what does it mean to be true to yourself essay

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The importance of being true to yourself.

Being true to yourself is a life-long practice that requires commitment and re-commitment, moment to moment, as you grow and evolve. The answer to what is true for you always exists at the core of who you are, if you give yourself the space and time to listen.

When you are being true to yourself, you are completely honest with what you feel, deeply value, and desire. It also means communicating your feelings wholeheartedly both with yourself and others, allowing your truth to flow through you and into the world.

To know your truth fully and express it authentically, you first need to cultivate a deep and trusting relationship with yourself. Ultimately, this begins with awareness of your thoughts, as well as awareness of your whole-body experience and how you interact with the world each day.

You can expand your awareness and strengthen the connection with yourself through introspective practices such as meditation, yoga, and journal writing. These practices help you become more present and establish reference points to identify when you are (or are not) living in alignment with the deeper aspect of yourself. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to self-correct when you are out of alignment.

Understanding when you are in alignment or out of alignment may often be based on an intuitive feeling rather than a thought. Feelings of openness, expansion, inner joy and freedom are good signs that you are on the right path. Conversely, if you are not being true to yourself, it may show up through feelings of contraction and tension, unease, disconnection, resignation, emptiness, discontentment, or a lack of fulfillment.

By learning to pay attention to your deeper senses and feelings, and by cultivating greater awareness in your life, you can establish a strong connection to yourself and feel confident in knowing what is deeply true for you.

But what is true, also yearns to be expressed. So it is up to each of us to be courageous in bringing forth our own truth, expressing it fully and authentically in the world.

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Essay on Being True To Yourself

Students are often asked to write an essay on Being True To Yourself in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Being True To Yourself

Introduction.

Being true to yourself means being honest with your feelings, thoughts, and actions. It means not pretending to be someone else just to fit in or make others happy. It’s about knowing who you are and being proud of it.

Importance of Being True

Challenges in being true.

Sometimes, being true to yourself can be hard. You may feel pressure from others to act a certain way or to hide your true feelings. But remember, it’s your life and you should live it in a way that makes you happy.

In conclusion, being true to yourself is key to living a happy and successful life. It may be hard at times, but the rewards are worth it. So always be honest with yourself and live a life that you are proud of.

250 Words Essay on Being True To Yourself

Understanding yourself.

Firstly, you need to know yourself. This means understanding your likes, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses. It’s about knowing what makes you happy, what makes you sad, and what makes you feel alive. This is a journey that takes time and patience.

Staying True To Your Values

Once you understand yourself, you can stay true to your values. These are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work. They should determine your priorities and, deep down, they’re probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to.

Being Honest

Honesty is another important part of being true to yourself. This means being open and truthful in all your dealings and communications with others. It’s not always easy, but it’s the only way to build trust and respect.

In conclusion, being true to yourself is about understanding who you are, sticking to your values, and being honest. It’s a journey that requires time, patience, and courage. But in the end, it leads to a life of authenticity, fulfillment, and happiness.

500 Words Essay on Being True To Yourself

Understanding the concept.

Being true to yourself means to act in harmony with who you are. It’s about being honest, genuine, and real. It is not about pretending to be someone else or trying to fit into a mold made by others. Instead, it is about accepting who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses, and expressing your true self in every situation.

The Importance of Being True to Yourself

Secondly, being true to yourself leads to happiness. When you are genuine, you do not have to stress about pretending or living up to others’ expectations. This can lead to a more relaxed and happier life.

Thirdly, it encourages respect from others. When you respect yourself and your values, others will likely respect you too. It’s hard to respect someone who is always changing their views or actions based on what others might think.

Challenges in Being True to Yourself

Being true to oneself is not always easy. Society often pressures us to conform to certain standards or norms. This pressure can make it difficult to stay true to ourselves. For example, we might feel the need to act in a certain way or hide our true feelings to fit in.

Ways to Be True to Yourself

Despite these challenges, there are ways to stay true to ourselves. One way is to know and understand ourselves. This means recognizing our strengths, weaknesses, values, and passions. It also means accepting ourselves as we are, without trying to be someone we’re not.

In conclusion, being true to yourself is about being honest, genuine, and real. It’s about accepting and expressing your true self in every situation. While it can be challenging, it is also rewarding and important for our self-confidence, happiness, and respect from others. By knowing and understanding ourselves, standing up for what we believe in, and practicing self-love and self-care, we can stay true to ourselves.

