how do you describe crying in creative writing

How to Describe Crying in Writing (21 Best Tips + Examples)

There is a lot more to describing crying than simply saying “He wept” or “She cried.”

You need to create a vivid, heart-rending image in your reader’s mind.

Here’s how to describe crying in writing:

Describe crying in writing by noting the physical signs (tears, facial expressions), underlying emotions (joy, sadness, frustration), and aftermath of crying. Capture the reason for crying and add unique details to convey the depth of the character’s emotions.

In this guide, you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to describe crying in writing.

1. Understanding the Tears

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Tears aren’t just drops of salty water that stream down your face.

In literature, they can symbolize a wide range of emotions – joy, grief, frustration, relief, fear – you name it.

They’re a natural response to emotional stimuli, and as a writer, it’s essential to understand their significance.

Crying is often seen as an intimate act, a window into a character’s most vulnerable moments.

Therefore, describing the tears themselves can be an effective way to convey the character’s emotional state to your readers.

Are they streaming down like a river, or are they just welling up in the eyes, threatening to spill?

Example: Her tears welled up slowly, refusing to fall, just like her pride. She was hurt, but she was not yet broken.

2. Body Language Tells a Tale

Body language is a powerful tool to portray crying in your writing.

When a person cries, it isn’t only about the tears. Their whole body can be engaged in this emotional expression.

Slumped shoulders, clenched fists, shaking body – these can all hint towards the internal turmoil.

Remember, each character is unique and their body language while crying will reflect their personality.

A reserved character might curl up, hugging their knees while a more expressive one might throw their hands in the air in despair.

Example: As he began to cry, his body hunched over, as if carrying the weight of his unspoken grief on his shoulders. His clenched fists were the only telltale sign of his silent struggle.

3. Listening to the Sound of Crying

The sound of crying can be as telling as the sight of it.

Some people wail loudly, while others may whimper softly. The volume, tone, and rhythm of the crying can reflect the intensity and nature of the emotions the character is experiencing.

Consider your character’s circumstances and their personality when describing the sound of their crying.

A character who is desperate might cry out loud, while a character who is trying to hide their feelings might suppress their sobs, creating a choked, stifled sound.

Example: Her cries were barely audible, like the soft whispers of the wind on a cold, lonely night. But each stifled sob echoed the loud, resounding ache in her heart.

4. Crying In Solitude

The setting of a crying scene can provide a deeper understanding of a character’s emotions.

When a character cries alone, it often suggests that they are not comfortable showing their vulnerability to others or that they prefer dealing with their emotions privately.

Crying in solitude can be depicted as a deeply personal moment of reflection, grief, or even relief.

It allows the character to fully express their emotions without the worry of judgment or expectation.

As a writer, make sure to describe the setting in a way that reflects the character’s state of mind.

Example: Alone in her room, she finally allowed her tears to fall. Each tear was a silent testament to the grief she hid behind her smile each day.

5. Crying In Company

On the contrary, a character crying in the company of others can indicate a sense of trust or desperation.

They might be seeking comfort, or they may have been pushed to a point where they can’t hide their emotions any longer.

Describing a character crying in front of others provides an opportunity to explore interpersonal dynamics.

The reactions of those around can provide insight into relationships and individual personalities.

Example: He wept openly in front of his comrades, his usual strong facade crumbling. The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence, his friends unsure how to comfort their usually stoic leader.

6. Cultural Differences

Cultural background can play a significant role in how a character expresses their emotions, including crying.

Some cultures view crying openly as a sign of weakness, while others consider it a natural and healthy expression of emotion.

As a writer, you can use this aspect to enrich your characters and the world they inhabit.

Be mindful, though, to research thoroughly and represent any culture accurately and respectfully.

Example: In his culture, men seldom cried. But as he watched his daughter walk down the aisle, tears welled up in his eyes. His heart swelled with a mixture of pride and nostalgia that transcended cultural norms.

7. The Physical Impact of Tears

Crying isn’t just an emotional experience; it’s also a physical one.

It can be exhausting and leave the character feeling drained, or it might provide a sense of relief and release.

Describe the physical sensations associated with crying – the heat of tears on the face, the ache in the throat, the headache that follows a long bout of weeping.

This can make your description more realistic and relatable.

Example: As her sobs subsided, she was left with a lingering headache and a rawness in her throat. But amidst the physical discomfort, she felt a strange sense of relief.

8. The Reason Behind the Tears

Tears often come with a story.

Understanding and conveying the reason behind a character’s tears can create an emotional connection with the reader.

It’s not just about the act of crying, but the trigger that led to it.

Is it a reaction to a personal loss, an outcome of immense joy, or a response to a stressful situation?

Answering these questions in your writing can bring depth to your characters and their emotional journey.

Example: The tears that streamed down his face were not of sadness, but of joy. He had finally achieved his dream, the dream he had worked so tirelessly for. His tears were a tribute to his relentless pursuit and hard work.

9. The Aftermath of Crying

Crying can leave a character feeling various emotions such as relief, embarrassment, exhaustion, or even more confusion.

Describing the aftermath of crying gives your narrative a sense of progression.

It also provides a deeper look into the character’s psyche.

You can describe the character’s physical appearance after crying, their thoughts and feelings, and their subsequent actions.

This aftermath can be just as telling as the crying scene itself.

Example: After the tears, she felt an eerie calm. Her face was blotchy, her eyes red-rimmed, but her mind was clear. She picked herself up, squared her shoulders, and decided to face her challenges head-on.

10. Gendered Tears

Societal norms and stereotypes often influence how characters express their emotions.

In many societies, crying is seen as a feminine act, and men are often discouraged from displaying such open vulnerability.

However, these stereotypes can and should be challenged.

Describing a male character crying can add depth and help break stereotypes, while describing a female character choosing not to cry can show strength and resilience.

Example: He sat on the floor, surrounded by the shards of his shattered past, tears streaming down his face. He didn’t care for societal norms that asked men not to cry. He was hurting, and he let it show.

11. Age and Crying

Age can affect how a character expresses their emotions.

A child might cry loudly without any inhibition, while an adult might try to suppress their tears.

On the other hand, an elderly character might cry out of loneliness, nostalgia, or physical pain.

Use age-appropriate expressions and behaviors while describing a character crying. This will add realism and depth to your characters and their emotions.

Example: The little girl broke into loud, unabashed sobs, her tiny shoulders shaking with each cry. She didn’t understand why her friend had to move away.

12. Cathartic Crying

Sometimes, crying serves as a catharsis for pent-up emotions.

It can be a healthy way for characters to release stress, pain, or frustration. Describing such a moment can be powerful and add a significant turning point to your character’s emotional journey.

The cathartic nature of crying can be accentuated by the relief a character feels afterwards.

The release of emotion can lead to clarity of thought, a renewed sense of purpose, or a deeper understanding of one’s emotions.

Example: She let the tears fall, each one washing away a little bit of the pain she’d been holding onto. When the sobs finally subsided, she felt a lightness she hadn’t felt in a long time.

13. Quiet Desperation

Not all crying is loud and noticeable.

Sometimes, it’s quiet, hidden – a symbol of silent suffering or inner turmoil.

Characters might cry in this way when they’re trying to hide their pain from others, or perhaps even from themselves.

The silent tears can be the most powerful, as they suggest a deep, underlying sadness that the character is struggling with.

Use descriptive language to paint this subtle, poignant picture in your reader’s mind.

Example: He cried silently, tears streaming down his face without a sound. It was the quiet, desperate crying of a man broken by his own thoughts.

14. Reflective Crying

Characters might cry when they’re immersed in deep thought, reminiscing about past events, or regretting missed opportunities.

This reflective crying can provide an excellent opportunity for character development.

While describing reflective crying, you can take your reader on a journey into the character’s past, revealing memories, regrets, and long-lost dreams.

It’s a chance to share backstory and character history, deepening reader engagement.

Example: As she looked at the faded photograph, a tear trickled down her cheek. Each face in the picture ignited a memory, a ghost from her past, and with it came a profound sense of loss.

15. Crying for Attention

Sometimes, characters might cry to draw attention, express their frustration, or manipulate a situation.

This isn’t necessarily negative.

It simply adds another layer to the character’s personality and their methods of handling situations.

When you describe such a scene, focus on the character’s intentions and the reaction they’re seeking to elicit.

This can create interesting dynamics and add a twist to your story.

Example: She started to cry, the tears coming easily. She knew her tears always made him uncomfortable, made him give in to her demands.

16. Symbolic Tears

Tears can often be used as symbols in your narrative, signifying much more than just sadness.

They can symbolize a pivotal change, loss, healing, or even joy.

They can be seen as a rite of passage, or a mark of resolution.

Use your creative liberty to imbue tears with symbolism. This can give your writing an added layer of depth, creating a resonating impact with your readers.

Example: As the rain started to fall, so did his tears. They were not tears of sadness, but of rebirth, washing away the old him, symbolizing a fresh start.

17. Fake Crying

Characters might resort to fake crying as a method of manipulation or deceit.

This can showcase a cunning aspect of their personality, adding an interesting dynamic to their character arc.

Describing fake crying can involve focusing on the character’s lack of genuine emotion or their exaggerated attempts to seem upset.

Pay attention to the other characters’ reactions as well, adding to the complexity of the situation.

Example: She squeezed out a tear, her sobbing loud and dramatic. The others watched, oblivious to her act, taken in by her convincing performance.

18. Contagious Crying

Crying can be contagious.

When one character starts crying, it might trigger a chain reaction, leading others to cry as well.

This can create an intense, emotional scene, showing the deep empathy between characters.

Describe the emotions and reactions of each character involved. This can be an excellent way to showcase relationships and shared sentiments among characters.

Example: As she broke down, her tears touched a chord in everyone’s heart. One by one, they all started crying, their shared grief creating a bond stronger than words could express.

19. Empathetic Crying

Characters might cry out of empathy, feeling the pain and suffering of others.

This can showcase their sensitive and compassionate side, adding depth to their personality.

When describing empathetic crying, focus on the character’s thoughts and feelings towards the person or situation they are empathizing with.

This can create an emotional and powerful scene, connecting your readers to your characters on a deeper level.

Example: As he listened to her story, he couldn’t hold back his tears. Her pain was now his, her tears reflected in his eyes.

20. Crying Out of Frustration

Frustration can often bring on the waterworks.

Your characters might cry when they are overwhelmed, stuck in a situation, or unable to express their feelings.

This can make them relatable, reflecting real human reactions to challenging circumstances.

Describing frustration-induced crying involves illustrating the character’s inner turmoil, their feelings of helplessness or irritation, and the ultimate release through tears.

Example: Overwhelmed by the sheer unfairness of it all, he started crying. Each tear was a silent scream of frustration, a desperate plea for relief.

21. The Weight of Unshed Tears

Sometimes, the most profound pain comes from the tears that are not shed.

Characters might hold back their tears due to fear, pride, or denial. The burden of these unshed tears can add a dramatic intensity to your narrative.

While describing unshed tears, focus on the character’s internal struggle to keep their emotions in check.

This restraint can speak volumes about their emotional state and character traits.

Example: His eyes were dry, but the pain in them was palpable. They were the eyes of a man who carried the weight of unshed tears.

How to Describe Crying Dialogue

Crying can significantly affect a character’s speech.

Words can be choked, interrupted by sobs, or can even seem more heartfelt. Describing crying dialogue can bring a higher level of authenticity and relatability to your character’s emotional state.

When a character is crying, their dialogue might be broken, breathless, or whispered.

Alternatively, their emotion might lend them a surprising strength, their words coming out loud and clear despite their tears.

This contrast between physical vulnerability and verbal resilience can create a powerful impact.

Example: “I… I can’t believe you’d… do this,” she stammered, her voice choked with sobs. Despite the tears that blurred her vision, her words held a strength that surprised even her.

How to Describe Happy Crying

Happy crying can be a beautiful contradiction to portray in your narrative.

It happens when joy, relief, or happiness becomes so overwhelming that it triggers tears. It’s an emotional high point that can really connect readers to the character’s joy.

When describing happy crying, focus on the positive emotion behind the tears.

The character’s tears can be warm, their sobs might be mixed with laughter, or their crying might be accompanied by a wide smile.

It’s a celebration of a happy moment, and the contradiction of tears of joy can add a beautiful layer to your narrative.

Example: He laughed as he cried, tears of joy streaming down his face. The happiness he felt was so profound, so overwhelming, that it could not be contained.

Words to Describe Crying

• Heartbroken
• Melancholic
• Grief-stricken
• Tear-streaked

Phrases to Describe Crying

• Tears streaming down their face
• Weeping uncontrollably
• Crying rivers
• Silent tears
• Eyes welling up with tears
• A flood of tears
• Sobbing their heart out
• Tears of joy
• Crying like a baby
• A waterfall of tears
• A single tear rolled down their cheek
• Crying their eyes out
• Eyes filled to the brim with tears
• Crying buckets
• Crying a river
• Tears stained their face
• Choking back tears
• Eyes glistening with unshed tears
• Sobs racked their body
• A tear trickled down their face
• Wetting their cheeks with tears
• Wiping away their tears
• Fighting back tears
• Bursting into tears
• Eyes red and swollen from crying
• A sob caught in their throat
• Overwhelmed by tears
• Uncontrollable weeping
• Hot tears burned their cheeks
• A lump in their throat

Some of these phrases describe powerful crying or heavy crying.

Here is a good video with more details about how to describe heavy crying in writing:

Final Thoughts: How to Describe Crying in Writing

Don’t forget to mix up your crying descriptions throughout your story.

