lowest point of your life essay

7 Life-Changing Lessons From My Lowest Point in Life

Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant. – Paul Coelho

I carried all my worldly belongings, in disheveled cardboard boxes, out to the car in the chilly Tahoe weather.

Carting all your possessions out to the car when your relationship is on the rocks can be one of the most painful experiences because it is fraught with dreams, memories, and reflections of happier times together.

I would only realize later that this fateful day was the beginning of a separation that ultimately led to our divorce.

My Lowest Point in Life

Nearly a decade ago, I married the woman I believed was my soulmate. Living together with the many ups and downs of marriage was a challenge. Realizing that we weren’t good for each other and should move on was something I never wanted to come to terms with.

The following days and months were considerably colder and more frigid than the Sierra air on the day of my move.  My world continued to spin out of control as I tried to hold on to regular daily activities, work, and simply survive each day.  I had to work through and get past the self-pity, loathing, uncontrollable tears, sadness, and pangs of suicidal thoughts.

My marriage was broken.

The person I had spent a good portion of my life with was no longer in it.

The life that began after the move was a new one. And it began where all great change and growth begins – at the absolute lowest point in my life.

In the following few months, I moved in with strangers, quit my job, left my rental, and traveled around Central America for a period of soul-searching and self-reflection.

After the move and the travels, I found myself single, unemployed, and without an official address. ‘Home’ was the couch at my brother’s place and friends’ homes around the state.

My illustrious triumph each day was simply waking up and doing something. Anything.

I didn’t take this separation or divorce lightly. It came as a life-crushing and soul-tearing experience. Somehow, I had to dig myself out of this very low place in my life…

Of course, now, I realize this has been the greatest period of growth and development. Through the months of isolation, waterfalls of tears, and periods of self-loathing and doubt, I had survived it.

7 Ways I Survived The Lowest Point of My Life

1. Every day counts .

I had to realize that to get out of this horrible place I was in, I had to take it one day at a time. If I thought about the situation as a whole or what my divorce meant to my life in general, it would weigh me down and paralyze me.

Do this : Start taking small actions daily. It could be as simple as doing the daily routine of brushing your teeth and having breakfast, followed by completing even the smallest of tasks. Do the very minimum. Don’t focus on the past or future or reflect on the gravity of your circumstances or situation.

One task at a time. One day at a time.   

My minimum every day was doing a little bit of exercise. Making it through a workday without breaking down was a success.

2.   Being down doesn’t mean you’re out .

If you fell down yesterday, stand up today. – H.G.Wells

When I felt knocked down, I thought that I was ejected from the game of life. I thought I had lost three video game lives and it was ‘Game Over’.

Then I realized that the most painful thing in your life doesn’t mean the end of the world for you or anyone else. Others had survived even more traumatic, painful, and unimaginable grief and loss.

People had lost their parents, their spouses, and even their children through tragedies and traumatic life events but still found the power to go on.

Cancer patients and others with terminal illnesses have found the strength to go on.

Those who have experienced floods, tornadoes, and earthquakes have had to find the courage to rebuild their houses and their lives.

Being at your worst point is a temporary condition. I didn’t think it could get better, but it did. Sometimes, I felt like I fell back a few steps on a daily basis, but over time I was becoming stronger.

Do this : Look at past situations in your life when you failed or found yourself in a slump due to events out of your control. Did you move forward? Did you survive?

Most likely – yes!

Use your positive past experiences and ability to overcome setbacks to remind yourself that you can overcome them again.

3. Accept life’s circumstances. You don’t have control over everything.

For me, this was one of the more agonizing lessons to learn. Once upon a time in my professional work as an attorney, I learned that you can take the unknowns out of many situations by putting the terms in the contract. You can minimize risk and ensure limited damages when the unexpected happens.

But in life, you don’t have that control. Realizing that, as someone who had workplace success and was able to create certainty in so many other areas of life, was a hard lesson.

Sometimes, you have to let go.  You have to accept life events unfolding in front of you as they are. You can wish your circumstances were different, but learn to accept the circumstances you’re facing. You can’t change some circumstances.

Accepting life circumstances is the first step to alleviating pain and improving conditions. But you can’t make progress when you don’t accept the circumstances, or situation, in the first place.

It took me a while to realize that the separation was real and the divorce was pending.

Only once I could accept that my personal life was out of my control could I take the steps to re-arrange the puzzle of my life. Only then could I stop blaming. Only then could I heal.

4. The gift of unlimited spiritual growth and clarity .

I thought I had been a rather spiritual person before my world seemed like it collapsed on me. I prayed, meditated, and spent time self-reflecting. I tried to connect myself more with the universe around me.

Then, divorce happened and I tried to use all my spiritual tools to help me through it.

That’s when I realized that my spiritual practices may have been helping me connect with the universe and God, but they were not allowing me to understand myself.

That’s when the walls of spirituality started to collapse.

I was focused on my soul but had forgotten myself as a person.

I couldn’t just sit back and only pray or meditate. I had to come to terms with my personality, characteristics, and habits so I could start to improve as a person.

Self-development became a spiritual practice as I confronted my anger, judgment, and ego. I learned that a practical spiritual practice was loving more each day, showing more compassion to people, always forgiving others, and being thankful for everything I have

These discoveries and realizations occurred only when a devastating life event caused me to seek more of the answers within myself.

5. You can start from scratch when you’ve lost it all.

Often times you dream, plan, and want to create the life you want to live.

Sometimes– only when things crash and burn– you can truly start over.

A job loss, a death of a loved one, a bankruptcy, and yes, even a divorce, will give you the opportunity to start again.

You can start again and design the life you want.

I’ve now had more time to reflect on my priorities and my values. I’ve changed locations to suit my lifestyle more. I’ve shifted careers to be more at peace.

When the life you know crumbles in front of you, you can more meaningfully and thoughtfully choose the life you want to live.

Ask yourself what type of lifestyle you want to have:

• What does your dream lifestyle look like?
• How do you want to make a difference in the world ?
• What is important to you and how much time do you want to spend doing that?
• What will you focus your time and attention on? What truly matters to you in life?

6. Happiness isn’t the destination but the journey.

Happiness is an inside job. – William Arthur Ward

I used to think I was creating a life to be happy someday. Not today.

Upon hitting my low point, it was time to reflect and redirect.

When you feel sadness and pain, it happens in the moment. I was washed over by both when I was going through a divorce but it got me thinking, “Can’t I also find happiness in the moment?”

I realized that it was possible and easier than suspected.

Do not say you want to be happy “one day.” You have that power at this very moment.

The power of your happiness lies in your power to make choices.

Make these choices that will bring you happiness:

• Spend more time with people who bring you happiness and less time with people who don’t.
• Do work that makes a difference and brings you joy.
• Spend more time for hobbies and leisure in your life.

See, you don’t have to wait until you’re happy. Just start doing things that make you happy. Spend more time each day on activities and people who make you happy.

Enjoy happiness in that moment and before you know it, happiness will snowball into your life.

7. Vulnerability increases authenticity and compassion.

I used to be terrified of opening myself up to friends and family. I never wanted to seem less than my best self.

After going through something so traumatic and painful, my life completely opened up to everyone.

Once I came to terms with what I went through, I gladly share it with others. Sharing my pains and struggles allows me to live a more authentic life. There’s no more false pretense to uphold.

There is a liberation in being who you are – faults, flaws, failures, and all.

It took me a while on my journey to get there, but instead of getting negative or having self-pity, I found empathy, understanding, and deeper connections with friends and family.

Being vulnerable and exploring my life this way has also allowed me to be a more compassionate person. Once you can appreciate your own struggles and pains, you can relate to the tears, sadness, and pain.

When tragedy strikes, your life hasn’t ended.

It’s just begun.

Has one of your life’s most challenging circumstances resulted in your growth and development? Please share your thoughts and stories in the comments below.

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77 thoughts on “7 Life-Changing Lessons From My Lowest Point in Life”

I am at a low point in my life. I have recently found out that the long distance relationship between my husband and I has been fraught with lies. He no longer has use for me especially since his Visa application failed in May. There was information on the Refusal Notice that he did not tell me. I have recently had our baby and found out that he has a lot more children as well as a girlfriend. I feel hurt and stupid for trusting him. But everyday is a new day and it’s getting better. I was homeless and managed to find a little place. My degree gives me some hope that there is better out there somewhere. I do feel hopeless at times but I have an instinctive feeling that beyond this my future is bright.

You ‘feel hurt and stupid for trusting him’… what has happened says a lot more about his character than it does about yours. Your trust and faith in someone is a reflection of where humanity should be. His behavior is a reflection of the dark abyss of where humanity has headed for far too long. Keep your head up, have faith in yourself. You have emotional strength and perserverence that you never knew existed. Afterall you’re a mother now, you don’t know it yet, but you are a super hero. You are a tiger – learn how to roar.

Thank you. Your words are very encouraging and I will keep on until I ROAR!!!

Kate I IIke the way you think.

Hey i know it’s been 4 years but i am wondering if it has gotten better since ?

I am sorry to hear about the circumstances you’re experiencing, Veronica. It seems like a very difficult place to be but glad to see you see this as temporary, that you understand you start new each day and that you’re finding gratitude in the things that are going well in your life. My own personal growth and greatest life lessons came out of my life’s lowest points.

Thank you for sharing your story with so much vulnerability and strength. You’re right – your future is bright!

Thank you for your kind words and insightful post.

Vishnu, thank you for your advice.

Thank you for such a well written article on the subject. It was nice to read things like happiness isn’t the destination but the journey. I find so often we can focus on the immediate attainment of happiness and lose sight of the happiness we do have in that very moment. I recently wrote about a similar topic in my post: http://wildestlife.com/courage-amidst-challenge-musings-from-a-recovering-perfectionist/

Hi Veronica,

What you have been through must be very challenging an tough and I can only imagine. I was betrayed and I can relate to what you feel. I was also hurt and feel stupid. I hope you will find a way, at least to survive it first.

What an honest and vulnerable post, Vishnu.

Forgiving yourself for ‘doing nothing’ is showing yourself compassion. Sometimes, self-help teaches you what you can do to feel differently, feel better, or just feel something. But sometimes? Just letting yourself feel like crap and live with it for a while works.

Thank you for your comments, Razwana. Yes, embracing the low point and the feelings that come with it are steps to healing. Only when we hit that point do we come to terms with accepting the situation, acknowledging what is and starting our growth process.

Glad you liked the post and thank you for your feedback.

the harder you hit rock bottom – the higher you bounce

That’s some real wisdom there: short, to the point and true!! :)

that only work if you are made of rubber… i wish i could see things in a positive way, but my life’s fall began as soon as i was born, and its coming to an end without ever finding any proof that happiness has ever been possible to achieve. I just came here to try to find some comfort and think that i might not be in so deep psychological pain, but instead, it had the reverse effect, and i just cant fix my life so broken financially, emotionally, socially. i am just counting my days and living on the future.

that was beautiful! Thanks

“Use your positive past experiences and ability to overcome setbacks to remind yourself that you can overcome again.” For me, this is the most important sentence in your article. It is a gentle reminder that no matter how dire my current circumstances may seem at the moment, I can find a solution and move forward. Thank you for the reminder.

Thanks Chas, we’ve done it before, we can do it again. Usually we dwell in the past and the problems of the past. If we didn’t dwell so much on the difficulties but how we got through them, that will help us stay motivated, inspired and give us the strength to face the problems that we’re facing today.

Thank you for the comment.

An inspiring, motivational post, Vishnu. Low points come in every one’s life . The progression of life is not linear but cyclical. It is entirely upto one how one responds to the situation. Having been betrayed in love, I was frozen into inaction and depression. It took me years to come out of the pit. What helped me to get over the trauma was some of the suggestions enumerated in the above post particularly #3 and #4. Spirituality helps one understand the transitoriness of relationships and need to anchor oneself in the everlasting – the God.

hi Mahavir – thank you for your comment. Glad the post resonated. #3 and 4 were big for me too.

I know what you went through was difficult and heart-breaking as I did but this experience has led me to be very grateful for the gifts it gave me as well – self-knowledge, growth, insights and development as a person. I’m now better able to handle changes that come my way and like you mentioned, it expanded the spiritual dimension of my life. Would I want to go through this again? lol probably not. Am I grateful that I did? Yes!!

Thanks for sharing your experience.

‘Sometimes– only when things crash and burn– you can truly start over’ – this statement of yours is just everything that makes a difference to a broken heart. I also have a broken marriage after just 3 months of marital life.

What puts us in awkward position is when we gauge ourselves comparing to an ‘ideal life’ that we think most of the others are living, and ponder on the question ‘Why me??’.

I have also come to the point now that its really all about my inner self. Connecting to ourselves is the best way to overcome these downs in life.

I’m sorry to hear about your situation, Shreya, and can understand the situation you went through. Including the comparisons to others and judgments by others.

I asked that question for a bit, “Why Me” but I’ve found that the questions we ask ourselves also matter. “Why me” tends to be answered in very negative and disempowering ways. I’ve found for myself that asking questions like, “What can I learn from this?”, “what does this experience have to teach me?” “what can I be grateful for in this situation?” to be a little more inspiring.