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Be Yourself Essay | An Essay On Embracing Your True Self and Love Yourself

December 30, 2021 by Prasanna

Be Yourself Essay: We were born with a secret; all of us have always been mired deep down in the ocean of our own internal storms, our thoughts carved into the whiteness of our souls. Each one of us takes their own path on their journey of self-discovery, but what lets us through is this emotional journey that sets the stage for who we have become right now, and it might never happen again. This essay outlines the reasons why you should be yourself and love yourself.

You can also find more  Essay Writing  articles on events, persons, sports, technology and many more.

How To Embrace Your True Self?

The future is bright for those who embrace their true self and are unafraid of a free market in which they can pursue their dreams with ease. Be curious about what’s happening in the world, practice mindfulness to be aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions. The reason we may not embrace our true selves is that life is dictated by societal norms. We were not living up to how the world wanted us to be. We weren’t fulfilled; it’s an empty feeling that isn’t filled with happiness. There is fear in not understanding who we are, or what our true potential is, so how do we embrace ourselves free from prejudice and expectations? There is one important step that everyone can take to be their best and most true selves every day.

Today, society thinks that it is important to be like everyone else and alter their true selves in order to fit into a certain “mold”. You should not be afraid of being “different” and embracing your true self. In the future, we will hopefully learn how to accept each other’s differences and embrace people from various cultures and backgrounds. Lastly, understand what is truly unique about you and start reflecting on questions like these:

• What would I be to others if I didn’t care about everything they say?
• What would I see and experience if I accepted the way I am?
• Am I here because of what I have achieved, or what I choose to achieve?
• Do I have the right to look back and call myself a good man or woman?
• What motivates me the most?

Being Yourself Is The Key To True Happiness

One of the most important things you can do in your life is to love yourself. Self-love is different from self-centered. In order to stay the person that you want to be throughout your entire journey, you have to be truly happy with who you are. When we are compassionate and loving towards ourselves, we are able to free ourselves from holding on to judgements about who we think we should be. We need to let go of that idea of having a particular image or desired outcome when it is actually up to us as individuals to define ourselves and run with it. We are learning to be who we want to be, in the way that we want.

In order for this movement of self-love to work in your favor, you need to genuinely love every part of you, right now. It does not make sense to hang on to what is no longer useful to you. Remember, you may have issues with forgetting who you are and what your priorities are at this moment in time, but we can take steps to fix this. Let’s start by loving from our heart, rather than making judgements about who we are or what our beliefs and behaviors are. This is the true apology for all the ‘dog eat dog’ behavior that many of us think is ‘okay’.

Finding Your True Identity And Purpose

Experiencing and educating oneself on the importance of finding one’s true self is no easy feat. However, in a world where our natural talents are stolen from us by technology and ever-changing lifestyles, it can feel like an uphill battle. Be yourself and love yourself for all of your endless potential. The future is bright for embracing your true self and discovering the people that surround you.

• Acknowledge your talent and unique worth –  When self-acceptance is received through the lens of confidence, other people are naturally drawn to the individual. We all have a unique set of skills and gifts that make us who we are, and it is so important to accept our beliefs and values every day. It can be tough to break out of society’s mold and remember your worth. It can be easy to abandon our standards of being a good person. Don’t let society beat us down, assess our abilities and motives with criticality, listen to your inner voice and lastly, respect yourself.
• Believe in yourself – This is a powerful quote that means you should have faith in your abilities and skills. It also means that you should have confidence in your decisions and the actions you take. We need to believe that all humans have limitless potential. All of us are beautiful, smart, strong and all-encompassing in our own unique way.
• Invest in yourself – This can be done through joining clubs, attending seminars, reading books, or just doing general self-reflection. It is important for people to invest in their needs because needs are often overlooked and not addressed.
• Reject any role models on social media who make you feel bad about yourself, because everyone is unique in their own way. It is okay to celebrate the people we idolize, but we also need to celebrate who we are at the same time.
• Find an activity you love and stick to it, but don’t do it to make yourself feel better, do it because it makes you happy and helps you figure out your limits and what makes you strong. It takes time to grow into yourself.

How To Act With Integrity And Improve Intellectually

The future may sound scary, especially for teenagers. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Everyone has a natural tendency to lose sight of themselves, their interests and what they have to offer; not because we’re not special, but because we’ve lost our purpose in life. We forget how much other people care about us and how much good we can really do as one single person while being humble and honest with ourselves.

Mental Health And Cognition

Mental health is often overlooked, but it may be one of the most important aspects of having a happy life. Embracing your true self can have profound effects on mental health that people often don’t expect. Instead of trying to please everyone else, focus on self-care, whether it’s changing what you eat or doing an exercise. Pursuing these habits may seem tough at first, but they will give you the feeling of satisfaction like nothing else ever will. When you have a healthy mindset, you can make even the most difficult things seem easy to accomplish.The main difference between self-improvement and mental health is not whether or not something can cause a problem; it’s whether or not that problem is worth the struggle. Fight for your interests, relationships and goals.

