personal reflective essay on death

May 3, 2023

Contemplating Mortality: Powerful Essays on Death and Inspiring Perspectives

The prospect of death may be unsettling, but it also holds a deep fascination for many of us. If you're curious to explore the many facets of mortality, from the scientific to the spiritual, our article is the perfect place to start. With expert guidance and a wealth of inspiration, we'll help you write an essay that engages and enlightens readers on one of life's most enduring mysteries!

Death is a universal human experience that we all must face at some point in our lives. While it can be difficult to contemplate mortality, reflecting on death and loss can offer inspiring perspectives on the nature of life and the importance of living in the present moment. In this collection of powerful essays about death, we explore profound writings that delve into the human experience of coping with death, grief, acceptance, and philosophical reflections on mortality.

Through these essays, readers can gain insight into different perspectives on death and how we can cope with it. From personal accounts of loss to philosophical reflections on the meaning of life, these essays offer a diverse range of perspectives that will inspire and challenge readers to contemplate their mortality.

The Inevitable: Coping with Mortality and Grief

Mortality is a reality that we all have to face, and it is something that we cannot avoid. While we may all wish to live forever, the truth is that we will all eventually pass away. In this article, we will explore different aspects of coping with mortality and grief, including understanding the grieving process, dealing with the fear of death, finding meaning in life, and seeking support.

Understanding the Grieving Process

Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. It is a process that we all go through when we lose someone or something important to us. The grieving process can be different for each person and can take different amounts of time. Some common stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and that it is a personal process.

Denial is often the first stage of grief. It is a natural response to shock and disbelief. During this stage, we may refuse to believe that our loved one has passed away or that we are facing our mortality.

Anger is a common stage of grief. It can manifest as feelings of frustration, resentment, and even rage. It is important to allow yourself to feel angry and to express your emotions healthily.

Bargaining is often the stage of grief where we try to make deals with a higher power or the universe in an attempt to avoid our grief or loss. We may make promises or ask for help in exchange for something else.

Depression is a natural response to loss. It is important to allow yourself to feel sad and to seek support from others.

Acceptance is often the final stage of grief. It is when we come to terms with our loss and begin to move forward with our lives.

Dealing with the Fear of Death

The fear of death is a natural response to the realization of our mortality. It is important to acknowledge and accept our fear of death but also to not let it control our lives. Here are some ways to deal with the fear of death:

Accepting Mortality

Accepting our mortality is an important step in dealing with the fear of death. We must understand that death is a natural part of life and that it is something that we cannot avoid.

Finding Meaning in Life

Finding meaning in life can help us cope with the fear of death. It is important to pursue activities and goals that are meaningful and fulfilling to us.

Seeking Support

Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can help us cope with the fear of death. Talking about our fears and feelings can help us process them and move forward.

Finding meaning in life is important in coping with mortality and grief. It can help us find purpose and fulfillment, even in difficult times. Here are some ways to find meaning in life:

Pursuing Passions

Pursuing our passions and interests can help us find meaning and purpose in life. It is important to do things that we enjoy and that give us a sense of accomplishment.

Helping Others

Helping others can give us a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It can also help us feel connected to others and make a positive impact on the world.

Making Connections

Making connections with others is important in finding meaning in life. It is important to build relationships and connections with people who share our values and interests.

Seeking support is crucial when coping with mortality and grief. Here are some ways to seek support:

Talking to Friends and Family

Talking to friends and family members can provide us with a sense of comfort and support. It is important to express our feelings and emotions to those we trust.

Joining a Support Group

Joining a support group can help us connect with others who are going through similar experiences. It can provide us with a safe space to share our feelings and find support.

Seeking Professional Help

Seeking help from a therapist or counselor can help cope with grief and mortality. A mental health professional can provide us with the tools and support we need to process our emotions and move forward.

Coping with mortality and grief is a natural part of life. It is important to understand that grief is a personal process that may take time to work through. Finding meaning in life, dealing with the fear of death, and seeking support are all important ways to cope with mortality and grief. Remember to take care of yourself, allow yourself to feel your emotions, and seek support when needed.

The Ethics of Death: A Philosophical Exploration

Death is an inevitable part of life, and it is something that we will all experience at some point. It is a topic that has fascinated philosophers for centuries, and it continues to be debated to this day. In this article, we will explore the ethics of death from a philosophical perspective, considering questions such as what it means to die, the morality of assisted suicide, and the meaning of life in the face of death.

Death is a topic that elicits a wide range of emotions, from fear and sadness to acceptance and peace. Philosophers have long been interested in exploring the ethical implications of death, and in this article, we will delve into some of the most pressing questions in this field.

What does it mean to die?

The concept of death is a complex one, and there are many different ways to approach it from a philosophical perspective. One question that arises is what it means to die. Is death simply the cessation of bodily functions, or is there something more to it than that? Many philosophers argue that death represents the end of consciousness and the self, which raises questions about the nature of the soul and the afterlife.

The morality of assisted suicide

Assisted suicide is a controversial topic, and it raises several ethical concerns. On the one hand, some argue that individuals have the right to end their own lives if they are suffering from a terminal illness or unbearable pain. On the other hand, others argue that assisting someone in taking their own life is morally wrong and violates the sanctity of life. We will explore these arguments and consider the ethical implications of assisted suicide.

The meaning of life in the face of death

The inevitability of death raises important questions about the meaning of life. If our time on earth is finite, what is the purpose of our existence? Is there a higher meaning to life, or is it simply a product of biological processes? Many philosophers have grappled with these questions, and we will explore some of the most influential theories in this field.

The role of death in shaping our lives

While death is often seen as a negative force, it can also have a positive impact on our lives. The knowledge that our time on earth is limited can motivate us to live life to the fullest and to prioritize the things that truly matter. We will explore the role of death in shaping our values, goals, and priorities, and consider how we can use this knowledge to live more fulfilling lives.

The ethics of mourning

The process of mourning is an important part of the human experience, and it raises several ethical questions. How should we respond to the death of others, and what is our ethical responsibility to those who are grieving? We will explore these questions and consider how we can support those who are mourning while also respecting their autonomy and individual experiences.

The ethics of immortality

The idea of immortality has long been a fascination for humanity, but it raises important ethical questions. If we were able to live forever, what would be the implications for our sense of self, our relationships with others, and our moral responsibilities? We will explore the ethical implications of immortality and consider how it might challenge our understanding of what it means to be human.

The ethics of death in different cultural contexts

Death is a universal human experience, but how it is understood and experienced varies across different cultures. We will explore how different cultures approach death, mourning, and the afterlife, and consider the ethical implications of these differences.

Death is a complex and multifaceted topic, and it raises important questions about the nature of life, morality, and human experience. By exploring the ethics of death from a philosophical perspective, we can gain a deeper understanding of these questions and how they shape our lives.

The Ripple Effect of Loss: How Death Impacts Relationships

Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences one can go through in life. It is a universal experience that touches people of all ages, cultures, and backgrounds. The grief that follows the death of someone close can be overwhelming and can take a significant toll on an individual's mental and physical health. However, it is not only the individual who experiences the grief but also the people around them. In this article, we will discuss the ripple effect of loss and how death impacts relationships.

Understanding Grief and Loss

Grief is the natural response to loss, and it can manifest in many different ways. The process of grieving is unique to each individual and can be affected by many factors, such as culture, religion, and personal beliefs. Grief can be intense and can impact all areas of life, including relationships, work, and physical health.

The Impact of Loss on Relationships

Death can impact relationships in many ways, and the effects can be long-lasting. Below are some of how loss can affect relationships:

1. Changes in Roles and Responsibilities

When someone dies, the roles and responsibilities within a family or social circle can shift dramatically. For example, a spouse who has lost their partner may have to take on responsibilities they never had before, such as managing finances or taking care of children. This can be a difficult adjustment, and it can put a strain on the relationship.

2. Changes in Communication

Grief can make it challenging to communicate with others effectively. Some people may withdraw and isolate themselves, while others may become angry and lash out. It is essential to understand that everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. However, these changes in communication can impact relationships, and it may take time to adjust to new ways of interacting with others.

3. Changes in Emotional Connection

When someone dies, the emotional connection between individuals can change. For example, a parent who has lost a child may find it challenging to connect with other parents who still have their children. This can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection, and it can strain relationships.

4. Changes in Social Support

Social support is critical when dealing with grief and loss. However, it is not uncommon for people to feel unsupported during this time. Friends and family may not know what to say or do, or they may simply be too overwhelmed with their grief to offer support. This lack of social support can impact relationships and make it challenging to cope with grief.

Coping with Loss and Its Impact on Relationships

Coping with grief and loss is a long and difficult process, but it is possible to find ways to manage the impact on relationships. Below are some strategies that can help:

1. Communication

Effective communication is essential when dealing with grief and loss. It is essential to talk about how you feel and what you need from others. This can help to reduce misunderstandings and make it easier to navigate changes in relationships.

2. Seek Support

It is important to seek support from friends, family, or a professional if you are struggling to cope with grief and loss. Having someone to talk to can help to alleviate feelings of isolation and provide a safe space to process emotions.

3. Self-Care

Self-care is critical when dealing with grief and loss. It is essential to take care of your physical and emotional well-being. This can include things like exercise, eating well, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

4. Allow for Flexibility

It is essential to allow for flexibility in relationships when dealing with grief and loss. People may not be able to provide the same level of support they once did or may need more support than they did before. Being open to changes in roles and responsibilities can help to reduce strain on relationships.

5. Find Meaning

Finding meaning in the loss can be a powerful way to cope with grief and loss. This can involve creating a memorial, participating in a support group, or volunteering for a cause that is meaningful to you.

The impact of loss is not limited to the individual who experiences it but extends to those around them as well. Relationships can be greatly impacted by the death of a loved one, and it is important to be aware of the changes that may occur. Coping with loss and its impact on relationships involves effective communication, seeking support, self-care, flexibility, and finding meaning.

What Lies Beyond Reflections on the Mystery of Death

Death is an inevitable part of life, and yet it remains one of the greatest mysteries that we face as humans. What happens when we die? Is there an afterlife? These are questions that have puzzled us for centuries, and they continue to do so today. In this article, we will explore the various perspectives on death and what lies beyond.

