how to end a speech for wedding

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Wedding Reception Ideas
Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception? How to Write a Wedding Toast Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech How to Write a Best Man Toast Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech What to Know About a Newlywed Toast Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips 60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

Public Speaking Experts Share Their Top Tips for Giving an Amazing Wedding Speech

Check out their best examples and advice to learn how to knock it out of the park.

Photo by Kurt Boomer

In This Article

Most people would agree that public speaking isn't easy, and this is especially true when you're feeling the added pressure that comes along with giving a speech at a loved one's wedding. Not only do you have the attention of dozens (if not hundreds!) of guests you probably don't know, but you're also trying to appeal to a group of people in a wide range of ages from all different phases of the couple's lives. What's more, you want your speech to delight the couple of the hour and be as appealing to your group of friends as it to the newlyweds' grandparents. All in all, it's a tough task.

Before you panic, know that we're here to help. Ahead, we're sharing a comprehensive guide on what you should include in your speech , how to nail your delivery, and questions to consider to get the brainstorming process started—all from noteworthy speakers, well-established speechwriters, and wedding planners (who have seen it all).

Wedding Speech Template

Every great wedding speech has one thing in common: the right flow. Factor in these guidelines to help you find your own organic rhythm.

Open With a Statement or Question

Don't lead with a joke or a reference to how nervous you are. "The goal is to engage your audience, not make it a boring one-way message," says award-winning motivational speaker Jaime Pfeffer . "You'll lose them if you do this."

Introduce Yourself

After your opener, introduce yourself, says Fallon Carter , a wedding planner, even designer, and professional speaker. "A lot of times, people don't know who is speaking, and they don't know their relationship to the bride or the groom," she says. "It's really important to identify yourself, so make sure you've prepared something."

Address Your Audience

As speaker and life strategy coach Mark Black, CSP , points out, focusing on yourself only enhances nerves. "Instead, concentrate on your audience and how you want them to feel. This will help you to speak from the heart, allowing your speech to do what it's supposed to do: Make the couple feel special while also engaging the audience."

Focus on a Few Points

Seasoned speaker Susan Bender Phelps, CEO of Odyssey Mentoring & Leadership , says her top guideline is to select one to three aspects of the newlyweds that you love and appreciate, along with no more than three short stories to illustrate each of these points (or that one point). "The simple, succinct story or stories where the bride and groom are the hero will work best." This is an excellent way to structure your speech and keep your message focused.

How Long Wedding Speeches Should Be

The ideal length for a speech is three to five minutes, with five minutes being the absolute maximum you should speak for. That's it. "I’ve never been to a wedding where anyone said, 'That was a great wedding, but the best man speech was just too short and that ruined it,'" says David Litt , the speechwriter for former President Barack Obama and author of Thanks, Obama .

Carter agrees: "I always say anywhere between two and five minutes—and no more than five minutes," she says. "You want to keep things short and sweet." It's just as important to keep in mind when the speech will take place when determining length, since toasts are often timed with meal courses: "Be mindful of how long a course generally takes or how long it takes people to eat," Carter adds, noting that most courses last between 15 and 20 minutes and that several speeches have to fit inside each window. "If there are other people speaking, you want to be mindful and give them space."

Wedding Speech Tips

Now that you've established the right framework for your words, take note of these essential tips for acing the delivery from a few speaking pros.

Rehearse Regularly

The better prepared you are, the more confident you'll be and the better your speech will be, says author and professional speaker Barry Maher . A good rule of thumb is to practice the speech enough that you can remember the points you want to make and the order in which you want to make them. That way, you can look out to the crowd and make eye contact every so often.

Record Yourself Practicing

Use your phone to take a video of yourself practicing, suggests Kate Kenfield , speaker and sex educator. "It can be a little uncomfortable to watch yourself, but you'll be able to identify distracting mannerisms, such as the verbal pauses 'um,' 'uh,' and 'like'." It's also a good idea to practice your speech in front of someone else. "A second opinion can help you craft your piece and make it that much stronger," she says.

Don't forget body language! Rehearse the speech in front of a mirror and notice things like your facial expression, eye contact, and hand position.

Avoid Alcohol

Although it may be tempting to look for some liquid courage, alcohol definitely won't do you any favors, warns keynote speaker Amy Morin , author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do . "It may cause you to slur your speech and forget your lines, so wait until after your toast to celebrate," she advises. If you need a drink to loosen up the nerves or can't refrain from participating in a toast without being rude, stick to one glass of Champagne before you address the crowd.

Use Nerves to Your Advantage

A little nervousness can actually liven up your speech. "I get worried if I'm not a little nervous," says Maher. "I'll actually try to make myself a little tense to get my energy level up." The key is to harness that energy and communicate it in a positive, genuine way; tensing up to the point that you forget your words or panic won't make for a great presentation.

