress for defamation after claiming the accuser lied. Giuffre settled her lawsuit against Maxwell in 2017.

In 2021, Giuffre sued Prince Andrew over the alleged sexual abuse. The suit settled in early 2022. Andrew has always strenuously denied any wrongdoing. As part of the settlement, he agreed to donate to Giuffre’s victims’ rights charity.

The documents’ release is among several tranches of filings in Giuffre’s civil case that were unsealed following the Miami Herald’s years-long effort to make them public. Giuffre did not make allegations of wrongdoing against Clinton.

In one set of documents released in July 2020, Giuffre claimed that Maxwell participated in Epstein’s sexual abuse of teen girls. These documents were released several weeks after Maxwell’s arrest for her involvement in Epstein’s sex trafficking.

Giuffre claimed that Maxwell lured her into Epstein’s perverse orbit under the false pretense of work as a professional masseuse. Instead, Giuffre said, Maxwell “trained me as a sex slave”, according to a filing in that set of unsealed court papers.

The documents released in July 2020 also provided insight into Maxwell and Epstein’s relationship.

In a January 2015 email exchange, Epstein told Maxwell: “You have done nothing wrong and i woudl [sic] urge you to start acting like it … go outside, head high, not as an esacping [sic] convict. go to parties. deal with it.”

In another 2015 email, Epstein tells Maxwell she “can issue a reward” to any of Giuffre’s friends to “prove her allegations are false”, including what Epstein said was a “new version” of a claim that the renowned English theoretical physicist Steven Hawking had participated in an “underage orgy” in the Virgin Islands. Hawking, who died in 2018 , has not been accused of a crime related to Epstein.

A large collection of documents in Giuffre’s civil case were also unsealed in August 2019. Those papers included accusations, since denied, that global leaders were participants in Epstein’s trafficking ring.

Epstein was arrested on 6 July 2019 for sex trafficking. He was found dead in his jail cell on 10 August of that year; authorities determined that he hanged himself.

Maxwell was sentenced in June 2022 to 20 years imprisonment. She has maintained her innocence and is appealing her conviction.

Asked for comment on the documents’ unsealing, Maxwell’s attorneys, Arthur L Aidala and Diana Fabi Samson, said: “Ghislaine Maxwell took no position on the court’s recent decision to unseal documents in Giuffre v Maxwell as these disclosures have no bearing on her or her pending appeal.”

“Ghislaine’s focus is on the upcoming appellate argument asking for her entire case to dismissed,” they also said. “She is confident that she will obtain justice in the second circuit court of appeals. She has consistently and vehemently maintained her innocence.”

  • Jeffrey Epstein
  • Ghislaine Maxwell

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Second wave of court documents related to Jeffrey Epstein unsealed

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Jeffrey Epstein boasted of spurious celebrity connections, documents show

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Epstein court files damage Prince Andrew’s hopes of restoring reputation

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Release of Epstein documents crashes court website but details are less scandalous

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Jeffrey Epstein’s elite circle was huge. What do the documents show about his lifestyle and $580m fortune?

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  1. Experts: What to Do When a Close Friend Ghosts You

    Why do friends ghost us? Friendships break down when one person is consistently considering their needs over the other person's, said Dr. Marisa G. Franco, a psychologist and friendship expert. "There's a concept called identity affirmation. The idea is, I'm able to see my friend for who they are.

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  4. Were You Ghosted? Learn Why—and How to Respond When It Happens

    Although ghosting also occurs in friendships, it's usually associated with dating. More devastating, but less common, is when a spouse disappears after years of marriage. It's like a sudden...

  5. Ghosting

    The concept most often refers to romantic relationships but can also describe disappearances from friendships and the workplace. People respond to being ghosted in many ways, from feeling...

  6. Being Ghosted: Why It Happens and How to Cope

    Verywell / Laura Porter Table of Contents Why Do People Ghost? How to Cope What Does Ghosting Say About a Person? Is Ghosting Emotional Abuse? Ghosting occurs when someone you are dating or getting to know disappears without a trace. This could happen at the very beginning of a relationship or in the middle of one, whether in person or online.

  7. Ghosting: What It Means and How to Respond

    The term is generally used in reference to a romantic relationship, but it can technically refer to any scenario where contact unexpectedly ceases, including friendships and family relationships. Signs of Ghosting Ghosting is often obvious, but it can also be a gradual process.