How To Stay Motivated During Difficult Times

Not only is it hard to stay motivated, but it can also be hard to keep up with what we need to do. This feeling of exhaustion and overwhelm can lead us to give up on our goals and put things off until later. The solution is realizing that this isn’t an uncommon experience. It’s totally normal for people to feel unmotivated at times, and there are ways we can work through these feelings so they don’t stop us from achieving our dreams. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark and ugly it seems.

How Do I Stop Belittling Myself?

This type of self-talk is called “self-criticism” and is a very common response to stress. One way to do that is by finding empowering thoughts in your life. For example, look at all the skills you have, or think about how much you have already accomplished in your life. Also, instead of focusing on changing your entire attitude about yourself, try to change one thing at a time. For instance, if you want to stop talking down to yourself, try listening to your thoughts and catch yourself saying something negative about yourself. If this happens, stop yourself and change the sentence in your head to something more positive.

Conclusion on Be Yourself Essay

We live in a world of uncertainty and change, but that doesn’t mean that we should be scared or give up hope. The future is what you make of it. And the more you take care and invest in yourself, the more satisfied and fulfilled you will be. And regardless of how our society evolves, it’s important to embrace and love your true self.

FAQ’s On Being Yourself

Question 1. What does it mean to be yourself?

Answer: It means to be happy, content, and excited about life. It means being present in the moment, not dwelling on the past or obsessing over the future. It means committing time to your passions and interests. It also means looking at what you have- not what you don’t have- and embracing your strengths and working on your weaknesses.

Question 2. Why is it important to be yourself?

Answer: One of the biggest things in life is to be yourself. We all have our own personality and quirks that make us unique individuals. Hence, it is important to be true to oneself.

Question 3. How can I be my own person?

Answer: You are born as a blank slate. As you grow up, you become the sum of all the experiences you have had. Your personality is shaped by everything that has happened to you, and it is up to you to decide what sort of person you want to be.

Question 4. Why is it so hard to be yourself?

Answer: Many people have a hard time being themselves because they are afraid of what other people think. They are afraid of being judged by their peers. When you are true to yourself, however, you feel liberated and alive. The amount of happiness that can be gained from doing this outweighs any judgment that may come your way.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Me Myself and I — Importance to Be True to Myself

Importance to Be True to Myself

• Categories: Being Yourself Me Myself and I The Real Me

About this sample

Words: 1207 |

Published: May 24, 2022

Words: 1207 | Pages: 3 | 7 min read

Table of contents

Adopting a strategy, true to yourself, personal experience, references:.

• Asplund, M., & Welle, C. (2018). Advancing science: How bias holds us back. Neuron, 99(4), 635–639.
• Daft, R. L. (2018). The Leadership Experience (7th ed.), Boston, MA: Cengage Learning.
• Stevens, F., Plaut, V., & Sanchez-Burks, J. (2008). Unlocking the benefits of diversity. The Journal of Applied Behavioral Science, 44(1), 116–133.

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• Tiny Buddha’s Breaking Barriers to Self-Care

“The most confused we ever get is when we try to convince our heads of something that we know in our hearts is a lie.” ~Karen Moning

It’s painful and stressful to feel like you’re living a lie. Like you’re hiding how you really feel, saying what you think other people want to hear, and doing things you don’t actually want to do—just because you think you’re supposed to.

But sometimes we don’t recognize we’re doing this. We just know we feel off, or something feels wrong, and we’re not sure how to change it.

It makes sense that a lot of us struggle with being true to ourselves.

From a young age, we’re taught to be good, fall in line, and avoid making any waves—to lower our voices, do as we’re told, and quit our crying (or they’ll give us something to cry about).

And most of us don’t get the opportunity to foster or follow our curiosity. Instead, we learn all the same things as our peers, at the exact same time ; and we live a life consumed by the mastery of these things, our bodies restless from long hours of seated study and our minds overwhelmed with memorized facts that leave very little room for free thinking.

To make things even worse, we learn to compare our accomplishments and progress—often, at things we don’t even really care about—to those of everyone around us. So we learn it’s more important to appear successful in relation to others than to feel excited or fulfilled within ourselves.

This was my experience both growing up and in my twenties. A people-pleaser who was always looking to prove that I mattered, I was like a chameleon, and I constantly felt paralyzed about which choices to make because all I knew was that they needed to be impressive.