The same type of description will get repetitive fast. Use different words, phrases, and techniques. Make the crying an expression of the theme, conflict, and character.

For more description guides, check out the list of articles below.

Related Posts:

• How to Describe Laughter in Writing (21 Best Tips + Examples)
• How to Describe Betrayal in Writing (21 Best Tips + Examples)
• How to Describe Being Cold in Writing (21 Tips + Examples)
• How to Describe a Car Accident in Writing (21 Best Tips)

Describing Sadness in Creative Writing: 33 Ways to Capture the Blues

By: Author Paul Jenkins

Posted on August 25, 2023

Categories Creative Writing , Writing

Describing sadness in creative writing can be a challenging task for any writer.

Sadness is an emotion that can be felt in different ways, and it’s important to be able to convey it in a way that is authentic and relatable to readers. Whether you’re writing a novel, short story, or even a poem, the ability to describe sadness can make or break a story.

Understanding sadness in writing is essential to creating a believable character or scene. Sadness is a complex emotion that can be caused by a variety of factors, such as loss, disappointment, or loneliness. It’s important to consider the context in which the sadness is occurring, as this can influence the way it is expressed.

By exploring the emotional spectrum of characters and the physical manifestations of sadness, writers can create a more authentic portrayal of the emotion.

In this article, we will explore the different ways to describe sadness in creative writing. We will discuss the emotional spectrum of characters, the physical manifestations of sadness, and the language and dialogue used to express it. We’ll also look at expert views on emotion and provide unique examples of describing sadness.

By the end of this article, you’ll have a better understanding of how to authentically convey sadness in your writing.

Key Takeaways

• Understanding the emotional spectrum of characters is essential to creating a believable portrayal of sadness.
• Physical manifestations of sadness can be used to convey the emotion in a more authentic way.
• Authenticity in describing sadness can be achieved through language and dialogue, as well as expert views on emotion.

33 Ways to Express Sadness in Creative Writing

Let’s start with some concrete examples of sadness metaphors and similes:

Here are 33 ways to express sadness in creative writing:

• A heavy sigh escaped her lips as a tear rolled down her cheek.
• His eyes glistened with unleashed tears that he quickly blinked away.
• Her heart felt like it was being squeezed by a cold, metal fist.
• A profound emptiness opened up inside him, threatening to swallow him whole.
• An avalanche of sorrow crashed over her without warning.
• His spirit sank like a stone in water.
• A dark cloud of grief descended on her.
• Waves of sadness washed over him, pulling him under.
• She felt like she was drowning in an ocean of melancholy.
• His eyes darkened with sadness like a gathering storm.
• Grief enveloped her like a wet blanket, heavy and smothering.
• The light in his eyes dimmed to a flicker behind tears.
• Sadness seeped through her veins like icy slush.
• The corners of his mouth drooped like a wilting flower.
• Her breath came in short, ragged gasps between sobs.
• A profound melancholy oozed from his pores.
• The weight of despair crushed her like a vice.
• A haunted, hollow look glazed over his eyes.
• An invisible hand squeezed her heart, wringing out all joy.
• His soul curdled like spoiled milk.
• A silent scream lodged in her throat.
• He was consumed by a fathomless gloom.
• Sorrow pulsed through her veins with every beat of her heart.
• Grief blanketed him like new-fallen snow, numbing and icy.
• Tears stung her eyes like shards of glass.
• A cold, dark abyss of sadness swallowed him.
• Melancholy seeped from her like rain from a leaky roof.
• His spirit shriveled and sank like a deflating balloon.
• A sick, hollow ache blossomed inside her.
• Rivulets of anguish trickled down his cheeks.
• Sadness smothered her like a poisonous fog.
• Gloom settled on his shoulders like a black shroud.
• Her sorrow poured out in a river of tears.

Understanding Sadness in Writing

Describing sadness in writing can be a challenging task.

Sadness is a complex emotion that can manifest in different ways. It can be expressed through tears, sighs, silence, or even a simple change in posture. As a writer, you need to be able to convey sadness effectively to your readers, while also avoiding cliches and melodrama.

One way to approach describing sadness is to focus on the physical sensations and reactions that accompany it. For example, you might describe the feeling of a lump in your throat, or the tightness in your chest. You could also describe the way your eyes become watery, or the way your hands tremble.

These physical descriptions can help your readers to empathize with your characters and feel the same emotions.

Another important aspect of describing sadness is the tone of your writing. You want to strike a balance between conveying the depth of the emotion and avoiding excessive sentimentality.

One way to achieve this is to use simple, direct language that conveys the emotion without resorting to flowery language or overwrought metaphors.

When describing sadness, it’s also important to consider the context in which it occurs. Sadness can be a response to many different situations, such as loss, disappointment, or rejection. It can also be accompanied by other emotions, such as anger, confusion, or melancholy.

By considering the context and accompanying emotions, you can create a more nuanced and realistic portrayal of sadness in your writing.

Finally, it can be helpful to draw on examples of how other writers have successfully described sadness. By studying the techniques and descriptions used by other writers, you can gain a better understanding of how to effectively convey sadness in your own writing.

In conclusion, describing sadness in writing requires a careful balance of physical descriptions, tone, context, and examples. By focusing on these elements, you can create a more nuanced and effective portrayal of this complex emotion.

Emotional Spectrum in Characters

In creative writing, it’s important to create characters that are multi-dimensional and have a wide range of emotions. When it comes to describing sadness, it’s essential to understand the emotional spectrum of characters and how they respond to different situations.

Characters can experience a variety of emotions, including love, happiness, surprise, anger, fear, nervousness, and more.

Each character has a unique personality that influences their emotional responses. For example, a protagonist might respond to sadness with a broken heart, dismay, or feeling desolate.

On the other hand, a character might respond with anger, contempt, or apathy.

When describing sadness, it’s important to consider the emotional response of the character. For example, a haunted character might respond to sadness with exhaustion or a sense of being drained. A crestfallen character might respond with a sense of defeat or disappointment.

It’s also important to consider how sadness affects the character’s personality. Some characters might become withdrawn or depressed, while others might become more emotional or volatile. When describing sadness, it’s important to show how it affects the character’s behavior and interactions with others.

Overall, the emotional spectrum of characters is an important aspect of creative writing. By understanding how characters respond to different emotions, you can create more realistic and relatable characters. When describing sadness, it’s important to consider the character’s emotional response, personality, and behavior.

Physical Manifestations of Sadness

When you’re feeling sad, it’s not just an emotion that you experience mentally. It can also manifest physically. Here are some physical manifestations of sadness that you can use in your creative writing to make your characters more believable.

Tears are one of the most common physical manifestations of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, your eyes may start to water, and tears may fall down your cheeks. Tears can be used to show that a character is feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

Crying is another physical manifestation of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may cry. Crying can be used to show that a character is feeling deeply hurt or upset.

Numbness is a physical sensation that can accompany sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may feel emotionally numb. This can be used to show that a character is feeling disconnected from their emotions.

Facial Expressions

Facial expressions can also be used to show sadness. When you’re feeling sad, your face may droop, and your eyes may look downcast. This can be used to show that a character is feeling down or depressed.

Gestures can also be used to show sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may slump your shoulders or hang your head. This can be used to show that a character is feeling defeated or hopeless.

Body Language

Body language can also be used to show sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may cross your arms or hunch over. This can be used to show that a character is feeling closed off or defensive.

Cold and Heat

Sadness can also affect your body temperature. When you’re feeling sad, you may feel cold or hot. This can be used to show that a character is feeling uncomfortable or out of place.

Sobbing is another physical manifestation of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may sob uncontrollably. This can be used to show that a character is feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

Sweating is another physical manifestation of sadness. When you’re feeling sad, you may sweat profusely. This can be used to show that a character is feeling anxious or nervous.

By using these physical manifestations of sadness in your writing, you can make your characters more realistic and relatable. Remember to use them sparingly and only when they are relevant to the story.

Authenticity in Describing Sadness

When it comes to describing sadness in creative writing, authenticity is key. Readers can tell when an author is not being genuine, and it can make the story feel less impactful. In order to authentically describe sadness, it’s important to tap into your own emotions and experiences.

Think about a time when you felt truly sad. What did it feel like? What physical sensations did you experience? How did your thoughts and emotions change? By tapping into your own experiences, you can better convey the emotions of your characters.

It’s also important to remember that sadness can manifest in different ways for different people. Some people may cry, while others may become withdrawn or angry. By understanding the unique ways that sadness can present itself, you can create more authentic and realistic characters.

If you’re struggling to authentically describe sadness, consider talking to a loved one or best friend about their experiences. Hearing firsthand accounts can help you better understand the nuances of the emotion.

Ultimately, the key to authentically describing sadness is to approach it with empathy and understanding. By putting yourself in the shoes of your characters and readers, you can create a powerful and impactful story that resonates with your audience.

Language and Dialogue in Expressing Sadness

When writing about sadness, the language you use can make a big difference in how your readers will perceive the emotions of your characters.

Consider using metaphors and similes to create vivid images that will help your readers connect with the emotions of your characters.

For example, you might describe the sadness as a heavy weight on the character’s chest or a dark cloud hanging over their head.

In addition to using metaphors, you can also use adjectives to describe the character’s emotions. Be careful not to overuse adjectives, as this can detract from the impact of your writing. Instead, choose a few powerful adjectives that will help your readers understand the depth of the character’s sadness.

For example, you might describe the sadness as overwhelming, suffocating, or unbearable.

When it comes to dialogue, it’s important to remember that people don’t always express their emotions directly. In fact, sometimes what isn’t said is just as important as what is said.

Consider using subtext to convey the character’s sadness indirectly. For example, a character might say “I’m fine,” when in reality they are struggling with intense sadness.

Another way to use dialogue to convey sadness is through the use of behaviors. For example, a character might withdraw from social situations, stop eating or sleeping properly, or engage in self-destructive behaviors as a result of their sadness.

By showing these behaviors, you can help your readers understand the depth of the character’s emotions.

Finally, when describing sadness, it’s important to consider the overall mood of the scene. Use sensory details to create a somber atmosphere that will help your readers connect with the emotions of your characters.

For example, you might describe the rain falling heavily outside, the silence of an empty room, or the dim lighting of a funeral home.

Overall, when writing about sadness, it’s important to choose your words carefully and use a variety of techniques to convey the depth of your character’s emotions.

By using metaphors, adjectives, dialogue, behaviors, and sensory details, you can create a powerful and emotionally resonant story that will stay with your readers long after they’ve finished reading.

Expert Views on Emotion

When it comes to writing about emotions, it’s important to have a deep understanding of how they work and how they can be conveyed effectively through writing. Here are some expert views on emotion that can help you write about sadness in a more effective and engaging way.

Dr. Paul Ekman

Dr. Paul Ekman is a renowned psychologist who has spent decades studying emotions and their expressions. According to Dr. Ekman, there are six basic emotions that are universally recognized across cultures: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, and disgust.

When it comes to writing about sadness, Dr. Ekman suggests focusing on the physical sensations that accompany the emotion.

For example, you might describe the heaviness in your chest, the lump in your throat, or the tears that well up in your eyes. By focusing on these physical sensations, you can help your readers connect with the emotion on a deeper level.

While sadness is often seen as a “negative” emotion, it’s important to remember that all emotions have their place in creative writing. Disgust, for example, can be a powerful tool for conveying a character’s revulsion or aversion to something.

When writing about disgust, it’s important to be specific about what is causing the emotion. For example, you might describe the smell of rotting garbage, the sight of maggots wriggling in a pile of food, or the texture of slimy, raw meat.

By being specific, you can help your readers feel the full force of the emotion and understand why your character is feeling it.

Overall, when it comes to writing about emotions, it’s important to be both specific and authentic. By drawing on your own experiences and using concrete details to describe the physical sensations and causes of emotions, you can create a more engaging and emotionally resonant piece of writing.

Unique Examples of Describing Sadness

When it comes to describing sadness in creative writing, there are many unique ways to convey this emotion to your readers. Here are some examples that can help you create a powerful and moving scene:

• The crying scene : One of the most common ways to show sadness is through tears. However, instead of just saying “she cried,” try to describe the crying scene in detail. For instance, you could describe how her tears fell like raindrops on the floor, or how her sobs shook her body like a violent storm. This will help your readers visualize the scene and feel the character’s pain.
• The socks : Another way to show sadness is through symbolism. For example, you could describe how the character is wearing mismatched socks, which represents how her life is falling apart and nothing seems to fit together anymore. This can be a subtle yet effective way to convey sadness without being too obvious.
• John : If your character is named John, you can use his name to create a sense of melancholy. For example, you could describe how the raindrops fell on John’s shoulders, weighing him down like the burdens of his life. This can be a creative way to convey sadness while also adding depth to your character.

Remember, when describing sadness in creative writing, it’s important to be specific and use vivid language. This will help your readers connect with your character on a deeper level and feel their pain.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some effective ways to describe a person’s sadness without using the word ‘sad’.

When describing sadness, it’s important to avoid using the word “sad” as it can come across as cliché and lackluster. Instead, try using more descriptive words that evoke a sense of sadness in the reader. For example, you could use words like “heartbroken,” “bereft,” “devastated,” “despondent,” or “forlorn.” These words help to create a more vivid and emotional description of sadness that readers can connect with.

How can you describe the physical manifestations of sadness on a person’s face?

When describing the physical manifestations of sadness on a person’s face, it’s important to pay attention to the small details. For example, you could describe the way their eyes become red and swollen from crying, or how their mouth trembles as they try to hold back tears. You could also describe the way their shoulders slump or how they withdraw into themselves. By focusing on these small but telling details, you can create a more realistic and relatable portrayal of sadness.