Understanding Death

Before we can delve into what lies beyond, we must first understand what death is. Death is defined as the permanent cessation of all biological functions that sustain a living organism. This can occur as a result of illness, injury, or simply old age. Death is a natural process that occurs to all living things, but it is also a process that is often accompanied by fear and uncertainty.

The Physical Process of Death

When a person dies, their body undergoes several physical changes. The heart stops beating, and the body begins to cool and stiffen. This is known as rigor mortis, and it typically sets in within 2-6 hours after death. The body also begins to break down, and this can lead to a release of gases that cause bloating and discoloration.

The Psychological Experience of Death

In addition to the physical changes that occur during and after death, there is also a psychological experience that accompanies it. Many people report feeling a sense of detachment from their physical body, as well as a sense of peace and calm. Others report seeing bright lights or visions of loved ones who have already passed on.

Perspectives on What Lies Beyond

There are many different perspectives on what lies beyond death. Some people believe in an afterlife, while others believe in reincarnation or simply that death is the end of consciousness. Let's explore some of these perspectives in more detail.

One of the most common beliefs about what lies beyond death is the idea of an afterlife. This can take many forms, depending on one's religious or spiritual beliefs. For example, many Christians believe in heaven and hell, where people go after they die depending on their actions during life. Muslims believe in paradise and hellfire, while Hindus believe in reincarnation.

Reincarnation

Reincarnation is the belief that after we die, our consciousness is reborn into a new body. This can be based on karma, meaning that the quality of one's past actions will determine the quality of their next life. Some people believe that we can choose the circumstances of our next life based on our desires and attachments in this life.

End of Consciousness

The idea that death is simply the end of consciousness is a common belief among atheists and materialists. This view holds that the brain is responsible for creating consciousness, and when the brain dies, consciousness ceases to exist. While this view may be comforting to some, others find it unsettling.

Death is a complex and mysterious phenomenon that continues to fascinate us. While we may never fully understand what lies beyond death, it's important to remember that everyone has their own beliefs and perspectives on the matter. Whether you believe in an afterlife, reincarnation, or simply the end of consciousness, it's important to find ways to cope with the loss of a loved one and to find peace with your mortality.

Final Words

In conclusion, these powerful essays on death offer inspiring perspectives and deep insights into the human experience of coping with mortality, grief, and loss. From personal accounts to philosophical reflections, these essays provide a diverse range of perspectives that encourage readers to contemplate their mortality and the meaning of life.

By reading and reflecting on these essays, readers can gain a better understanding of how death shapes our lives and relationships, and how we can learn to accept and cope with this inevitable part of the human experience.

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• Death And Dying

8 Popular Essays About Death, Grief & the Afterlife

Updated 05/4/2022

Published 07/19/2021

Joe Oliveto, BA in English

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

Death is a strange topic for many reasons, one of which is the simple fact that different people can have vastly different opinions about discussing it.

Jump ahead to these sections: 

Essays or articles about the death of a loved one, essays or articles about dealing with grief, essays or articles about the afterlife or near-death experiences.

Some fear death so greatly they don’t want to talk about it at all. However, because death is a universal human experience, there are also those who believe firmly in addressing it directly. This may be more common now than ever before due to the rise of the death positive movement and mindset.

You might believe there’s something to be gained from talking and learning about death. If so, reading essays about death, grief, and even near-death experiences can potentially help you begin addressing your own death anxiety. This list of essays and articles is a good place to start. The essays here cover losing a loved one, dealing with grief, near-death experiences, and even what someone goes through when they know they’re dying.

Losing a close loved one is never an easy experience. However, these essays on the topic can help someone find some meaning or peace in their grief.

1. ‘I’m Sorry I Didn’t Respond to Your Email, My Husband Coughed to Death Two Years Ago’ by Rachel Ward

Rachel Ward’s essay about coping with the death of her husband isn’t like many essays about death. It’s very informal, packed with sarcastic humor, and uses an FAQ format. However, it earns a spot on this list due to the powerful way it describes the process of slowly finding joy in life again after losing a close loved one.

Ward’s experience is also interesting because in the years after her husband’s death, many new people came into her life unaware that she was a widow. Thus, she often had to tell these new people a story that’s painful but unavoidable. This is a common aspect of losing a loved one that not many discussions address.

2. ‘Everything I know about a good death I learned from my cat’ by Elizabeth Lopatto

Not all great essays about death need to be about human deaths! In this essay, author Elizabeth Lopatto explains how watching her beloved cat slowly die of leukemia and coordinating with her vet throughout the process helped her better understand what a “good death” looks like.

For instance, she explains how her vet provided a degree of treatment but never gave her false hope (for instance, by claiming her cat was going to beat her illness). They also worked together to make sure her cat was as comfortable as possible during the last stages of her life instead of prolonging her suffering with unnecessary treatments.

Lopatto compares this to the experiences of many people near death. Sometimes they struggle with knowing how to accept death because well-meaning doctors have given them the impression that more treatments may prolong or even save their lives, when the likelihood of them being effective is slimmer than patients may realize.

Instead, Lopatto argues that it’s important for loved ones and doctors to have honest and open conversations about death when someone’s passing is likely near. This can make it easier to prioritize their final wishes instead of filling their last days with hospital visits, uncomfortable treatments, and limited opportunities to enjoy themselves.

3. ‘The terrorist inside my husband’s brain’ by Susan Schneider Williams

This article, which Susan Schneider Williams wrote after the death of her husband Robin Willians, covers many of the topics that numerous essays about the death of a loved one cover, such as coping with life when you no longer have support from someone who offered so much of it. 

However, it discusses living with someone coping with a difficult illness that you don’t fully understand, as well. The article also explains that the best way to honor loved ones who pass away after a long struggle is to work towards better understanding the illnesses that affected them. 

4. ‘Before I Go’ by Paul Kalanithi

“Before I Go” is a unique essay in that it’s about the death of a loved one, written by the dying loved one. Its author, Paul Kalanithi, writes about how a terminal cancer diagnosis has changed the meaning of time for him.

Kalanithi describes believing he will die when his daughter is so young that she will likely never have any memories of him. As such, each new day brings mixed feelings. On the one hand, each day gives him a new opportunity to see his daughter grow, which brings him joy. On the other hand, he must struggle with knowing that every new day brings him closer to the day when he’ll have to leave her life.

Coping with grief can be immensely challenging. That said, as the stories in these essays illustrate, it is possible to manage grief in a positive and optimistic way.

5. Untitled by Sheryl Sandberg

This piece by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s current CEO, isn’t a traditional essay or article. It’s actually a long Facebook post. However, many find it’s one of the best essays about death and grief anyone has published in recent years.

She posted it on the last day of sheloshim for her husband, a period of 30 days involving intense mourning in Judaism. In the post, Sandberg describes in very honest terms how much she learned from those 30 days of mourning, admitting that she sometimes still experiences hopelessness, but has resolved to move forward in life productively and with dignity.

She explains how she wanted her life to be “Option A,” the one she had planned with her husband. However, because that’s no longer an option, she’s decided the best way to honor her husband’s memory is to do her absolute best with “Option B.”

This metaphor actually became the title of her next book. Option B , which Sandberg co-authored with Adam Grant, a psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, is already one of the most beloved books about death , grief, and being resilient in the face of major life changes. It may strongly appeal to anyone who also appreciates essays about death as well.

6. ‘My Own Life’ by Oliver Sacks

Grief doesn’t merely involve grieving those we’ve lost. It can take the form of the grief someone feels when they know they’re going to die.

Renowned physician and author Oliver Sacks learned he had terminal cancer in 2015. In this essay, he openly admits that he fears his death. However, he also describes how knowing he is going to die soon provides a sense of clarity about what matters most. Instead of wallowing in his grief and fear, he writes about planning to make the very most of the limited time he still has.

Belief in (or at least hope for) an afterlife has been common throughout humanity for decades. Additionally, some people who have been clinically dead report actually having gone to the afterlife and experiencing it themselves.

Whether you want the comfort that comes from learning that the afterlife may indeed exist, or you simply find the topic of near-death experiences interesting, these are a couple of short articles worth checking out.

7. ‘My Experience in a Coma’ by Eben Alexander

“My Experience in a Coma” is a shortened version of the narrative Dr. Eben Alexander shared in his book, Proof of Heaven . Alexander’s near-death experience is unique, as he’s a medical doctor who believes that his experience is (as the name of his book suggests) proof that an afterlife exists. He explains how at the time he had this experience, he was clinically braindead, and therefore should not have been able to consciously experience anything.

Alexander describes the afterlife in much the same way many others who’ve had near-death experiences describe it. He describes starting out in an “unresponsive realm” before a spinning white light that brought with it a musical melody transported him to a valley of abundant plant life, crystal pools, and angelic choirs. He states he continued to move from one realm to another, each realm higher than the last, before reaching the realm where the infinite love of God (which he says is not the “god” of any particular religion) overwhelmed him.

8. “One Man's Tale of Dying—And Then Waking Up” by Paul Perry

The author of this essay recounts what he considers to be one of the strongest near-death experience stories he’s heard out of the many he’s researched and written about over the years. The story involves Dr. Rajiv Parti, who claims his near-death experience changed his views on life dramatically.

Parti was highly materialistic before his near-death experience. During it, he claims to have been given a new perspective, realizing that life is about more than what his wealth can purchase. He returned from the experience with a permanently changed outlook.

This is common among those who claim to have had near-death experiences. Often, these experiences leave them kinder, more understanding, more spiritual, and less materialistic.

This short article is a basic introduction to Parti’s story. He describes it himself in greater detail in the book Dying to Wake Up , which he co-wrote with Paul Perry, the author of the article.

Essays About Death: Discussing a Difficult Topic

It’s completely natural and understandable to have reservations about discussing death. However, because death is unavoidable, talking about it and reading essays and books about death instead of avoiding the topic altogether is something that benefits many people. Sometimes, the only way to cope with something frightening is to address it.

Categories:

• Coping With Grief

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5 moving, beautiful essays about death and dying

by Sarah Kliff

It is never easy to contemplate the end-of-life, whether its own our experience or that of a loved one.

This has made a recent swath of beautiful essays a surprise. In different publications over the past few weeks, I’ve stumbled upon writers who were contemplating final days. These are, no doubt, hard stories to read. I had to take breaks as I read about Paul Kalanithi’s experience facing metastatic lung cancer while parenting a toddler, and was devastated as I followed Liz Lopatto’s contemplations on how to give her ailing cat the best death possible. But I also learned so much from reading these essays, too, about what it means to have a good death versus a difficult end from those forced to grapple with the issue. These are four stories that have stood out to me recently, alongside one essay from a few years ago that sticks with me today.