And the lessons from this experience are profound and life long. Not too much can shake me up anymore. I can embrace any kind of extreme changes. The experience has cultivated compassion and empathy. I understand what is really important in life now and how small things don’t matter as much.

And like you, been able to do all this inner work. What happened may have been sad I also feel thankful for these life-changing lessons. Oh and one other thing – the ideal life we think others are having is usually not that ideal – everyone has their own problems, difficulties and journeys. We’ve just got to focus on our own. right:) ?

Yes Vishnu. You are right. And i have stopped asking that question to myself eventually and now am really at a better place and in a way thankful for all that happened. After all i now really have a life to live :)

I have just grown to this person who makes a conscious effort to be a better human every day and being glad about it. And you are right nothing can really shake us up. Not very disastrous but I injured my knee while playing, underwent a surgery just recently and family, friends are surprised at how calmly i have dealt with it. Nothing can really shake us. Just living with the desire to live a life with a purpose.

Thanks for sharing where you are now and happy to hear how far you’ve come, Shreya. When we turn our pain into gratitude, our difficulties become our lessons. Our problems, our teachers.

Wishing you continued growth and success.

Thank you for your encouraging words Vishnu. Wish you a successful purpose driven life.

I believe that the lowest points in our life are quite important. Many times we fall into our comfort zone and are not willing to have a deep understanding of our problems. The small issues and problems troubling and creating vaccume. Challenges in life push us to have a deeper perspective. They make us stronger, empathetic and peaceful. Above all challenges help us to deepen our faith.

Amen – agreed with all that you said, Deepti. Since we can’t avoid losses, defeats, failures and challenges, let’s use them to propel our best life. Nothing shakes us up and helps us grow as much as our lowest points.

Thanks for writing such an honest and authentic post. The advice you provide is simple and incredibly effective. I can see many similarities too my own experience and I congratulate you on crafting your message so eloquently.

Revealing how much my own divorce rocked my world has been my biggest fear but also the source of a new perspective on life. I wish you all the best for the future.

Best Regards,

Lee – we do have similar stories. Glad you’ve also made the journey back to a new perspective and growth. And excited to have checked out your writing and blog. Hope to keep up with you there. Thanks for your comment!

Very moving article. I’m sorry you were at your lowest to begin with, but I’m happy that you used it as a strength and a wake-up call. I wrote on that subject ( http://bit.ly/1mm0LvP ) and it’s so inspiring to see examples how people used something which seems tragic at first towards bettering their life.

Also I love this part – “Being down doesn’t mean you’re out”. It’s so simple and the glimmer of hope a lot of people need.

Enjoyed checking out your post, Phil – do you want to be the victim or the victor? great question to ask ourselves. Nope, being down doesn’t mean you’re out – in the boxing rink and in life.

Glad you liked the post and thank you being the light of hope to others through your writing.

I think you really hit the nail on the head when you said that the life you know crumbles in front of you. The hardest part for me when my relationship ended was letting go of my own life. It wasn’t just about losing the other person, it was losing who you were with them. Your life entangled with memories and friends and plans, has now become about you being a survivor and having to essentially be born again in to a new life while pretending to retain some semblance of the old one. I’m sorry for anyone that’s had to endure that kind of heartache but it really does wear down the edges of a person. It makes you softer and easier and more compassionate. I’m glad that I’m not the only one.

THank you for sharing your story, Cheyenne. I get the feeling you’re talking about – of trying to figure out who you are without the person, to reshape your identity once again, and to start getting clearer about yourself and your life. The pain of heartache is no fun, but it really has added to our growth hasn’t it? Feels like our hearts were broken but we’ve had life breakthroughs because of our heartache. YOu’re definitely not the only one and sharing our stories will hopefully help others realize that we’re in the same boat with them.

Hi Vishnu, Very well written. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I could relate to some of the experiences myself as well. What also helped me was a strong support structure in the form of my family and my closest friends.

I wish you all the very best for the future.

Thanks Virag – appreciate your comments. A strong support system of friends and family during rough patches in excellent advice. I wish I had done more of that (cultivating these relationships) during this difficult time but I didn’t which probably made things even harder than they were. But I hope this article and your comment helps others on their path.

Thank you for your good wishes and support.

Like most everyone commenting here, I had a failed marriage as well. But I’m looking at this post from a different perspective. I’m “stuck” as to what I want to be doing for a business, trying to discover exactly what it is that I want to do to help people. When you say “You can start again and design the life you want.” it really spoke to me. Just because I’ve invested a lot of time, energy and — yes — money in one particular direction, it doesn’t mean I have to stay on that path.

You’ve inspired me to take a good long look at where I am and where I want to be.

Hi Brenda – thanks for sharing your experience and adding to the conversation.

YOu don’t have to have to have lost it all in life to start over. Even when you’ve given it your all, you can start over.

Evaluating how things went, looking at what worked and what didn’t, and making the necessary changes only helps propel us for future growth and success (in relationships and business)

Our intuitions are our best guides to help guide us to where we need to go. As well as our joys – whatever it is you’re doing that doesn’t feel like work – do more of that:) Even if doesn’t relate directly to a business, I’ve found that doing what I enjoy doing has helped guide me to the right destination.

Thanks for sharing, the same happened to me in 2009 after my husband was diagnosed with bipolar. None of us knew then the severity of it. I too hit rock bottom with the the highs and lows of the illness. I woke up one day Feb 2009 and thought, i could ‘stay home all day every day and cry or get out and do something’ thus began my journey to where I am today. I am proud to say I am now a Registered Nurse working and slowly but surely taking one step at a time one day at a time. Your right the harder you fall the bigger the climb. Keep going one step at a time. Thanks for sharing and awesome reading all the comments.

Thanks for adding your comments, Sally. Your comments are a reminder that hope is possible, new beginnings are possible and moving on is possible. YOu had two choices to make and you made the inspiring one of getting back up, achieving your goals and living your life, despite your difficulties.

One step at a time and one day at a time. Thank you again.

This was a timely read for me. I’m at rock bottom and the fault is mine. I’m in process of taking ownership. #6 and 7 are going to be key for me. Thank you.

Glad you saw it at the right time, Justin. I wish you the best. #6 and 7 are daily habits that can be cultivated a little at a time. Do something you enjoy each day. Find happiness in everyday life. Share your experiences with those you trust and build up a support system. Know that you’re not alone – we’ve all on the journey with you and others here have shown the way to success and healing.

I really needed this article today. #5, #6, and #7 hit home for me. I’m starting from the very beginning and trying not stress myself out on the path to happiness. And while I’m doing it being transparent with family and friends. Starting fresh is hard and harder when putting up the facade that it’s peaches and cream.

Glad you made it here, Taylor. All those items are a matter of choice and practices that can be developed over time. Small steps to be taken daily. And yes, once we let go of the facade and are honest with ourselves, we can do what needs to be done to heal and grow. Also being authentic with others allows us to have a stronger support system of people who can help us start again.

I’ve also noticed that when we get more authentic in our own lives, we end up attracting more authentic people into our life.

Thanks for sharing your perspective and commenting.

Great post Vishnu! You have such a great gift of being authentic and providing great content. Love this: “Happiness isn’t the destination but the journey.” Thanks for sharing.

Dave, great to see you here and thank you for your kind words. One of the best lessons I learned on this journey is that happiness is a lot closer than we think – it’s right here in this moment, accessible to us anytime:)

Thank you Vishnu. Your words about personality and soul were what stood out for me. I wrote down the questions to self . I read the posts of others and realized that I was part of much larger team of souls and personalities that were committed to finding a place of hope and new beginnings.

Hi Susan, glad the post resonated and that you’re on your journey to soul-realization and growth. Yes, today is a new day and it’s time to celebrate new beginnings!

Thanks Vishnu, As always your posts are really inspiring and also provides a comfort that we are in the right track… I have gone through a painful marriage life and then a divorce which was not a smooth transition, but I am strong more than before and I am being an example for many of my friends to cherish life’s every moment and enjoy as much as we can… Going on with my beautiful journey of life. I have learnt that the journey is what gives us the joy than the destination.

Regards Sridevi Gunasekaran

hi Sridevi – thank you for your comments and sharing your story. You’re also living your life in a very inspired way – knowing that you can’t change the past but have to make the best of present circumstances. Not only did you gain insight, strength and a better understanding of life but you’re able to inspire others now by simply living more courageously.

Well said vishnu! All i want to add here is to always remember; Not everything u loose is a loss! so breathe..if God has got you to it He well get you out of it too:-)

Thank you Dhara for reminding me that our greatest losses can be our greatest gains! It’s all about perspective, right?

Love this, Vishnu! Often we get down on ourselves for failed marriages, businesses, family relationships, etc and have nowhere to turn to or no one to talk to or share our pain with. Friends are nice to have but I find they usually just rub our back and say “Awe it will be ok..”. When we are down we need to be around, and share with, people that know EXACTLY what we are going through, and can offer some guidance, tools and valuable advice (mind you, that nice rub on the back does feel good too! ) Thank you for the great lessons! :-) I especially like #1 and #2.

I think sometimes people are afraid to cry or have a *feel sorry for myself day*. I found that after I’ve had a good cry or a *day of mourning*, I’m more empowered and have more hope. It’s almost like a *flush out the toxins* kind of thing for me.

Peace and Love Iva

Hi Iva – wonderful addition. Yes, those rock bottom days or “day or mourning”s allows us to embrace the pain and loss we’ve experienced, regroup, and learn the lessons of the present experience. also when we don’t mourn or embrace our low points, we are living in a state of resistance to the negative circumstances that have unfolded.

Thank you for your encouraging and hopeful comment.

Wonderful post, Vishnu with good solid advice. I remember when I was divorced, it felt like my world had been pulled out from under me. It took me a long time to get myself back together. Someone told me that each day gets a little better. I remembered that and kept plugging along and finally realized that I had created a new life for myself. It was not necessarily always better, but it was better than before and it was mine. Best of luck to you in your new life!

Thank you Cathy for sharing your story which serves as an encouraging reminder about what’s possible. I think we couldn’t ask for anything more, if “it was better than before and it was mine.” I’ve found that it does get better each day because with each day comes more growth, healing and hope.

Thanks for being so open about your challenges, Vishnu! I especially like this sentiment from lesson #4: “Self-development became a spiritual practice as I confronted my anger, judgment, and ego.” I never thought about it that way before and in hindsight, I’ve done just the same but didn’t consider it a form of spiritual practice.

Thank you, Varonica. I call it a spiritual practice but you can call it anything you want:) Any process that allows us to acknowledge ourselves, understand ourselves more and be more mindful in the way we live is a good thing. On a side note, I’ve found many spiritual aspects of personal development in how it’s helped me grow into a better, truer and more compassionate person.

I think having a failed marriage is one of the hardest feelings one can go through. I wish everybody who has gone through this peace of mind and future happiness. A friend of mine who recently got divorced told me that: “marriage is a strong bond. This strong bond needs strong energy to break it. That is why I am in pain.”

Look at the bright side. As long as you have your positive thinking, good things come to those who wait.

(Patience, forgiveness, and hope) are all that I wish for you.

Hi Sal – I’m glad you shared your friend’s reflections which ring true with me. We need the energy to break the bond and also for the growth and healing that comes after. I appreciate your words encouragement and well wishes. Thank you.

This post made me feel that my situation is not the lowest point that i’ll experience in my life but still I’m depressed. College student here and it all I see now is failing grades everywhere. IT HURTS ME A LOT? YES. :( Anyway, nice post! GOD BLESS!

Nice post and very encouraging. I am currently going through the lowest phase of my life. I’m divorced and jobless and I’m unable to find a job. I feel so trapped with 6 dogs and no friends or support system. At least i have a house to live in, but I feel so hopeless right now. I try pushing the suicidal thoughts away as much as I can. You are right. You just have to do something, anything each day. And only when you accept and surrender to your circumstances can true healing begin.

Yes, I’m in my lowest point of my life, which should be the happiest starting point. Just got married to this lovely woman but everything was shadowed with my struggles. I loss my job, broke and I’ve been trying to get my life together by looking for a job but up to now I’m still unsuccessful and with each rejection I’ve got from my interviews I felt that I’m sinking much deeper in my quicksand of depression. I’m trying to be strong for my wife but I don’t know until when I can keep the light of my hope burning.

Great post, so encouraging. I recently found out that my husband has been calling escorts. His explanation is that they called him first and he was calling them back to ask them to stop calling him. Obviously this is a lie. He is sticking to his story and I don’t know how to get the truth out of him. I’ve asked him to come with me to get counseling and he refuses. I don’t want to divorce him, we have a 2 year old son who deserves a mom and a dad in the same house. I am willing to forgive him if he tells me the truth but he just won’t. I really don’t know what to do.

Thank you Vishnu. Your article echoes the start of what I am going through with separation and sharing of the kids. It started 2 months ago with separation under the same roof and it set me on a downward spiral. Do net get me wrong the fault (most of it – I have to stop blaming myself) was my own. I had reconnected on-line with an old girlfriend/school friend and my wife was aware of this. I told her. But at the same time her mother was dying and she went to be with her. During this time I had continued conversing with this friend and when my wife returned (after her mother died) this came to light. Not that there was anything in the conversing but it was enough to warrant a separate sleeping arrangement. Needless to say this brought up feelings of abandonment and I took a turn for the worse – Suicide. That really set the whole thing on fire and catapulted her to moving out. Now I get to see my kids 2 days a week and whenever else but as you said “The person I had spent a good portion of my life with was no longer in it.” And it is scary and just the thought of not getting to see her again or be with her or someone else sends me spinning. But for now, for today I am making the most of it. I will wake tomorrow and start again.