What are some examples of using metaphor and simile to convey sadness in creative writing?

Metaphors and similes can be powerful tools for conveying sadness in creative writing. For example, you could compare a person’s sadness to a heavy weight that they’re carrying on their shoulders, or to a storm cloud that follows them wherever they go. You could also use metaphors and similes to describe the way sadness feels, such as a “gnawing ache” in the pit of their stomach or a “cold, empty void” inside their chest.

How can you effectively convey the emotional weight of sadness through dialogue?

When writing dialogue for a character who is experiencing sadness, it’s important to focus on the emotions and feelings that they’re experiencing. Use short, simple sentences to convey the character’s sadness, and avoid using overly complex language or metaphors. You could also use pauses and silences to create a sense of emotional weight and tension in the scene.

What are some techniques for describing a character’s inner sadness in a way that is relatable to the reader?

One effective technique for describing a character’s inner sadness is to focus on their thoughts and feelings. Use introspection to delve into the character’s emotions and describe how they’re feeling in a way that is relatable to the reader. You could also use flashbacks or memories to show why the character is feeling sad, and how it’s affecting their current actions and decisions.

How can you use sensory language to create a vivid portrayal of sadness in a poem or story?

Sensory language is an effective way to create a vivid portrayal of sadness in a poem or story. Use descriptive words that evoke the senses, such as the smell of rain on a sad day or the sound of a distant train whistle. You could also use sensory language to describe the physical sensations of sadness, such as the weight of a heavy heart or the taste of tears on the tongue. By using sensory language, you can create a more immersive and emotional reading experience for your audience.

Describe Crying in Writing—Without the Clichés

When your characters start to cry in your story, you want readers to be able to sympathize with them. When your characters are pouring their heart out, overcome by grief, or overjoyed at reconnecting with someone who they thought had died, the last thing you want is for your readers to be bored—or worse, rolling their eyes.

And yet, most writers fall short when trying to convey such strong emotions. If you want to write truly powerful emotional scenes, you need to be able to write them in ways no one has ever heard before. Language like “tears welled up in his eyes” or “his voice cracked” just isn’t going to cut it. You need to use language that allows readers to feel exactly what the character is going through, and you can’t do that by relying on plain language or clichés. 

How to Avoid Writing Clichés when Describing Crying

The first method for making your crying scenes more dramatic is to cut out the clichés, but first, you need to be sure you understand what a cliché is. A cliché is a phrase, idea, or story element that has been overused to the point of being annoying. Some examples are:

• When a character screams “noooo!” up at the sky.
• When a character cries in the rain.
• The phrase “crying a river of tears.”
• When a character’s heart “hammers” or “pounds.”
• The phrase “a blood-curdling scream.” 

I’m sure you get the idea. However, traditional clichés aren’t the only things you’ll need to be on the lookout for in your own writing. 

There are certain gestures and physical descriptions that aren’t exactly cliché but are overused to the point that they have a similar effect on readers. For example, take the gesture “she wiped at her eyes.” Wiping tears away is a common reaction to crying. It’s something people actually do, and often . So why is it a problem? 

When a writer uses gestures like a character wiping at their eyes or chewing on their lip, they are attempting to “show” how the character is feeling without explicitly telling readers “she is crying.” In theory, that’s a good thing, but by relying on the same phrases that every writer utilizes, their character will feel like a cookie-cutter copy of every other character who’s ever cried. How many times have you read any of the following?

• She wiped at her eyes.
• He sniffled between words. 
• She sighed heavily, letting her head drop.
• Tears welled up in their eyes.
• A single tear rolled down his cheek. 
• He felt his throat closing up.
• Tears streamed down her face.
• He looked close to tears. 

In general, if you’ve read it before (especially more than once), it’s probably a good idea to find a more creative way to write what you’re trying to convey. Use metaphors and similes to create more visceral feelings, and don’t be afraid to describe things strangely. You can always work backward to make weird imagery more relatable. 

For example, instead of saying that a character’s throat is constricting because they’re about to cry, say that it’s like they’re struggling to swallow down a still-beating heart. 

That imagery is slimy, visceral, and uncomfortable, but it likens itself quite well to the sensation of anxiously forcing down tears. Emotions can be uncomfortable, so don’t be afraid of using uncomfortable imagery to describe them. 

Writing Different Types of Crying

People don’t just cry when they are sad. The situations in which characters can shed tears are wildly diverse, ranging from receiving a thoughtful gift to watching a horrible tragedy unfold before them. Characters can cry because they are joyful, frustrated, angry, disappointed, confused, relieved, and a number of other emotions. The tone of your description should match how the character is feeling.

Not only are there different emotions behind a character’s tears, but there are also different levels of intensity to each emotion. The words you use should be reflective of that too. The words “weeping” and “sobbing” are not perfect synonyms for the word “crying.” If a character is sobbing, they are going to be gasping for air, overcome with emotion—they may even curl up or heave.

If your character starts sobbing after a minor inconvenience, readers aren’t going to feel bad for them. Rather, they’ll just be annoyed by the character’s overdramatic reaction. Take that same reaction, however, and apply it to a scene in which another character dies, and suddenly, it becomes powerful.

However, human emotions are complex and varied, so your characters could have many other reasons for breaking down besides just “sadness.” In addition to that, emotions are rarely expressed as separate experiences. Rather, emotions overlap and twist together, making them much harder to portray in the written word. 

If you want some quick tips and pointers for portraying complex emotions, I cover the topic more in-depth in another article: How to Describe Facial Expressions in Writing . For now, let’s dive into how different emotions can alter a character’s behavior as they cry. 

Sadness is a broad emotion, so the context for why your character is crying is important for understanding how they are crying. The way someone cries when watching a sad movie is going to be very different from how they cry after receiving sad news.

In general, when a character cries out of pure sadness, with no other emotions influencing their behavior, they are likely to cry quietly. Sadness is a numbing emotion, so characters who cry out of sadness would be rather subdued. Common responses include curling up in a ball, chewing on their lower lip, and prolonged periods of simply not moving. Tears may be wiped away, or allowed to freely flow down the character’s face.

If you want to give your readers insight into how the character is feeling as they are crying, focus on the numbing aspect of sadness. Your character may feel physically and mentally deadened, tired, and even nauseous. They may also feel isolated from others as if they are alone in their suffering and no one understands, even if that isn’t necessarily true. Depending on the character, they may seek comfort from others, or withdraw to compose themself alone. 

Happy Crying

When a character is crying out of happiness, their response is going to depend on the context as well. Crying after receiving a big surprise, such as an expensive gift or an acceptance letter to a great college, is going to look different from a character crying on their wedding day. 

When a character is crying happy tears, they are likely to gasp frequently, cover their mouth with their hands, and speak in a high-pitched tone. They are also likely to emote exaggeratedly with their body, such as bowing over, bouncing up and down, fanning their face with their hands, or clapping. In more subdued settings, such as a wedding, the character may restrain their emotions and simply cry openly with a sincere smile on their face. 

Feelings of happiness are difficult to describe, but that doesn’t mean you should shy away from giving readers insight into the character’s mind. When a character cries out of happiness, they are likely going to be overwhelmed with joy, excitement, or even disbelief. Characters are also much more likely to cry happy tears if they think they don’t deserve whatever is making them happy. 

Angry Crying

Anger doesn’t always lend itself to tears, but when it does, it has specific and predictable effects on a character’s behavior. A character may cry angry tears when they are being treated unfairly, are arguing with someone, or have been hurt emotionally.

When a character gets angry, that triggers an adrenaline reaction (their “fight-or-flight” response to stress or danger). Adrenaline drives how they behave while they cry, and it may cause them to tremble, raise their voice, become red in the face, sputter, and breathe much faster than normal. Depending on the character, they may wrap their arms around themself defensively, curl their hands into fists, or lash out with aggressive gestures. 

If you want to describe how that feels from the character’s perspective, a good theme to focus on is temperature. Anger is often described as “searing” or “boiling,” and it can feel as if they are burning up inside. When anger drives a character to tears, it is usually because their emotions have reached a breaking point and must be released. 

For more tips on writing about anger, take a look at Writing a Character with Anger Issues .

Embarrassed Crying

Embarrassment by itself is often enough to motivate a character to cry. Whether they have been humiliated in front of their friends, made an embarrassing mistake, or said something stupid without thinking, embarrassment can result in a strong emotional response. If handled well, you may also allow your readers to feel your character’s pain, through the phenomenon of second-hand embarrassment . 

A character crying out of embarrassment is, above all else, going to hide away from others. They may cover their face with their hands, curl up as small as possible, and try to withdraw from other people. Though it depends on the character’s personality, most of the time, they will seek to be alone out of fear of being judged for whatever caused the embarrassment.

To give your readers insight into how the character is feeling, you should allow your character to overthink how others would respond to witnessing the embarrassing event. They may feel shame and fear, and they are likely going to feel quite self-conscious about themself and their abilities. They may even feel ashamed of their reaction to the embarrassment, and try to hide the fact that they are crying. 

Scared Crying

Not everyone cries when they are frightened, but it is not an unusual response. Some characters may cry after being spooked for a prank, while others may only break down when they genuinely fear for their life.

When a character cries out of fear, they will experience a rush of adrenaline (just like with angry crying!) They will experience tears along with the typical reactions to adrenaline, like increased heart rate, a flushed face, and faster breathing. They are also likely to freeze in place, stammer, tremble, and whine. 

Fear is a powerful emotion, and it can dominate a character’s thoughts and actions. When a character is afraid, they might not even be aware of their tears until after the danger has passed. Rather, the character is going to be focused on what they are doing to eliminate or escape from whatever they are afraid of.

Pained Crying

Pain is another common reason for characters to shed tears, and it is often unavoidable even for ordinarily stoic characters. For some, crying might be their response to any amount of pain or discomfort, while others may need to be pushed to the point of agony before they shed tears. Either way, pained crying can look different depending on the type of pain and the character affected by it. 

When a character is crying because of acute pain, such as a sudden wound, they are likely to cry out or groan loudly, curl up in a ball, or exhibit reactions similar to scared crying. However, when a character has been experiencing chronic pain for some time, they may simply break down from the exhaustion of having to put up with that all the time.

It can be tough to get into the head of a character in pain. Pain can overshadow other thoughts and feelings, or intensify negative emotions like anger, fear, or sadness. If your character is afraid for some reason, either of whatever hurt them, for the safety of their friends, or for their own survival, now would be a good time for them to hyper-fixate on that fear—and their own inability to do anything about it. 

Disappointed Crying

Disappointment is an emotion that includes elements of sadness, anger, and even embarrassment. When a character was looking forward to something, such as a gift, a trip, an event, or something else, and is let down, they express disappointment that the situation doesn’t go as they envisioned it. They may be angry at whatever messed up their plans, angry or ashamed at themself for being so let down, or simply sad that they didn’t get what they want.

A character crying because they are disappointed is likely to be pouty and subdued, but they are also likely to exhibit many of the same behaviors as angry, sad, or embarrassed crying. They might hide away, start yelling, or seek comfort from others. It all depends on the character, the situation, and what went wrong.

After being disappointed, a character is probably going to be thinking about what happened long after the situation is over with. Disappointment is a slow-burn emotion, and your character is probably going to feel pretty bummed out for a while even after they stop crying. 

Frustrated Crying

Frustration is an overwhelming emotion, and crying because of it can often worsen that initial frustration. Often, frustration is the result of a character getting fed up with their own inability to achieve something, whether that’s beating a hard stage in a game, convincing someone of something in a debate, or being able to overcome their personal struggles.

Characters become frustrated when something they worked hard for isn’t working out. When this pushes a character to tears, they might start behaving angrily, or their behavior could mirror that of sad crying. Often, a character who is frustrated will lash out violently, hit or throw things, and then sit down to cry. This pattern is almost always followed: the character lashes out to release their initial frustration, then gives up and begins to cry more passively. It is also common for a person to harm themself when they lash out, such as by pulling their hair or hitting something too hard. 

Frustration can feel like an eruption of emotion. It builds up over time and is then released all at once. This can lead characters to start crying suddenly, with very little warning before it happens. 

Panicked Crying

Panic can bring a character to tears in the blink of an eye. When a character loses something they treasure, finds themself in an unsafe place, or encounters a person who has harmed them in the past, they may begin to panic. Past trauma is a common reason many characters have for breaking down into panicked tears, but characters with anxiety and panic disorders can experience panic attacks with no clear triggers. 

When a character is panic crying, they are going to be hyperventilating, and they may have a frenzied look, pace around wildly, rock back and forth, or clutch onto someone or something for comfort (or protection). They are also likely to scream, shriek, or whimper. In a lot of ways, this type of crying manifests very similarly to scared crying, but with much more restless energy.

Panic is an emotion that can overshadow all other emotions and rational thought. A panicking character will feel numb and lightheaded, and they may have a difficult time staying upright without someone or something to lean on. They may have a difficult time stringing words into a coherent sentence, and they’ll likely have a much harder time thinking of solutions to problems, formulating complex thoughts, and rationalizing their behavior. 

Panic isn’t just experienced; it takes over a character’s thoughts and behavior completely. 

Hopeless Crying

Hopelessness is a straight path to tears. When a character believes that nothing matters, they cannot save the world (or their loved ones), or that they simply cannot go on the way they have been living, they may begin to cry hopelessly. 