My Own Life | Oliver Sacks

As recently as last month, popular author and neurologist Oliver Sacks was in great health, even swimming a mile every day. Then, everything changed: the 81-year-old was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. In a beautiful op-ed , published in late February in the New York Times, he describes his state of mind and how he’ll face his final moments. What I liked about this essay is how Sacks describes how his world view shifts as he sees his time on earth getting shorter, and how he thinks about the value of his time.

Before I go | Paul Kalanithi

Kalanthi began noticing symptoms — “weight loss, fevers, night sweats, unremitting back pain, cough” — during his sixth year of residency as a neurologist at Stanford. A CT scan revealed metastatic lung cancer. Kalanthi writes about his daughter, Cady and how he “probably won’t live long enough for her to have a memory of me.” Much of his essay focuses on an interesting discussion of time, how it’s become a double-edged sword. Each day, he sees his daughter grow older, a joy. But every day is also one that brings him closer to his likely death from cancer.

As I lay dying | Laurie Becklund

Becklund’s essay was published posthumonously after her death on February 8 of this year. One of the unique issues she grapples with is how to discuss her terminal diagnosis with others and the challenge of not becoming defined by a disease. “Who would ever sign another book contract with a dying woman?” she writes. “Or remember Laurie Becklund, valedictorian, Fulbright scholar, former Times staff writer who exposed the Salvadoran death squads and helped The Times win a Pulitzer Prize for coverage of the 1992 L.A. riots? More important, and more honest, who would ever again look at me just as Laurie?”

Everything I know about a good death I learned from my cat | Liz Lopatto

Dorothy Parker was Lopatto’s cat, a stray adopted from a local vet. And Dorothy Parker, known mostly as Dottie, died peacefully when she passed away earlier this month. Lopatto’s essay is, in part, about what she learned about end-of-life care for humans from her cat. But perhaps more than that, it’s also about the limitations of how much her experience caring for a pet can transfer to caring for another person.

Yes, Lopatto’s essay is about a cat rather than a human being. No, it does not make it any easier to read. She describes in searing detail about the experience of caring for another being at the end of life. “Dottie used to weigh almost 20 pounds; she now weighs six,” Lopatto writes. “My vet is right about Dottie being close to death, that it’s probably a matter of weeks rather than months.”

Letting Go | Atul Gawande

“Letting Go” is a beautiful, difficult true story of death. You know from the very first sentence — “Sara Thomas Monopoli was pregnant with her first child when her doctors learned that she was going to die” — that it is going to be tragic. This story has long been one of my favorite pieces of health care journalism because it grapples so starkly with the difficult realities of end-of-life care.

In the story, Monopoli is diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, a surprise for a non-smoking young woman. It’s a devastating death sentence: doctors know that lung cancer that advanced is terminal. Gawande knew this too — Monpoli was his patient. But actually discussing this fact with a young patient with a newborn baby seemed impossible.

"Having any sort of discussion where you begin to say, 'look you probably only have a few months to live. How do we make the best of that time without giving up on the options that you have?' That was a conversation I wasn't ready to have," Gawande recounts of the case in a new Frontline documentary .

What’s tragic about Monopoli’s case was, of course, her death at an early age, in her 30s. But the tragedy that Gawande hones in on — the type of tragedy we talk about much less — is how terribly Monopoli’s last days played out.

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Death of a loved one: poignant reflections on grief

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Essays About Losing a Loved One: Top 5 Examples

Writing essays about losing a loved one can be challenging; discover our helpful guide with essay examples and writing prompts to help you begin writing. 

One of the most basic facts of life is that it is unpredictable. Nothing on this earth is permanent, and any one of us can pass away in the blink of an eye. But unfortunately, they leave behind many family members and friends who will miss them very much whenever someone dies.

The most devastating news can ruin our best days, affecting us negatively for the next few months and years. When we lose a loved one, we also lose a part of ourselves. Even if the loss can make you feel hopeless at times, finding ways to cope healthily, distract yourself, and move on while still honoring and remembering the deceased is essential.

5 Top Essay Examples

1. losing a loved one by louis barker, 2. personal reflections on coping and loss by adrian furnham , 3. losing my mom helped me become a better parent by trish mann, 4. reflection – dealing with grief and loss by joe joyce.

• 5. ​​Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

1. Is Resilience Glorified in Society?

2. how to cope with a loss, 3. reflection on losing a loved one, 4. the stages of grief, 5. the circle of life, 6. how different cultures commemorate losing a loved one.

“I managed to keep my cool until I realized why I was seeing these familiar faces. Once the service started I managed to keep my emotions in tack until I saw my grandmother break down. I could not even look up at her because I thought about how I would feel in the same situation. Your life can change drastically at any moment. Do not take life or the people that you love for granted, you are only here once.”

Barker reflects on how he found out his uncle had passed away. The writer describes the events leading up to the discovery, contrasting the relaxed, cheerful mood and setting that enveloped the house with the feelings of shock, dread, and devastation that he and his family felt once they heard. He also recalls his family members’ different emotions and mannerisms at the memorial service and funeral. 

“Most people like to believe that they live in a just, orderly and stable world where good wins out in the end. But what if things really are random? Counselors and therapists talk about the grief process and grief stages. Given that nearly all of us have experienced major loss and observed it in others, might one expect that people would be relatively sophisticated in helping the grieving?”

Furnham, a psychologist, discusses the stages of grief and proposes six different responses to finding out about one’s loss or suffering: avoidance, brief encounters, miracle cures, real listeners, practical help, and “giving no quarter.” He discusses this in the context of his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis, after which many people displayed these responses. Finally, Furnham mentions the irony that although we have all experienced and observed losing a loved one, no one can help others grieve perfectly.

“When I look in the mirror, I see my mom looking back at me from coffee-colored eyes under the oh-so-familiar crease of her eyelid. She is still here in me. Death does not take what we do not relinquish. I have no doubt she is sitting beside me when I am at my lowest telling me, ‘You can do this. You got this. I believe in you.’”

In Mann’s essay, she tries to see the bright side of her loss; despite the anguish she experienced due to her mother’s passing. Expectedly, she was incredibly depressed and had difficulty accepting that her mom was gone. But, on the other hand, she began to channel her mom into parenting her children, evoking the happy memories they once shared. She is also amused to see the parallels between her and her kids with her and her mother growing up. 

“Now I understood that these feelings must be allowed expression for as long as a person needs. I realized that the “don’t cry” I had spoken on many occasions in the past was not of much help to grieving persons, and that when I had used those words I had been expressing more my own discomfort with feelings of grief and loss than paying attention to the need of mourners to express them.”

Joyce, a priest, writes about the time he witnessed the passing of his cousin on his deathbed. Having experienced this loss right as it happened, he was understandably shaken and realized that all his preachings of “don’t cry” were unrealistic. He compares this instance to a funeral he attended in Pakistan, recalling the importance of letting grief take its course while not allowing it to consume you. 

5. ​​ Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

“Death. It’s certain. And we can’t do anything about that. In fact, we are not in control of many of the difficult circumstances of our lives, but we are responsible for how we respond to them. And I choose to honor their memory.”

Peterson discusses how she feels when she has to commemorate the anniversary of losing a loved one. She recalls the tragic deaths of her sister, two brothers, and granddaughter and describes her guilt and anger. Finally, she prays to God, asking him to help her; because of a combination of prayer and self-reflection, she can look back on these times with peace and hope that they will reunite one day. 

6 Thought-Provoking Writing Prompts on Essays About Losing A Loved One

Society tends to praise those who show resilience and strength, especially in times of struggle, such as losing a loved one. However, praising a person’s resilience can prevent them from feeling the pain of loss and grief. This essay explores how glorifying resilience can prevent a person from healing from painful events. Be sure to include examples of this issue in society and your own experiences, if applicable.

Loss is always tricky, especially involving someone close to your heart. Reflect on your personal experiences and how you overcame your grief for an effective essay. Create an essay to guide readers on how to cope with loss. If you can’t pull ideas from your own experiences, research and read other people’s experiences with overcoming loss in life.

If you have experienced losing a loved one, use this essay to describe how it made you feel. Discuss how you reacted to this loss and how it has impacted who you are today. Writing an essay like this may be sensitive for many. If you don’t feel comfortable with this topic, you can write about and analyze the loss of a loved one in a book, movie, or TV show you have seen. 

When we lose a loved one, grief is expected. There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Discuss each one and how they all connect. You can write a compelling essay by including examples of how the different stages are manifested in books, television, and maybe even your own experiences. 

Death is often regarded as a part of a so-called “circle of life,” most famously shown through the film, The Lion King . In summary, it explains that life goes on and always ends with death. For an intriguing essay topic, reflect on this phrase and discuss what it means to you in the context of losing a loved one. For example, perhaps keeping this in mind can help you cope with the loss. 

Different cultures have different traditions, affected by geography, religion, and history. Funerals are no exception to this; in your essay, research how different cultures honor their deceased and compare and contrast them. No matter how different they may seem, try finding one or two similarities between your chosen traditions. 

If you’d like to learn more, our writer explains how to write an argumentative essay in this guide.For help picking your next essay topic, check out our 20 engaging essay topics about family .

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Home Essay Samples Health Death

The Death of My Uncle: A Personal Reflection

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Experience With Death in Personal Life Essay

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Introduction

Nervousness and prolonged sadness, prolonged sadness, pain of loss.

Death as a phenomenon inevitably leaves an imprint on a person’s mental and physical state. Unfortunately, experiencing the death of a loved one is even more complicated than an abstract death. One always wants to prolong time with someone one has lost, but it is impossible, which is why death is such a challenging event. Death is hard for everyone, especially when it affects their family. Facing death is an ordeal because it leads to nervousness, prolonged sadness, and pain of loss.

First, facing death is an ordeal because there is nervousness after a loss. It leads to an altered perception of reality, in which one is exposed to dangers in the form of illness or a car accident. The nervousness is kept at a high level, preventing one from functioning and adequately perceiving difficulties and obstacles. I believe it relates to the fear of death, which develops and strengthens after experiencing a loss. The person needs to come to terms with death but is worried that something terrible will happen to him or other loved ones. The fear of being alone further likely increases our nervousness, which is why it becomes so hard for us after the loss of someone.