I never knew what I really thought or felt because I was too busy suffocating my mind with fears and numbing my emotions to develop even a modicum of self-awareness.

This meant I had no idea what I needed. I only knew I didn’t feel seen or heard. I felt like no one really knew me. But how could they when I didn’t even know myself?

I know I’ve made a lot of progress with this over the years, and I have a mile-long list of unconventional choices to back that up, as well as a number of authentic, fulfilling relationships. But I’ve recently recognized some areas where I’ve shape-shifted in an attempt to please others, and in some cases, without even realizing it.

I don’t want to be the kind of person who panders to popular opinion or lets other people dictate my choices. I don’t want to waste even one minute trying to be good enough for others instead of doing what feels good to me.

I want to make my own rules, live on my own terms, and be bold, wild, and free.

This means peeling away the layers of fear and conditioning and being true to what I believe is right. But it’s hard to do this, because sometimes those layers are pretty heavy, or so transparent we don’t even realize they’re there.

With this in mind, I decided to create this reminder of what it looks and feels like to be true to myself so I can refer back to it if ever I think I’ve lost my way.

If you also value authenticity and freedom over conformity and approval, perhaps this will be useful to you too.

You know you’re being true to yourself if….

1. You’re honest with yourself about what you think, feel, want, and need.

You understand that you have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with anyone else. This means you make space in your life to connect with yourself, perhaps through meditation, journaling, or time in nature.

This also means you face the harsh realities you may be tempted to avoid. You’re self-aware when faced with hard choices—like whether or not to leave a relationship that doesn’t feel right—so you can get to the root of your fear.

You might not always do this right away, or easily, but you’re willing to ask yourself the tough questions most of us spend our lives avoiding: Why am I doing this? What am I getting from this? And what would serve me better?

2. You freely share your thoughts and feelings.

Even if you’re afraid of judgment or tempted to lie just to keep the peace, you push yourself to speak up when you have something that needs to be said.

And you refuse to stuff your feelings down just to make other people feel comfortable. You’re willing to risk feeling vulnerable and embarrassed because you know that your feelings are valid , and that sharing them is the key to healing what’s hurting or fixing what isn’t working.

3. You honor your needs and say no to requests that conflict with them.

You know what you need to feel physically, mentally, and emotionally balanced, and you prioritize those things, even if this means saying no to other people.

Sure, you might sometimes make sacrifices, but you understand it’s not selfish to honor your needs and make them a priority.

You also know your needs don’t have to look like anyone else’s. It’s irrelevant to you if someone else can function on four hours of sleep, work around the clock, or pack their schedule with social engagements. You do what’s right for you and take care good care of yourself because you recognize you’re the only one who can.

4. Some people like you, some people don’t, and you’re okay with that.

Though you may wish, at times, you could please everyone—because it feels a lot safer to receive validation than disapproval—you understand that being disliked by some is a natural byproduct of being genuine.

This doesn’t mean you justify being rude and disrespectful because hey, you’re just being yourself! It just means you know you’re not for everyone ; you’d rather be disliked for who you are than liked for who you’re not; and you understand the only way to find “your tribe” is to weed out the ones who belong in someone else’s.

5. You surround yourself with people who respect and support you just as you are.

You understand that the people around you affect you, so you surround yourself with people who respect and support you, which motivates you to continue being true to yourself.

You may have people in your life who don’t do these things, but if you do, you understand their issues with you are just that— their issues. And you set boundaries with them so that they don’t get in your head and convince you there’s something wrong with you or your choices.

6. You focus more on your own values than what society deems acceptable.

You’ve read the script for a socially acceptable life—climb the corporate ladder, have a lavish wedding , buy a big house, and make some babies—but you’ve seriously questioned whether this is right for you. Maybe it is , but if you go this route, it’s because this plan aligns with your own values, not because it’s what you’re supposed to do.

You know your values are your compass in life, and that they change over time. So you check in with yourself regularly to be sure you’re living a life that doesn’t just look good on paper but also feels good in your heart.

7. You listen to your intuition and trust that you know what’s best for yourself.

You not only hear the voice inside that says, “Nope, not right for you,” you trust it. Because you’ve spent a lot of time learning to distinguish between the voice of truth and fear, you recognize the difference between holding yourself back and waiting for what feels right.

You might not always make this distinction immediately, and you might sometimes be swayed by well-meaning people who want to protect you from the risks of thinking outside the box. But eventually, you tune out the noise and hone in on the only voice that truly knows what’s best for you.