Thanks Vishnu for such an inspiring post.

I myself am goi g through some of the stages that you listed above. I never lost my job but i had to leave it as i was in an abusive relationship with my now ex husband.. i packed up a few bags and left my home too. I still feel guilty and blame myself sometimes, although it’s not warranted. I have a 2 year old too, and it pains me so much when he asks for daddy. I had to protect myself and my son. I am moving on with my life with a support network and people that are happy, healthy and help me to see the side of life that i had forgotten about due to years of abuse. The light is becoming brighter and brighter. your post has been very uplifting for me.

Thankyou very much.

Blessings 😊

I was looking for a discussion forum on how to survive failed relationship when I stumbled into this. Your words are uplifting – giving me stray of hope that my life doesn’t end in one failed relationship. My life revolved around him. He took over my once-independent life. What hurts me the most is I was ready to get married and start family but he was not, so I waited…and waited for years until it is hard for me to conceive due to my age (39). One day he got cold and asked for “space”. And boom! I saw my life crumbling around me and all I could do is watch.

I have sunk into a pit of despair and do not believe I will ever return.

I am at the lowest point of my life. I did a siginificant mistake at my work although I have just worked some months. I am not fired, but I have been feeling very bad towards what I have done undeliberately. My boss and most coworkers did not blame me or attack me for what mistake I did, but I have been replaced and given less responsibilities. There is someone, a manager, who actually is a kind person and ever pat my head on the day I revealed my mistake. She said that it’s okay and I was touched by her kindness. However, just yesterday, she (perhaps) undeliberately said something that stab my heart so deeply. That day, I weared a new lipstick color that I never used. A coworker started a small chat praising my lip color and that manager suddenly joined the circles with saying “You know what? Even though you changed your lip color or use nice make up, you will not make your client likes you. Your client does not like you and that will remain that way.”. She said that to the people in the discussion while laughing. I just laugh and tried to respond positively like I am a stupid person who did not get her rough and evil words. I still think she might not do that in bad intention and I really believe that. However, her words have been stuck on my head.

I recently come up with suicidal thoughts, but I have been trying to hold myself…. remembering how God still not even give up on me. I need your help on this. I really feel crumbled. I will be glad if someone stabs me or hit me by car until dead so I do need to kill myself.

Dear Magen,

All that for a job ? I’m sure how your situation is, but based on what you have described is over your job, there should be nothing is the world that you are willing to end your life. For god’s sake please seek some professional help or just find another job even if it means you get paid less with a demotion. Life is to short to take everything personal, there are many mean and evil people in the world, and you have to learn to be strong and move on..

Hi, I am at my somewhat lowest point now. I had to withdraw from my university because I couldn’t come up with all the money I needed for the semester. I feel like I have failed everyone and myself. I now have to move back in with my mom and find a second job. I would like to return to my university next semester but if my finances don’t look good I don’t know how that can happen. I do know that me withdrawing will be an experience that can help me want to grind harder. If it wasn’t for my mom I would have no place to stay and I thank her so much for the support. Out of all people I feel like I have failed her the most. I just want the stress and depression to go away.

I am at probably the lowest place in my life. Thank you for sharing this article, good stuff

I think I’m at the lowest point now due to unemployment. I apply for jobs and get to the last stage interview just to be told how excellent I presented and how a recruiter had a sleepless night to chose another candidate over me. Sometimes I don’t even want to wake up and I only do so to do my favourite craft activities and listen to audible books.

I too am at the lowest point i have ever felt in my life. I think about killing myself all the time right now the only thing that stops me is the thought of my 10 year old son finding me and I cant do that to him, I just worry that one day that thought wont be there and I’ll just do it. What got me to this point is my 15 year old after many arguments moved out and refuses to come home, and already feeling low and depressed I open up to my partner of 17 years who encouraged me to quit my job to be there for youngest child. I tell him how I dont feel loved , how out of the relationship I feel taken advantage of I dont get any appreciation. He wont hold my hand or kiss me in public, he asks me to places with friends then ignores me the whole time, we had a joke with friends about how often he makes me a cup of tea, a fuckin cup of tea…twice I think in a year. I tell him I need to feel loved and he tells me no that’s not who he is and not going to change. I feel so low and empty I want to be worth more than that to somebody, maybe I sound selfish and dont deserve it.

Get Over It — The Eagles

Just Do It — Nike

Sorry to hear about the trauma you passed through, but many thanks for sharing the useful insights in this article. This will be a guiding light for many.

Your words are so inspirational! Broken marriage was also my lowest point in life and I am so thankful that I found your words!

There are different levels of low point i gues. This year will be my 11th year of marriage life, i have good things life and marriage can offer. Yet, Im at a point in my life where i can assume it to be a low point.

But reading through this article and all the comments made me realize that my life has not even started talk less of experiencing a low point in life.

I appreciate the author and the commenters.

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8 Powerful Lessons I Learned When I Reached My Lowest Point

Being at your weakest forces you to realize a lot of enlightening things. Feeling weak often comes with self-pity, self-hate, and feeling helpless and lost. You can’t seem to put into words how awful you feel. It’s like seeing yourself alone in a corner, crying your heart out, and feeling the darkness slowly hovering over your entire being. But being at your lowest isn’t just about feeling bad about yourself. The lessons it teaches can help make you a better person. Here are eight powerful lessons I learned during the lowest point of my life:

1. Self-love is all you have. 

I realized that no matter how many friends I have, no matter how loving and supportive my family is, at the end of the day, I only have myself. It’s important to love yourself and accept your identity and your flaws because it is difficult to love others when you can’t love yourself.

2. Losing yourself for someone else isn’t worth it.  

Sure, prioritizing someone else will teach you a lesson. Yes, in the future, you’ll be thankful that you made that mistake. Still, though, no one is worth losing yourself for. The greatest love we have is the love we give ourselves, so never let anyone else dull your light.

3. Being alone isn’t a bad thing . 

Independence is one of the greatest strengths you can develop. A person who can carry herself well can withstand the toughest challenges that life throws at her . Sometimes growing requires that you cultivate yourself alone because we truly bloom on our own.

4. Breaking down isn’t a sign of weakness.

Most people think that breaking down makes you weak, but it’s brave to crumble and acknowledge defeat. Showing your emotions strengthens you for future challenges. After all, a true warrior isn’t afraid to cry.

5. Not everyone is your friend.  

As much as you wish that you could unconditionally trust others , you can’t trust everyone who’s close to you. Some people are kind to your face but will lie and gossip behind your back. Be careful who you share your true self with because not everyone deserves to know you that well.

6. You should forgive people . 

Sometimes you need to forgive the people who have wronged you, even if they aren’t sorry. After all, carrying hate in your heart just causes more conflict. When you forgive someone, you let go of the burden in your heart, which makes you feel lighter. The inner peace forgiveness brings is overwhelming in the best way. The best way to unleash that serenity is to free yourself from the hatred and rage inside of you.

7. Allow yourself to heal.  

Healing is not an overnight process. It takes time to fully regain who you were.  So don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself time. It can take awhile to stick the broken pieces back together , but you have time to find what you’re missing. Small bits of progress are still progress, so learn to celebrate the small successes on your way to healing. 

8. Learn to live your life the way you want to.  

Don’t let other people’s words influence you to be a certain way. No matter what others say, be who you want to be. Someone will always have something negative to say no matter what you do, so why not live life on your own terms?

Reaching my lowest point taught me so much about myself. At my lowest, I learned many valuable lessons that I’ll never forget. So if you’re feeling low, I hope you’ll remember these truths so that you don’t make the same mistakes that I did. After all, in the game of life, we never lose; we just learn lessons that makes us better.

Feature Image by  Antony Xia  on  Unsplash

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Overcoming Life’s Lowest Points: 10 Ways to Rise From Rock Bottom

Life has its ups and downs, and I know what it’s like to find yourself at the lowest point imaginable. Whether it’s due to personal struggles, external challenges, or a combination of both, we’ve all been there at some point. During those times, it can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, and hope is in short supply. 

But I am here to tell you that even when life hits rock bottom, there are ways to rise again, stronger and more resilient than before. In this blog post, I will share ten actionable steps to help you overcome life’s lowest points. These are the very strategies that I am using to guide myself through my own dark days, and I hope they can offer you a glimmer of hope and a path forward.

Table of Contents

1. seek support.

Life’s lowest points can be incredibly isolating, but remember, you don’t have to face them alone. Reach out to friends, family, or anyone you trust. Share your struggles and let them be there for you. Sometimes, just talking about your feelings can provide relief and comfort. 

While composing this, it triggered a recollection of a recent Facebook post I made four days ago. In that post, I expressed the idea that at times, our sense of pride can hinder us from seeking the assistance we require. It is a fact that I know too well.

This may sometimes be a point where you have to consider seeking professional help. Therapists, counselors, and support groups are valuable resources for navigating difficult times. Remember, seeking support is not a sign of weakness; it’s a brave step toward healing.

2. Embrace Self-Care

Embracing self-care is not just a luxury but a necessity, especially when life feels like an uphill battle. It’s during these challenging times that prioritizing your well-being becomes paramount.

Physical Health: Start by taking care of your body. Nourish it with nutritious meals that provide the energy and sustenance you need to face the day. Regular exercise , even if it’s just a short walk, can work wonders for both your physical and mental health. Don’t underestimate the power of sleep; ensure you get enough rest to rejuvenate your body and mind.

Mental Well-being: Just as you care for your body, nurturing your mental well-being is equally crucial. Consider incorporating mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Mindfulness, meditation, or yoga can help calm the storm of thoughts that often accompany difficult times. These practices teach you to be present, to accept your feelings without judgment, and to find inner peace amid chaos.

Self-Compassion and Forgiveness: Perhaps one of the most overlooked aspects of self-care is self-compassion. In times of struggle, it’s easy to be self-critical or harbor guilt and blame. However, it’s essential to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend facing similar challenges. Practice self-compassion and forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes or shortcomings. Remember, you are human, and imperfection is part of the journey.

Love and Understanding: Treat yourself as you would a cherished friend. Offer yourself love and understanding. Speak to yourself with words of encouragement and support. Understand that going through tough times is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your resilience and capacity to endure.

By embracing self-care in all its dimensions – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual – you equip yourself with the strength and resilience needed to weather life’s storms. It’s not a selfish act but a necessary one that enables you to be better equipped to face the challenges ahead. Self-care is a foundation upon which you can rebuild and emerge stronger from life’s lowest points.

3. Set Realistic Goals

When life hits rock bottom, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation. To regain control and build confidence, set realistic goals . Break down your objectives into manageable steps and focus on achieving small, attainable victories. 

Setting Realistic Goals: When you find yourself at your lowest, the challenges ahead may seem insurmountable. However, setting realistic goals can be a game-changer in regaining control and building confidence.

Breaking It Down: Start by breaking down your goals into manageable, bite-sized steps. Instead of trying to conquer everything at once, identify specific, achievable tasks that contribute to your larger objectives. This approach prevents you from feeling overwhelmed and gives you a clear roadmap to follow.

Focus on Small Victories: Celebrate every small victory along the way. These victories, even if they appear minor, are significant milestones in your journey. Acknowledging and celebrating them boosts your morale and reaffirms that progress is possible, no matter how daunting the circumstances may be.

Empowerment through Progress: This process of setting, pursuing, and achieving realistic goals empowers you. It helps you regain a sense of control over your life, reminding you that you have the capacity to effect positive change, even in the face of adversity.

Celebrate each milestone, no matter how small it may seem. This process not only empowers you but also reminds you that progress is possible, even in the face of adversity. By setting realistic goals, you are not only breaking down the seemingly insurmountable into manageable steps but also cultivating the belief that you can overcome life’s lowest points. It’s a powerful strategy for rebuilding and finding your way to a brighter future.

4. Find Inspiration

Seeking Inspiration: When you’re navigating life’s lowest points, finding inspiration can be your guiding light, offering hope and motivation to carry on.

Motivational Resources: Look to various sources for inspiration. Explore motivational literature that shares stories of triumph over adversity. Dive into inspiring podcasts or watch uplifting videos and documentaries that showcase individuals who have overcome tremendous challenges. These resources can provide a fresh perspective and ignite a spark of motivation within you.

Positive Influences: Surround yourself with positive influences. Seek out individuals who have faced adversity head-on and emerged stronger. Engage with their stories, whether through personal conversations, books, or online communities. Their experiences serve as powerful reminders that resilience and growth are possible, even in the most trying circumstances.

Fuel for Determination: Inspirational stories not only offer solace but also fuel your determination. They remind you that you’re not alone on this journey and that others have paved the way towards brighter days. These narratives provide a tangible sense of hope and serve as a constant reminder that you too can overcome life’s challenges and emerge stronger on the other side.

In moments of despair, let inspiration be your companion, guiding you towards renewed strength and resilience. It’s a source of motivation that can help you navigate the darkest of times and lead you toward a path of recovery and growth.