Second, facing death is an ordeal because after a loss person gets prolonged sadness. It is a normal feeling after death because we long for the person who has died. Our sadness is an attempt to cope with anxiety and negative expressive emotions. I think it is essential for us to have time to grieve and be sad because losing a dear person is challenging, regardless of the conditions. Even prerequisites (for example, illness) will not diminish sadness after death because we are deprived of some good stuff. Prolonged sadness is a time for reflection and remembrance of good moments together.

Third, facing death is an ordeal because we feel the pain of loss. I faced the death of a loved one not too long ago, so the memories are still fresh and evoke unpleasant memories. In 2009, my grandmother had breast cancer: a horrible disease that can nevertheless go into remission. Nevertheless, the cancer came back, and the disease began to progress-the horrible disease affected the family. Cancer took over the bones and the eye, followed by the discovery of stomach cancer. It was scary because the disease was progressing, and my grandmother needed chemotherapy every two weeks. We were all afraid for her and tried to spend time together, but we still lost her. In July 2020, we went on a trip to Eufaula: it was hard, but we supported each other. We lost her in September 2020, which is a bad time for everyone. The death affected us, and it took us a long time to recover, but we had to cope with the misfortune. Memories of the loss were gradually replaced only by good moments with Grandma, but the death was still hard on us.

Nervousness, prolonged sadness, and pain of loss are reasons why death is an ordeal. The experience of facing death occurred a couple of years ago when my grandmother died. The debilitating illness and difficult treatment undermined our mental stability, but we still tried to support each other. The death left an imprint on me because I lost a loved one. I believe the most valuable thing about this experience is recognizing the transience of time and trying to create as many good moments as possible with loved ones.

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IvyPanda. (2023, August 2). Experience With Death in Personal Life. https://ivypanda.com/essays/experience-with-death-in-personal-life/

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IvyPanda . 2023. "Experience With Death in Personal Life." August 2, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/experience-with-death-in-personal-life/.

1. IvyPanda . "Experience With Death in Personal Life." August 2, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/experience-with-death-in-personal-life/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Experience With Death in Personal Life." August 2, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/experience-with-death-in-personal-life/.

Reflections on Death

Some views to consider about the nature of death, society’s misplaced fears and what the dying might want most from us.

Osho videos

Death (osho meditation minutes) – 2 mins.

Death is already happening. Whether you face it or not, whether you look at it or not, it is already there. It is just like breathing. With each inhalation you are born; with each exhalation you die. A person who is really living is not in any way afraid of death. If you are living rightly you are finished with death, you are already too grateful, fulfilled. But if you have not lived, then the constant worry continues, ‘I have not lived yet and death is coming. And death will stop all; with death there will be no future.’ So one becomes apprehensive, afraid, and tries to avoid death. In trying to avoid death, one goes on missing life. Forget about that avoidance. Live life. In living life, death is avoided. In living life, you become so fulfilled that if this very moment death comes and the future stops, you will be ready. You will be happily ready. You have lived your life; you have delighted in existence; you have celebrated it; you are contented. There is no complaint, no grumbling; you don’t have any grudge. You welcome death. And unless you can welcome death, one thing is certain – you have not lived.

See also Osho on Death and Dying for more Osho videos.

Alan Watts ‘Acceptance of Death’

If you are afraid of death, be afraid.

The point is to get with it, to let it take over –

fear, ghosts, pains, transience, dissolution, and all.

And then comes the hitherto unbelievable surprise;

you don’t die because you were never born.

You had just forgotten who you are.

                                       Alan Watts

“Message From A Dying Friend”

A poem by Jeff Foster about finding Light in the Darkness.

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• Philosophy and Psychology

Philosophical Reflections on Death and Life After Death

Soul and body: Death according to Plato

Plato was perhaps one of the first philosophers who took an interest in reflecting on death. According to his postulates, the human being is composed of body and soul . And the latter is of divine and immortal origin. That is, it lasts through time.

On the other hand, the body is mortal and is considered a prison for the soul. In this regard, death is a process through which the soul frees itself from the bonds of the body .

In this Platonic conception, according to an article in the Revista de Treball Social , death is denied . This is so because, in reality, the only thing that perishes is the body, which, according to this vision, has no value.

Instead, death is life for the soul, to the extent that it can free itself and aspire to a better life. For this reason, there’s a special call to take care of the soul through knowledge and acquire virtues in daily life.

Aristotle and his conception of body, soul, and matter

For Aristotle, all living things are composed of body, soul, and matter . Although both plants, animals, and humans have a soul, that of man is unique.

In addition to being responsible for nutrition and feeling, the human soul has the function of knowing . That is, it’s used for mental activity or thought. However, it also has a poetic and creative part that’s the most important property of the soul. This part is immaterial, immortal, and eternal.

Therefore, death, for Aristotle, is the end of biological life as we know it; this process represents the definitive separation of body and soul. This survives death as a rational entity, as its main function is knowledge and thought.

Death according to Epicurus

As part of his philosophical reflections on death, Epicurus points out that it’s something inescapable. We can’t avoid it . Rather, we should accept it and consider it part of the life of the human being.

But there is a problem: We’re usually afraid of death. According to the philosopher, this is absurd because, while we’re alive, death doesn’t exist. For this reason, he gives us three tips to stop fearing death:

• Define and prioritize projects
• Remember daily that we have to die
• Be clear about what we need at all times

What does he mean by that? By always remembering death, we can get used to it. At the same time, being attentive to our needs causes us to focus on the present and leave the future aside. In the same way, distinguishing and prioritizing life projects focuses us on today.

“Death, the most dreaded of evils, is therefore of no concern to us; for while we exist death is not present, and when death is present we no longer exist.”

– Epicurus –

Seneca and his philosophical reflections on death

According to Seneca , death is one of the few events that we can expect with certainty . From this vision, we must accept it with resignation and even with pleasure, as it allows us to enjoy life without fear. If we don’t worry about our mortal condition, we’ll enjoy the present more intensely.

The philosopher emphasizes that death dignifies human beings to the extent that it represents the end of a life lived. According to this, a person who suffers sorrows and ills doesn’t resign themself to living because they don’t like life but rather because living in poor conditions is not a life worth living.

The experience of death according to Spinoza

As Steven Nadler explains in his article Spinoza’s Guide to Life and Death , a person whose thoughts and actions are under the tutelage of reason, not passion, doesn’t live their life thinking about death.

This is because, among other things, they know that there’s no life after death . There’s no heaven or hell; there’s no pain or salvation. Because nothing exists, there’s no point in spending time or anguish thinking about it.

In this regard, for Spinoza, there’s a denial of immortality . In fact, he believed that one of the reasons the Jewish community subjected him to herem (shunning) was their belief that the soul dies with the body. Therefore, it only makes sense to reflect on life, especially the knowledge of oneself and the place one occupies in nature.

The free man thinks of nothing less than death, and his wisdom is a meditation not on death, but on life.”

– Spinoza –

We live to die, says Martin Heidegger

Another of the philosophical reflections on death is that of Heidegger. He considers that the human being is the only living being aware that at some point they will die. That’s why he considers death as a phenomenon or event of life .

His perspective is, as discussed in Pacific Science Review B: Humanities and Social Sciences , that we’re born or thrown into the world in order to die . Furthermore, our only certainty in this life is that we will eventually die. With the arrival of this event , the existential totality will disappear.

However, Heidegger gives death a positive characteristic because he considers it appropriate. That is, the act of dying belongs to us if we make it our last and supreme act of existence .

Life after death

Is there life after death? It’s perhaps one of the most enigmatic questions that human beings have. Our continuous preoccupation with death forces us to consider the possibility of continuing to live after death. What does philosophy say about it?

The human being, due to his mortal condition, yearns for immortality. For philosophy, this eternal existence has to do with the durability of the soul or spirit that exceeds the limits of life .

What use is an explanation like this? It works in us as a defense mechanism against the fear and anguish that death generates in us . Therefore, we seek to give it some meaning or justification that allows us to endure the reality of this unavoidable event.

Learn more:  When the Fear of Death Doesn’t Let You Live

Appreciate life and face death with serenity

Thinking about death and life in relation to it is one more act that human beings perform to understand ourselves better. Through these reflections, we learn to appreciate life and face death with more serenity and wisdom.

However, we shouldn’t obsess over this. What’s important is how we live our present lives. Thinking about death from this perspective serves to focus on the now, which is the only thing we have.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

• Goggins, R. (2012). Aristotle on Happiness and Death.  Southwest Philosophy Review ,  28 (1), 63-71. https://www.pdcnet.org/swphilreview/content/swphilreview_2012_0028_0001_0063_0071
• Gooch, P. W. (1983). Aristotle and the Happy Dead.  Classical Philology ,  78 (2), 112-116. https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/abs/10.1086/366766?journalCode=cp
• Halliwell, F. S. (2007).  The life-and-death journey of the soul: Interpreting the myth of Er . Cambridge University Press. https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/abs/cambridge-companion-to-platos-republic/lifeanddeath-journey-of-the-soul-interpreting-the-myth-of-er/DD56A2A624BEB5ECD893A9C1FA85A1E0
• Heinämaa, S. (2010). Being towards death.  Birth, Death, and the Feminine: Essays in the Philosophy of Embodiment , 98-118. https://books.google.es/books?id=6iFx-wHhMJMC &dq=5+-+Being-towards-death&hl=es&lr=
• Kokosalakis N. (2020). Reflections on Death in Philosophical/Existential Context.  Society ,  57 (4), 402–409. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7384555/
• Klein, J. R. (2021). Spinozan meditations on life and death.  Life and Death in Early Modern Philosophy , 125-154. https://academic.oup.com/book/39186/chapter-abstract/338668741?redirectedFrom=fulltext
• Maison, W. (1977). Death and destruction in Spinoza’s ethics.  Inquiry ,  20 (1-4), 403-417. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00201747708601825
• Martín, M. F., Guerra, J. I., Martín, J. F., & Pardo, A. C. (2007). La persona en el proceso de muerte. Enfermería global, 6(1). https://revistas.um.es/eglobal/article/view/208
• Matthews, G. B. (2013). Death in socrates, Plato, and Aristotle.  The Oxford Handbook of Death, New York , 186-99. https://books.google.es/books?id=nIhoAgAAQBAJ &dq=death+according+to+aristotle&hl=es&lr=
• Nadler, S. (2002). Eternity and immortality in Spinoza’s Ethics.  Midwest studies in philosophy ,  26 , 224-244. https://www.pdcnet.org/msp/content/msp_2002_0026_0224_0244
• Nadler, S. (2020, 1 de octubre). Spinoza’s guide to life and death . Princeton University Press. https://press.princeton.edu/ideas/spinozas-guide-to-life-and-death
• Noyes, R. (1973). Seneca on death.  Journal of Religion and Health , 223-240. https://www.jstor.org/stable/27505179
• Ramos Pozón, S. (2017). Algunas reflexiones filosóficas sobre el modo de concebir la muerte.  RTS. Revista de Treball Social, 210, 11-22 . https://diposit.ub.edu/dspace/handle/2445/154187
• Shariatinia, Z. (2015). Heidegger’s ideas about death.  Pacific Science Review B: Humanities and Social Sciences ,  1 (2), 92-97. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2405883116300077
• Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. (2009). Ancient Theories of Soul . https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/ancient-soul/

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.