8. You do what feels right for you, even if that means risking disapproval from the people around you.

Not only do you trust that you know what’s best for you, you do it. Even if it’s not a popular choice. Even if people question your judgment, vision, or sanity. You recognize that no one else is living your life, and no one else has to live with the consequences of your choices, so you make them for you and let the chips fall where they may when it comes to public perception.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you have everything you want in life. It just means you hear the beat of your own drum, even if it’s silent like a dog whistle to everyone else, and you march to it—maybe slowly or awkwardly, but with your freak flag raised nice and high.

9. You allow yourself to change your mind if you recognize you made a choice that wasn’t right for you.

You may feel embarrassed to admit you’re changing directions , but you do it anyway because you’d rather risk being judged than accept a reality that just plain feels wrong for you.

Whether it’s a move that you realize you made for the wrong reasons, a job that isn’t what you expected, or a commitment you know you can’t honor in good conscience, you find the courage to say, “This isn’t right, so I’m going to make another change.”

10. You allow yourself to evolve and let go of what you’ve outgrown.

This is probably the hardest one of all because it’s not just about being true to yourself; it’s also about letting go. It’s about recognizing when something has run its course and being brave enough to end the chapter, even if you don’t know yet what’s coming next. Even if the void feels dark and scary.

But you, you recognize that the void can also feel light and thrilling. That empty space isn’t always a bad thing because it’s the breeding ground for new possibilities—for fulfillment, excitement, passion, and joy. And you’re more interested in seeing who else you can be and what else you can do than languishing forever in a comfortable life that now feels like someone else’s.

As with all things in life, we each exist on a spectrum. Every last one of us lives in the grey area, so odds are you do some of these things, some of the time, and probably never perfectly. And you may go through periods when you do few or none of these things, without even realizing you’ve slipped.

That’s how it’s been for me. I’ve gone through phases when I’ve felt completely in alignment and other times when I’ve gotten lost. I’ve had times when I’ve felt so overwhelmed by conflicting wants, needs, and beliefs—my own and other people’s—that I’ve shut down and lost touch with myself.

It happens to all of us. And that’s okay. The important thing is that we keep coming home to ourselves and we eventually ask ourselves the hard questions that decide the kind of lives we lead: What am I hiding? What am I lying about? And what truth would set me free?

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people overcome internal blocks to meeting their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here .

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How to Stay True to Yourself

"the last time i thought about myself first was in fourth or fifth grade.".

By Grant Hilary Brenner MD, DFAPA published September 5, 2023 - last reviewed on September 7, 2023

Who would have expected the woman who invented modern style to predict the nature of our lives more than 50 years after her death in Paris at the age of 88? Yet Chanel had it right: We are craving authenticity now more than we have in anyone’s memory .

American culture, idealizing honesty and truth, has always put a high value on authenticity. “Truth, justice, and the American way” was Superman’s original motto, after all. But you’d have to be living under a rock not to recognize that something has changed. Surveys reveal that consumers, tired of the manipulation of their needs and desires by marketers, celebrity endorsers, and paid influencers, are yearning for authenticity. In TED talks, conferences, and publications, the business world has declared itself in need of “authentic leadership ,” which is deemed to integrate the whole self, motivate others, and inspire success.

That just scratches the surface. Confusion and unpredictability reach deeper into our being as the external environment we inhabit becomes, for everyone, more multifaceted, fragmented, and fluid: Once stable and unitary structures (family, religion, national identity, gender ) diversify. Mis- and disinformation fracture understanding of current events, even those we see with our own eyes. Young people especially are pushing the boundaries of identity, self-concept being more malleable than ever with the explosion not merely of nonbinary categories but identities drawn on sheer fantasy (hello, Furries and cosplay).

Virtual and augmented realities merge simulated and synthetic experiences with everyday life or immerse us fully into simulations, while artificial intelligence (AI) both enhances and distorts reality, making us doubt our own senses and forcing us to redefine what it means to be a person, what self itself means.

An unreliable truth environment creates difficult psychological times. Facts that no generation anywhere in the world had to think twice about before are questioned (and fought over) today. Authenticity promises to be a raft of stability in an increasingly protean sea. It is not simply the sine qua non of healthy psychological functioning—influencing self-esteem , coping ability, meaningful goal pursuit, and much more—but also the foundation of shared reality, the bedrock of social life . If nothing else, it holds out to individuals the promise of a personally meaningful existence.

Just What Is Authenticity?

Our personalities are far from singular: The most avowed humanitarian may at times grapple with hateful thoughts toward fellow beings. We all have masculine and feminine sides, introverted and extroverted ways of relating, emotional and stoic ways of reacting. Who we are is made up of different, often contrasting and even contradictory aspects. Authenticity is a unifying force in the constantly changing stream of experience.