Hopeless crying goes beyond sadness. When a character is feeling truly hopeless, they may become lifeless, apathetic, or even downright catatonic. They will not bother to wipe away tears, so make a point to draw attention to the tears dripping off the end of their nose or splattering on different surfaces. Many surfaces, such as clothing, wood, and concrete, change color when they are wet, so if your character is crying onto a surface like that, you could also comment on the dark spots that appear with each tear that slips off the character’s face. 

A character who is feeling hopeless may feel as if they are alone in their struggles, and they can’t do everything themself. They may feel as if they have been abandoned, let down, or held back, and that they are powerless. This sense of powerlessness can cause a character to simply give up and shut down, leading to hopeless crying. 

Writing Dialogue when a Character is Crying

When writing dialogue for a character who is crying, it is important to remember to not go overboard. Once you have established that the character is crying, you shouldn’t have to do much extra work with the dialogue to further convince your readers of that. With that said, if you just type dialogue completely normally, that may come across as jarring if the tone doesn’t match how the character is feeling. 

The best way to indicate that a character is crying as they are speaking is to break the dialogue up to slow it down. One way you can do that is with the use of ellipses, like this:

“I don’t know… Maybe it’s just… better this way.” 

However, this is really easy to overdo. Make sure you read your dialogue out loud to ensure that the pauses sound natural for the character who is speaking.

Another option is to break up the dialogue with narration that reflects the other things the character is doing as they are speaking. These interruptions are called “ action beats ,” and they are a helpful little tool for controlling the pace at which your readers move through dialogue. Here’s an example of a beat in dialogue, using the same example as above:

“I don’t know,” Nate sighed, pausing to wipe his nose on his sleeve. “Maybe it’s just better this way.”

You might be tempted to misspell words as the character is speaking to emphasize the fact that they are slurring words together as they cry, but do not do that. Either state that the character is slurring their words, or that the other characters had difficulty understanding them. Misspelling words to look slurred is awkward, and it almost never feels authentic. Not to mention, that can make it difficult for readers whose first language isn’t the one you’re writing in. 

How to Describe a Character Trying Not to Cry

Sometimes, a character who feels compelled to cry may want to hold it in, either because they are afraid of what others would think, too proud to be seen crying, or because it isn’t socially acceptable in a particular setting. If you can show your readers how your character is fighting back tears, instead of simply telling them that, the scene will be much more emotionally charged. 

When a character is trying not to cry, they may employ several techniques to try to keep the tears from coming. Here are some options you can use to indicate that a character is trying not to cry:

• They could avoid eye contact with others, or look upward or downward. Alternatively, they could close their eyes.
• They could focus on keeping their breathing steady and slow, so much so that they miss what others say to them. 
• Their face may become red.
• They may avoid speaking, out of fear that their voice could crack.
• They may bite their lip, fidget with something, or seek other sensory distractions such as chewing on something, picking at their nails, or humming. 
• They may try to hide their sadness by expressing a different emotion, such as anger or happiness. 
• They may try to think of something else to distract themself. 

Remember to keep the character’s personality, and their reason for being upset, in mind as you are writing this scene. No two characters are going to react to the same situation in the same way. In addition to that, the same character who would ordinarily stay quiet in one situation may lash out violently in a different one. 

How to Describe Fake Crying

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you may have characters who aren’t upset, but want (or need) to shed tears anyway. People have many reasons for wanting to fake tears, including connecting with others, expressing remorse, getting attention, or getting themself out of trouble. However, the most common reason people have for fake crying is manipulation. It’s much easier to get someone to do something for you if you shed a few tears first. 

Here are some quick examples of things you can include to show that a character is fake crying:

• They may squeeze their eyes shut tightly, trying to force out tears.
• They’ll likely scrunch up their face, and exaggerate their expression to look sad (such as pulling down the corners of their mouth, pulling their eyebrows closer together, and potentially pouting their lips).
• Their nose will not be running, and they won’t have any difficulty with breathing. If they want to be convincing, they will have to consciously sniffle and force their breathing into a more irregular pattern. However, their sniffles won’t sound the same without their nose running, so keep that in mind. 
• They are likely to hide their face with their hands since it will take them much longer to produce tears—if they can manage to do that at all.
• They are much more likely to wail, cry, mumble, or make any other distressed noise than someone who is actually crying. 
• They will be working harder at keeping their performance consistent, while someone who is actually crying may express a variety of other emotions as they try to get a grip on themself. It’s not uncommon for someone who is genuinely upset to express nervousness, fear, anger, and even a smile. 
• They will exaggerate everything they do to try to be more convincing. 
• They will be able to stop “crying” suddenly, whereas someone who is actually upset is going to need some time to pull themself together. 

If your story is told from the perspective of the character who is faking tears, or from an omniscient perspective, then you have an additional advantage. You could give readers insight into what the character is thinking, which you could utilize in a couple of different ways. You could be explicit, and simply show readers that the character is thinking of how to be more convincing, or you could simply show that their thoughts are clear and unrelated to what they should be upset about. Even if you don’t state it, your readers should be able to figure out that the character is faking if you give them enough clues. 

Write Crying Realistically

The most important thing to keep in mind when you are writing about characters crying is that strong emotions are not pretty. No one looks good when they are crying—they just don’t .

Here are some examples of things that happen when a character cries:

• Their face will be red and scrunched up.
• Their nose will be running.
• They’ll be sweaty.
• Their eyes will be bloodshot and puffy.
• They’ll produce more saliva.
• Their glasses may fog up.
• Tears (and snot) will get on everything.
• Their voice will crack, change pitch, and rasp.
• They may stutter or become incoherent.
• They may drool. 

When you’re describing a character crying, don’t be afraid of making your readers a bit uncomfortable. Crying is gross , so that’s how you should describe it if you want to do so realistically. If you want more tips about portraying emotion (or anything else) realistically, you should check out Show, Don’t Tell: What it is and How to Write it .

Finally, I’ll end with one last piece of advice. Your character’s reactions to different situations and events can reveal a lot about them. If they overreact in a particular situation, such as encountering a rude stranger, getting lost, or misplacing their phone, you can use that to reveal more about the character’s past. Their reaction to a rude stranger could reveal that they were hurt by someone in the past, while breaking down at the notion of being lost could suggest that they struggle with anxiety. Utilize those reactions to help you tell their story. 

Best of luck with your stories, writers!

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How to Describe Crying in Writing: A Comprehensive Guide

By Happy Sharer

Introduction

Crying is the body’s natural response to strong emotion, such as sadness, grief, or pain. It is an expression of intense feeling that often brings relief, even though it may also cause distress. Writing about crying can be tricky; it requires a delicate touch and a keen eye for detail. This article will explore how to effectively describe crying in writing, from the physical effects to the emotional aspects and sound of sobbing.

Describe the Physical Effects of Crying

When someone cries, there are several physical effects to consider. The most obvious is tears streaming down the face, but other details can be used to bring the scene to life. For example, you could describe the quivering chin, the way the breath hitches in the chest, or the trembling hands that try to wipe away the tears.

Use Metaphors and Similes to Compare Crying

Metaphors and similes can be effective in describing the magnitude of someone’s emotion. You could compare the tears to a floodgate breaking, or the sound of sobbing to a hurricane blowing through. These vivid comparisons can help readers understand the intensity of the emotion being felt.

Focus on the Emotional Aspects of Crying

The physical effects of crying are important, but the emotional aspects should not be overlooked. When someone is crying, they may feel a sense of desperation, sorrow, or hopelessness. These feelings should be conveyed in the writing, so readers can understand the full scope of the emotion being expressed.

Draw Attention to the Sound of Sobbing

The sound of sobbing can be powerful and evocative. It can be loud and ragged, or quiet and restrained. Paying attention to the sound can help readers gain insight into the character’s emotional state.

Convey the Aftermath of Crying

Once the crying has stopped, there are still physical effects to consider. These might include red-rimmed eyes, a throbbing head, or an exhausted feeling. Describing these details can help readers understand the aftermath of a powerful emotional moment.

Writing about crying can be tricky, but with careful consideration of the physical effects, emotional aspects, and sound of sobbing, it can be done effectively. Remember to pay attention to the details, use metaphors and similes to compare the emotion, and focus on the aftermath of crying. With these tips in mind, you’ll be able to accurately and sensitively describe crying in writing.

(Note: Is this article not meeting your expectations? Do you have knowledge or insights to share? Unlock new opportunities and expand your reach by joining our authors team. Click Registration to join us and share your expertise with our readers.)

Hi, I'm Happy Sharer and I love sharing interesting and useful knowledge with others. I have a passion for learning and enjoy explaining complex concepts in a simple way.

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Writers in the Storm

A blog about writing.

Five Tips for Writing Tears that Carry Power

By Margie Lawson

I’ve read the same wording about tears in too many books. 

Tears stream and streak, glint and glisten, flee and flow, prickle and trickle. 

They slip, slide, run, roll, seemingly unstoppable.

Tears blur vision, soak hair, get wiped, get blinked.  But some tears are unshed, unspent, unspilled, or unspecified.

Sobs can choke and rack and wrench. Characters sob on shoulders and in showers, often uncontrollably.

I could go on about crying and bawling and weeping and wailing. But I won’t.

You all get it.

Let’s dive in and play in words.

1. Write Fresh.

Write sentences about tears and crying that we’ve never read before.

2. Nix Some Tears.

Give your characters some different reaction.

In real life, eyes fill to the brim with tears more often than we want to see on the page. And a single tear may slide down someone’s cheek. 

But you’re in charge of your characters. You don’t have to stick with what pops on the page in your first draft. 

Nix some of the crying and tears in an early draft—and give your characters a different reaction. Could be dialogue, an action, body language, a facial expression, a dialogue cue, a visceral response, or a powerful thought. And give it some fresh elements.

You can make the reaction fit your character, and not be predictable. You’ll keep the reader immersed in your story, locked on each page.

3. Amplify.

If it’s important, give the reader more.

Amplify the emotion in a variety of ways.

Every example in this blog is amplified.

4. Play with Style and Structure.

Use a wide range of rhetorical devices, provide plenty of white space, vary sentence lengths.

If you know me, you know you’ll see examples of style and structure.

5. Check for Compelling Cadence.

Read your work out loud. With feeling.

Always. Always. Always.

DON’T MISS THIS POINT:   

I’m not saying writers shouldn’t ever use some of those common words and phrases I mentioned at the beginning of the blog. But if you use some, twist, play, and amplify. Give them a boost, and give your readers and reviewers a smile. 

As always, I’ll share some examples and what you can learn from them.

The Butterfly Bride,  Vanessa Riley , 3-time Immersion Grad 

1. She should slap Hartwell or pull away from his heavy arms, but there wasn’t much fight left in her, just a sack of tears in her chest she refused to spill. 

Deep Edit Analysis:

Power Words — slap, pull away, heavy, fight, tears, refused, spill

Rhetorical Device — Structural Parallelism:

• sack of tears in her chest 
• she refused to spill

Compelling Cadence

Look how Vanessa Riley deepened characterization. She showed what the character thought she should do, but didn’t. Then she explained why.

Vanessa also shared that the POV character felt like crying, but wouldn’t give Hartwell the satisfaction of seeing her break down.

But smart Vanessa didn’t rely on my overused phrases. Her sack of tears was fresh.

2. No one would see her cry. None of the duke’s friends, especially the leeches.

Vanessa amplified that basic first sentence. She shared specifics and backloaded with the strongest power word, leeches .

Never Let Me Fall , Abbie Roads , 4-time Immersion Grad

1. (Crying)  She clung to him—the only safe place—as the battle for her soul and sanity raged. And then it was over, and she hiccupped against his shirt as she tried to catch her breath. 

Power Words: clung, safe, battle, soul, sanity, raged, over, breath

Rhetorical Device — Alliteration: soul, sanity

2. Tears burned in her sinuses, then filled her eyes and spilled to race to her hairline. These weren’t sad tears. They were angry tears. Tears filled with fight. 

Abbie Roads packed power and rhetorical style in those 28 words. 

Power Words: tears, burned, filled, spilled, race, sad, tears, angry, tears, tears, filled, fight

Rhetorical Devices —

• Alliteration: filled, fight
• Assonance: filled, spilled, filled
• Anadiplosis: …tears. Tears…

Backloaded with the most important power word, fight

Bound by a One-Night Vow , Melanie Milburne , 4-time Immersion Grad, USA Today Bestseller

1. She had worked hard to get herself strong again.

Must not cry. Must not cry. Must not cry.

Power Words: worked, hard, strong, not cry, not cry, not cry

2. She swallowed and blinked a few times, the tears drying up as if she regretted losing control. Her expression tightened as if all of her facial muscles were holding in her emotions and only just managing to contain them. 

Power Words: swallowed, blinked, tears, drying, regretted, losing control, tightened, holding in emotions, just managing, contain

Love how Melanie Milburne deepened characterization by amplifying with two similes. And the second simile is mega-amplified. I see that barely-in-control expression.

Compelling Cadence.

Dear Wife (Advanced Reader Copy),  Kimberly Belle , 5-time Immersion Grad, USA Today Bestseller, International Bestseller

Dear Wife will be released June 26.

Four Paragraphs:

To my absolute horror, my eyes grow hot, the tears welling so quickly it’s impossible to blink them away. I choke on a small but audible sob. “I can’t even tell you how much.”

The Reverend takes me in with a kind expression. “Are you all right, child?”

I wipe my cheeks with my fingers, but new tears tumble down before I can mop the old ones away. “Thank you, but I’m fine. Or I will be. I don’t even know why I’m crying.” I force up a throaty laugh. “I promise it won’t be a regular oc­currence.”

I hate to cry. For the past seven years, my tears have been slapped, backhanded, punched, yanked, kicked, squeezed and one time, burned out of me. Tears are a sign of weakness, fol­lowed always by punishment. Only losers cry. 