2. What makes the bonding between humans so strong?

Humans are not pure spirits such as angels. Humans are embodied spirits. Bodies are essential to being human. We depend upon bodily contact with other humans to come into existence. Each stage of our development as humans is effected through bodily contact with other humans like ourselves. We come into existence through the union in conjugal love of two human bodies – those of our parents. The first nine months of our existence takes place inside the highly specialized environment of another human body – our mother's womb. The milk we draw from her breasts provides the ideal, predigested nourishment that our weak infant body requires. Each stage of development involves interaction with other humans through our bodily senses. It is sensible contact with humans and the physical world around us that mediates our contact with God. This emphasizes the profoundly social nature of a human being. As the poet John Donne reminds us, "No man is an island."

3. Where does love of others fit into our relation to God?

Catholic tradition teaches that love of God and love of neighbor are two aspects of one and the same love. One cannot love God without loving His work. And the more one truly loves God's creation, the more one is, in fact, loving God Himself whether he realizes this or not. The Gospels teach that God is love, and one who abides in love abides in God. (I John 4:16). This applies in a special way to love of our fellow humans. Christ identifies completely with our love for each other and our love for him when it is true love. "When I was hungry, you fed me. When I was thirsty, you gave me to drink.When you showed love to the least of my children, you were giving that love to me. Enter into everlasting life." (cf. Matthew 25:35f.).

4. What role does our love for others play in our journey to God?

Catholic faith teaches that God is pure love and that His love holds us in existence from the first moment we come into being. We cannot escape God's presence. If God were not present to us, we would not exist. It does not follow from this that we experience His presence. One can stand out in the midday sun, saturated with light, but if blind, see nothing. One can sit in a concert hall surrounded by the glorious music of Beethoven, but if deaf, he hears nothing. While God is immediately present on His part to all humans, left to our natural powers we remain blind, deaf and insensitive to his presence. Christ does not come to bring God to us since God is already present. Rather Christ, by awakening in our hearts his love for those near to us, awakens us to the presence of Divine Love holding all things in existence.

5. How does Christ effect this growth of love in our hearts?

In order for humans to love and grow in love they must find in their lives other humans whose lovable qualities awakens love in them. One cannot go off privately into a room and muscle forth intense, stronger acts of love. We grow in love by finding more and more reasons for love in persons around us. These persons become the occasion for Christ to possess our hearts with his love for them. First, he allows us to see them through his eyes which are the eyes of God Himself. As Christ's love grows in our hearts, we experience not only the human love of Christ, but we experience Divine Love. God places that special person in our life – that child, that parent, that spouse, that loved one – in order to awaken in our love for that person the experience of His love. Our conscious experience is that we are the unique source of the love we have for others. Catholic faith agrees that we are the proximate source of that love, but it affirms that God is the ultimate source of our love. What binds us in love for others is our participation in Christ's love and God's love for them. As the love of Christ for these loved ones grows in our hearts, we are actually experiencing a growth in Divine Love. As we fall more deeply in love with our deceased loved ones, we are falling more deeply in love with Christ and with the Father.

6. If our love of God grows through our love of others, why does God stifle that love in us by taking them from us in death?

When Christ invites us to surrender loved ones to him through their death, his intent is not to terminate our relation with them. His goal, rather, is to bring that relation to a new intensity of love. Next to personal death, the death of a loved one is the source of greatest suffering. Our surrender of a loved one to God – our child, spouse, parent, special friend – and our embrace of the pain of temporary physical separation entailed in that death, is the most perfect act of love we can exercise toward God next to the voluntary surrender of our own life. Our model here for this surrender is Mary at the foot of the cross. In our voluntary surrender of the loved one to God we acknowledge the true reality of the beloved as a gift from God. We finally accept the fact that the beloved never belonged to us in the first place. The death of a loved one becomes the occasion for an act of love on our part of the greatest perfection. In our surrender we find ourselves closer to God and closer to our beloved than ever before.

7. How can our love for another be further purified and intensified?

God creates the occasion for a substantive growth in our love for another by inviting us to give that loved one back to Him in death. If one wishes to witness love in its most intense, unselfish and purest form, attend a funeral. It is only when our loved one is no longer physically present and we experience for the first time the emptiness in our lives which previously he or she filled, that we are shocked into the awareness of the extraordinary nature of their presence in our lives as a revelation of God's love for us. This does not mean that we did not love them while they were still with us. But our love for the living tends to be mixed with a great deal of self. We are inclined to take the living for granted. It is almost impossible for us to imagine life without their presence. This is why God invites us to surrender them temporarily to Him in order that we may discover the true richness of their presence. If we want our love for them to become everything that ideally it should be, we must go through the pain of temporary physical separation. Willingness to endure the pain of temporary separation is evidence that we want our love for them to be purified and rooted in our love for God.

It is very important, for example, that children outlive their parents. Parents as so indispensable to us that we tend to take them for granted as long as they are still with us. Rarely are parents loved as fully as they should be until they are no longer present to us. Only then do their lifetime acts of loving sacrifice, often little recognized while they were living, finally arise to full consciousness. God asks of us this pain of temporary loss in order to purify and sanctify our love for them. The pain of temporary loss is the small price we must pay in order to experience in its intensity God's love for them and for ourselves.

8. What does the Christ and the Church teach us about our relations to deceased loved ones?

In God's plan our relations with our beloved departed should enable them to exercise far more influence over us than ever they did while still with us. Catholic devotion to the deceased is based on the certainty that they are still very much alive. The body dies, but the soul lives on. While lacking sensible contact with us, they are more conscious of us now than ever before. Their intellect is intact, their affections survive and their memory functions with total recall. In some cases their love for us has reached new levels of intensity as they see us through God's eyes. In other cases their love for God and for us undergoes the further purification of Purgatory. This is why we pray either for the deceased or to the deceased. When we have good reason to believe that they have achieved the face to face union with God, we pray not for them but to them. We do this in the confidence that their love for us is purified and more intense than ever it was while they were still with us. This is the basis of Catholic devotion to the saints. If, on the other hand, we believe that they may still be in the stage of further spiritual purification, we pray for them as the Church (Christ) encourages us to do. We do this in the confidence that our prayers and sacrifices can still contribute to their growth in love of God. Always we act in the conviction that our lives and their lives are more intertwined than ever they were when they were still alive in this world.

9. How should we visualize the present state of our deceased loved ones when we see them through the eyes of God?

We should always see our departed through the eyes of God and with the knowledge of what the Church teaches us about the state of departed souls and their resurrected bodies. In the Beatific Vision our loved ones enter into the mind and heart of God. They see and experience His creative work as He Himself sees and experiences it from within. They see the lilies of the field and the birds of the air as God Himself sees these precious creatures held in being by His love. They see their parents, family members, and all they love as God sees and loves them. They see the human nature of Christ and His Mother, Queen of the Heavens, as God the Father sees and loves them. They see each of us with the clarity and love that God has for us. Their love for us has never been more intense and personal.

10. What does Catholic Faith teach us about our resurrected bodies?

St. Paul speaks of our resurrected bodies as endowed with the same qualities as those possessed by the resurrected body of Christ. Paul teaches that Christ's body, the very body that died on the cross, is spiritualized in its resurrected form. He identifies four properties of the resurrected body of Christ which will be the qualities of our resurrected bodies. The first quality of Christ's resurrected body is 'agility'. Agility means that Christ's body is perfectly responsive to the will. It appears wherever Christ wills it to be. 'Impassability' means that Christ's body is no longer subject to sickness and corruption. 'Subtlety' means that Christ's body is not limited by material reality. For example, he appeared behind the locked doors of the upper room on the first Easter. 'Clarity' means that Christ's body radiates the beauty of his human soul as it did momentarily at the Transfiguration. When we think of those we love who have died, we should visualize them as fully reconstituted, body and soul, with their bodies endowed with the spiritual qualities of the resurrected body of Christ.

11. What age will our resurrected bodies enjoy?

One may well ask what will be the age of our resurrected bodies when fully reconstituted in heaven. St. Thomas Aquinas conjectures that our resurrected bodies will be approximately thirty-three years of age. His reasoning behind this seemingly arbitrary opinion is simple enough. According to tradition Jesus was believed to have been more or less thirty-three years of age when he died. St. Thomas argues that in all probability Jesus would not have wished to offer his life to the Father one minute before life was most perfect in him or one minute after it attained perfection. If Christ was thirty-three years of age when he died, this must be the ideal age. Behind this thinking is the conviction that the resurrected body will be at its most mature age of physical development. In the light of this teaching we should look forward to seeing our loved ones fully reconstituted body and soul with their bodies fully mature – that child who died as an infant and is now a mature adult, that parent who died confined to a wheel chair at ninety years of age and now stands before us as a vital young man or woman. According to this understanding we should visualize our meeting with our loved ones in heaven as a moment when we will see their youthful selves with our eyes, hear their voices with our ears and reach out with our arms to embrace them and experience their embrace.

Catholic Faith reminds us that while our deceased loved ones are no longer sensibly present to us in this life, they should now be more alive internally to us – in our memories, our meditations, our prayers and in our dreams – than ever they were when still alive in this world. So we find ourselves back to the point of departure of this reflection as we sing to our deceased loved ones, "I've got you under my skin."