“As people function with greater authenticity, they become more aware of the fact that they possess these multifaceted self-aspects and strive to integrate them into a cohesive self-structure,” wrote psychologists Michael H. Kernis and Brian M. Goldman in Advances in Experimental Social Psychology , in defining authenticity and developing a way of measuring it. The idea of authenticity is a powerful shaping force for individual identity, a functional state, a way of moving through the world.

Authenticity is also a feeling, and, research shows, it feels awfully good. Yet feeling inauthentic (or even like an imposter) also seems part of development as we nurture new parts of ourselves across the lifespan. What, then, does authenticity mean? You can counterfeit a Picasso, but can you counterfeit yourself? Feeling like a fake can be a sign of growth, and clinging too tightly to what feels like one’s authentic self can hinder that growth.

In getting to the heart of authenticity, Kernis and Goldman reviewed, distilled, and tested decades of scholarly work in philosophy , sociology, and, ultimately, psychology. From Aristotle to Sartre, they extracted an array of mental and behavioral processes that account for how individuals “discover, develop, and construct a core sense of self and, furthermore, how this core self is maintained over time and situation.”

If their definition of authenticity sounds simple— “the unimpeded operation of one’s core or true self in one’s daily enterprise”—it actually encompasses four distinct facets of activity: awareness, distortion-free (or unbiased) mental processing, ways of behaving, and relational orientation. The facets extend beyond the value of authenticity for establishing existential trust and safety to the role it plays in the texture of everyday living.

Do you know what type of foods you like and dislike? Do you know what situations are apt to bring out your talkative side? How knowledgeable are you about your propensities and characteristics? Awareness of oneself is a critical component of healthy functioning. And it is where authenticity starts. Self-knowledge underlies both behaving authentically and relating authentically to others.

The awareness component of authenticity reflects your knowledge of, and trust in, your motives, feelings, desires, and self-relevant cognitions. It includes awareness of your strengths and weaknesses, personality , powerful emotions, and their roles in behavior. It embraces acceptance of the complex and even potentially contradictory self-aspects (introverted and extraverted you). Use the following statements as prompts for assessing your strengths and weaknesses:

“I am often confused about my feelings.”

“I am able to distinguish those self-aspects that are important to my core or true self from those that are unimportant.”

“I am in touch with my motives and desires”.

“I actively attempt to understand myself as best as possible.”

Unbiased Processing

How objective are you in processing positive or negative information about yourself, your internal experiences, and private knowledge? How do you handle evaluative information about yourself from external sources? The ability to engage in unbiased processing reflects the absence of “interpretive distortions,” and a lack of ego defense mechanisms when taking in information about yourself. Are you fragile, naturally inclined to seek shelter in self-serving biases in the face of failure? Unbiased processing of information contributes to an accurate sense of self, and it undergirds behavioral choices that will further self-development.

You can claim authenticity in functioning if there is minimal to no denial , distortion, exaggeration, or ignoring of private knowledge, internal experiences, and externally based self-evaluative information. You display objectivity and acceptance with respect to your strengths and weaknesses.

Interestingly, the researchers found, people high in unbiased processing do not engage in harsh self-criticism but exhibit self-compassion when taking in even negative information about themselves. Biased vs. unbiased processing reveals itself in responses to such statements as:

“I am very uncomfortable objectively considering my limitations and shortcomings.”

“I tend to have difficulty accepting my personal faults, so I try to cast them in a more positive way.”

“I often deny the validity of any compliments that I receive.”

It takes accurate self-knowledge and clear-eyed processing of self-relevant information to lead to authenticity in behavior—acting in ways congruent with your values, preferences and needs, not acting to please others or attain rewards or avoid punishment . Acting in accordance with your true self does not guarantee always being in step with the dictates of your social environment, but it does presume awareness of the implications of the behavioral choices you make.

Neither is behavioral authenticity the reflection of a compulsion to be one’s true self. It is more the natural expression of the other internal components of authenticity. And because behavioral authenticity arises from internal self-knowledge, those who score high in behavioral authenticity are not given to extensive social comparison, studies show.

Behavioral authenticity (or lack of it) reveals itself as you ponder such statements as:

• “I am willing to change myself for others if the reward is desirable enough.”
• “I rarely, if ever, put on a ‘‘false face’’ for others to see.”
• “I am willing to endure negative consequences by expressing my true beliefs about things.”

Relational Orientation

How much do you want close others to know the real you—and how easy do you make it for them to do so? The relational-orientation component of authenticity involves valuing and striving for openness and truthfulness in close relationships.