Deep Editing Analysis:

Power Words: horror, eyes hot, tears, welling, quickly, impossible, blink, choke, sob, Reverend, kind, fine, tears, crying, force, laugh, promise, hate, cry, seven years, tears, slapped, backhanded, punched, yanked, kicked, squeezed, burned out of me, tears, weakness, punishment, losers, cry

Deepened characterization. Used crying to slip in powerful backstory.

Asyndeton:  No and in the first sentence.

One Paragraph:

These past four months, I’ve shed a shitload of tears. More than I’d like to think about. But I stand here, in the middle of the church aisle and bawl, and for the first time I don’t feel ashamed of my tears or wipe them away with a sleeve. I let them fall because these are the good kind of tears. The—well, if not the happy kind, at least the everything’s-going-to-be-okay kind. 

Power Words: four months, tears, more, church, bawl, don’t feel ashamed, tears, fall, good, tears, not, happy, okay

Amplification: Tears. All 73 words are about her tears.

Alliteration: shed, shitload

Fresh Hyphenated-Run-On

Since You’ve Been Gone, Christa Allan , Multi-Margie Grad

1. I pounded my fist on the desk, my pens jumping up in the air, my coffee leaping out of the mug. This rage was a hand grenade whose pin had been pulled, and there was nowhere for it to go. I had no tears left. Just a raw, aching wound. 

An example of NO TEARS. Christa Allan showed her character’s rage.

Power Words: pounded, rage, hand grenade, pin, pulled, no tears, raw, aching, wound

Rhetorical Device — Metaphor, Mega-Amplified.

2. I’d moved past tears, past sobbing, to a convulsing, ragged-breath squall.

That sentence seems simple. But it’s brilliant and powerful.

Power Words: tears, sobbing, convulsing, ragged-breath, squall

3. If only I could be like Holly Hunter in Broadcast News and schedule my cathartic crying. My eyes dripped, my underarms dripped, and my emotional reserves dripped. All in a medical building lobby as I waited for Mia to come up with a plan, and I wiped my face with a crumpled Starbucks napkin. I counted on her to save me from myself. Now wasn’t the time for her to forgo the life vest when I was drowning in the sea of my own irresponsibility.

Love the humor hits, and the juxtaposition of those humor hits with her reality. If you’ve read this book, you know her reality is emotionally challenging.

Power Words: cathartic crying, eye dripped, underarms dripped, emotional reserves dripped, medical, plan, counted on her, save me, forgo life vest, drowning, irresponsibility

Backloaded: irresponsibility

• Alliteration: Holly Hunter, cathartic crying
• Allusion: Holly Hunter
• Metaphor: life vest, drowning
• Asyndeton and Symploce and Zeugma:  My eyes dripped, my underarms dripped, and my emotional reserves dripped.

If you’ve taken my Deep Editing course online (or lecture packet), or Fab 30: Advanced Deep Editing, or an Immersion Master Class, you know the terms I used, or you figured out the structure they referenced.

If you haven’t taken my Deep Editing course, I’ve been talking Greek to you. I shared a quick explanation of all the rhetorical devices but epistrophe and zeugma.

Symploce:  The word or words at the beginning and end of three or more phrases, sentences, or clauses, are the same (my, dripped).

Zeugma: In a series of two or more, the last one is an idiomatic mismatch. It’s not like the other. Eyes and underarms are part of your body. Emotional reserves are not. 

Want to learn more about my deep editing techniques? 

My blogs share a few deep edit points out of hundreds. And that’s not hyperbole.

Drop by my website and check out my online courses and lecture packets. Your writing career will be glad you did. 

A big THANK YOU to Vanessa Riley, Abbie Roads, Melanie Milburne, Kimberly Belle, and Christa Allan. 

If these examples impressed you, check out their books. I bet you’ll love them!

BLOG GUESTS:  Thank you so much for dropping by the blog today.

Please post a comment or share a ‘Hi Margie!” and you’ll have two chances to be a winner.

You could win a Lecture Packet from me, or an online class from Lawson Writer’s Academy valued up to $100.

Lawson Writer’s Academy – May Classes

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Please drop by my website to read course descriptions and register:  www.margielawson.com

I’ll draw names for the TWO WINNERS on Sunday night, at 8PM, Mountain Time and post them in the comments section.

Like this blog? Share with your friends. Give it a social media boost. Thank you soooo much!

I love the brilliant WITS gals. Thanks so much for inviting me to be your guest.

Margie Lawson—editor and international presenter—loves to have fun. And teaching writers how to use her deep editing techniques to create page-turners is her kind of fun.

She’s presented over 120 full day master classes in the U.S., Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and France, as well as taught multi-day intensives on cruises in the Caribbean. 

To learn about Margie’s 5-day Immersion Master Classes (in 2019, in Palm Springs, Denver, Dallas, Cleveland, Columbus, Atlanta, and in Sydney, Melbourne, and Adelaide, Australia), Cruising Writers cruises, full day and weekend workshops, keynote speeches, online courses, lecture packets, and newsletter, please visit:  www.margielawson.com

Interested in Margie presenting a full day workshop for your writing organization? Contact Margie through her website, or Facebook Message her.

Interested in attending one of Margie’s 5-day Immersion classes? Click over to her website and check them out.

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87 comments on “Five Tips for Writing Tears that Carry Power”

Hi Margie. That's a great intensive lesson on crying. Just so happens that I'm in the middle of reading Since You've Been Gone (actually, listening to it thanks to Audibles). There's a lot of crying going on in that novel, for good reason, so it's a great book to use as an example of different ways to cry.

Since You've Been Gone by Christa Allan is beautifully written -- and the story will stay in your heart.

Hope you get to finish it this weekend!

That's my plan! Bad news: supposed to rain most of the weekend. Good news: supposed to rain most of the weekend -- reading time! 🙂

As always, thank you Margie for including my novels. I appreciate your deep dives!

Big Hugs to Christa Allan -

Your writing is so fresh and strong. I love using examples from your books!

I just emailed you about an Immersion in Dallas in June. Hope you can join us!

Ooh, this is good stuff. Thanks. Need to go in my WIP and search for tears.

Hello Lisa --

Thank you! I bet you'll do a search on crying, cried, and sob too. Just in case.

If you haven't taken my online courses, or done my lecture packets, please check them out.

I don't want you to miss out on all those deep editing tips. Tips that could take your writing from good to stellar.

Hi, Margie! You came to my rescue again. I'm editing and editing and today I'm editing crying. I'm going to dig deep and make those tears fresh. Thanks to all your examples I have a better handle on how to do that now.

Hugs to Immersion Grad Lynette Burrows!

I know you can deep edit and make your writing fresh.

Remember -- you may decide to nix some of those teary times and give your character another reaction.

Thanks for chiming in!

Hi Margie! I especially like the fresh descriptions of holding back the tears.

Hello Irtrovi --

Great to see you on WITS again.

Thanks for posting!

Oh wow. This. Is. So. Good. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Hello Robyn --

Thank you for letting me know you're here -- and smiling!

Hi Margie! Loved this post. I hadn't thought how cliched crying expressions were. Thank you 🙂

Hello Caroline --

Cliched phrases sneak in everywhere.

Fresh writing rules!

So many great examples here. I LOVE the coffee leaping out of the mug. Thanks for including me, Margie. I'm honored!

Hugs to 5-time Immersion Grad Kimberly Belle --

I'm always proud to use your examples. There's strong writing on every page in every one of your books.

Thanks for deep editing well!

Hi Margie. Rhetorical devices are little treasures to add colour to our pages. They’re like easter eggs for writers.

Hugs to Immersion Grad Jay Hicks --

You themed your comments to Easter. Cute!

Hi Margie! Thanks for the great examples. Off to edit mu tears!

Hello Cathy V-C --

Have fun deep editing tears and crying and sobbing.

Keep in mind that it may be stronger to nix some lines with tears (crying, sobbing) and give your character a different reaction.

Have you taken any of my online courses, or read a lecture packet? My lectures are loaded with deep editing tips and gems!

Your visits are always such a learning party, Margie! Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us.

Hugs to Multi-Immersion and Cruise Grad Fae --

A learning party. That's me!

You know I love teaching and parties!

Wonderful, Margie! I always struggle to find ways to power-up tears--these are great examples.

Hugs to Immersion Grad Rebecca Hodge --

I'm still so thrilled about your contract!

I know you'll use those five tips and write fresh.

A fabulous blog post on one of my pet peeves, too many tears trickling. 🙂 As always, love all the powerful examples.

Hugs to Multi-Immersion Grad Suzanne Purvis --

Thank you. I know you'll write tears in a fresh way. You're a deep editing master!

Hi Margie! Thanks for such an in-depth evaluation of writing tears and what causes them. Reading your “deep edit analysis” of each example gives a better understanding of what draws readers in and keeps them there. I learned a lot from this post. Thanks, again.

Hello Jamie Baker --

Have we met? If not, we need to meet.

I just Fb stalked you, and you're big-time interesting.

Glad you learned a lot from this blog. Hope to see you again.

Hi, Margie. With your wit and wisdom, you teach—never preach! Thanks. Linda.

Hello Linda --

---- With your wit and wisdom, you teach—never preach! Thanks. Linda.

Love your alliteration and your assonance!

Thanks for posting.

Great post, Margie! Always fantastic. Loved these examples!

Hello L. D. Rose --

You'll STUDY, then deep edit.

Smart. Smart. Smart!

Another informative post, with fabulous examples. As always, thank you for taking the time to help us all be better writers.

Hello Erin Parisien --

Aww... You're suh-weet.

You know I love teaching writers how to add just the right amount of power. And I love working with you!

Once again, Margie Lawson and Writers in the Storm have given me the shoulders back ability to sit down and write armed with the wisdom from just one Immersion and multiple online classes.

I have written many tears and found myself searching for more than the same old, same old.

Now, I'm off to Amazon to order some Margiefied books. But, I have read all of Abbie Roads' books.

Winona... You make me happy! ~Big Smiles~

Hugs to Winona --

So glad you won't write those cliched tears!

Happy Amazon clicking!

Margie! I'm honored you included two examples from Never Let Me Fall. It was such a hard book to write, that I worried it wasn't quite up to Margie standards. Makes me feel better about it that you found good stuff in there!

Hugs to Multi-Immersion Grad Abbie Roads --

You always put NYT!-level writing in your books!

Hugs to Multi-Immersion Grad and Cruise Grad Laura Drake --

I remember that powerful passage that Darcy Crowder read in your first Immersion class too.

That was May, 2012. Seven years ago. And we both remember the beauty of that passage. It carried so much emotion, without tears.

I just did a search, but didn't find it. I emailed Darcy. As soon as she shares it, I'll put it on my website.

Margie, I'll never forget at immersion, when Darcy Crowder pulled out a passage of a woman standing looking at her son's grave, and she described the agony SO well, and nary a tear in sight.

The fact that I still remember that shows the power.

Thanks for the reminder!

Hi Margie! I was just telling my fellow Cambridge Writers about your classes and how they can make you a better writer. This is a fantastic article and I've shared it with the group.

Hello Paulette --

Thanks so much for sharing info about what I teach with the Cambridge Writers. I appreciate you!

Hope I get to work with you in an Immersion class sometime.

Hi Margie, I always get a lot out of these posts and try to use your techniques. But, I have to be reminded from time to time to dig deeper and to write fresh. It doesn't come easy for me yet. I'm reposting this in our Chapter's facebook page. Thanks for these tips.

Hugs to Immersion Grad Barb --

Lots of writers need to be reminded to dig deeper and write fresh.

Thank you soooo much for reposting on your Chapter's Fb page. I'm appreciative. Big time!

Hope I get to work with you in June, in your second Immersion in Cleveland!

A perfect 'kick in the pants' kind of post I need! Thank you!

Hugs to Multi-Immersion Grad, NYT Bestseller, Steena Holmes!

Every writer needs to use their deep editing shovels to write fresh and make their writing carry more power.

I loved this Margie! Brilliant as always.Thank you! Came at a perfect time--was working on a scene where I'm trying to avoid the proverbial tears.

Hugs to Immersion Grad Kathleen Baldwin --

Ah... Thank you!

I know you'll write those sad emotions well!

Fantastic and inspiring examples - thanks for a brilliant post, Margie!! I'll share this in class 🙂

Big Hugs to Multi-Immersioner Becky Rawnsley --

Thanks for sharing in your class!

You do know that I'm incredibly impressed with how you teach my Big Three courses. You make me sooooo proud. Your students rave about you. Thank you for sharing your expertise and your heart.

Hi Margie. Great post!

Hello Carla --

Thank you, thank you!

Hi Margie. Excellent tips for fresh writing. I've taken three of your courses over the past six months. The difference in my writing is clear. I hope to take one of your Immersion classes within the next year. Thank you for helping me improve my craft.

Hello Michelle --

Which Michelle are you? Please email me, or Fb message me, and let me know.

I hope I get to work with you in an Immersion class next year!

Interesting to think about ways not to cry. And I love the Broadcast News allusion. I always think about Holly Hunter scheduling her crying and wish I could do that!

Hugs to Immersion Cruise Grad Mary --

Great to see you here!

I love that Christa Allan used allusion with Holly Hunter too. Smart!

This is a great blog with a variety of excellent examples.Thank you.

Hello Glory --

I believe this is the first time you've posted on one of my blogs. Welcome to my deep editing world.

Glad you enjoyed my blog. I always include examples from Margie-Grads, writers who have learned my deep editing techniques from taking my online courses and intensive in-person classes.