Additional Info

• Author: Father Antoninus Wall, O.P.

Father Antoninus Wall, O.P. "Reflections on the Death of a Loved One." Western Dominican Province .

Reprinted by permission of Father Wall.

Additional copies of this reflection in pamphlet form may be obtained by contacting: Western Dominican Preaching or calling 510-658-8722.

• Publisher: Western Dominican Province
• Alternate: http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re1030.htm

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Acknowledgement

Fr. Wall has had a career rich in pastoral and academic experiences. He has served as associate pastor in Seattle and as Professor of Theology at Immaculate Heart and Dominican College. He negotiated the entry of the Dominicans into the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley and served two terms there as President of the Dominican School. He currently resides at St. Albert's Priory in Oakland, California. Father Wall is the author of The Journey to God . Father Wall may be reached by phone at 510-596-1800 or by email at [email protected]

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Grief — Experiences With Death And Grief In My Life

Experiences with Death and Grief in My Life

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• organ donation
• definitions of death
• beneficence

We need to rethink our attitudes to the bodies of the dead in order to increase our willingness to donate organs and tissues

My father died aged 87 on January 20, 1998. It was the day of his 42nd wedding anniversary. He been admitted to a major teaching hospital with jaundice of unknown origin. He died after a medical procedure and a delay in diagnosis and management of bleeding after the procedure. I believed it was important to understand why he had died and what the underlying cause of his jaundice had been. I requested an autopsy.

My father was not only the best father a person could have had, but my closest friend. The circumstances of his death were especially sad for me. I was on a plane while he was allowed to die of blood loss in intensive care over a period of hours, becoming progressively more delirious and experiencing the slow motion throes of death. I was told he had died while I was still in the air. My first thought was that I would never again see him or hear his deep chuckle. I would never again feel the gentle touch of his large hands. He would never see my daughter grow up as he had wanted to, playing, and laughing on the beach.

I have witnessed many autopsies. As medical students, we had to attend autopsy each morning at 8.30 am as a part of pathology in fourth year medicine. Before this, we had two years of anatomy dissection, probing every crevice of the formalin fixed human body. I learnt an immense amount from these activities. But I also knew how gruesome the autopsy is. I knew that an autopsy would mean that my father would be dismembered. But I had no hesitation in requesting an autopsy. Both I and my mother accepted that his body was dead. He would not be harmed. And important knowledge would be obtained.

A. US AND OUR BODIES

1. mind and body are different.

I believe we are different from and not identical with our body, at least in the morally relevant sense. Our body is a complex machine that supports our conscious and subconscious life. But it is our mental life which constitutes who we are, not the machine that supports it. I am my mind. My body allows my mind to express itself and shapes who I am, but mind and body are different.

This is consistent with several practices and beliefs:

1. Brain death and organ harvesting

Most people in the West accept a brain death definition of death. According to this definition, we are dead when our brain dies even though our body lives on. Organs and tissues can be taken because they continue to live after the brain has died.

2. Withdrawal of medical treatment from brain damaged individuals

There are several legal cases and many medical examples of life prolonging medical treatment being withdrawn from people who are permanently unconscious 1 or conscious but severely brain damaged. 2 These practices are consistent with the view that what matters is our mental functioning, our mental lives, and that treatment which keeps our bodies alive (including our brain) can be stopped because mental life is so impoverished. For this reason, I do not believe “we” in the sense that matters are identical with our brains. The reason why we withdraw these medical treatments is because life in the significant sense has ceased. Our biography, as James Rachels once described it, has closed.

3. Beliefs about the possibility of “continued existence” in other bodies

In the recent science fiction film, The Sixth Day , Roger Spottiswoode, explores the concept of immortality through cloning. In this film, true cloning or copying of a person is perfected. This begins with “blanks” or drones stripped of all characteristics and DNA. DNA from the individual to be cloned is introduced into the drone and creates a physical replica of that person’s body including their brain. This process differs from the cloning of an entire genome (which occurs with nuclear transfer) because scientists have also perfected a “cerebral syncoiding process”—whereby an exact picture is taken of the mind of the individual being cloned, which is then transplanted via the optic nerve of the blank. This reproduces all of the individual’s memory and mental states up until that point including personal characteristics, learnt behaviours, and instincts.

Imagine that I have a tumour deep in my brain. It will grow slowly and kill me quickly in six months time. Up until that point, I will be asymptomatic. But there is no treatment and I will certainly die in six months. I have a choice—I can undergo the cloning process described in The Sixth Day . But there are two caveats. It must (for technical reasons) be done now and not later. And it will destroy my existing body. But it will create a replica without the tumour (let’s assume the process can be tweaked to make subtle genetic changes). This body would die but it would be replaced by a replica with identical mental states. Would I survive the cloning process?

This is a complex question. But I would undergo the cloning process which destroys this body rather than continuing to live in this body for only six months. Even if “I” do not survive, I do not believe this matters. What matters is that my mental states persist, albeit supported by a different body. This suggests, to me at least, that what matters is not material bodily existence, but certain kinds of mental states.

I would still undergo this cloning process in this example if the clone was not an organic life form programmed by DNA and the syncoiding process, but a non-organic machine, providing the syncoiding process was accurate and the resulting being was conscious. This suggests to me that I am not identical with any particular physical substrate or support of my mental states. The physical substrate of our mental states is usually our brain but it could be something else. What matters is this mental life, not its physical basis.

This may seem to draw to sharp a distinction between mind and body—after all, we are embodied beings by our nature. Yet even on a less dualistic picture, there is an important distinction between embodied subjectivity (what matters) and the subjectless object. There is still an important distinction between the embodied mind and the body.

2. Any afterlife cannot depend on how the dead body is treated

Religions which include a belief in the soul or spirit which can be distinguished from the earthly body and which can exist in a disembodied state are committed to a view that what is essentially us or most important about us is different from our body.

Any kind of afterlife (if there is one) cannot depend on what is done to the dead body. This claim is supported by the widely differing practices concerning the dead—some religious believers bury the body, others burn it, and others eat it. Many people never have the chance to have religious ritual performed after death—they die at sea or in the mountains or are eaten by animals. It cannot be that God would disadvantage those unlucky enough, through no fault of their own, to be consumed by animals or who have died in some other tragedy.

(Indeed, if there is a God, and He is all loving, and our bodies do not belong to us but to Him, surely what He would want to happen to our organs and tissues is that they save the lives of those whom He loves but are suffering from kidney or heart failure?)

3. We should show respect for the dead

Burials (and other rituals) serve the function of showing respect for the dead. But it is only one way of showing respect for the dead.

We should show respect for the dead but how should we show such respect?

I felt that I should remember my father by being the kind of person he was. I felt I showed respect for him and the kind of person he was by giving to my children what he gave to me: love. I still have some of his ashes in a small urn. I will one day take these to a mountain where he used to climb in Romania and disperse them in the air. He asked me to do this. It will give me a time to reflect on his life and what he gave me. But this act is not as important as trying to be a better father. We show respect for the dead by thinking about them and helping their memory to shape our lives.

When my father died, I felt guilty at not being present at, and just prior to, his death. Guilty for not saying goodbye. But I decided to channel this guilt into to trying to help my children rather than suing the hospital and doctors for mismanagement or flagellating myself for my (significant) failings. This is what he would have wanted. And this was what he lived for.

If we can show respect in these many ways, through many symbolic acts, it is best to remember the dead in and through the living, whose lives can be made better by the acts of remembering. Organ and tissue donation to others symbolises the greatest goodness of a person—the capacity to make others’s lives better.

B. SOURCES OF ORGANS AND TISSUES

Tissues and organs from humans have enormous potential value for research, transplantation, education, and training. There are several sources of organs and tissues:

the living, where the tissue is taken solely for the benefit of others (live kidney or liver transplantation)

the living, where the tissue is redundant to procedures (diagnosis or management) which were performed in the interests of the patient (for example, discarded appendix or colon)

the dead person.

C. ETHICAL ISSUES

When should we use tissue or organs from one person to benefit others?

There are two approaches: (1) the autonomy centred view; (2) the beneficence centred view. 3

1. The autonomy centred view

Liberal societies place importance on people freely forming and acting on their own conception of how their life should go (and end). “Autonomy” comes from the Greek, “autos” “nomos” meaning self rule or self determination. The importance given to the freedom and values of individuals is captured in the concept of respect for autonomy. In the case of living people, this is thought to imply that (1) body parts can only be used with the consent of the individual. And in the case of dead people that (2) organs can only be taken from dead people if they consented to their removal prior to death.

What should be done if the person did not express a desire about the use of her organs after her death? Here we must make a determination of what she would have wanted, and what is most consistent with her values. If a doctor used her organs, and this conflicted with the deceased patient’s values, then on one view, that patient’s past autonomy is not respected. But likewise, if doctors do not use her organs, and the deceased patient would have wanted them used, then we also fail to respect his past values and autonomy by not releasing the information.

Thus, even if we adopt an autonomy centred view and give weight to the deceased person’s past values and desires, it is important to make an evaluation, based on the evidence available, of whether this person would have wanted her organs used after death . To fail to take a person’s organs who would have wanted them used for medical purposes is to fail to respect that person’s autonomy, to fail to respect that person’s values, even if families do not want those organs or tissues used.

More controversially we could reject (2), the claim that respecting autonomy requires we satisfy the past desires of the dead. We could claim that, when we die, we cease to exist as autonomous beings and our past desires are of no direct relevance to self determination after our deaths because there is no self. This is a radical view that would involve disregard of the desires of the dead—I will not pursue it here.

2. The beneficence centred view

Beneficence is doing good for other people. A beneficence centred view states that we should use organs and tissues if doing so does more good than harm, regardless of people’s desires. This raises the complex philosophical question in the case of using organs and tissues from dead people of whether the dead can be harmed. On some views, the dead cannot be harmed. On these views, there would be strong obligations to taking organs and tissues from the dead.

Most people accept a weak moral obligation of beneficence. According to this weak version, which can be called a duty of easy rescue, an individual (living or dead) has an obligation to give up for use some tissue or organ only when the harm to that individual is minimal, and the benefit to others is great. If we do not have a moral obligation to save another person’s life when it is of no cost to us, what do we have moral obligations to do?