Be Yourself

Keep in mind that you're not putting on a show, only sharing your personal perspective. Trying too hard to force the funny can yield the opposite of the desired effect, cautions Matt Dalley, co-founder of Simply Eloped . "I've noticed that keeping it short and sweet, heartfelt and warm, and coming across as authentic and focused on the couple is something we are all capable of and generates some very wonderful moments," he says.

Never Embarrass the Newlyweds

It's a wedding toast, not a roast. While this should go without saying, keep the bachelor or bachelorette party jokes out of it, and remember that grandma and possibly a few colleagues are in the audience, notes Laurie Battaglia , a keynote speaker and workplace strategist. "It's okay to look back at childhood and refer to something funny, but ask yourself if you'd like 200-plus of your closest friends knowing that story about you."

Use Your Notes

Reading your speech straight from a piece of paper is a big no-no. However, having a couple of note cards handy is encouraged. "You're likely to be nervous, excited, and exhausted, which can make you forget your lines," explains Morin. "The audience won't care if you glance at your notes. In fact, there's a good chance they won't even notice."

Wedding Speech Brainstorm Ideas

Need some inspiration? Ask yourself these questions to get the brainstorming process going.

Who will speak before you? After you? How will this affect the content of your toast? (Perhaps you want to include a reference to their speech, thank them for an introduction, or introduce the next speaker).
Is there someone you should thank for making the event possible and inviting you to speak?
What would you want to hear in this speech if you were in the audience?
Is there a favorite story or memory that the couple would want you to share with their friends and family?

Wedding Speech Examples to Make Your Own

So, what does it look like when all these elements come together? Wedding vow and speechwriter Katelyn Peterson , owner and creator of Wedding Words , offered us three examples of successful toasts to inspire your own.

Maid of Honor Wedding Speech Example

"Hi, I’m Maya, the bride’s older sister . With Lucy being three years younger, we fell right into our respective roles as sister-rivals growing up. We constantly fought over stolen clothes, monopolizing the phone back when landlines were a thing, and what boy band to blare from the car speakers. I’m still Team Backstreet Boys while Lucy is forever indebted to NSYNC.

Looking back on those memories, I should have stepped up and granted Lucy permission to wear my favorite sweater for picture day, to hand her the phone once in a while, and to let her play, 'Bye Bye Bye.' Even I can admit that’s a good one. But despite Lucy being the younger sister, she has always been more patient, more accommodating, and more thoughtful than me. And that’s because when it comes to the people she loves, she’s all in.

She’s the one to prioritize their desires. She’s the one to compromise first. And, she’s the one to support their dreams as if they were her own.

This is why it makes me so happy to know that Lucy has found a home in David. He matches her in compassion, thoughtfulness, and warmth. And I know he’ll spend his life prioritizing her desires, being ready to compromise, and supporting her dreams as his own.

Cheers to Lucy and David! May you always feel loved because you always put each other first."

Best Man Wedding Speech Example

"Hello, everyone. My name is Luke and I’m the best man . I met Robert eight years ago when I became his neighbor. His reputation preceded him as I had heard about the 'Block Party King' before my closing papers were inked.

Rob has never been the guy to wear fancy clothes. In fact, I’m still in shock seeing him in that tux tonight. And he’s never been the guy to show off even though the work he’s put into his vintage Mustang could make Henry Ford himself envious.

But when it comes to cooking, he should receive an award. His pulled pork is a staple at our summer block parties and his homemade barbeque sauce has remained our neighborhood’s best-kept secret. But the most satisfying part about his delicious dishes is that there’s always plenty to go around. And Rob makes sure your plate is never empty. I have no idea how he pulls it off, but Rob has a covert ability to scoop seconds onto your plate without you ever seeing him do it. I hope you all came hungry tonight, folks. You’ve been warned!

The first time I met Jasmine I could immediately tell she was an amazing person. She laughed at his jokes which I never thought anyone would get. She supported his career and the nonstop travel involved. But most importantly, whenever we’re all hanging out, Jasmine is the one always topping off Rob’s plate with more pasta, more chicken, more of everything. When she’s around, it’s never empty.

And that’s when I saw what a perfect match they were for each other. I know they will always put each other first, make sure their needs are met, and will never allow the other to go hungry.

So let’s raise our glasses to toast the newlyweds! As you begin this next chapter together, may your plates and your hearts always remain full."

Father of the Bride Wedding Speech Example

"Good evening, family, and friends. I’m Daniel Lee, the father of the bride. I’d like to welcome you to this special occasion where we get to celebrate the love between my daughter Allison and her new wife, Kristin.

Standing up here today, I’m reminded of all the moments that led to this significant one. The dance recitals that ended with standing ovations and the soccer games that concluded with winning scoreboards.