I hope you take a few minutes and check out Lawson Writer's Academy on my website.

Hi Margie and the WITS gang! I LOVE everything Margie. I've completed two lecture packets already - since I first discovered her through this blog about two years ago. I am writing more carefully, paying closer attention to cadence, nixing cliches, and aiming for those NYT bestseller sentences. ( ; I've never read a Margie tip that didn't help to improve my writing. Since using the Deep Editing techniques she teaches, my writing has been much stronger - I've even got an NY agent interest!! One day, hopefully sooner than later, I plan to attend a Margie weekend in CO! ( :

Hello Bitesizewriter --

Who are you? Puh-leeeeese email or Fb message me and let me know who you are!

Wowzee! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Your enthusiasm is shimmering on the screen.

If you really want to come to an Immersion Master Class sooner-sooner, I have an opening in my May 20 - 24 Immersion! Plus -- openings in an Immersion class in July too.

I don't know you, but I know I'll love working with you in Immersion!

I had to laugh when I saw your title, because my freelance editor says I cry way too much in my ms. Trouble is, I'm writing a memoir, and generally in life, I'm a "leaky faucet," as my son tells me. When times were bad, over the many years in which my story takes place, I cried and sobbed and wailed and sniffed and tears rolled and glinted and...etc. But I see now how I can apply your suggestions to show the reader my emotion in other ways. This was such great advice, it brings me to tears.

Hello Karen --

Thanks for sharing about your leaky faucet. Now you know you can nix some tears and sobs and wails, and write the ones you keep in fresh ways.

I have to mention, my online courses and lecture packets are loaded with hundreds of deep editing tips and gems. And that's not hyperbole.

Love the humor hit in your last sentence!

Awesome article as always! You're still my "go to" for strong, fresh writing. ?

Big Lovey Hugs to Lori Freeland!

Can't wait to hang out with you at West Texas Writer's Academy in June!

BLOG GUESTS --

Want to spend five days with me learning deep editing? Check out West Texas Writer's Academy on my website!

Howdy Margie! Great reminder to keep writing FRESH! In my memoir Sara cries a lot, because she has a lot to cry about. I struggle with how to make those tears fresh without creating some of my own and your post has helped immensely. I printed it out and it's hanging on my bulletin board on the wall in front of my desk - thank you!

Hello Kathy --

So glad you dropped by the blog, read it, printed it, and now you'll use what you learned in it!

I bet you'll nix some of your crying-related sentences, and write the ones you keep in fresh and compelling ways.

Do you know about my online courses and lecture packets? They're full of deep editing tips and gems that would help you make writing everything strong.

I hope you take a minute and click over to my website and check them out.

Thanks so much for posting!

Thanks, Always-Timely-and-Helpful Margie. I was just vacuuming my WIP, knowing my heroine cries too many times. Whoo Hooo! Substitute another reaction. Write fresh. Engage literary devices. Back to the drawing board.

Hello Jeanne --

I bet you're glad you read this blog!

Always great to cyber-see you. Hope to see you in person again sometime!

Yes, very timely. I'm editing and coming across places where tears are withheld. Study time, then more editing time. Thanks, Margie.

Hugs to Immersion Grad Barbara --

Yay! I know you'll nix some and write some in fresh ways!

Thanks so much for posting.

Another amazing article from Margie Lawson. I have 5 lecture packets from her and I have read them again and again, always learning something new. Thank you Margie!!

Helo Jose --

Wow! Thanks so much.

Love your enthusiasm for deep editing. I'm enthusiastic too. 🙂

Have fun applying everything you've learned!

Love your examples and analysis! Inspiring as usual!

Hello Deb A --

Yay! Glad you're inspired to write tears and sobs fresh!

Hi Margie, I love your reminders and examples and enthusiasm about not just using, but empowering our writing with fresh descriptions. Cheers! Susanne

Hello Susanne --

I'm cheering for you!

I bet you'll deep edit to add just the right amount of fresh writing and power that works best for the scene.

Thank you for dropping by the blog!

I'm going to save this away for any teary scenes... Thanks!

Hellooo Immersion Grad Greg!

I know you'll use my five tips when you need them.

Thanks for chiming in.

See you in Fab 30 class!

Guilty as charged! I think I welled some tears in my draft just the other day? I'll do better with these pro tips...thanks!

Hello Jessica

You cliched some tears? Aack!

Now you know you can nix some tears and write some in fresh ways. I know you'll write them well.

Thank you for stopping by the blog!

HELLO EVERYONE!

A big THANK YOU to all of you for being here!

Loved reading all your posts.

Random.org selected our TWO WINNERS:

The winner of the online course from Lawson Writer's Academy is..........ROBYN CAMPBELL!

The winner of the lecture packet is ..........CARLA CLOUTIER!

Congratulations Robyn and Carla!

EVERYONE: If you have questions about online courses, lecture packets, or my Immersion Master Classes, please ask. You can contact me through my website, or Facebook message me.

Thank you again to the brilliant WITS gals. Love you all!

Loved seeing all the fresh examples of crying and tears. That's a hard one. Thanks Margie!

loved the examples and breakdown.

Hi Margie! Reading your deep dives blog takes me back to our wonderful Yosemite Immersion Master Class last May...about this time. The best! ! I appreciate your fresh takes on tears and all sob-related description. It's too easy to default to the done-done-done before. Thanks to you, these days I'm anxious to experiment. Hugs to you. Smiles from the a-bit-too-green, Cathy

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Describing Sadness

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17-18

A wave of sadness

Irremediable sorrow (impossible to cure/put right)

A gloom overcame me

My cry turned to whimpers

I felt layers of unsettling emotion

A sob rose in my throat

A pining melancholy

A plaintive cry (mournful)

A great pang gripped my heart

I cried in a low moan

My eyes were prickling with tears

I cried in exasperation

I cried furiously

I cried bitter tears

I felt a sting of melancholy and confusion

I felt a great wrench of sadness

My heart twisted

Tears pool my eyes

A great sense of weariness sweeps over me sucking my energy with it.

My voice, thick with tears

The words are strangled in my throat

Aching with sympathy

His eyes misted over

She had an expression of sad confusion on her face

There were tracks of tears on her face

Her face contorted and she shook her head and wept

He said with sadness in his voice

He had a lingering sadness in his eyes

He had large sad eyes

Her face clouded with a mixture of disapproval and disappointment

I watched her eyes widen and rim with tears

Her face contorted as though she was struggling not to cry

The look in her eyes was desolate

Her face becomes etched with sadness

Sadness flitted across her face

The bitterness in her face faded to weary sadness

Grave sadness in his face

Her eyes are shining with the threat of tears

The haunted look in her eyes

Darkness gathered in her eyes and filled it

Her voice, think with tears

His voice is heavy with emotion

Tears brimmed her eyes

Her face was set in resigned sad lines

She was holding her eyes in such a way that kept the tears inside the lids

I felt a wave of sadness

I feel a prick of sadness

I saw a glint of sadness in his eye

His eyes were dull with sadness

My heart was flooded with sadness

Shaking with grief

She said brokenly

My throat thickens

Sadness washed over him

She shook her head sadly

Resigned sadness in her eyes

My voice cracks

He sighs deeply, miserably

Dismay – consternation and distress, typically that’s caused by something unexpected   – Her mouth slack with dismay.

Her face Crumples like a used tissue, she turns grey

That murky dull feeling where you want to cry

It brought a pang to her heart

An ache pushed against her heart

A lump formed in her throat

Hollowed out by sadness

Dry, juddering sobs but no tears

A sharp sadness

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I really love and enjoy your blog, so thank you for bringing back the creative writing tips! ❤

You’re welcome! Glad you’re finding it useful.

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How Fiction Writers Can Show Emotions in Their Characters in Effective Ways

Editor Robin Patchen wraps up our examination of Fatal Flaw: # 6 Show, Don’t Tell. Writers often succumb to this fatal flaw of fiction writing, explaining and telling and summarizing instead of showing action as it’s happening. Robin gives some great tips on how writers can show by action and thoughts rather than by relying on describing bodily sensations. Be sure to pay attention to this one! (If you missed this month’s post on this fatal flaw, start with this one here .)

This month, we’ve been studying that famous axiom for fiction writers: show, don’t tell. Today, I’m going to tackle what I think is the most difficult thing to show in our novels—emotions.

If you’ve been writing for a while, no doubt you’ve heard it’s not acceptable to name emotions. Don’t tell us Mary is sad. Show us she’s sad.

Many writers lean on a clever trick to show emotions—they describe a character’s physical reactions to emotions. So characters are often crying, yelling, and slamming doors. Their stomachs are twisting, their hands are trembling, and their cheeks are burning. We hear exasperated breaths and soft sighs. Don’t even get me started on heartbeats. Some characters’ hearts are so erratic, I fear they’re going into cardiac arrest.

So What’s a Fluttering Heart to Do?

I’m poking fun, because I do it too. It’s an easy way to show emotions. But I have a few problems with this old standby. First, these things are so overused, they’ve become cliché. (I know your stomach is twisting at the very thought.) Second, having a character clenching his fists might show us he’s angry, but it doesn’t show us the impetus for that anger. Is he feeling frustrated, slighted, or jealous?

All those—and a host of other primary emotions—can lead to anger. Finally—and to me, this is the most important—showing me your characters’ physical responses provokes no emotional response from me. Your hero might clench his fists, but I promise, mine will remain perfectly relaxed. So you might have shown an emotion, but you haven’t made your reader feel anything. And that, my friends, is the point of fiction—to elicit an emotional response.

Let’s take a look at some effective and not-so-effective ways to show emotion.

Mary opened her eyes and looked at the clock. Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest. The baby had slept nearly eight hours. But little Jane never slept more than four hours at a time. Something must be wrong.

Not again. Her stomach rolled over when she remembered the last time a child of hers had slept too long.

Mary flipped the covers back and stood on weak knees, forcing herself to her feet despite the fear overwhelming her. She shoved her arms in her bathrobe, slipped into her warm slippers, and rushed for the door. Her hands were shaking so badly she could hardly turn the doorknob. Finally, she got the door open and ran down the hallway toward the nursery.

She threw open the door and lunged at the crib. She peered inside and saw the beautiful pink cheeks of her newborn daughter. She placed her trembling hand on Jane’s back, felt the even breaths, and let out a long sigh. Tears of gratitude filled her eyes as she realized her baby was alive.

Our character is definitely feeling emotions. Do you think I can get the reader to experience a few of them? I’ll give it a try.

Mary opened her eyes and squinted in the sunshine streaming in through the open window. She stretched, feeling more relaxed than she had since . . .

She sat up and looked at the clock. It was after eight. Little Jane had slept through the night. For the first time.

Just like Billy.

Mary flipped the covers back and stood. She snatched her robe from the back of the chair and slipped it on. She wouldn’t think about Billy. The doctor said it wouldn’t happen again. The odds against it were astronomical.

Billy had been nearly six weeks old. Jane was almost two months. It was different this time. It had to be.

She slipped her feet into her fuzzy slippers, ticking off all the ways the situations were different. Billy had been sick. Jane had never even had a sniffle. Billy had been fussy. Jane was nearly the perfect baby, only crying when she was hungry or wet.

She must be both hungry and wet right now, but little Jane was silent.

No, God wouldn’t do that to her again. She couldn’t bury another child. She wouldn’t.

She stepped toward her bedroom door, remembering Billy’s skin, how gray and cold it had been. At first, she’d thought maybe someone was playing a mean trick on her. But then she’d lifted him. Seen his face. Those gray lips and lifeless eyes.

Maybe it would have been different if she hadn’t been alone when she’d found his tiny body. Maybe if John had been there. But John had been gone on a business trip.

Mary turned and looked at the empty bed. Her side was a jumble of blankets. John’s side was untouched. He was on a business trip. Again.

He’d rushed home that day two years earlier, assured her it wasn’t her fault. How could she have known?

How indeed? How did a good mother sleep through her own child’s death? How did she dream of beaches and butterflies while her son passed into eternity?

If Jane was dead, Mary would join her. Somehow. She couldn’t live through this again.

She stepped into the hallway and took a first step. A good mother would run, but she could hardly force herself to walk. She inched her way down the hall.

She glanced at the stairs. What if she went to the kitchen, made some coffee? Never found out the truth?

She pushed the thought away and continued past the staircase, paused at the nursery door, and laid her hand on the cold metal doorknob. The clock ticked loudly in the hallway, like a steady heartbeat.

She stepped into the room and approached the crib. And there, sprawled on her back, lay the most beautiful sight she’d ever seen.

Jane’s eyes opened at the sound of Mary’s approach, and she smiled.

I hope you had at least a twinge of emotional reaction to that. I know I did. Please notice, there’s not a single beating heart or trembling hand in that example. Her stomach doesn’t clench, and her eyes don’t fill with tears. Yet she felt a lot of emotions. Did you?

Slow It Down

Counselors tell us that thoughts lead to emotions, and emotions lead to actions. As a writer, you can easily show your character’s thoughts and actions. Readers are smart enough to deduce the emotions based on what the characters think and do. So often it seems writers are in a hurry.

When you have a very emotional scene, slow it down. Let us hear your character’s every thought. Highlight a few details. Show the actions.

Why don’t we write like this? For one thing, it takes a lot longer. My first example is fewer than two hundred words and took me about five minutes to write. The second is closer to five hundred and took nearly half an hour.

Writers have to dig a lot deeper to write selections like the second one. I had to remember what it was like to be a new mother, put myself in the shoes of a woman who’d already buried one child, and try to feel what she would feel. Not comfortable, let me tell you.