This is consistent with the way in which the doctor/patient relationship has come to be viewed. The standard view is that doctors should act in their patient’s interests. There are, however, many statutes that require disclosure of confidential information in the public or other people’s interest. 4 Breaching confidentiality is justified in some cases in the public interest—for example, outbreaks of infectious diseases and notifiable diseases, or when identifiable individuals are at grave risk. An example of the latter is when a doctor knows that an HIV positive patient is putting a partner at risk without the partner’s knowledge and the patient refuses to practice safe sex or inform the partner. The General Medical Council has provided specific guidance for doctors with regard to HIV infection and confidentiality. In essence these allow the doctor to breach confidentiality.

Thus, this position justifies the use of organs and tissues when there is minimal harm to the person. Provided that confidentiality is protected, this would mean that redundant organs and tissues could be used. If one believes, as I believe, that the dead cannot be harmed, it would justify the use of organs and tissues from the dead.

The moderate position

The implications of the beneficence centred view, even in its most moderate version, can be extreme. A more moderate position combines both the autonomy centred and beneficence centred views as the moderate position. According to this, doctors should use organs and tissues if:

there is a significant interest in that tissue or organ

there is no good reason to believe that the person had or would have objected to its use

using the organ is not against the person’s interests.

D. IMPLICATIONS

Organs and tissues are special. In life, they allow us to be people. But we are not the same as our bodies or body parts. There is no intrinsic value in organs and tissues. We should change the significance we attach to body parts. What matters is people. Body parts are valuable only and in so far as they make people’s lives go better. And when mental life is absent or grossly diminished, we cease to exist in any significant sense. For that reason, I believed autopsy did not harm my father, though it mutilated his body. This kind of view of personal identity has other implications.

Many people should be attracted to the moderate position, which constitutes an autonomy centred weak obligation of beneficence. Such a position implies we have moral obligation to give organs and tissues after death or medical procedure, provided no one is significantly harmed and there is no reason to believe the person objected or would have objected to such use. If one divides mind and body, the moderate position supports an opt out system of organ donation after death (see the paper by English and Sommerville 5 p 147 ). Since we are not harmed by the removal of organs or tissues, and these are of great benefit to others, there is an obligation to donate these or to register an objection, or at least there is no good reason to fail to donate these tissues.

It also supports encouraging people to complete advance directives or organ donor cards, specifying whether they do have an objection to organ donation.

How can we encourage people given the current system where there are ever greater legal requirements to obtain consent for organs and tissues to be used for the benefits of others?

There are two things we could do.

Commerce in tissues/organs: what matters is how well our lives go, not whether we have two kidneys or one. When we realise that our bodies are not constitutive of us, are merely the means for us to effect our lives, objections to the sale of organs wither. Several articles in this issue argue in favour of the sale of organs and tissues. 6– 9

Tax breaks for organ/tissue donors. We reward those who donate to charity by allowing them to claim such donations in their tax returns. I believe we should have a mandatory system of registration—for example, on a driving licence—of willingness to donate organs and tissues after death. We should offer tax breaks to those who contribute to the public good of organ and tissue donation. If we reward people for donating money to others, we should reward those who are willing to donate their organs and tissues for the benefit of others.

Where a person has consented to organs and tissues being used for the benefit of others, that wish must be respected regardless of family preferences for the fate of the body. To fail to respect such wishes is wrong for two reasons:

it fails our obligation to respect the autonomy of people

it fails the most basic duty of rescue, to benefit others.

If we believe that what matters is our mental state, then we should review the rule that we can only take organs from those who satisfy brain or cardiorespiratory criteria for death (see the papers by Zamperetti et al 10 and by Bell 11 p 176 and 182 ). This is called the “dead donor rule”. Since I believe we die when our meaningful mental life ceases, organs should be available from that point, which may significantly predate brain death. At the very least, people should be allowed to complete advance directives that direct that their organs be removed when their brain is severely damaged or they are permanently unconscious.

Summary: Changing practices towards organs and tissues

Duty of easy rescue—the moral obligation to give organs and tissues after death or when redundant.

Adopt an opt out system for organ/tissue donation

Tax breaks for organ/tissue donors

Respect the wishes of those who choose to donate

Encourage advance statements about organ/tissue donation

Allow commerce in tissues/organs

Review the dead donor rule

CONCLUSIONS

I remember seeing an exhibition at the Taiwan Museum depicting how Tibetan Buddhist monks showed respect for their dead. They ate parts of the body and made objects of art from others. One picture depicted a person blowing a trumpet made from a tibia from a deceased family member.

This is only one of the many ways we can show respect for those we loved. But surely the best way is through remembering their qualities to benefit others. If we change the way we think about our bodies and the bodies of those we love, and understand how beneficial body parts can be to the lives of others, an enormous amount of good could be done at no cost. It is time to rethink our beliefs about organs and tissues, and the bodies of the dead.

• ↵ Airedale NHS Trust v Bland [1993] 1 All ER 821; Frenchay NHS v S [1994 2 All ER, 403, 411–13.
• ↵ Re Dinnerstein (1978) 380 NE 2d 134 (App Ct Mass)—US; Clarence Herbert 1981—US. Annas GJ. Nonfeeding: lawful killing in CA, Homicide in NJ. Hastings Cent Rep 1983 ; 13 : 19 –20; In the Matter of Claire Conroy (1985) 486 A 2d 1209 (NJ Sup Ct); In the Matter of a Ward of Court [1995] 2 ILRM 401; In the Matter of G, In the High Court of New Zealand Registry M126/96. From the Canterbury District Law Society, 6/1/97. Hearing 6 December 1996, Judgment 13 December 1996.
• ↵ Savulescu J , Skene L. Who has the right to access medical information from a deceased person? Ethical and Legal perspectives. J Law Med 2000 ; 8 : 81 –8. OpenUrl
• ↵ Notifiable Diseases [Public Health (Control of Diseases) Act 1984]; Misuse of Drugs Act 1973; Abortion Act 1967; Births and Deaths Registration Act 1953; Road Traffic Act 1988; Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 1990; NHS Venereal Diseases Regulations 1974; The Children’s Act 1989; Human Organ Transplants Act 1989, and Prevention of Terrorism Act (Temporary Provision) Act 1989.
• ↵ English V , Sommerville A. Presumed consent for transplantation: a dead issue after Alder Hey? J Med Ethics 2003 ; 29 : 147 –52. OpenUrl Abstract / FREE Full Text
• ↵ Erin CA , Harris J. An ethical market in human organs. J Med Ethics 2003 ; 29 : 137 –8. OpenUrl FREE Full Text
• Radcliffe Richards J . Commentary. An ethical market in human organs. J Med Ethics 2003 ; 29 : 139 –40. OpenUrl FREE Full Text
• Savulescu J . Is the sale of body parts wrong? J Med Ethics 2003 ; 29 : 138 –9. OpenUrl FREE Full Text
• ↵ De Castro LD . Commodification and exploitation: arguments in favour of compensated organ donation. J Med Ethics 2003 ; 29 : 142 –6. OpenUrl Abstract / FREE Full Text
• ↵ Zamperetti N , Bellomon R, Ronco C. Defining death in non-heart beating organ donors. J Med Ethics 2003 ; 29 : 182 –5. OpenUrl Abstract / FREE Full Text
• ↵ Bell MDD . Non-heart beating organ donation: old procurement strategy—new ethical problems? J Med Ethics 2003 ; 29 : 176 –81. OpenUrl Abstract / FREE Full Text

Linked Articles

• Original Article Presumed consent for transplantation: a dead issue after Alder Hey? V English A Sommerville Journal of Medical Ethics 2003; 29 147-152 Published Online First: 01 Jun 2003. doi: 10.1136/jme.29.3.147
• Original Article Non-heart beating organ donation: old procurement strategy—new ethical problems M D D Bell Journal of Medical Ethics 2003; 29 176-181 Published Online First: 01 Jun 2003. doi: 10.1136/jme.29.3.176
• Original Article Defining death in non-heart beating organ donors N Zamperetti R Bellomo C Ronco Journal of Medical Ethics 2003; 29 182-185 Published Online First: 01 Jun 2003. doi: 10.1136/jme.29.3.182

Read the full text or download the PDF:

Other content recommended for you.

• Does it matter that organ donors are not dead? Ethical and policy implications M Potts et al., Journal of Medical Ethics, 2005
• Rescuing the duty to rescue Tina Rulli et al., Journal of Medical Ethics, 2014
• Elective non-therapeutic intensive care and the four principles of medical ethics Antoine Baumann et al., Journal of Medical Ethics, 2013
• The dead donor rule: effect on the virtuous practice of medicine Frank C Chaten, Journal of Medical Ethics, 2013
• Individual choice in the definition of death A Bagheri, Journal of Medical Ethics, 2007
• Death, dying and donation: organ transplantation and the diagnosis of death I H Kerridge et al., Journal of Medical Ethics, 2002
• Abandoning the dead donor rule? A national survey of public views on death and organ donation Michael Nair-Collins et al., Journal of Medical Ethics, 2014
• Modified mandated choice for organ procurement P Chouhan et al., Journal of Medical Ethics, 2003
• Legal and ethical aspects of organ donation after euthanasia in Belgium and the Netherlands Jan Bollen et al., Journal of Medical Ethics, 2016
• Abandoning the Dead Donor Rule Anthony P Smith, Journal of Medical Ethics, 2022

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17 Personal Essays That Will Change Your Life

Think essays are just something boring you write for class? These masterpieces will make you totally reconsider.

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1. "Goodbye To All That" – Joan Didion

The final piece in one of her two most beloved collections, Slouching Towards Bethlehem , this essay contains everything there is to love about Didion — her sharp eye, her unbelievable concision, her expression of emotions that are real and contradictory. It follows her arrival in New York and her departure eight years later, and in so doing discusses the city and youth — and the romantic lies that both are. She writes: "... I was in love with New York. I do not mean 'love' in any colloquial way, I mean that I was in love with the city, the way you love the first person who ever touches you and never love anyone quite that way again."

2. "Mr. Lytle, an Essay" – John Jeremiah Sullivan

Sullivan has become one of the most talked about magazine writers of the last few years. This piece, which you can read online at the Paris Review , and was collected in his highly recommended book, Pulphead , is one of his best. It discusses, with such grace, being mentored in his twenties by once-famous Southern Renaissance writer Andrew Lytle. It's a meditation on art and futility, the Old South, and the sheer strangeness that can be relationships between men.