But, while those were fun and rewarding times, those aren’t the moments I cherish most with Allison. The memories that make me smile the brightest are those in-between the big stuff moments. It’s the makeshift magic shows in our living room using a bedsheet that Allison confiscated from our linen closet to convert into a curtain. It’s the countless tea parties she hosted with exclusive invitations just for me and her beloved stuffed bear, Buttons. And it’s the way she’d beg to stay up for just five more minutes but was asleep on the couch by minute number two.

Those everyday, blink-and-you’ll-miss-them moments with Allison are the ones that gave color to my life and filled my heart with a happiness I never knew could exist.

So, my beautiful daughter, as you begin your life with Kristin today, I have one wish for you: May your warmest memories come from the ordinary moments throughout your marriage, and may those moments give you a reason to smile brighter every day. Cheers! I love you both." —Daniel

What Not to Say in a Wedding Speech

Your job when delivering a wedding speech is to keep things light—tell an anecdote, make an emotional connection, then wish the couple well before you close out. Anything that doesn't feel definitively positive should be avoided. "I would advocate against bringing up negative details, specifically past relationships or past spouses," says Carter. "Skip anything that you wouldn't want to be physically recorded and played over and over again—this is a rule of thumb."

Keep it light, delicate, and present- and future-focused, Carter adds. "If you're going to go into the past, make those stories really intentional," she says. "Bring those stories back to who they are now. Your mission is to create a great environment and vibe and to potentially give some information about one of the newlyweds, so that it's enlightening for all guests."

A Guide to Wedding Reception Toasts

Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception?

How to Write a Wedding Toast

Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech

How to Write a Best Man Toast

Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech

What to Know About a Newlywed Toast

Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips

60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

The Ultimate Guide to Wedding Speeches: Who Gives Them, How to Write One

As a freelancer, Anna writes articles for The Knot Worldwide.
A former New Yorker, Anna now lives in Stockholm, Sweden, where she is the Deputy Managing Editor at a wellness startup.
In addition to writing for The Knot Worldwide, Anna has worked as an editor at CNN, a reporter for CNBC Make It, and has freelanced for many other well-established online publications.

Historically, wedding speeches date back to ancient societies, when those in attendance would raise their glasses to their gods. Today, giving a speech (or toast) to honor the newlyweds is still a big part of wedding celebrations.

Typically, those expected to give wedding speeches usually includes the newlyweds' parents, one representative from each side of the couple's wedding party (the best man and maid of honor ), and a response toast from the newlyweds, explains Allyson Joseph, an event producer at Bob Gail Events in Los Angeles, California.

As for rehearsal dinner speeches , it's most typical for the father and mother of the groom to raise a toast since they often host this event — while the wedding is commonly hosted by the bride's family.

But there are no set-in-stone rules about who should (and shouldn't) give wedding speeches. It really depends on the occasion, as well as the couple's preferences and culture. Here, several wedding experts provide their very best wedding speech tips.

Wedding Speech vs. Wedding Toast: What's the Difference?

You've heard of "wedding speeches" and "wedding toasts" — but what's the difference? Here's what experts have to say.

"A toast is generally an acknowledgment of a timely event, in the case of a wedding toast, to honor and congratulate the happy couple on their nuptials," says Diane Gottsman, an international etiquette expert and founder of the Protocol School of Texas .

On the other hand, Gottsman says "a speech is a 'talk,' a lengthier conversation of best wishes and reminiscent of the bride and groom's first meeting, history, or a warm and friendly story."

Julie Blais Comeau, Chief Etiquette Officer at Etiquette Julie , agrees. She says that a "toast is a proposal to drink, to 'cheer,' to honor [the couple's] union and to congratulate them. It is followed by a raising of the glass, the collective taking of a sip to wish them well. It is short and to the point." Speeches are typically longer, and "may include an anecdote or multiple stories and last more than three minutes," says Anne Chertoff, chief operating officer at Beaumont Etiquette .

In sum, you'd raise a toast to the newlyweds and invite everyone to take a sip of whatever they're drinking (often champagne), and speeches are typically pre-written, lengthier tributes.

What Do You Say in a Wedding Speech?

The time has come to write a great wedding speech. You go to put your pen to paper — only to realize you are totally unsure of what's most important to say. Here, you'll get advice on how to deliver a great speech that holds meaning, plus tips on what not to say.

How to Start a Wedding Speech

If it's your first time giving a wedding speech, don't worry if you're not an experienced speechwriter. We recommend starting from the top. What should you begin by saying?

Find your kind of venue

"When drafting a wedding speech, the speaker would start it based on what their role is in the wedding," Chertoff says. For example, " the father or mother of the bride or groom may start by thanking everyone for attending, since they may be the host of the occasion."

If you're giving a maid of honor speech or best man speech, you may want to start by introducing yourself, Chertoff explains. This introduction may include how you know the bride or groom — and if appropriate, you can also throw in some heartfelt memories you have about meeting their new spouse.