5. Cultivate Gratitude

Cultivating Gratitude: In the depths of life’s lowest points, the practice of gratitude can be a powerful ally, helping you reframe your perspective and find light in the darkest moments.

Daily Gratitude Journal: Consider starting a gratitude journal as a daily ritual. Each day, jot down the things you are thankful for. These can be seemingly small or significant moments – from a kind word from a friend to the warmth of the sun on your skin. This practice shifts your focus towards the positive aspects of your life, counteracting the weight of adversity.

Reflection on Past Challenges: Take time to reflect on your past challenges and how they’ve shaped you into the person you are today. While these struggles may have been arduous, they’ve also been instrumental in your growth and resilience. Recognize that even in the most difficult times, there are silver linings – lessons learned, inner strength discovered, and unexpected acts of kindness that have illuminated your path.

Finding Light in Darkness: Cultivating gratitude is akin to finding a glimmer of light in the darkness. It reminds you that, despite the trials you face, there are reasons to be thankful. It’s a practice that not only provides solace but also helps you appreciate the beauty that can emerge from life’s challenges.

By embracing gratitude, you can gradually shift your focus away from despair and toward the positive aspects of your life. It’s a transformative practice that fosters resilience, hope, and an enduring sense of inner strength during the toughest of times.

6. Learn from Mistakes

Learning from Mistakes: Life’s lowest points can often be traced back to mistakes or setbacks. Rather than dwelling on these missteps, consider them as invaluable opportunities for growth and transformation.

Embracing Mistakes: It’s crucial to embrace your mistakes with an open heart and mind. Understand that making errors is an intrinsic part of the human experience. These setbacks do not define you; instead, they offer a platform for personal development and resilience.

Valuable Lessons: Take the time to analyze your past mistakes. What went wrong? What could have been done differently? By examining these experiences, you can extract valuable lessons that serve as guideposts for the future. Mistakes are, in essence, teachers, imparting wisdom that can help you navigate life’s challenges more effectively.

Building Resilience and Wisdom: Every time you learn from your mistakes, you’re not just avoiding similar pitfalls in the future; you’re also building resilience and wisdom. These qualities become your armor against the uncertainties of life, equipping you to face adversity with a newfound sense of confidence and preparedness.

Becoming Better Equipped: Through the process of learning from mistakes, you become better equipped to handle whatever life throws your way. You gain a deeper understanding of yourself, your strengths, and your areas for growth. This self-awareness becomes a powerful tool in your journey to rise from life’s lowest points.

Incorporate the practice of learning from your mistakes into your life, and you will discover that even in the face of adversity, there’s an opportunity for growth and transformation. It’s through these experiences that you become a more resilient and wise individual, ready to face life’s challenges with newfound courage.

7. Embrace Change

Embracing Change: Life is an ever-evolving journey, and even the darkest moments are not set in stone. To rise from life’s lowest points, it’s essential to embrace change as an inherent part of the human experience.

A Constant in Life: Change is a constant. Acknowledge that the lows you are experiencing now are temporary. Just as seasons shift and transform, so too will your circumstances. This perspective can provide comfort and hope during challenging times.

Opportunities in Change: Change carries within it the seeds of new experiences and opportunities. By embracing it, you open yourself up to a world of possibilities. Rather than fearing the unknown, see it as a canvas waiting for you to paint your future. Your capacity to adapt and evolve is one of your greatest strengths.

Adaptability and Resilience: Recognize that your ability to adapt and evolve is a testament to your resilience. You have already navigated numerous changes and challenges in your life, each experience adding to your strength and wisdom. Trust in your capacity to weather the storm and emerge on the other side, ready to embrace the next chapter of your life.

Remembering Your Strength: In moments of doubt or despair, remember that you’ve already demonstrated remarkable resilience in the face of change. Draw inspiration from your past experiences of overcoming adversity, knowing that you possess the inner fortitude to overcome whatever challenges may arise.

By embracing change and remaining open to new possibilities, you not only navigate life’s lows with grace but also position yourself for a future filled with growth, transformation, and renewed purpose. Change is not your enemy; it’s your partner in the journey toward a brighter tomorrow.

8. Give Back

The Power of Giving Back: When you find yourself at life’s lowest points, there’s a remarkable source of healing and strength that can be found in the act of giving back.

Helping Others: Consider ways to extend your hand to those in need. Volunteering your time, skills, or resources can have a profound impact not only on others but on your own well-being. It shifts your focus away from your own struggles and allows you to make a positive contribution to someone else’s life.

A Sense of Purpose: Giving back provides a profound sense of purpose. It reminds you that, even at your lowest points, you have the ability to make a positive impact on the world. This newfound sense of purpose can be a powerful antidote to despair, instilling in you a renewed sense of meaning and direction.

Connection and Empathy: Through acts of kindness and generosity, you not only connect with others on a profound level but also cultivate empathy. You begin to understand that, regardless of your own challenges, everyone carries their own burdens, and a small act of kindness can have a ripple effect, creating a more compassionate world.

Healing Through Service: It’s often said that the act of helping others can heal our own wounds. When you give back, you experience the healing power of service. It shifts your perspective, provides a sense of fulfillment, and reminds you that you are a force for positive change in the world.

During your darkest moments, consider the profound impact you can have on others and the healing potential that comes from giving back. It’s not only a way to find solace but also a path to rediscovering your own strength and resilience. In the act of helping others, you may just find the key to rising from life’s lowest points.

9. Stay Persistent

The Importance of Persistence: During life’s lowest points, one of the most valuable qualities you can cultivate is persistence.

Slow Progress is Still Progress: It’s essential to understand that recovery and growth may not occur overnight, and that’s perfectly okay. Progress, even if it’s gradual, is still progress. Every small step forward, every effort you make, contributes to your journey out of the darkness.

A Positive Mindset: Maintaining a positive mindset is a powerful tool. It’s natural to face setbacks and challenges along the way, but your attitude towards them matters greatly. Instead of seeing them as roadblocks, view them as opportunities for learning and adaptation.

Keep Moving Forward: Regardless of the pace of your progress, keep moving forward. Persistence is not just about speed; it’s about unwavering determination. Even when the journey feels long and arduous, taking one step at a time brings you closer to your destination.

Determination and Resilience: Remember that your determination and resilience are your allies in this journey. They are the qualities that will ultimately lead you out of the darkness and into a brighter future. Your ability to persevere, adapt, and maintain hope is a testament to your strength and inner fortitude.

In moments of doubt or weariness, hold onto the concept of persistence. Understand that slow and steady progress is still progress, and that your unwavering determination will carry you through even the most challenging times. Your persistence is the key to rising from life’s lowest points and finding your way to a better, brighter tomorrow.

10. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for navigating life’s lowest points. It involves being fully present in the moment, accepting your feelings without judgment, and observing your thoughts and emotions with compassion. When you practice mindfulness, you can gain better control over your reactions to stress and negative emotions. 

Try incorporating mindfulness meditation into your daily routine or simply take moments throughout the day to focus on your breath and the present moment. It can provide a sense of calm and clarity during challenging times.

Conclusion: Overcoming Life’s Lowest Points

Life’s lowest points can test our strength and resilience, but they don’t define us. By seeking support, embracing self-care, setting realistic goals, finding inspiration, cultivating gratitude, learning from mistakes, embracing change, giving back, staying persistent, and practicing mindfulness, you can rise from the depths of despair. 

Remember, you are not alone in your journey, and there is hope even in the darkest of times. Overcoming life’s lowest points is not just about surviving; it’s about thriving and emerging as a stronger, more resilient version of yourself. So, take these steps, one day at a time, and know that brighter days are ahead.

Hello! I am Gillian, affectionately known as Queen Gee. My life’s mission is all about leaving a positive mark on this incredible world through acts of service. I’m wholeheartedly dedicated to motivating and inspiring others to lead healthy, fulfilling lives. Welcome to my world!

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Eight brilliant student essays on what matters most in life.

Read winning essays from our spring 2019 student writing contest.

For the spring 2019 student writing contest, we invited students to read the YES! article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age” by Nancy Hill. Like the author, students interviewed someone significantly older than them about the three things that matter most in life. Students then wrote about what they learned, and about how their interviewees’ answers compare to their own top priorities.

The Winners

From the hundreds of essays written, these eight were chosen as winners. Be sure to read the author’s response to the essay winners and the literary gems that caught our eye. Plus, we share an essay from teacher Charles Sanderson, who also responded to the writing prompt.

Middle School Winner: Rory Leyva

High School Winner:  Praethong Klomsum

University Winner:  Emily Greenbaum

Powerful Voice Winner: Amanda Schwaben

Powerful Voice Winner: Antonia Mills

Powerful Voice Winner:  Isaac Ziemba

Powerful Voice Winner: Lily Hersch

“Tell It Like It Is” Interview Winner: Jonas Buckner

From the Author: Response to Student Winners

Literary Gems

From A Teacher: Charles Sanderson

From the Author: Response to Charles Sanderson

Middle School Winner

Village Home Education Resource Center, Portland, Ore.

The Lessons Of Mortality 

“As I’ve aged, things that are more personal to me have become somewhat less important. Perhaps I’ve become less self-centered with the awareness of mortality, how short one person’s life is.” This is how my 72-year-old grandma believes her values have changed over the course of her life. Even though I am only 12 years old, I know my life won’t last forever, and someday I, too, will reflect on my past decisions. We were all born to exist and eventually die, so we have evolved to value things in the context of mortality.

One of the ways I feel most alive is when I play roller derby. I started playing for the Rose City Rollers Juniors two years ago, and this year, I made the Rosebud All-Stars travel team. Roller derby is a fast-paced, full-contact sport. The physicality and intense training make me feel in control of and present in my body.

My roller derby team is like a second family to me. Adolescence is complicated. We understand each other in ways no one else can. I love my friends more than I love almost anything else. My family would have been higher on my list a few years ago, but as I’ve aged it has been important to make my own social connections.

Music led me to roller derby.  I started out jam skating at the roller rink. Jam skating is all about feeling the music. It integrates gymnastics, breakdancing, figure skating, and modern dance with R & B and hip hop music. When I was younger, I once lay down in the DJ booth at the roller rink and was lulled to sleep by the drawl of wheels rolling in rhythm and people talking about the things they came there to escape. Sometimes, I go up on the roof of my house at night to listen to music and feel the wind rustle my hair. These unique sensations make me feel safe like nothing else ever has.

My grandma tells me, “Being close with family and friends is the most important thing because I haven’t

always had that.” When my grandma was two years old, her father died. Her mother became depressed and moved around a lot, which made it hard for my grandma to make friends. Once my grandma went to college, she made lots of friends. She met my grandfather, Joaquin Leyva when she was working as a park ranger and he was a surfer. They bought two acres of land on the edge of a redwood forest and had a son and a daughter. My grandma created a stable family that was missing throughout her early life.

My grandma is motivated to maintain good health so she can be there for her family. I can relate because I have to be fit and strong for my team. Since she lost my grandfather to cancer, she realizes how lucky she is to have a functional body and no life-threatening illnesses. My grandma tries to eat well and exercise, but she still struggles with depression. Over time, she has learned that reaching out to others is essential to her emotional wellbeing.  

Caring for the earth is also a priority for my grandma I’ve been lucky to learn from my grandma. She’s taught me how to hunt for fossils in the desert and find shells on the beach. Although my grandma grew up with no access to the wilderness, she admired the green open areas of urban cemeteries. In college, she studied geology and hiked in the High Sierras. For years, she’s been an advocate for conserving wildlife habitat and open spaces.

Our priorities may seem different, but it all comes down to basic human needs. We all desire a purpose, strive to be happy, and need to be loved. Like Nancy Hill says in the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” it can be hard to decipher what is important in life. I believe that the constant search for satisfaction and meaning is the only thing everyone has in common. We all want to know what matters, and we walk around this confusing world trying to find it. The lessons I’ve learned from my grandma about forging connections, caring for my body, and getting out in the world inspire me to live my life my way before it’s gone.

Rory Leyva is a seventh-grader from Portland, Oregon. Rory skates for the Rosebuds All-Stars roller derby team. She loves listening to music and hanging out with her friends.

High School Winner

Praethong Klomsum

  Santa Monica High School, Santa Monica, Calif.

Time Only Moves Forward

Sandra Hernandez gazed at the tiny house while her mother’s gentle hands caressed her shoulders. It wasn’t much, especially for a family of five. This was 1960, she was 17, and her family had just moved to Culver City.

Flash forward to 2019. Sandra sits in a rocking chair, knitting a blanket for her latest grandchild, in the same living room. Sandra remembers working hard to feed her eight children. She took many different jobs before settling behind the cash register at a Japanese restaurant called Magos. “It was a struggle, and my husband Augustine, was planning to join the military at that time, too.”

In the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” author Nancy Hill states that one of the most important things is “…connecting with others in general, but in particular with those who have lived long lives.” Sandra feels similarly. It’s been hard for Sandra to keep in contact with her family, which leaves her downhearted some days. “It’s important to maintain that connection you have with your family, not just next-door neighbors you talk to once a month.”

Despite her age, Sandra is a daring woman. Taking risks is important to her, and she’ll try anything—from skydiving to hiking. Sandra has some regrets from the past, but nowadays, she doesn’t wonder about the “would have, could have, should haves.” She just goes for it with a smile.