  8. Friendship Ghosting Is Real, Here's How To Deal With It

    There are different ways that online ghostings signal that a friendship is entirely over. I spoke to Jane, who told me that she experienced a social media ghosting following an IRL one. She...

  9. How to Handle Being Ghosted by a Friend

    How to Handle Being Ghosted by a Friend FYI. This story is over 5 years old. friendship How to Handle Being Ghosted by a Friend According to experts. by Anna Goldfarb November 21, 2017,...

  10. What Do We Know About Ghosting?

    The second study also examined ghosting in friendships and found that it was somewhat more common — 31.7 percent had ghosted a friend, and 38.6 percent had been ghosted by a friend. How do...

  11. 7 Essential Psychological Truths About Ghosting

    To her, "ghosting" is a practical response to this problem. She has no other personal or professional overlap with the people she dates, and their friends don't know hers, so when she stops...

  12. Ghosting: What Is It and How to Move Past Being Ghosted?

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    Informal dating relationships, friendships, even work relationships may end with a form of ghosting. For the person who does the ghosting, simply walking away from a relationship, or even a potential relationship, is a quick and easy way out.

  14. Why Ghosting Hurts So Much

    Ghosting means one person cuts off contact with another after a period of friendship or dating, usually to avoid one's own emotional discomfort. Ghosting upsets the one ghosted because people...

  15. Aileen Weintraub: My BFF Ghosted Me When I Needed Her Most

    Understand that ghosting is emotional abuse. After experiencing her second miscarriage at 20 weeks, 36-year-old Elaine Parker (not her real name) turned to her longtime college bestie, who she says showed up in the immediacy of the trauma, bringing her food and checking up on her.

  16. Ghosted By A Friend? The 5 Secret Reasons Why & How To Deal

    Ghosting often occurs in dating (especially during online dating) but can happen in friendships or even among colleagues. Are they really ghosting you? If this is a friend who was previously reliable and a big part of your life, it may be worth finding out if they are really ghosting you.

  17. Psychologists Shed New Light On The Causes And Effects Of Being Ghosted

    First, social connections are important for one's well-being. These positive effects of relationships, even those with limited emotional intensity, are often underestimated. Friendship ghosters may not see this and, thus, rob themselves of these benefits. Second, while ghosting others may have short-term benefits, such as not having to explain ...

  18. Ghosting A Friend: The Only Reasons When It's Okay to Ghost Them

    There aren't many reasons why you would ghost a friend. It would have to be something pretty drastic to make you consider it and even then, surely it's better to sit down and work things out? Even if you decide to part ways and end the friendship, at least do it in an adult and respectful way.

  19. Coping With Friendship Ghosting

    Elizabeth Bennett. October 15, 2021. W e have friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime,' the phrase goes but sometimes these friendships don't end in the best possible way. You may have heard the word 'ghosting' used to talk about romantic partners disappearing off the face of the earth without even a text but friends choosing to ...

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    It's hard, but just accepting that this person is actively choosing to disappear from you life, and letting them is better for you in the long run, trust me. 3. Don't Chase. Like with people ...

  21. Ghosted in a Friendship? 5 Steps To Moving On

    Pin Ghosting isn't just for romantic relationships. Friendship ghosting is real and can hurt just as much as a significant other leaving you without a word. This simple guide will help you deal with ghosting and move on from it healthily.

  22. Steps to Repairing Relationships After Ghosting Friends

    Forms of Ghosting Friends. 1. Slow Fade: Gradually reducing communication and becoming less available to hang out or respond to messages. 2. Busy Schedule: Being too busy with work, family, or other obligations to make time for their friend. 3. Technology Glitch: Accidentally ignoring or not responding to messages due to technical issues with their phone or computer.

  23. What Does Ghosting Mean in Friendship

    Key points: The person who is ghosted may experience feelings of betrayal, rejection, and self-doubt. It can create a sense of loss and emptiness, especially if the friendship was once close and meaningful. Ghosting can damage the ability to form future friendships and make individuals hesitant to trust others.

  24. Jeffrey Epstein: documents linking associates to sex offender unsealed

    In another 2015 email, Epstein tells Maxwell she "can issue a reward" to any of Giuffre's friends to "prove her allegations are false", including what Epstein said was a "new version ...