This advice — to start by introducing yourself — can apply to any speech by any guest. It's a smooth way to kick off your tribute, which will also provide context for those listening.

How to End a Wedding Speech

The ending of your speech will likely wrap up in a natural way as you write. But, to make sure you hit the right note, consider the following. "The end of a wedding speech should summarize the feeling of the speech and the occasion," Chertoff says. "The speaker may want to ask everyone to raise a glass to toast the couple — or they may want to end by saying how much they love the newlyweds."

It's really that simple. Just make sure that your speech has a wrap-up of some kind, end it on a heartfelt note, and don't just stop abruptly after telling a story.

When all else fails, you can signal the end of your speech by raising a toast. (After all, everyone loves an energetic toast, followed by a sip of their favorite drink.)

Photo from wedding ceremony with bride and wedding planner laughing

What NOT to Say in a Wedding Speech

What you say in your wedding speech really depends on your relationship with the couple — and also the type and formality of the affair. You may, for example, want to be extra careful about how and when you "throw shade" at the couple. "While some people may think it's funny to roast a bride or groom, a rehearsal dinner is the more appropriate place for a roast-style speech," Chertoff says.

Along the same lines, you may want to avoid bringing up certain topics. "Steer clear from mentioning past love interests, private jokes or one-liners no one else will understand, or personal details that could potentially be offensive," Gottsman says.

She adds: "Humor is dangerous — unless you are really good at pulling it off and very few people are as funny as they think!"

Finally, it's safest to stay away from curse words — and definitely don't belittle, ridicule, or shame anyone, Chertoff explains. "Remember that what you say and do can be recorded at any moment and could go viral."

Who Should Give Wedding Speeches?

With all of your loved ones attending your wedding, you might be wondering who should give wedding speeches on your big day. "The list can be lengthy and include everyone in the wedding party, including bridesmaids and groomsmen, if he or she wants to," Blais Comeau says. "There is no obligation on anyone's part."

Blais Comeau adds: "Top of the list is the bride and groom, followed by the father of the bride speech and the father of the groom speech, unto the best man, the maid of honor. Start at the top, decide, ask, and plan."

What's the usual order of wedding speeches? "The best man and the maid of honor traditionally offer the first speech, generally before the meal is served," Gottsman says. Then, "a parent of the couple may make a dessert speech honoring the couple, as well."

If the newlyweds also want to give a speech , that's welcomed. After all, they're the reason everyone is gathered. It's always nice to thank everyone for coming — and show appreciation for all who may have traveled from afar.

How Long Should a Wedding Speech Be?

Wondering how long your wedding speech should be? Here's some helpful advice to ensure you meet expectations without going on for too long. While many experts will tell you to keep your talk to 3 minutes or less, Chertoff says the best wedding speeches usually last three to five minutes. Gottsman agrees, saying "The perfect speech lasts around 5 minutes, give or take a minute or two."

Just remember: While it's easy to write a lot about the people that you love, there are many festivities that take place during the wedding reception, such as special dances and cutting the cake.

To make sure you're in the sweet spot time-wise, try writing down everything you'd like to say and time yourself as you read. If you end up talking for too long, you'll then want to cut out parts that have less impact.

Practicing is also important because it allows you to see how fast you tend to read. You'll want to make sure you "read slowly, pause, look up, smile, look at the newlyweds and the guests," Blais Comeau says. "Don't rush it."

Is It OK to Read a Wedding Speech?

The debate over whether it's OK to read your wedding speech ends here. Since not everyone is great at public speaking, experts say it's fine to bring notes with you, so long as you're familiar with your script. The important part is to show your love for the couple.

"No one should feel obligated to memorize a speech," Chertoff says. "That being said, it's important that anyone reading a speech or making a toast practice before the wedding day, so they are comfortable and confident on the big day."

Gottsman agrees, saying, "Note cards are acceptable to refer to occasionally if you are feeling nervous. But she adds that "the best speech is from the heart without notes."

Additionally, if you choose to read from your phone or tablet, remember to "make sure that all the bells and whistles are silenced," Blais Comeau says. After all, you don't want your phone to start ringing mid-speech. That'd be a real mood spoiler.

Groom giving speech during wedding reception.

IMAGES

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COMMENTS

How to Write a Wedding Speech: Examples, Tips, and Advice
So, my beautiful daughter, as you begin your life with Kristin today, I have one wish for you: May your warmest memories come from the ordinary moments throughout your marriage, and may those ...
What to Say in a Wedding Speech & What NOT to Say
How to End a Wedding Speech. The ending of your speech will likely wrap up in a natural way as you write. But, to make sure you hit the right note, consider the following. "The end of a wedding speech should summarize the feeling of the speech and the occasion," Chertoff says.