It’s important for others to see the deep, dark, or potentially shadowy self-aspects that are not routinely discussed. In addition, relational authenticity opens the door not only to feelings of being “known” by intimates but also to accurate perception of others. And it fosters secure attachment .

Relational authenticity is assessed by response to such statements as:

• “I tend to idealize close others rather than objectively seeing them as they truly are.”
• “If asked, people I am close to can accurately describe what kind of person I am.”
• “People close to me would be shocked or surprised if they discovered what I keep inside.”

Passport to Growth

Authenticity doesn’t just feel good. It is the keystone of personal growth. In studies by a number of researchers, high authenticity correlates with well-being, accuracy of perception, and improved functioning in all domains.

The reduced defensiveness that marks authenticity reflects a reduction in the perception of threat to self-image or self-feelings, diminishing stress load. Studies comparing those who are high in authenticity and those who are low show that the high-scorers have less of a need to blame others or engage in verbal defensiveness in the face of “self-threatening information.”

In addition, authenticity tracks with greater adaptive coping, including active coping and planning. There’s minimal maladaptive coping, with less venting, behavioral disengagement, mental disengagement, substance use, and denial.

Because those high in authenticity are able to integrate different, even contradictory, aspects of themselves, they have an enhanced self-concept and the ability to function in various social roles. Authenticity also tracks with important aspects of mindfulness , including being able to sustain nonjudgmental attention . People showing greater authenticity also tend to view change in constructive ways and are more likely to endorse incremental change rather than unrealistic leaps prone to failure.

Ultimately, the disposition to authenticity correlates with alignment of all aspects of living with one’s true self—known in the psych biz as “self-concordance” and the very definition of eudaemonic well-being. It’s the outgrowth of meaningful pursuit of valued goals based in deeply held core beliefs. Authentic people are likely to satisfy their most fundamental psychological needs.

Developing Authenticity

With its source of faith in oneself, authenticity can be a powerful antidote to and guiding light through the cultural chaos of the moment. If authenticity is so wonderful, you might reasonably ask: Why isn’t everyone authentic? Because, say Kernis and Goldman, some self-knowledge can be painful. It hurts to know you are not as talented or socially gifted as you’d hoped.

And while the lack of psychological defensiveness that comes with authenticity is generally a good thing, such unbiased processing leaves people vulnerable to encountering unpleasant information about themselves. Twisting self-relevant information into a positive take is, for some, a far more necessary course.

There is no system in place, no blockchain, for ensuring authenticity. Nonetheless, a strong case can be made that psychotherapy in general serves to increase authenticity, although that is rarely the stated goal.

Psychotherapy, after all, is the one place you can—and perhaps “should”—be honest. Therapy often serves as a place for people to find themselves, discover who they are, get in touch with their “true self,” and eschew a“false self.” Therapy is a place where defenses, distortions, and dis-integrations are identified and remedied.

In different ways, various therapeutic approaches develop at least one of the core factors that make up authenticity. Mindfulness and compassion-based approaches, as well as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Motivational Interviewing, for example, increase capacity for nonjudgmental self-recognition and kindness while building intrinsic motivation and goal pursuit.

Merging insight with behavior change, psychodynamic therapies increase self-awareness. They catalyze development through understanding of how defenses distort perception of oneself and relationships.

Important as authenticity is, even in this moment of history, it is, to a degree, an impossible goal—because we always have the need to change and adapt, and taking on the new always feels less authentic than clinging to the old. This is what psychologist Herminia Ibarra, the Charles Handy professor of organizational behavior at London Business School, calls “the authenticity paradox.”

It always feels uncomfortable to grow even as we embrace change, and people commonly have the experience of feeling inauthentic until they grow into a role. And we are all, one hopes, continually evolving as understanding and circumstances change.

Moving beyond one’s comfort zone invariably triggers a countervailing impulse to protect one’s identity, says Ibarra. Feeling like a fake can be a sign of growth, and clinging too tightly to what feels like one’s authentic self can hinder that growth.

Better a slightly loose-fitting approach—“adaptively authentic” is the way Ibarra puts it—than maintaining an unwavering view of self.

Grant Hilary Brenner is a psychiatrist, organizational consultant, photographer, author, speaker, entrepreneur, and disaster responder living in New York City.

Owning Yourself in a Socially Mediated Age

The very act of documenting one’s life digitally constrains development of an authentic identity.

By Hara Estroff Marano

"It happened so young,” my granddaughter Helena, 19 and a college sophomore, shared with me. “The last memories I have of thinking about myself first, rather than how I came off to other people, were in the fourth or fifth grade. I have no way of knowing how much I lost. In what ways did I not develop the cool parts of my persona? Having grown up with social media , my generation will never have the security of knowing whether they developed as they otherwise would have.”