Sandra thought harder about her last important thing, the blue and green blanket now finished and covering

her lap. “I’ve definitely lived a longer life than most, and maybe this is just wishful thinking, but I hope I can see the day my great-grandchildren are born.” She’s laughing, but her eyes look beyond what’s in front of her. Maybe she is reminiscing about the day she held her son for the first time or thinking of her grandchildren becoming parents. I thank her for her time and she waves it off, offering me a styrofoam cup of lemonade before I head for the bus station.

The bus is sparsely filled. A voice in my head reminds me to finish my 10-page history research paper before spring break. I take a window seat and pull out my phone and earbuds. My playlist is already on shuffle, and I push away thoughts of that dreaded paper. Music has been a constant in my life—from singing my lungs out in kindergarten to Barbie’s “I Need To Know,” to jamming out to Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” in sixth grade, to BTS’s “Intro: Never Mind” comforting me when I’m at my lowest. Music is my magic shop, a place where I can trade away my fears for calm.

I’ve always been afraid of doing something wrong—not finishing my homework or getting a C when I can do better. When I was 8, I wanted to be like the big kids. As I got older, I realized that I had exchanged my childhood longing for the 48 pack of crayons for bigger problems, balancing grades, a social life, and mental stability—all at once. I’m going to get older whether I like it or not, so there’s no point forcing myself to grow up faster.  I’m learning to live in the moment.

The bus is approaching my apartment, where I know my comfy bed and a home-cooked meal from my mom are waiting. My mom is hard-working, confident, and very stubborn. I admire her strength of character. She always keeps me in line, even through my rebellious phases.

My best friend sends me a text—an update on how broken her laptop is. She is annoying. She says the stupidest things and loves to state the obvious. Despite this, she never fails to make me laugh until my cheeks feel numb. The rest of my friends are like that too—loud, talkative, and always brightening my day. Even friends I stopped talking to have a place in my heart. Recently, I’ve tried to reconnect with some of them. This interview was possible because a close friend from sixth grade offered to introduce me to Sandra, her grandmother.  

I’m decades younger than Sandra, so my view of what’s important isn’t as broad as hers, but we share similar values, with friends and family at the top. I have a feeling that when Sandra was my age, she used to love music, too. Maybe in a few decades, when I’m sitting in my rocking chair, drawing in my sketchbook, I’ll remember this article and think back fondly to the days when life was simple.

Praethong Klomsum is a tenth-grader at Santa Monica High School in Santa Monica, California.  Praethong has a strange affinity for rhyme games and is involved in her school’s dance team. She enjoys drawing and writing, hoping to impact people willing to listen to her thoughts and ideas.

University Winner

Emily Greenbaum

Kent State University, Kent, Ohio 

The Life-Long War

Every morning we open our eyes, ready for a new day. Some immediately turn to their phones and social media. Others work out or do yoga. For a certain person, a deep breath and the morning sun ground him. He hears the clink-clank of his wife cooking low sodium meat for breakfast—doctor’s orders! He sees that the other side of the bed is already made, the dogs are no longer in the room, and his clothes are set out nicely on the loveseat.

Today, though, this man wakes up to something different: faded cream walls and jello. This person, my hero, is Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James.

I pulled up my chair close to Roger’s vinyl recliner so I could hear him above the noise of the beeping dialysis machine. I noticed Roger would occasionally glance at his wife Susan with sparkly eyes when he would recall memories of the war or their grandkids. He looked at Susan like she walked on water.

Roger James served his country for thirty years. Now, he has enlisted in another type of war. He suffers from a rare blood cancer—the result of the wars he fought in. Roger has good and bad days. He says, “The good outweighs the bad, so I have to be grateful for what I have on those good days.”

When Roger retired, he never thought the effects of the war would reach him. The once shallow wrinkles upon his face become deeper, as he tells me, “It’s just cancer. Others are suffering from far worse. I know I’ll make it.”

Like Nancy Hill did in her article “Three Things that Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I asked Roger, “What are the three most important things to you?” James answered, “My wife Susan, my grandkids, and church.”

Roger and Susan served together in the Vietnam war. She was a nurse who treated his cuts and scrapes one day. I asked Roger why he chose Susan. He said, “Susan told me to look at her while she cleaned me up. ‘This may sting, but don’t be a baby.’ When I looked into her eyes, I felt like she was looking into my soul, and I didn’t want her to leave. She gave me this sense of home. Every day I wake up, she makes me feel the same way, and I fall in love with her all over again.”

Roger and Susan have two kids and four grandkids, with great-grandchildren on the way. He claims that his grandkids give him the youth that he feels slowly escaping from his body. This adoring grandfather is energized by coaching t-ball and playing evening card games with the grandkids.

The last thing on his list was church. His oldest daughter married a pastor. Together they founded a church. Roger said that the connection between his faith and family is important to him because it gave him a reason to want to live again. I learned from Roger that when you’re across the ocean, you tend to lose sight of why you are fighting. When Roger returned, he didn’t have the will to live. Most days were a struggle, adapting back into a society that lacked empathy for the injuries, pain, and psychological trauma carried by returning soldiers. Church changed that for Roger and gave him a sense of purpose.

When I began this project, my attitude was to just get the assignment done. I never thought I could view Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James as more than a role model, but he definitely changed my mind. It’s as if Roger magically lit a fire inside of me and showed me where one’s true passions should lie. I see our similarities and embrace our differences. We both value family and our own connections to home—his home being church and mine being where I can breathe the easiest.

Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James has shown me how to appreciate what I have around me and that every once in a while, I should step back and stop to smell the roses. As we concluded the interview, amidst squeaky clogs and the stale smell of bleach and bedpans, I looked to Roger, his kind, tired eyes, and weathered skin, with a deeper sense of admiration, knowing that his values still run true, no matter what he faces.

Emily Greenbaum is a senior at Kent State University, graduating with a major in Conflict Management and minor in Geography. Emily hopes to use her major to facilitate better conversations, while she works in the Washington, D.C. area.  

Powerful Voice Winner

Amanda Schwaben

Wise Words From Winnie the Pooh

As I read through Nancy Hill’s article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I was comforted by the similar responses given by both children and older adults. The emphasis participants placed on family, social connections, and love was not only heartwarming but hopeful. While the messages in the article filled me with warmth, I felt a twinge of guilt building within me. As a twenty-one-year-old college student weeks from graduation, I honestly don’t think much about the most important things in life. But if I was asked, I would most likely say family, friendship, and love. As much as I hate to admit it, I often find myself obsessing over achieving a successful career and finding a way to “save the world.”

A few weeks ago, I was at my family home watching the new Winnie the Pooh movie Christopher Robin with my mom and younger sister. Well, I wasn’t really watching. I had my laptop in front of me, and I was aggressively typing up an assignment. Halfway through the movie, I realized I left my laptop charger in my car. I walked outside into the brisk March air. Instinctively, I looked up. The sky was perfectly clear, revealing a beautiful array of stars. When my twin sister and I were in high school, we would always take a moment to look up at the sparkling night sky before we came into the house after soccer practice.

I think that was the last time I stood in my driveway and gazed at the stars. I did not get the laptop charger from

my car; instead, I turned around and went back inside. I shut my laptop and watched the rest of the movie. My twin sister loves Winnie the Pooh. So much so that my parents got her a stuffed animal version of him for Christmas. While I thought he was adorable and a token of my childhood, I did not really understand her obsession. However, it was clear to me after watching the movie. Winnie the Pooh certainly had it figured out. He believed that the simple things in life were the most important: love, friendship, and having fun.

I thought about asking my mom right then what the three most important things were to her, but I decided not to. I just wanted to be in the moment. I didn’t want to be doing homework. It was a beautiful thing to just sit there and be present with my mom and sister.

I did ask her, though, a couple of weeks later. Her response was simple.  All she said was family, health, and happiness. When she told me this, I imagined Winnie the Pooh smiling. I think he would be proud of that answer.

I was not surprised by my mom’s reply. It suited her perfectly. I wonder if we relearn what is most important when we grow older—that the pressure to be successful subsides. Could it be that valuing family, health, and happiness is what ends up saving the world?

Amanda Schwaben is a graduating senior from Kent State University with a major in Applied Conflict Management. Amanda also has minors in Psychology and Interpersonal Communication. She hopes to further her education and focus on how museums not only preserve history but also promote peace.

Antonia Mills

Rachel Carson High School, Brooklyn, N.Y. 

Decoding The Butterfly

For a caterpillar to become a butterfly, it must first digest itself. The caterpillar, overwhelmed by accumulating tissue, splits its skin open to form its protective shell, the chrysalis, and later becomes the pretty butterfly we all know and love. There are approximately 20,000 species of butterflies, and just as every species is different, so is the life of every butterfly. No matter how long and hard a caterpillar has strived to become the colorful and vibrant butterfly that we marvel at on a warm spring day, it does not live a long life. A butterfly can live for a year, six months, two weeks, and even as little as twenty-four hours.

I have often wondered if butterflies live long enough to be blissful of blue skies. Do they take time to feast upon the sweet nectar they crave, midst their hustling life of pollinating pretty flowers? Do they ever take a lull in their itineraries, or are they always rushing towards completing their four-stage metamorphosis? Has anyone asked the butterfly, “Who are you?” instead of “What are you”? Or, How did you get here, on my windowsill?  How did you become ‘you’?

Humans are similar to butterflies. As a caterpillar

Suzanna Ruby/Getty Images

becomes a butterfly, a baby becomes an elder. As a butterfly soars through summer skies, an elder watches summer skies turn into cold winter nights and back toward summer skies yet again.  And as a butterfly flits slowly by the porch light, a passerby makes assumptions about the wrinkled, slow-moving elder, who is sturdier than he appears. These creatures are not seen for who they are—who they were—because people have “better things to do” or they are too busy to ask, “How are you”?

Our world can be a lonely place. Pressured by expectations, haunted by dreams, overpowered by weakness, and drowned out by lofty goals, we tend to forget ourselves—and others. Rather than hang onto the strands of our diminishing sanity, we might benefit from listening to our elders. Many elders have experienced setbacks in their young lives. Overcoming hardship and surviving to old age is wisdom that they carry.  We can learn from them—and can even make their day by taking the time to hear their stories.  

Nancy Hill, who wrote the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” was right: “We live among such remarkable people, yet few know their stories.” I know a lot about my grandmother’s life, and it isn’t as serene as my own. My grandmother, Liza, who cooks every day, bakes bread on holidays for our neighbors, brings gifts to her doctor out of the kindness of her heart, and makes conversation with neighbors even though she is isn’t fluent in English—Russian is her first language—has struggled all her life. Her mother, Anna, a single parent, had tuberculosis, and even though she had an inviolable spirit, she was too frail to care for four children. She passed away when my grandmother was sixteen, so my grandmother and her siblings spent most of their childhood in an orphanage. My grandmother got married at nineteen to my grandfather, Pinhas. He was a man who loved her more than he loved himself and was a godsend to every person he met. Liza was—and still is—always quick to do what was best for others, even if that person treated her poorly. My grandmother has lived with physical pain all her life, yet she pushed herself to climb heights that she wasn’t ready for. Against all odds, she has lived to tell her story to people who are willing to listen. And I always am.

I asked my grandmother, “What are three things most important to you?” Her answer was one that I already expected: One, for everyone to live long healthy lives. Two, for you to graduate from college. Three, for you to always remember that I love you.

What may be basic to you means the world to my grandmother. She just wants what she never had the chance to experience: a healthy life, an education, and the chance to express love to the people she values. The three things that matter most to her may be so simple and ordinary to outsiders, but to her, it is so much more. And who could take that away?

Antonia Mills was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York and attends Rachel Carson High School.  Antonia enjoys creative activities, including writing, painting, reading, and baking. She hopes to pursue culinary arts professionally in the future. One of her favorite quotes is, “When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t.” -Emily S.P.  

  Powerful Voice Winner

   Isaac Ziemba

Odyssey Multiage Program, Bainbridge Island, Wash. 

This Former State Trooper Has His Priorities Straight: Family, Climate Change, and Integrity

I have a personal connection to people who served in the military and first responders. My uncle is a first responder on the island I live on, and my dad retired from the Navy. That was what made a man named Glen Tyrell, a state trooper for 25 years, 2 months and 9 days, my first choice to interview about what three things matter in life. In the YES! Magazine article “The Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I learned that old and young people have a great deal in common. I know that’s true because Glen and I care about a lot of the same things.

For Glen, family is at the top of his list of important things. “My wife was, and is, always there for me. My daughters mean the world to me, too, but Penny is my partner,” Glen said. I can understand why Glen’s wife is so important to him. She’s family. Family will always be there for you.

Glen loves his family, and so do I with all my heart. My dad especially means the world to me. He is my top supporter and tells me that if I need help, just “say the word.” When we are fishing or crabbing, sometimes I

think, what if these times were erased from my memory? I wouldn’t be able to describe the horrible feeling that would rush through my mind, and I’m sure that Glen would feel the same about his wife.

My uncle once told me that the world is always going to change over time. It’s what the world has turned out to be that worries me. Both Glen and I are extremely concerned about climate change and the effect that rising temperatures have on animals and their habitats. We’re driving them to extinction. Some people might say, “So what? Animals don’t pay taxes or do any of the things we do.” What we are doing to them is like the Black Death times 100.