And you see a bit into my soul, don’t you? What kind of mother would even consider going downstairs and making a pot of coffee? Yet as I put myself in that scene, I looked at the stairs, and I thought about it. Showing emotions means baring your soul.

Sure, it’s fine to have some lines showing emotions by way of bodily response. But don’t limit yourself to that technique. I hope this example helps you see ways you can elicit emotion in your reader through thoughts and actions.

But showing emotions can pull your reader in and get them to feel right along with your hero and heroine. And isn’t that the goal?

What stood out to you as you read the After example? What lines gave emotional impact?

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Emotional mastery requires writers to set up the dynamics of a scene in such a visual, textural way that readers can’t help but feel what they are meant to feel. Understanding that emotional mastery requires  a twofold approach — the emotional landscape of both the character and the reader —is the first step.

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Listen to my discussion on how to show emotion in characters. There is so much to this topic!

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102 Comments

I found this article very helpful. It’s a delicate balancing act to slow down the action enough to heighten the emotion but not so much as to cause the reader to skip through the scene because they want to get on with it. You’ve given some good examples for doing just that. As always, another great piece of advice, C.S.!

If you think the reader might skimp over the scene. You might want to re-write it. Every scene in a story has to build up emotion and anticipation to progress head on from scene to scene.

I absolutely loved this article, and I 100% AGREE with your logic. Thank you for sharing!

One of the best posts I have read on the subject. Thank you for the great example!

Great advice, Robin!

You’ve gotten to the ultimate solution here: the truly effective approach is to describe *why* the person is feeling what he or she is, rather than the exterior symptoms.

Thanks, Curtis. I definitely think that’s a big part of it–at least one element of showing emotions. Of course we couldn’t do this with every single emotion–imagine 500 words to replace every frown. But when the emotions really matter, I think they’re worth examining.

This is one of the best articles I’ve read on this subject. You really bring it to life with your example.

Thanks! I’m glad you think so.

I’ve been often critiqued that my characters must have more emotion by showing their facial expression and bodily response to situations of distress. I can fully understand from your example how much I have dismissed all these factors by summarizing their feelings. Thanks for such a vivid example of how to convey feelings without putting a label on them.

Glad it helped. I think sometimes, we believe that the physiological reactions are the only way to show feelings, but personally, I’d much rather know what’s going on in people’s heads. Ever look at someone and think, “What is he thinking?” What’s on their face doesn’t tell us what we really want to know.

“If Jane was dead, Mary would join her. Somehow. She couldn’t live through this again.”

This line stood out to me. It puts the reader in the state-of-mind the character is in at the moment. Thanks for the article.

Kind of depressing, though, isn’t it? I’m glad it stood out.

This is a great article! You’ve really “shown” the difference very effectively 🙂

Great article! I like the contrast between showing exterior vs interior. The other trick is doing this with Deep POV.

To answer your question…I felt every bit of what the mother was experiencing. You’re an extremely talented writer. Slowing it down is so important, yet since it’s time-consuming I find myself breezing over it, too. During my second drafts I’m often horrified at the heart-fluttering, weak knees, and shaky hands in my first draft. Using subtext instead of body cues is what I’m working on now before I send my ms back to the editor. Stellar post!

My first drafts have a lot of breathing–sighing, blowing out breaths, holding breath. I think my characters might suffocate if I don’t show them breathing. 🙂 The key is to leave that stuff in draft #1.

Thanks, Sue!

nicely shown

This is very helpful. Thank you for posting this.

I do have one question though. Do you ever feel like you can overdo the inner dialogue? For example, Kurt Vonnegut once said that every sentence should either reveal character or advance the plot. How do you decide how much inner dialogue is revealing character and how much is just killing your pacing?

Is it just experience and a good ear?

Genre plays a big part in determining this! I have read suspense thrillers that are hugely internal thought, packed full of worrisome thoughts to ramp up the emotional tension. Getting in close to what a character is thinking while afraid can make the reader feel that fear. For other genres, and personal author writing styles, such as Cormac McCarthy’s, you’ll see almost no internal thoughts at all. Internal dialog can both reveal character and advance the plot, so Vonnegut’s sage words apply here as well. Best is to study other great novels in the genre in which you are writing and note (highlight?) all the lines of internal dialog and their content to see just what that amount is.

That’s great advice. Thank you!

That’s a great question, Paul. Susanne’s advice to study other great works is great.

You certainly wouldn’t want to have this much internal dialog all the way through a book. It needs to serve a purpose. In this case, we want to get the reader emotionally invested in the scene, and the best way to do that is to let us see what the character is thinking. But if the hero is deciding between a bagel or a donut, you wouldn’t want to show us his calculating the calories of each. That would get old fast.

At first, it can feel unnatural, but I think the more you write, the more intuitive it becomes.

This is a great article. I know I’m certainly guilty of getting lazy and writing scenes as I see them instead of delving into the character. I’m about to begin revision, and I can already think of places I need to expand and deepen. Thanks for the insight!

So glad it helped, Victoria. Good luck with your revisions.

This is the best example I’ve seen on this subject! I’m so glad I found it. My stories end up being like the ‘before’ and I never really liked it. It felt like something was off. You’ve really opened my eyes. I tried this on a scene I was working on and now it sounds much better! Now I must look for more tips and keep on writing.

All I can say is thank you. Shalom aleichem, Patricia

In the ‘After’ example, it was her questions that showed her doubts and her fears. That gave me the emotional response.

A good observation, Mawr. Thanks for stopping by.

I like how you demonstrate internal thoughts in third person. Many writers want to switch to first person in italics. To me this loses the continuity of the story. So right, body movements and facial expressions keep the reader on the outside of the character. Your before and after is so helpful! Thank you!

Thanks! Glad you found it helpful.

Wow. This has helped a LOT! I’ve had more compliments on one scene that I did this with, but didn’t really know concrete what I was doing. The difference was I put myself there, slowed down, and actually physically moved the way the character would, felt what she would have felt. It was amazing. Thank you so so much for sharing!!

Glad this helped you! Being aware of this can really improve the emotional impact of your scenes.

So glad it helped, Kelly.

Excellent article. Always eager to collect knowledge like this. Thank you.

This is great, but it bothers me slightly. This “slow” method of writing matches the woman’s trepidation and reluctance to learn the truth. But often emotions are felt, and acted on in an instant, and I’m rather uncomfortably aware of the fact that describing something in detail can turn a couple of seconds into a page or more.

That’s true. Sometimes it’s appropriate to slow down a moment. Sometimes, it’s not. You have to use your best judgment.

This opened my eyes to why writers have to pace a story. Just earlier, I was editing and rewriting parts of my story. It took hours, but it was worth it in the end.

I think the line that stuck out to me was, ‘How did she dream of beaches and butterflies while her son passed into eternity?’

I don’t even know how to describe why I like this line so much. I just do.

Thank you for this wonderful article. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have completely understood why pacing and emotions are so important in writing.

Thank you, Mini, for your response. I’m so glad the article worked for you. I loved that line, too. I need to find a place to use it in a book!

Great article. This is what I need to improve my writing. In your example it might go too long and it gets repetitive with the woman’s fears. If it was a tad shorter might be better. Just a thought. P

You may be right. Thanks for the feedback.

Great article. Is it say that I thought the first version was good? The second version elicited a deeper emotional experience, but I thought it told a lot. I can’t seem to find that line. The first version was active, but it did have the typical overdone descriptions. Then I read other books, and I see all sorts of contradictions from what I learn on writing sites. Sighing, knees wobbling, lips curling, eyes narrowing, jumping back, staring. I thought relying on action was great! I thought I found it….back to the drawing board.

Susanne gives good advice. I don’t have an answer. First pass, my characters do a lot of breathing–sighing, heaving, inhaled frustrated breaths. It’s as if I fear they’ll suffocate if I don’t have them breathe a couple of time son every page. 🙂

My characters’ eyes are lighting up all the time, and I have character beaming. Subject verb direct object. How do I break from this tyranny? lol

Maybe pull the plug?

the best way! im thankful to u

Excellent article — successfully writing emotion is something I struggle the most with, this is a great help.

Excellent post. I want to write with more emotion. Thanks for the great example. gramswisewords.blogspot.com

Glad it helped, Maz!

As a young writer I constantly have the “show don’t tell” philosophy thrown at me and I have read countless posts telling me that “if you’re telling the emotion even just a little bit rather than just completely showing it, you’re doing it wrong” blah blah blah, you get the picture. So to read this post has definitely changed my perspective on the delicate handling of emotion. You have demonstrated, in my opinion, a perfect balance of show and tell, so that I haven’t just been informed of the character’s feelings, their responses to traumatic events, and their life-but rather I’ve been whisked right into the character’s life to watch it all unfold. So many books I’ve read have just informed me that “oh the character is sad” as if the author is just like, hint hint wink wink-this is the part where you, the reader, should be sad too. Preferably crying over my character. Or they just say, this person is so angry they’re gritting their teeth. Like be angry at the villain because my character is angry at the villain.

But I feel nothing, because they’ve shown me how the character is feeling but they haven’t grabbed the reins of my emotions and MADE me feel for the character. If you get what I mean haha Anyways, sorry for the long comment but yeah, I just wanted to say thank you for this article-it was incredibly helpful 🙂

Glad it helps! You might like to read more about that in our 12 Fatal Flaws book. I do a whole PowerPoint workshop on this topic. I think it’s so much more effective to show what a character is thinking to evoke emotion.

I’m so glad you found the article helpful, Hannah! I know what you mean. There’s a big difference between showing an emotion and evoking an emotion. It’s much harder to do the second.

Thank you so much!! I was really struggling with the concept and I tried some other articles but this one helped the most by far. Once again, thank you so much!!

I’m so glad you found it helpful!

“How did she dream of beaches and butterflies while her son passed into eternity?” This line really got to me. I think because I would think something similar. How could I not know? How could I laugh or dream and live while someone I love is dying?

When my mother died I was at work in the stock vault. I had forgotten my phone on my desk and when I got back to it my coworkers were looking at me and saying my phone had “blown up”. They all knew my mother was sick in the hospital dying and when I got back to my desk they all knew what I did not, that she had died while I was in the vault, chatting with my colleagues. So yeah that line got to me and brought back that memory.

Perri, what a difficult memory for you that must be. I’m sorry to have brought it back. On the other hand, if the goal is to elicit an emotional response, I suppose I did manage to do that. Thank you for the note.

No, I will never refrain from telling emotions directly, and I will not read fictions which shows emotions instead of telling. Showing is necessarily ambivalent and results inevitably in incomprehensible drivel.

Interesting take on it, Klaus. Thanks for the note.

This opened my eyes in so many ways. I am deeply grateful to you for the simple solution to a complex issue in writing… Making an old emotion sound fresh as though it is felt for the first time is simply not easy. This was easy to read, and it brought feeling immediately. Thank you

So glad you found it helpful, Charlotte!

I’m sorry but the first part was the right part for me. The second was way to long and I lost interest. I feel this is the problem often. To each their own offcourse, can’t please everyone 🙂

Damn, I was thinking the same! I enjoyed the first part so much better than the emotionless descriptions about how she had to bury Billy. The stomach rollover literally gave me a melancholic feeling which didn’t happen with “God wouldn’t do the same to her”

Thank you for this article. I would like to study some of the great novels for expression of emotion. Any recommendations?

Amazing advice! This is the toughest part of creating a flesh and blood character for me. How would u apply this to first person voice?

You can just change “she” to “I” and it’s the same thing, basically. There really is no difference between first person and third person when doing deep POV.

Yes, I cried. This is the most effective article I’ve ever read on the subject of “Showing” and I recommend it to writers often. Please, never take this post down!

I didn’t mean to make you cry, J.D.! 🙂 I’m glad you found it helpful. God bless!

Still taking this article in. Have printed it off for easy reference and example. Thank you for posting this.

Stephen King does it well, by getting the protagonist to get involved deeper and deeper into an emotional state which reach a tempo unbearable.

My pleasure, Virginia. I’m glad you found it helpful.

Some good points in the way you show emotions. “Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest.” This one looks too cartoony, and nearly is an adverb [use prohibited by good writers I am told.]

The occasional adverb is acceptable, but you’re right, the line is cartoonish. That’s one of my issues with all the physiological reactions to “show” emotions–they’re exaggerated, often to the point of becoming ridiculous.

Wow, this is good writing. Hair literally stood on its ends, as I read the second rendering, even though I knew baby Jane was safe from reading the first version.

Amazing bit of writing. Thanks for the article.

But isn’t this kinda too intense for a reader? I can read the occasional paragraph like this but as a reader, I would be a nervous wreck if I had to read an entire full length novel written in this style.

Sometimes, maybe the tell is much better than show – like those ‘implied’ scenes in movies, rather than an explicit scene.

Would you recommend that a writer sticks to this POV for the entire novel or only use this occasionally? And if the latter, what kind of scenes might call for this?

Hi Badri, of course you wouldn’t have this intense a moment in every single scene in a novel. Novels should have low-energy and high-energy scenes, low- and high-action scenes, low- and high-emotional scenes. As far as POV goes, that applies to the viewpoint: whether you are in first, second, or third person. I’m not sure what you are asking, but if you mean going into deep or intimate POV, that’s a style choice and would be consistent throughout the novel.

Like CS said, not all scenes are this intense. The point is to show emotions through thoughts and actions rather than through physiological responses. So if your character is feeling happy, show the happy thoughts. If she’s feeling angry, show angry thoughts. It wouldn’t be appropriate to get this deep into every emotion, though. That could be cumbersome.