Psychologist Sherry Turkle, chronicler of the human-technology relationship, warned us. We expect digital technology to deliver us, and it can’t. The huge irony of social media, Turkle mentioned in her 2012 book, Alone Together , is that it often alienates us from others. We’re only now getting the full measure of how it can also put us at odds with ourselves.

In a culture where certainty about what is real and what is not has been shattered on many fronts, social media is making its own contribution to distortion. For Helena and the generation whose social awakening coincided with the rise of social media, self-discovery and carving an individual identity—major tasks of adolescence and early adulthood—have become extraordinarily challenging.

Learning by social comparison is a time-tested instrument of human growth, and it’s normally pervasive in adolescence. But given the sea of social performance that social media has become, it is now more a weapon of mass destruction.

Viewers’ brains assume that a person’s postings are reflections of their real life—even when they know at some level that they’re seeing a carefully cultivated presentation of self. A generation already psychologically fragile, thanks to contemporary styles of overparenting, is left reeling in self-doubt. Further, it has been robbed of what every cohort before it was allowed to do—just be themselves. They are struggling to figure out what the heck that is.

Disrupted by Documentation

“Invent the ship and you invent the shipwreck,” declared cultural theorist Paul Virilio. Given the acceleration of reality it encodes and abets, each iteration of technology contains a unique form of disaster. It’s not just unavoidable social comparison that wounds those on social media. It’s the permanence of the postings. It keeps them stuck, unable to grow into their full selves, and defending what would otherwise be an outdated identity. In short, the very conditions of social media erode authenticity.

As if the processes of self-discovery and identity development aren’t complicated enough under ordinary circumstances, says New York psychologist Leora Trub, “the ubiquitous, public, and indelible nature of social media” impedes people from finding and prioritizing “private and low-stakes spaces for exploring identity.” Before social media, young people could experiment with identity to discover what fit, and what they said and did left little trace. They didn’t have to make a commitment to any particular personal experiment. There was no pressure to be accountable for every expression of identity—no pressure to stay “on brand.”

Growing up today, however, Trub observes, “everything is documented. What isn’t documented isn’t meaningful or real.” But the documentation is not only public and permanent, it’s ever-searchable and inviting of evaluation by others. Even while someone may be sleeping , a vast network of others can be judging the authenticity of their public display. The precise term is vanity metrics . “It isn’t just How many likes did I get? but How many other people are going to see how many likes I got?” says Trub, an associate professor of psychology at Pace University who studies media behavior.

“Unlike teenagers in the 80s and 90s depicted in cheesy TV shows and movies,” says Helena, “the vast majority of my generation couldn’t afford to have horrendous phases, atrocious looks, because every phase we had was permanently documented. We had this production of ourselves, visible to all, that we had to protect. Because most people want to be accepted, we lacked the experimental phase for testing personalities. We just moved forward more homogeneously without having our own unique experiences.”

When you’re developing a sense of self in that context, you’re not spending much time thinking about what’s important to you—you’re thinking about what other people value. It’s a setup for feelings of insecurity or failure or rejection—whatever a person’s psychic fault line. Being on social media never radically changed her mood, reports Helena. “It deflates you bit by bit. It’s not that I got jealous of anyone, but I began to loathe myself even for caring about it all.”

“It’s an illusion that you can create social media that will really be about authenticity,” Trub notes. Managing a public self is disorienting. But the metrics of recognition and apparent validation keep people trapped at it.

Cultivating a Substantive Self

It is possible to navigate identity development in 2023 and beyond, but it requires time away from social media. It takes at least some solitude. To know how to be yourself, you need time to be with yourself, says Trub, who has created a curriculum for kids and parents that goes way beyond internet safety to tackle the challenges to personal development.

Alone time allows you to think about what matters to you. It provides a zone that is free of judgment. It breeds self-awareness and personal growth.

Trub also insists that developing and maintaining real, embodied relationships that operate in real time is essential for identity development. They’re nurturing. They provide true social support and validation and allow room for experimentation free of the judgment juggernaut. The direct experience builds a sense of accomplishment for a self to stand on. And relationships enable understanding of one’s own emotional patterns and reactivity.

Helena now restricts her own exposure to social media. She uses only an Instagram account, sets a daily limit of 45 minutes, and asked a roommate to create the passcode, so she has no way of getting sucked in after catching up with friends. “I’m just not spending mindless moments looking at other people. I don’t have to fight a battle with myself that was created by others for me—before my generation and I were developmentally ready.”

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