Glen is also frustrated by how much plastic we use and where it ends up. He would be shocked that an explorer recently dived to the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean—seven miles!— and discovered a plastic bag and candy wrappers. Glen told me that, unfortunately, his generation did the damage and my generation is here to fix it. We need to take better care of Earth because if we don’t, we, as a species, will have failed.

Both Glen and I care deeply for our families and the earth, but for our third important value, I chose education and Glen chose integrity. My education is super important to me because without it, I would be a blank slate. I wouldn’t know how to figure out problems. I wouldn’t be able to tell right from wrong. I wouldn’t understand the Bill of Rights. I would be stuck. Everyone should be able to go to school, no matter where they’re from or who they are.  It makes me angry and sad to think that some people, especially girls, get shot because they are trying to go to school. I understand how lucky I am.

Integrity is sacred to Glen—I could tell by the serious tone of Glen’s voice when he told me that integrity was the code he lived by as a former state trooper. He knew that he had the power to change a person’s life, and he was committed to not abusing that power.  When Glen put someone under arrest—and my uncle says the same—his judgment and integrity were paramount. “Either you’re right or you’re wrong.” You can’t judge a person by what you think, you can only judge a person from what you know.”

I learned many things about Glen and what’s important in life, but there is one thing that stands out—something Glen always does and does well. Glen helps people. He did it as a state trooper, and he does it in our school, where he works on construction projects. Glen told me that he believes that our most powerful tools are writing and listening to others. I think those tools are important, too, but I also believe there are other tools to help solve many of our problems and create a better future: to be compassionate, to create caring relationships, and to help others. Just like Glen Tyrell does each and every day.

Isaac Ziemba is in seventh grade at the Odyssey Multiage Program on a small island called Bainbridge near Seattle, Washington. Isaac’s favorite subject in school is history because he has always been interested in how the past affects the future. In his spare time, you can find Isaac hunting for crab with his Dad, looking for artifacts around his house with his metal detector, and having fun with his younger cousin, Conner.     

Lily Hersch

 The Crest Academy, Salida, Colo.

The Phone Call

Dear Grandpa,

In my short span of life—12 years so far—you’ve taught me a lot of important life lessons that I’ll always have with me. Some of the values I talk about in this writing I’ve learned from you.

Dedicated to my Gramps.

In the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” author and photographer Nancy Hill asked people to name the three things that mattered most to them. After reading the essay prompt for the article, I immediately knew who I wanted to interview: my grandpa Gil.      

My grandpa was born on January 25, 1942. He lived in a minuscule tenement in The Bronx with his mother,

father, and brother. His father wasn’t around much, and, when he was, he was reticent and would snap occasionally, revealing his constrained mental pain. My grandpa says this happened because my great grandfather did not have a father figure in his life. His mother was a classy, sharp lady who was the head secretary at a local police district station. My grandpa and his brother Larry did not care for each other. Gramps said he was very close to his mother, and Larry wasn’t. Perhaps Larry was envious for what he didn’t have.

Decades after little to no communication with his brother, my grandpa decided to spontaneously visit him in Florida, where he resided with his wife. Larry was taken aback at the sudden reappearance of his brother and told him to leave. Since then, the two brothers have not been in contact. My grandpa doesn’t even know if Larry is alive.         

My grandpa is now a retired lawyer, married to my wonderful grandma, and living in a pretty house with an ugly dog named BoBo.

So, what’s important to you, Gramps?

He paused a second, then replied, “Family, kindness, and empathy.”

“Family, because it’s my family. It’s important to stay connected with your family. My brother, father, and I never connected in the way I wished, and sometimes I contemplated what could’ve happened.  But you can’t change the past. So, that’s why family’s important to me.”

Family will always be on my “Top Three Most Important Things” list, too. I can’t imagine not having my older brother, Zeke, or my grandma in my life. I wonder how other kids feel about their families? How do kids trapped and separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border feel?  What about orphans? Too many questions, too few answers.

“Kindness, because growing up and not seeing a lot of kindness made me realize how important it is to have that in the world. Kindness makes the world go round.”

What is kindness? Helping my brother, Eli, who has Down syndrome, get ready in the morning? Telling people what they need to hear, rather than what they want to hear? Maybe, for now, I’ll put wisdom, not kindness, on my list.

“Empathy, because of all the killings and shootings [in this country.] We also need to care for people—people who are not living in as good circumstances as I have. Donald Trump and other people I’ve met have no empathy. Empathy is very important.”

Empathy is something I’ve felt my whole life. It’ll always be important to me like it is important to my grandpa. My grandpa shows his empathy when he works with disabled children. Once he took a disabled child to a Christina Aguilera concert because that child was too young to go by himself. The moments I feel the most empathy are when Eli gets those looks from people. Seeing Eli wonder why people stare at him like he’s a freak makes me sad, and annoyed that they have the audacity to stare.

After this 2 minute and 36-second phone call, my grandpa has helped me define what’s most important to me at this time in my life: family, wisdom, and empathy. Although these things are important now, I realize they can change and most likely will.

When I’m an old woman, I envision myself scrambling through a stack of storage boxes and finding this paper. Perhaps after reading words from my 12-year-old self, I’ll ask myself “What’s important to me?”

Lily Hersch is a sixth-grader at Crest Academy in Salida, Colorado. Lily is an avid indoorsman, finding joy in competitive spelling, art, and of course, writing. She does not like Swiss cheese.

  “Tell It Like It Is” Interview Winner

Jonas Buckner

KIPP: Gaston College Preparatory, Gaston, N.C.

Lessons My Nana Taught Me

I walked into the house. In the other room, I heard my cousin screaming at his game. There were a lot of Pioneer Woman dishes everywhere. The room had the television on max volume. The fan in the other room was on. I didn’t know it yet, but I was about to learn something powerful.

I was in my Nana’s house, and when I walked in, she said, “Hey Monkey Butt.”

I said, “Hey Nana.”

Before the interview, I was talking to her about what I was gonna interview her on. Also, I had asked her why I might have wanted to interview her, and she responded with, “Because you love me, and I love you too.”

Now, it was time to start the interview. The first

question I asked was the main and most important question ever: “What three things matter most to you and you only?”

She thought of it very thoughtfully and responded with, “My grandchildren, my children, and my health.”

Then, I said, “OK, can you please tell me more about your health?”

She responded with, “My health is bad right now. I have heart problems, blood sugar, and that’s about it.” When she said it, she looked at me and smiled because she loved me and was happy I chose her to interview.

I replied with, “K um, why is it important to you?”

She smiled and said, “Why is it…Why is my health important? Well, because I want to live a long time and see my grandchildren grow up.”

I was scared when she said that, but she still smiled. I was so happy, and then I said, “Has your health always been important to you.”

She responded with “Nah.”

Then, I asked, “Do you happen to have a story to help me understand your reasoning?”

She said, “No, not really.”

Now we were getting into the next set of questions. I said, “Remember how you said that your grandchildren matter to you? Can you please tell me why they matter to you?”

Then, she responded with, “So I can spend time with them, play with them, and everything.”

Next, I asked the same question I did before: “Have you always loved your grandchildren?” 

She responded with, “Yes, they have always been important to me.”

Then, the next two questions I asked she had no response to at all. She was very happy until I asked, “Why do your children matter most to you?”

She had a frown on and responded, “My daughter Tammy died a long time ago.”

Then, at this point, the other questions were answered the same as the other ones. When I left to go home I was thinking about how her answers were similar to mine. She said health, and I care about my health a lot, and I didn’t say, but I wanted to. She also didn’t have answers for the last two questions on each thing, and I was like that too.

The lesson I learned was that no matter what, always keep pushing because even though my aunt or my Nana’s daughter died, she kept on pushing and loving everyone. I also learned that everything should matter to us. Once again, I chose to interview my Nana because she matters to me, and I know when she was younger she had a lot of things happen to her, so I wanted to know what she would say. The point I’m trying to make is that be grateful for what you have and what you have done in life.

Jonas Buckner is a sixth-grader at KIPP: Gaston College Preparatory in Gaston, North Carolina. Jonas’ favorite activities are drawing, writing, math, piano, and playing AltSpace VR. He found his passion for writing in fourth grade when he wrote a quick autobiography. Jonas hopes to become a horror writer someday.

From The Author: Responses to Student Winners

Dear Emily, Isaac, Antonia, Rory, Praethong, Amanda, Lily, and Jonas,

Your thought-provoking essays sent my head spinning. The more I read, the more impressed I was with the depth of thought, beauty of expression, and originality. It left me wondering just how to capture all of my reactions in a single letter. After multiple false starts, I’ve landed on this: I will stick to the theme of three most important things.

The three things I found most inspirational about your essays:

You listened.

You connected.

We live in troubled times. Tensions mount between countries, cultures, genders, religious beliefs, and generations. If we fail to find a way to understand each other, to see similarities between us, the future will be fraught with increased hostility.

You all took critical steps toward connecting with someone who might not value the same things you do by asking a person who is generations older than you what matters to them. Then, you listened to their answers. You saw connections between what is important to them and what is important to you. Many of you noted similarities, others wondered if your own list of the three most important things would change as you go through life. You all saw the validity of the responses you received and looked for reasons why your interviewees have come to value what they have.

It is through these things—asking, listening, and connecting—that we can begin to bridge the differences in experiences and beliefs that are currently dividing us.

Individual observations

Each one of you made observations that all of us, regardless of age or experience, would do well to keep in mind. I chose one quote from each person and trust those reading your essays will discover more valuable insights.

“Our priorities may seem different, but they come back to basic human needs. We all desire a purpose, strive to be happy, and work to make a positive impact.” 

“You can’t judge a person by what you think , you can only judge a person by what you know .”

Emily (referencing your interviewee, who is battling cancer):

“Master Chief Petty Officer James has shown me how to appreciate what I have around me.”

Lily (quoting your grandfather):

“Kindness makes the world go round.”

“Everything should matter to us.”

Praethong (quoting your interviewee, Sandra, on the importance of family):

“It’s important to always maintain that connection you have with each other, your family, not just next-door neighbors you talk to once a month.”

“I wonder if maybe we relearn what is most important when we grow older. That the pressure to be successful subsides and that valuing family, health, and happiness is what ends up saving the world.”

“Listen to what others have to say. Listen to the people who have already experienced hardship. You will learn from them and you can even make their day by giving them a chance to voice their thoughts.”

I end this letter to you with the hope that you never stop asking others what is most important to them and that you to continue to take time to reflect on what matters most to you…and why. May you never stop asking, listening, and connecting with others, especially those who may seem to be unlike you. Keep writing, and keep sharing your thoughts and observations with others, for your ideas are awe-inspiring.

I also want to thank the more than 1,000 students who submitted essays. Together, by sharing what’s important to us with others, especially those who may believe or act differently, we can fill the world with joy, peace, beauty, and love.

We received many outstanding essays for the Winter 2019 Student Writing Competition. Though not every participant can win the contest, we’d like to share some excerpts that caught our eye:

Whether it is a painting on a milky canvas with watercolors or pasting photos onto a scrapbook with her granddaughters, it is always a piece of artwork to her. She values the things in life that keep her in the moment, while still exploring things she may not have initially thought would bring her joy.

—Ondine Grant-Krasno, Immaculate Heart Middle School, Los Angeles, Calif.

“Ganas”… It means “desire” in Spanish. My ganas is fueled by my family’s belief in me. I cannot and will not fail them. 

—Adan Rios, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

I hope when I grow up I can have the love for my kids like my grandma has for her kids. She makes being a mother even more of a beautiful thing than it already is.

—Ashley Shaw, Columbus City Prep School for Girls, Grove City, Ohio

You become a collage of little pieces of your friends and family. They also encourage you to be the best you can be. They lift you up onto the seat of your bike, they give you the first push, and they don’t hesitate to remind you that everything will be alright when you fall off and scrape your knee.

— Cecilia Stanton, Bellafonte Area Middle School, Bellafonte, Pa.

Without good friends, I wouldn’t know what I would do to endure the brutal machine of public education.

—Kenneth Jenkins, Garrison Middle School, Walla Walla, Wash.

My dog, as ridiculous as it may seem, is a beautiful example of what we all should aspire to be. We should live in the moment, not stress, and make it our goal to lift someone’s spirits, even just a little.

—Kate Garland, Immaculate Heart Middle School, Los Angeles, Calif. 

I strongly hope that every child can spare more time to accompany their elderly parents when they are struggling, and moving forward, and give them more care and patience. so as to truly achieve the goal of “you accompany me to grow up, and I will accompany you to grow old.”

—Taiyi Li, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

I have three cats, and they are my brothers and sisters. We share a special bond that I think would not be possible if they were human. Since they do not speak English, we have to find other ways to connect, and I think that those other ways can be more powerful than language.

—Maya Dombroskie, Delta Program Middle School, Boulsburg, Pa.

We are made to love and be loved. To have joy and be relational. As a member of the loneliest generation in possibly all of history, I feel keenly aware of the need for relationships and authentic connection. That is why I decided to talk to my grandmother.

—Luke Steinkamp, Kent State University, Kent, Ohio

After interviewing my grandma and writing my paper, I realized that as we grow older, the things that are important to us don’t change, what changes is why those things are important to us.