3. "Once More to the Lake" – E.B. White

Recognized for his children's literature (including Stuart Little and Charlotte's Web ) and popularizing Strunk's The Elements of Style , White was also an accomplished essayist. "Once More to the Lake" follows White and his son to Maine, where they spend a week along the same lake White visited with his father as a boy. It is one of the most moving reflections upon fatherhood, summertime, America, and mortality ever crafted. You can find it in many anthologies and in The Collected Essays of E.B. White .

4. "Ticket to the Fair" – David Foster Wallace

Those who knock Wallace for his verbosity — or associate him merely with a liberal use of footnotes — haven't read one of his classic essays through to the end. This one, which you can read online at Harper's or in his collection A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again , follows him home to Illinois, specifically to the state fair there. Laugh-out-loud hilarious and almost ridiculous in its level of detail, it explores the author's fractured identity, the Midwest versus the East Coast, and the American experience at large.

5. "A Few Words About Breasts" – Nora Ephron

Published in Esquire in 1975, this is the best-known essay by the late, great screenwriter and essayist. While she renders the experience of being flat-chested in the '50s with incredible humor and pathos, it is the essay's ending — the shock of it — that makes this unforgettable.

6. "Self-Reliance" — Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of Emerson's most influential essays, you can read it online or in nearly every collection of his works. While his prose's formality may be a shock at first, what he says he says with great clarity and to the great empowerment of his reader. It is a declaration of the fact that true happiness, in oneself and all relationships, must spurn from self-love and honest expression: "I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should."

7. "Here Is a Lesson in Creative Writing" – Kurt Vonnegut

Though it's collected in his great and final collection of essays, Man Without a Country , you can read an adaptation online at Lapham's Quarterly . While it's a must-read for aspiring creative writers, it's about more than writing — much, much more — despite its brevity and characteristic Vonnegut wit. It opens with the best slam of the semicolon ever.

8. "Notes of a Native Son" – James Baldwin

The titular essay from this collection — which honestly you should just read — is an ambitious and candid discussion of the passing of his father during a time of great racial turmoil. It opens: "On the twenty-ninth of July, in 1943, my father died. On the same day, a few hours later, his last child was born. Over a month before this, while all our energies were concentrated in waiting for these events, there had been, in Detroit, one of the bloodiest race riots of the century. A few hours after my father's funeral, while he lay in state in the undertaker's chapel, a race riot broke out in Harlem. In the morning of the third of August, we drove my father through the graveyard through a wilderness of smashed glass."

9. "The Invisible Made Visible" – David Rakoff

David Rakoff died a little over a year ago at the too-early age of 47. Just a few months prior, he read this essay about his cancer, his imminent death, and dancing, aloud as part of This American Life 's live show. As always with Rakoff's work, it was funny, painful, and revealed the author's intense love of the English language. Warning: When you watch this video , you will laugh audibly, several times, and you might cry.

10. "The Death of a Moth" – Virginia Woolf

The briefest — and perhaps densest — essay on this list, "The Death of the Moth," on its face, is about exactly that: Woolf notices a moth caught in her window and witnesses its death. Read it online and then read it again, and again.

11. "Total Eclipse " – Annie Dillard

This much-anthologized meditation follows Dillard and her husband as they drive to a mountaintop in Washington to witness a total eclipse — that rare event when the sun becomes entirely obscured, turning day briefly into night. Dillard's rendering of this experience showcases her enviable abilities to both observe and describe. It's collected in Teaching a Stone to Talk .

12. "Sliver of Sky" – Barry Lopez

Well-known nature writer Barry Lopez shocked many when he published this essay in January, in which he confessed being raped throughout his adolescence by his mother's sometime boyfriend. It is an affecting and horrifying portrait of what it is to be a victim of sexual abuse. Unfortunately you do have to be a Harper's subscriber to read it (for now).

13. "Shooting an Elephant" — George Orwell

Prior to penning 1984 and Animal Farm , Orwell was posted as a policeman in Burma, where he once had to shoot a rampaging elephant. The resultant essay, published in 1936, is a condemnation of imperialism — and his own selfish desire to not be implicated by it. Read it online or find it in the collection of the same title .

14. "Shipping Out" — David Foster Wallace

Yes, Wallace deserves two on this list. Also collected in A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again and originally published in Harper's , this is another travelogue turned existential rumination that shows unabashedly and hilariously the horrors of society (this time via a cruise ship) and really says more about the author himself.

15. "The Braindead Megaphone" – George Saunders

Saunders is more famous for his fiction (like many of the folks on this list) but that doesn't mean his essays are not fantastic. The first in the eponymous collection , "The Braindead Megaphone" takes on the current political and media climate in America that will make you shake your head in a I've-always-thought-that-but-never-really-put-it-that-way-myself way.

16. "We Do Abortions Here" — Sallie Tisdale

Tisdale was a nurse at an abortion clinic when she published this essay in 1987. She writes honestly and movingly about something she knows few want to think let alone read about. "There is a numbing sameness lurking in this job," she says, "the same questions, the same answers, even the same trembling tone in the voices. The worst is the sameness of human failure, of inadequacy in the face of each day’s dull demands." Read it for free online .

17. "The White Album" — Joan Didion

Of course Didion also gets two on this list. If you have not read this classic, do so now. It tracks our culture's — and the author's — transition out of the cataclysmic era that was the late '60s into something else much darker. It also contains an unforgettable image of Jim Morrison wearing black vinyl pants. Find it in the collection of the same name.

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Turning to essays, Edwidge Danticat makes shrewd use of the form

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Book Review

We're Alone: Essays

By Edwidge Danticat Graywolf: 192 pages, $26 If you buy books linked on our site, The Times may earn a commission from Bookshop.org , whose fees support independent bookstores.

Essay collections appear infrequently on the lists of most popular nonfiction — memoirs and historical narratives dominate conversations about the genre. Those forms of nonfiction are wonderful in their own ways. They are also the versions that are closest to fiction. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can exclude the unique offerings of the essay.

An essay collection presents a compressed reading experience, sometimes poetic, and often requiring the author to demonstrate the act of forming an opinion. In its most exalted form, the essay collection is about many things at once. Its goal is not to share information about a topic but to dramatize the formation of a perspective, the development of an informed point of view — a focus that makes the form much more dependent on the writer than the subject matter. “We’re Alone,” a collection of eight short essays by the celebrated Haitian American novelist and short story writer Edwidge Danticat, exemplifies that achievement.

Readers who have appreciated other voice-driven essay collections, such as Zadie Smith’s pandemic-inspired “Intimations,” Erica Caldwell’s “Wrong Is Not My Name,” Jordan Kisner’s “Thin Places,” Cathy Park Hong’s “Minor Feelings” or Elissa Gabbert’s “ The Unreality of Memory ,” will find something familiar with Danticat in “We’re Alone.” The thematic thread of this collection binds loosely around experiences of disconnection or isolation that are exacerbated by a sense of risk predicated on racial, political or social vulnerability. In the essay “A Rainbow in the Sky,” Danticat writes: “The less stable your house, the more terror you feel.” She has elegantly captured that those who face a storm with all foundations intact have a different relationship to the experience than those who were already struggling before it.

In the preface to the book, Danticat discloses that writing essays allows her to feel alone with herself and present with a reader. These pieces represent her outstretched hand, an invitation to spend shared time in reflection. Danticat took the book’s title from the French poem “Plage” by the Haitian writer Roland Chassagne, whose tragic history of imprisonment is also explored in the book. His poem envisions a night spent under palm trees, and the longing for the end of a deep disappointment. Here Danticat finds an early foothold into one of the book’s chief concerns: thresholds where someone’s feelings have been constricted for the sake of other people’s comfort. The title also invokes a plural self, a collective that shares in the writer’s experience of solitude and disaffection.

In the literary essay, a tradition that unites personal insight with anecdotes, evidence and reasoning, one of the most satisfying moments is finding where the writer’s logic breaks and she struggles to fully accommodate the proportions of her subject. Such moments make the inquiries appear vulnerable and honest, even when in reality they are simulations of sense-making. Not all essayists are invested in showing their struggle in understanding or are given the space to do so. But Danticat invites readers into the challenge of putting facts and feelings together. She excels at showing how hard it is to know what the right questions are to ask or how to answer them, and like many of us, she struggles to talk about difficult subjects, especially with her children.

For example, in “By the Time You Read This…,” Danticat debates how much and when to tell her children about how police violence affects the way Black people and immigrants think about safety. She writes, “Each time a young Black person is killed by a police officer or by a vigilante civilian, I ask myself if the time had come for me to write to my daughters a letter about Abner Louima and the long list of nonsurvivors who have come after him.” There is dignity in her doubt, which makes way for the kind of compassion that characterizes these essays.

Danticat’s insights are informed by accounts of the trials of friends and family: Her beloved mother wanders off in an airport; an uncle suffers from an irresolvable, progressive disorientation; Louima, a family friend, is attacked and raped by police; and two mentors, Toni Morrison and Paule Marshall, live through their final months. These experiences emphasize the possibility of loss and disconnection, reflecting a kind of hypervigilance that can be an inheritance of trauma. She approaches these accounts with the courage of an intentional witness, maintaining that perspective even when she looks beyond her own circle. In “Chronicles of a Death Foretold,” Danticat tells the story of a self-proclaimed prophetess who predicted the 2021 assassination of the Haitian President Jovenel Moïse, and the collection’s penultimate essay, “Wozo, Not Mawozo,” examines the weeks following the kidnapping of Christian missionaries in Haiti in 2021.

These are clearly the essays of an accomplished novelist. They move swiftly through detailed anecdotes and varied landscapes, even when the principal action the speaker engages in is “thinking.” There is room in an essay for dramatic action, for the expression of the body as it relates to thought, which was somewhat lacking here. At times, I struggled to see the author as a figure in the dramatic action she cited. Even so, it’s a testament to Danticat’s skill that these brief, intense works about serious matters do not feel heavy. She brings us close enough to the trouble at hand that we cannot mistake what we have seen.

But we are not alone in trying to make sense of feelings that come from becoming a witness to this world. No one is.

Wendy S. Walters is the author of the prose collection “Multiply/Divide” and an associate professor of nonfiction at Columbia University.

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