—Emily Giffer, Our Lady Star of the Sea, Grosse Pointe Woods, Mich.

The media works to marginalize elders, often isolating them and their stories, and the wealth of knowledge that comes with their additional years of lived experiences. It also undermines the depth of children’s curiosity and capacity to learn and understand. When the worlds of elders and children collide, a classroom opens.

—Cristina Reitano, City College of San Francisco, San Francisco, Calif.

My values, although similar to my dad, only looked the same in the sense that a shadow is similar to the object it was cast on.

—Timofey Lisenskiy, Santa Monica High School, Santa Monica, Calif.

I can release my anger through writing without having to take it out on someone. I can escape and be a different person; it feels good not to be myself for a while. I can make up my own characters, so I can be someone different every day, and I think that’s pretty cool.

—Jasua Carillo, Wellness, Business, and Sports School, Woodburn, Ore. 

Notice how all the important things in his life are people: the people who he loves and who love him back. This is because “people are more important than things like money or possessions, and families are treasures,” says grandpa Pat. And I couldn’t agree more.

—Brody Hartley, Garrison Middle School, Walla Walla, Wash.  

Curiosity for other people’s stories could be what is needed to save the world.

—Noah Smith, Kent State University, Kent, Ohio

Peace to me is a calm lake without a ripple in sight. It’s a starry night with a gentle breeze that pillows upon your face. It’s the absence of arguments, fighting, or war. It’s when egos stop working against each other and finally begin working with each other. Peace is free from fear, anxiety, and depression. To me, peace is an important ingredient in the recipe of life.

—JP Bogan, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

From A Teacher

Charles Sanderson

Wellness, Business and Sports School, Woodburn, Ore. 

The Birthday Gift

I’ve known Jodelle for years, watching her grow from a quiet and timid twelve-year-old to a young woman who just returned from India, where she played Kabaddi, a kind of rugby meets Red Rover.

One of my core beliefs as an educator is to show up for the things that matter to kids, so I go to their games, watch their plays, and eat the strawberry jam they make for the county fair. On this occasion, I met Jodelle at a robotics competition to watch her little sister Abby compete. Think Nerd Paradise: more hats made from traffic cones than Golden State Warrior ball caps, more unicorn capes than Nike swooshes, more fanny packs with Legos than clutches with eyeliner.

We started chatting as the crowd chanted and waved six-foot flags for teams like Mystic Biscuits, Shrek, and everyone’s nemesis The Mean Machine. Apparently, when it’s time for lunch at a robotics competition, they don’t mess around. The once-packed gym was left to Jodelle and me, and we kept talking and talking. I eventually asked her about the three things that matter to her most.

She told me about her mom, her sister, and her addiction—to horses. I’ve read enough of her writing to know that horses were her drug of choice and her mom and sister were her support network.

I learned about her desire to become a teacher and how hours at the barn with her horse, Heart, recharge her when she’s exhausted. At one point, our rambling conversation turned to a topic I’ve known far too well—her father.

Later that evening, I received an email from Jodelle, and she had a lot to say. One line really struck me: “In so many movies, I have seen a dad wanting to protect his daughter from the world, but I’ve only understood the scene cognitively. Yesterday, I felt it.”

Long ago, I decided that I would never be a dad. I had seen movies with fathers and daughters, and for me, those movies might as well have been Star Wars, ET, or Alien—worlds filled with creatures I’d never know. However, over the years, I’ve attended Jodelle’s parent-teacher conferences, gone to her graduation, and driven hours to watch her ride Heart at horse shows. Simply, I showed up. I listened. I supported.

Jodelle shared a series of dad poems, as well. I had read the first two poems in their original form when Jodelle was my student. The revised versions revealed new graphic details of her past. The third poem, however, was something entirely different.

She called the poems my early birthday present. When I read the lines “You are my father figure/Who I look up to/Without being looked down on,” I froze for an instant and had to reread the lines. After fifty years of consciously deciding not to be a dad, I was seen as one—and it felt incredible. Jodelle’s poem and recognition were two of the best presents I’ve ever received.

I  know that I was the language arts teacher that Jodelle needed at the time, but her poem revealed things I never knew I taught her: “My father figure/ Who taught me/ That listening is for observing the world/ That listening is for learning/Not obeying/Writing is for connecting/Healing with others.”

Teaching is often a thankless job, one that frequently brings more stress and anxiety than joy and hope. Stress erodes my patience. Anxiety curtails my ability to enter each interaction with every student with the grace they deserve. However, my time with Jodelle reminds me of the importance of leaning in and listening.

In the article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age” by Nancy Hill, she illuminates how we “live among such remarkable people, yet few know their stories.” For the last twenty years, I’ve had the privilege to work with countless of these “remarkable people,” and I’ve done my best to listen, and, in so doing, I hope my students will realize what I’ve known for a long time; their voices matter and deserve to be heard, but the voices of their tias and abuelitos and babushkas are equally important. When we take the time to listen, I believe we do more than affirm the humanity of others; we affirm our own as well.

Charles Sanderson has grounded his nineteen-year teaching career in a philosophy he describes as “Mirror, Window, Bridge.” Charles seeks to ensure all students see themselves, see others, and begin to learn the skills to build bridges of empathy, affinity, and understanding between communities and cultures that may seem vastly different. He proudly teaches at the Wellness, Business and Sports School in Woodburn, Oregon, a school and community that brings him joy and hope on a daily basis.

From   The Author: Response to Charles Sanderson

Dear Charles Sanderson,

Thank you for submitting an essay of your own in addition to encouraging your students to participate in YES! Magazine’s essay contest.

Your essay focused not on what is important to you, but rather on what is important to one of your students. You took what mattered to her to heart, acting upon it by going beyond the school day and creating a connection that has helped fill a huge gap in her life. Your efforts will affect her far beyond her years in school. It is clear that your involvement with this student is far from the only time you have gone beyond the classroom, and while you are not seeking personal acknowledgment, I cannot help but applaud you.

In an ideal world, every teacher, every adult, would show the same interest in our children and adolescents that you do. By taking the time to listen to what is important to our youth, we can help them grow into compassionate, caring adults, capable of making our world a better place.

Your concerted efforts to guide our youth to success not only as students but also as human beings is commendable. May others be inspired by your insights, concerns, and actions. You define excellence in teaching.

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Telling the Story of Yourself: 6 Steps to Writing Personal Narratives

Jennifer Xue

Table of Contents

Why do we write personal narratives, 6 guidelines for writing personal narrative essays, inspiring personal narratives, examples of personal narrative essays, tell your story.

First off, you might be wondering: what is a personal narrative? In short, personal narratives are stories we tell about ourselves that focus on our growth, lessons learned, and reflections on our experiences.

From stories about inspirational figures we heard as children to any essay, article, or exercise where we're asked to express opinions on a situation, thing, or individual—personal narratives are everywhere.

According to Psychology Today, personal narratives allow authors to feel and release pains, while savouring moments of strength and resilience. Such emotions provide an avenue for both authors and readers to connect while supporting healing in the process.

That all sounds great. But when it comes to putting the words down on paper, we often end up with a list of experiences and no real structure to tie them together.

In this article, we'll discuss what a personal narrative essay is further, learn the 6 steps to writing one, and look at some examples of great personal narratives.

As readers, we're fascinated by memoirs, autobiographies, and long-form personal narrative articles, as they provide a glimpse into the authors' thought processes, ideas, and feelings. But you don't have to be writing your whole life story to create a personal narrative.

You might be a student writing an admissions essay , or be trying to tell your professional story in a cover letter. Regardless of your purpose, your narrative will focus on personal growth, reflections, and lessons.

Personal narratives help us connect with other people's stories due to their easy-to-digest format and because humans are empathising creatures.

We can better understand how others feel and think when we were told stories that allow us to see the world from their perspectives. The author's "I think" and "I feel" instantaneously become ours, as the brain doesn't know whether what we read is real or imaginary.

In her best-selling book Wired for Story, Lisa Cron explains that the human brain craves tales as it's hard-wired through evolution to learn what happens next. Since the brain doesn't know whether what you are reading is actual or not, we can register the moral of the story cognitively and affectively.

In academia, a narrative essay tells a story which is experiential, anecdotal, or personal. It allows the author to creatively express their thoughts, feelings, ideas, and opinions. Its length can be anywhere from a few paragraphs to hundreds of pages.

Outside of academia, personal narratives are known as a form of journalism or non-fiction works called "narrative journalism." Even highly prestigious publications like the New York Times and Time magazine have sections dedicated to personal narratives. The New Yorke is a magazine dedicated solely to this genre.

The New York Times holds personal narrative essay contests. The winners are selected because they:

had a clear narrative arc with a conflict and a main character who changed in some way. They artfully balanced the action of the story with reflection on what it meant to the writer. They took risks, like including dialogue or playing with punctuation, sentence structure and word choice to develop a strong voice. And, perhaps most important, they focused on a specific moment or theme – a conversation, a trip to the mall, a speech tournament, a hospital visit – instead of trying to sum up the writer’s life in 600 words.

In a nutshell, a personal narrative can cover any reflective and contemplative subject with a strong voice and a unique perspective, including uncommon private values. It's written in first person and the story encompasses a specific moment in time worthy of a discussion.

Writing a personal narrative essay involves both objectivity and subjectivity. You'll need to be objective enough to recognise the importance of an event or a situation to explore and write about. On the other hand, you must be subjective enough to inject private thoughts and feelings to make your point.

With personal narratives, you are both the muse and the creator – you have control over how your story is told. However, like any other type of writing, it comes with guidelines.

1. Write Your Personal Narrative as a Story

As a story, it must include an introduction, characters, plot, setting, climax, anti-climax (if any), and conclusion. Another way to approach it is by structuring it with an introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should set the tone, while the body should focus on the key point(s) you want to get across. The conclusion can tell the reader what lessons you have learned from the story you've just told.

2. Give Your Personal Narrative a Clear Purpose

Your narrative essay should reflect your unique perspective on life. This is a lot harder than it sounds. You need to establish your perspective, the key things you want your reader to take away, and your tone of voice. It's a good idea to have a set purpose in mind for the narrative before you start writing.

Let's say you want to write about how you manage depression without taking any medicine. This could go in any number of ways, but isolating a purpose will help you focus your writing and choose which stories to tell. Are you advocating for a holistic approach, or do you want to describe your emotional experience for people thinking of trying it?

Having this focus will allow you to put your own unique take on what you did (and didn't do, if applicable), what changed you, and the lessons learned along the way.

3. Show, Don't Tell

It's a narration, so the narrative should show readers what happened, instead of telling them. As well as being a storyteller, the author should take part as one of the characters. Keep this in mind when writing, as the way you shape your perspective can have a big impact on how your reader sees your overarching plot. Don't slip into just explaining everything that happened because it happened to you. Show your reader with action.

You can check for instances of telling rather than showing with ProWritingAid. For example, instead of:

"You never let me do anything!" I cried disdainfully.

"You never let me do anything!" To this day, my mother swears that the glare I levelled at her as I spat those words out could have soured milk.

Using ProWritingAid will help you find these instances in your manuscript and edit them without spending hours trawling through your work yourself.

4. Use "I," But Don't Overuse It

You, the author, take ownership of the story, so the first person pronoun "I" is used throughout. However, you shouldn't overuse it, as it'd make it sound too self-centred and redundant.

ProWritingAid can also help you here – the Style Report will tell you if you've started too many sentences with "I", and show you how to introduce more variation in your writing.

5. Pay Attention to Tenses

Tense is key to understanding. Personal narratives mostly tell the story of events that happened in the past, so many authors choose to use the past tense. This helps separate out your current, narrating voice and your past self who you are narrating. If you're writing in the present tense, make sure that you keep it consistent throughout.

6. Make Your Conclusion Satisfying

Satisfy your readers by giving them an unforgettable closing scene. The body of the narration should build up the plot to climax. This doesn't have to be something incredible or shocking, just something that helps give an interesting take on your story.

The takeaways or the lessons learned should be written without lecturing. Whenever possible, continue to show rather than tell. Don't say what you learned, narrate what you do differently now. This will help the moral of your story shine through without being too preachy.

GoodReads is a great starting point for selecting read-worthy personal narrative books. Here are five of my favourites.

Owl Moon by Jane Yolen

Jane Yolen, the author of 386 books, wrote this poetic story about a daughter and her father who went owling. Instead of learning about owls, Yolen invites readers to contemplate the meaning of gentleness and hope.

Night by Elie Wiesel

Elie Wiesel was a teenager when he and his family were sent to Auschwitz concentration camp in 1944. This Holocaust memoir has a strong message that such horrific events should never be repeated.

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

This classic is a must-read by young and old alike. It's a remarkable diary by a 13-year-old Jewish girl who hid inside a secret annexe of an old building during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands in 1942.

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

This is a personal narrative written by a brave author renowned for her clarity, passion, and honesty. Didion shares how in December 2003, she lost her husband of 40 years to a massive heart attack and dealt with the acute illness of her only daughter. She speaks about grief, memories, illness, and hope.

Educated by Tara Westover

Author Tara Westover was raised by survivalist parents. She didn't go to school until 17 years of age, which later took her to Harvard and Cambridge. It's a story about the struggle for quest for knowledge and self-reinvention.

Narrative and personal narrative journalism are gaining more popularity these days. You can find distinguished personal narratives all over the web.

Curating the best of the best of personal narratives and narrative essays from all over the web. Some are award-winning articles.

Narratively

Long-form writing to celebrate humanity through storytelling. It publishes personal narrative essays written to provoke, inspire, and reflect, touching lesser-known and overlooked subjects.

Narrative Magazine

It publishes non,fiction narratives, poetry, and fiction. Among its contributors is Frank Conroy, the author of Stop-Time , a memoir that has never been out of print since 1967.

Thought Catalog

Aimed at Generation Z, it publishes personal narrative essays on self-improvement, family, friendship, romance, and others.

Personal narratives will continue to be popular as our brains are wired for stories. We love reading about others and telling stories of ourselves, as they bring satisfaction and a better understanding of the world around us.

Personal narratives make us better humans. Enjoy telling yours!

Write like a bestselling author

Love writing? ProWritingAid will help you improve the style, strength, and clarity of your stories.

Jennifer Xue is an award-winning e-book author with 2,500+ articles and 100+ e-books/reports published under her belt. She also taught 50+ college-level essay and paper writing classes. Her byline has appeared in Forbes, Fortune, Cosmopolitan, Esquire, Business.com, Business2Community, Addicted2Success, Good Men Project, and others. Her blog is JenniferXue.com. Follow her on Twitter @jenxuewrites].

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'What Is the Point of Life?': Why You Might Feel This Way

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

Marcos Calvo / Getty Images

Why You Might Feel This Way

• How It Relates to Depression

What Gives Life Meaning?

Strategies that can help, how to get help.

Information in this article might be triggering to some people. If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  at  988  for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see our  National Helpline Database .

It's normal for everyone to wonder about their purpose. At times, however, you might question existence to the point where you wonder, "What is the point of life?" When such feelings are accompanied by feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, sadness, and disinterest, it might signify a mental health condition such as  depression .

If you're wondering if there is any purpose to life, remember that meaningfulness is different for each person. For some people, the purpose of life may be to make the world a better place. Others may believe that the point of life is to find and achieve personal fulfillment. And some may feel that the point of life is simply to enjoy it as much as possible.

Finding a sense of meaning in life can be difficult for anyone, but it can be particularly challenging when struggling with low mood and feelings of depression. If you find yourself struggling to make sense of your life and its purpose, it can be helpful to learn more about why you might feel this way and what you can do to bring a sense of meaning into your life.

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We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Signs You Feel That Life Is Pointless

There are a number of signs that you might be struggling to see the point in life. Sometimes you might think "what's the point," but in other cases, these feelings can be less obvious:

• You might feel like nothing you do matters
• You may have stopped caring about the outcome of events
• Things that used to bring you joy may ring hollow or seem empty
• You might feel a sense of  hopelessness
• You might feel like none of your efforts will help you achieve your goals and  aspirations

Everyone experiences times during their life when they feel like they aren't sure about their purpose. They might feel lost . They might not be sure about who they are. Or they might wonder if there is some greater meaning to life that they just can't seem to see. 

There are many different reasons why someone might feel like they don't know the point of life.

• You might be going through something stressful or difficult that has you questioning what it all means.
• You might feel unfulfilled in your work, school, relationships, or hobbies and wonder if there's something more that you are missing.
• It might feel like your accomplishments don't really matter or don't have much of an impact.
• You might be feeling uncertain about what you should be doing with your life or what steps you need to take next.
• You might be struggling to set goals because you are not sure what you really want.
• You might have a mood disorder such as major depressive disorder,  dysthymia , or  bipolar disorder

Whatever the reason, it's important to remember that you're not alone in feeling this way. Taking steps to find what has meaning to you is an important first step.

Depression and Feelings of Pointlessness

People who have depression frequently experience a sense of pointlessness. For many, everything seems meaningless. After all, they might think, what is the point of life if you are not happy?

According to some research, losing this ability to see the point and purpose in life might actually play a part in the onset of depression. Recognizing this feeling and taking steps to combat it may help boost your mood and help you find greater sense of purpose.

In a 2019 study published in the journal  Qualitative Psychology , researchers found that many people living with depression felt that their depressive symptoms were related to changes in life that impacted the things they felt gave their life meaning.

As people lost their sense of purpose, they also began to experience other symptoms such as declining energy levels and physical activity. Despite adverse effects on their physical and psychological experiences, they remained focused on the threats to their goals, values, and purpose.

It seems that experiencing events that affect your sense of meaning is linked to the onset of depression. Whether this plays a role in creating depression is a question that researchers still need to explore in greater depth.

Many other factors are known to play a role in depression, including genetics, experiences, brain chemistry, and lifestyle factors. In many cases, negative life experiences may trigger the onset of depression in people who are predisposed to the condition.

If other symptoms accompany this sense of pointlessness, it might be a sign that what you are experiencing is actually depression. Other signs to watch for include: 

• A persistent low mood marked by sadness or emptiness
• Irritability
• Feeling guilty, hopeless, or helpless
• Losing interest in things that you used to enjoy
• Fatigue or lack of energy
• Slowed physical activity
• Problems concentrating
• Sleep problems
• Changes in appetite or weight
• Physical complaints that don't have a clear cause
• Thoughts of death or suicide

Many different things can give life meaning, and these vary from one person to the next. For some people, their relationships with family and friends are what give them a sense of meaning and purpose.

Others might find meaning in their work, hobbies, or creative passions. And for others, their  spirituality  or religious beliefs help them find the point in life.

What matters most is what you believe is most important to you. Everyone has different values and beliefs that give their life meaning. There is no wrong answer. What gives someone else a sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment might not be helpful for you—and that's fine. 

If you're feeling lost or uncertain about what the point of life is, it might be helpful to think about what matters most to you. What are your values and beliefs? What do you enjoy doing? What makes you feel happy and fulfilled?

Spending time thinking about what matters most to you can help you find meaning in your life. And it can also help you figure out what you want to do with your time and energy.

Finding the point in life can be difficult when you are dealing with depression. It is important to treat yourself with kindness and compassion, even when feeling unmotivated or  apathetic . 

Even when you are  struggling to find interest in anything , you can take steps to help gradually improve your mood and find your sense of purpose. It takes time, support, and often professional interventions in the form of therapy and medication, but over time, you can rediscover your sense of meaning.

There are many different ways to find meaning in life. These strategies can help you find ways to make your life feel more meaningful.

Helping Others

Volunteering your time to help others can be a source of purpose. Research has found that people who engage in  altruistic behaviors , which involve helping other people, feel more connected to other people and tend to have a stronger sense that their life has meaning. 

Examples of  prosocial actions  you might take include volunteering for a cause you are passionate about, donating money to charities, or offering to help a friend in need. Contributing to something that feels bigger than yourself can help you feel that your efforts have meaning and that you are making a difference in the world.

Cultivating Relationships

Spending time with friends and family. Healthy and supportive interpersonal relationships are essential for both physical and mental health. Research has found that these relationships help lower the risk of heart disease, help make us more resilient to stress, and decrease the risk of depression and suicide.

Having the support of friends, family, partners, and others can help you feel more motivated and inspired to care for yourself and take an interest in the world around you. And investing your energy in these relationships can be helpful when you are looking for meaning or a sense of purpose.

Pursuing Your Interests

Pursuing hobbies or activities you enjoy can be an effective way to bring meaning into your life. Focus on doing work that is meaningful to you, whether it involves pursuing a career that you love, developing your creative skills, or simply enjoying your leisurely pastimes. 

Being creative can be a tool of self-expression and can help you develop new interests as well. Consider trying out a new hobby or activity that you haven't tried before, such as learning how to bake, paint, dance, or sculpt.

Building Your Awareness

Becoming more aware of your own thoughts, interests, and connections to the world around you can also be helpful when you are questioning the point of life.

Practicing  meditation  or  mindfulness  are ways to become more aware of your own thoughts and how you feel in the present moment. Spend some time in reflection and focus on living in the present moment rather than worrying about the past or the future.

Practice Gratitude

Practicing  gratitude , or the act of feeling and expressing thankfulness for the things that you appreciate in life has been shown to have a range of benefits. It can strengthen relationships, improve happiness, boost resilience, and improve overall health.

It may also help you find greater meaningfulness in life. Research has shown that gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions. This may also encourage people to savor the moment and enjoy the pleasures that life can bring. 

Making an effort to practice gratitude regularly, whether you take a few moments each day to mentally focus on grateful thoughts or you write in a  gratitude journal , can help you become more aware of the good things in life. Over time, this practice may help shift your perspective. Instead of feeling that life is pointless, you'll begin to see all of the simple joys that give life meaning.

Other Ways to Find Meaning In Life

• Connect with nature
• Try new things
• Embrace your imperfections
• Be yourself
• Accept that life is uncertain
• Savor the simple things in life
• Take time for yourself
• Find the humor in life and be willing to laugh at yourself

It is important to remember that it may take time and exploration before you find what works for you.

Don't be afraid to reach out for help . If you're struggling to find meaning in your life, there are many resources and people who can help. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, a counselor or therapist, or a religious leader. They can offer support and guidance as you search for meaning.

Remember, everyone goes through periods where they question what the point of life is. But there is no right or wrong answer. What matters most is how you choose to live your life and what you believe is most important to you.

Desai MU, Wertz FJ, Davidson L, Karasz A.  An investigation of experiences diagnosed as depression in primary care—From the perspective of the diagnosed . Qualitative Psychology. 2019;6(3):268-279. doi:10.1037/qup0000129

American Psychological Association.  Manage stress: strengthen your support network .

Harvard Health Publishing.  Giving thanks can make you happier .

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By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

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YOUR FEELING DEFINES THE HIGHEST AND LOWEST POINTS OF YOUR LIFE

In our daily lives, our emotions change. It differs from being so happy to very sad. These are the things that are normal in our daily lives. We encounter different things that cause these changes. It affects how we interact with people around us and how we respond to the things life offered.

There are a lot of things that cause changes in emotions. It can be the feeling of being neglected by someone you admired or getting the lowest score in the exam. These feelings are the definition of how we define the highest and lowest points of our lives.

We feel so happy when we marry the love of our life. Such instances will become the highest point of our lives. We felt so sad when we lost for the first time. That is the lowest point of your life--when you are no longer able to see their face and hear their voice. 

For this reason, you feel shocked about losing them. You would deny the reality that they are gone and will no longer come back. You will experience mood swings that would affect your emotional and mental health.

You will feel mad at yourself for doing nothing to retain their life. And when the reality comes, you will refuse to see it. You will make ways to distract yourself and sometimes blame others for your misery. 

You will feel empty, especially when you see the urn for burial as it is where the remains of your loved one are placed. You will seek more of their face and be lost in your imagination that they are still alive. 

When you experience a tremendous loss of a loved one, it is okay to be not okay. Understandably, the tears will never go away that easily. It needs time to heal and accept that they are no longer with you. It is painful if this is the first time you experience someone who has passed away in your family. 

Not all the people around you understand how you express your feeling of losing a loved one. Let them think what they think about your grief because they are not the ones who lost a loved one - it is you. Allowing yourself to grief doesn't mean losing all your sensitivity to things. You still need to know what is going in your family and surroundings. 

You need to know who you can trust in helping you to survive the grieving pace of your life. Look for someone who can help you win the battle of sadness and will cheer you up. When you experience a significant loss for the first time, it is hard for you to find someone who you can lean on, especially when all family members are grieving too. 

Even though it is usual for grieving people to be worried and scared about what life is ahead of them, one must stay calm and let themselves grieve. Once everything is okay, stand up and start a new journey. You will never know what beautiful things lie ahead of you if you would not take a step out of grief. 

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When You Are at a Low Point

Daily devotional details.

His feet were hurt with fetters; his neck was put in a collar of iron. Psalm 105:18

Joseph had been in a pit before, and now he was there again, only this time it was worse. He sank to the lowest point of his life. His neck was wrapped in a collar of iron.

What has been your lowest point? God was blessing you and then in some way you were cut down. You were working hard, and false things were said about you by those who you thought were your friends. God blessed you, and then what He had given was taken away. Suddenly, you found yourself in a place of great darkness and hurt.

This story speaks into our lives because we all know the pain of loss—loss in our careers, a sudden loss of health, or the loss of a loved one.

The Bible does not report how Joseph felt. Did you notice that? When the Bible narrates, “Joseph’s master took him and put him into the prison,” you would expect to find complaints from Joseph asking, “Why did you allow this to happen?” “When will there be justice on earth?” “What are you doing in my life?”

The Psalms are full of that kind of thing—expressions of human pain over false accusation, injustice, and loss. No doubt Joseph felt gutted, for his loss was great, and he must have had many questions. But God passes over what Joseph felt because He wants to direct our attention to something else: how Joseph got through it.

If you get lost in the pain, it is easy to lose sight of how to get through it. How did Joseph survive? How did he keep walking with God through all his pain, sorrow, and loss?

Are you at a low point? Are you wondering how you’re going to get through it?

Related Daily Devotionals

How to Get the Life That Jesus Came to Give

Are You Drifting from the Church?

You Can Ask God to Do This for You

How to Find Joy in God’s Imperfect People