I am a very later bloomer in writing (and reading as well, I’m embarrassed to say). When I would read anything that invoked emotions as a child or young adult, I could not handle it (due to many different things going on in my life). But I am now at a different place and I am finally discovering how much I enjoy reading, well, I really mostly enjoy reading that makes me feel the emotions like your posting did.

In your first take I was thinking, oh get over it already lady…I never really liked babies anyway, we all gotta die sometime…etc… (lol, exaggerating here of course). But in your revised version, I was on tears and on the edge of my seat, thinking, that poor mother…that poor little baby…no no no…nothing can happen to that beautiful little baby…

I was shocked at the difference of my own response.

I have contemplated trying to become a writer and this posting has inspired me so much. This is now my goal – to write something that makes a reader feel this much emotion. Thank you sooooo much for sharing this.

The author of the article did a magnificent job conveying her lesson. I would offer a little insight into child loss, however. A parent never gets over losing a child. It will not happen, as a part of their heart has been torn away, outside of the natural order. Even though you may not know the experience, please do not belittle it, or those going through it. Good luck with your writing, as you walk this path with us.

I understand the concept behind it the “after”, but I have woken up before worried my baby was dead because she slept through the night… and the last thing I would have done is slip on my cozy slippers. I definitely didn’t take 10 minutes to think about if she could be dead before checking on her. So in reality — the before felt a little closer to truth to me, it was just felt a little extreme on the visceral emotions. Maybe it is just me.

Thank you for the article, even though the example didn’t resonate with me, it was an excellent example to get the point across.

I’ve been writing novels for over a decade. Finally,I understand it is the process rather than the physical manifestations of an emotion, alone, that conveys emotion to the reader! Thank you for such an intriguing insight, and thank you to my editor Beth Terrell for steering me to your blog.

Glad you arrived here! Be sure to check out my online course, too, as it goes way deep with 40+ passages examined!

So glad you found the post helpful, Jennie!

What I was able to read of the AFTER piece was wonderful. Unfortunately, the situation hits far too close to home for me, and I couldn’t finish it. You absolutely nailed it, though. The first one did not bring forth the same emotion in me the second one did. Further, the emotion built as you advanced, thus my reaction. Yes, I shed a few tears before I was able to write this reply. Thank you for this article, the insight and the advice. I will take this to heart, as I continue learning the craft.

Thanks for sharing those sentiments. I’m sorry this was/is painful for you.

I’m sorry for raising these painful memories for you. Thanks for the comment. God bless you.

Please, don’t be sorry. It is a part of life for parents who have lost a child. However, the way you wrote the piece was marvelous. That it was so powerful is a testament to the example you built. Well done. It is a wonderful lesson.

To answer the question on what stood out the most, I would say it was the last sentence. It was the baby smiling that gave me the strongest emotional response. Starting to read the text, I didn’t really “plan” to get a tear in my eye, because I find it all too easy to shield myself from the sad stuff, even though I would like to feel more directly. But fortunately, the moment of beauty and joy in the end got to me. It took me by suprise and managed to break through my shield. I will try to incorporate this in my own writing.

Fantastic article and it helps me a lot. At the point when I write, I attempt to recollect what I feared or what was terrifying to me and attempt to place those sentiments into books.

Omg! I loved this, thank you so much for sharing.

The same old story, to show emotions with your characters. SHOW don’t TELL!!!

Excellent post. It is feasible to submit no mix-ups and still lose. That isn’t a shortcoming; such is reality. This article really helps me a lot. Thanks for posting.

This was a very engaging post. It has provided me with new information and now I have a better idea of how I can represent emotion within a fictional character. Also, the example that you provided was written so well! You have given me so much inspiration and I can tell that you are a very hard worker and are dedicated to what you do. Thank you so much.

You’re very welcome!

I’m so glad, Elise, that you found the post helpful! God bless you and your writing.

I think I’m missing something. Can anyone please clarify the differences between the two examples because they both use body language to indicate emotions. If anything, the before seems better because it includes body language *and* internal reaction. The after only uses body language.

The article explains what the differences are and why using thoughts is so much more emotionally effective than showing body language. The After version uses no body language (physical tells). The thoughts are what get readers to understand and empathize with characters.

Neither the Before or After work. As for the Before, who writes like that? Must be a really rank beginner. As for the After, I spent the whole time while reading it thinking, “Not only is this ridiculously long, but no panicked mother is going to take the time to slip into her robe, put on her slippers, and have a coherent thought-stream going through her head about what happened to her other child.” No. She’s going to dash to her baby. Time for these other thoughts–or rather, an abbreviated version of them– can come as she’s cuddling her child. Perhaps better yet, put these kinds of thoughts in an earlier chapter, as background material. Then she can just fly out of bed and run to her child, and some further reflection can come when she’s found the baby safe. This is a time to act, not reflect.

Thanks for your comments. Everyone is different, and depending on the kind of character we create, they will respond differently. I would be exactly like that second example. I did similarly when I woke and hadn’t heard my baby cry at night. I put off going in as long as I could. Of the hundreds of writers I’ve shared these examples with in workshops, 99% agree with the second one as the more moving, effective, and believable example. As I said, everyone is different. But it’s all about your character–her past, who she is, etc. You might try to write this scene and then run it by critique partners and see what their response is to the way you present the character. It might be enlightening!

As a fairly new writer, I have a question that might seem silly, but it’s one that I’ve often debated. I have a tendency to spend way too much time on the scenes as I write them. I’ll go back, and back again, until I feel like it’s perfect … until I don’t. At this point I am 15,000 words in and have probably spent enough time on the chapters that I have done to have completed two novels.

Experienced writers, keep telling me to just write, and finish the first draft. Do you feel it would be appropriate to draft scenes like example #1 and then come back to add emotion like example #2 during the second draft? After reading your article, I have found myself going back to my completed chapters once again, and looking for opportunities to add emotion. I don’t feel like this is productive. Any advice?

I hear you! I constantly rework and edit as I go along, and usually by the time I complete a draft, it’s finished except for proofreading. However, I always push to make progress. If you set a goal to write at least one scene, however rough, every time you sit down, you can give yourself permission to go back and noodle with whatever you’ve written–that scene or a prior one–to polish it more. But the point is to make progress. If the problem is you are “pantsing” and don’t have a strong outline such that you don’t know what your next scenes will be, that can cause a lot of procrastination. Work on a scene outline (with me!) and get it tight. Then it won’t create a barrier to you getting those next scenes written. Usually redoing scenes over and over is due to not feeling confident where the story is going 🙂

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Word lists, cheat sheets, and sometimes irreverent reviews of writing rules. kathy steinemann is the author of the writer's lexicon series..

100+ Ways to Say “Cried”: A Word List for Writers

What’s the Big Deal?

Charles Dickens, in the persona of Mr. Bumble, said that crying “opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes , and softens down the temper.” Emotion should play a significant role in prose and poetry. Crying provides an excellent opportunity for that.

However, cried can turn into a repetition that makes readers cry because they’re tired of seeing it.

Instead of Making Your Characters Cry, Show Their Emotions

A character might shed tears for many reasons:

A to S anguish, anxiety, defeat, denial, depression, desperation, embarrassment, guilt, humiliation, irritation, loneliness, pain, panic, pride (in someone else), rage, regret, relief, sadness, shame, sympathy

Here are just a few of the ways you could show these emotions.

Anguish Sweating Trembling Cords standing out on neck Clenching one’s jaw or grinding one’s teeth

Anxiety Fidgeting Wringing one’s hands Rapid, shallow breathing Clenching one’s interwoven fingers

Defeat Lack of eye contact Slumped posture Toneless dialogue Trembling chin

Denial Elevated eyebrows Raised voice Rapid speech Wide eyes

Depression Head in one’s hands Hunched shoulders Shuffling feet, hands in one’s pockets Lowered head, with gaze on ground or one’s toes

Desperation Biting one’s bottom lip Darting gaze Pacing Tugging at one’s hair

Embarrassment Coughing Excessive swallowing Tugging at one’s clothing Wincing

Guilt Cracking voice Grimacing Biting one’s lip A quivering chin

Humiliation Blushing Bowing one’s head Hiding one’s face Hugging oneself

Irritation Cursing Stomping Snorting or sneering Ill-considered dialogue

Loneliness Monotone voice Talking to oneself Watching sad movies or TV series Excessive time on internet or playing video games

Pain Flinching Grimacing Clutching the painful area Writhing or bending over

Panic Incoherence Rasping breaths Squeezing one’s eyes shut Flinching at unexpected sounds

Pride (in someone else) Elevated chin Gleam in one’s eyes Pointing at the object of one’s pride Discussing the accomplishment with someone

Rage Crossed-arm stance Flared nostrils Puckered forehead Physical or verbal attacks

Regret Downturned lips Frail voice Attempting to explain or apologize Trying to right the wrong that caused the regret

Relief Hesitant laughter Huge exhalation Relaxing one’s posture, especially the shoulders Gazing up and pressing one’s palms together in a praying gesture

Sadness Puffy face or eyes Runny makeup Snot on upper lip or mustache Swiping at one’s nose with tissue

Shame Flushed cheeks Moaning Vibrating chin Poor personal grooming

Sympathy At a loss for words Sad smile Verbal offer of assistance Murmuring optimistic platitudes in a soothing tone

For additional beats, consult a body language dictionary . (As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.)

If You Have Room, Try Showing Instead of Telling

With the suggestions in the previous section, we can eliminate cried in a few examples. Feel free to snag them as story prompts.

Jenna cried loudly.

Jenna’s chin vibrated. “I’m so sorry,” she said with a loud moan.

Having Jenna cry loudly tells us something but provides no visuals. The second sentence gives an instant mental image and lets us know, with both her words and her body language, that she’s crying to express shame.

When I telephoned David, he cried .

Why? If we want to maintain strict point of view, this scenario leaves no room for David’s body language — the narrator can’t see his reaction. However, the writer can relay any sounds David makes .

When I telephoned David, I heard nothing on the other end of the buzzing line. For a moment, I thought he had hung up on me. Then hesitant laughter rumbled above the static. “Thank God you’re safe,” he said.

Same situation. Added details and drama. Readers will know David is relieved.

Justin cried during the medal awards ceremony.

Was Justin crying tears of relief? Was he sad because he didn’t receive an award?

Justin’s six-year-old daughter marched onto the stage to receive her medal of bravery. He leaned toward the stranger sitting on his left. “Y’know, she just about lost her own life rescuing that little boy.”

With a few more details, we learn how Justin’s daughter earned her medal and that he’s proud of her.

The baby cried at the drop of a hat.

This sentence provides no reason for the crying, and at the drop of a hat is cliché. Can we provide a reason for the baby’s crying? Panic, perhaps, or pain?

Several times hourly, the baby screamed and beat at its tummy with its tiny fists.

Pain is the motivation.

What about panic?

Every time the phone rang or a door slammed, the baby flinched and wailed.

I took wailed from the word list below and combined it with body language to provide a more vivid description.

Animals Cry Too

We can compare cries to sounds such as yowling and mewling . These types of words function particularly well when the sounds match the descriptions of our characters.

A professor who has large owl-like eyes might hoot when she cries.

A donkey-faced construction worker might bray .

Bullies who pursue their prey like a pack of dogs might yelp when their victim turns on them to defend himself.

See also 300+ Onomatopoeic Sound Words for more ideas.

Exercises and Story Prompts

Try to eliminate cried from each of the following examples.

#1. Sushi cried and barked in the kitchen. Bob rolled over in bed to peer at the clock: 3:07 a.m.

“Three times in less than an hour,” he muttered as he threw on his robe and lumbered out of the bedroom. “For cryin’ out loud, what’s got into you, dog?”

A thunderous pounding on the back door vibrated the windows.

The hairs on the back of Bob’s neck bristled.

#2. Tammy cried and pushed Ansel away. “You don’t understand,” she said. “I want out. Now.”

He grabbed a pillow off the bed. “You want out ?”

She staggered backward, her retreat thwarted by the wall.

Ansel stalked toward her, pillow clutched in his hammy fists.

#3. Heath Stoltz cried as his granddaughter Emily glided down the aisle toward her groom, Gardner Wheaton. Why hadn’t Heath told her the truth about Gardner? Would she have agreed to marry him if she had known?

Direct Replacements for Cried

A to D agonized, anguished, bawled, bayed, beat one’s breast, bemoaned, bewailed, bleated, boo-hooed, blubbed, blubbered, broke down, burst into tears, caterwauled, despaired, dripped tears

G to R grieved, grizzled, groaned, hooted, howled, keened, lamented, mewled, moaned, moped, mourned, nose bubbled, pined, puled, rained teardrops

S to U screamed, shed tears, shrieked, shrilled, sniffled, sniveled, snuffled, sobbed, sorrowed, squalled, squealed, turned on the tears, ululated

W to Y wailed, wauled, wawled, wept, whimpered, whined, whooped, wrawled, wauped, yawled, yawped, yelped, yipped, yowled

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• How to describe crying in writing?

Here are a few tips for describing crying in writing:

• crying looks
• crying listening
• crying feels like
• show is better than telling

Describe the outward manifestations of sobbing, such as tears running down a character’s cheeks or quivering in their voice, rather than just stating that the character is crying.

• similes etc

For example, you can say that someone’s tears are “flowing down their face like a river” when they are sad.

• Take into account the character’s temperament:

A character’s personality may be inferred by the way they cry.

• A character who is usually stoic, for instance, would cry silently
• a character who is more emotional might sob aloud.
• Incorporate dialogue:

Dialogue may make a sobbing scene come to life and assist the reader to understand the character’s emotions.

Examples of describing crying in writing

• “He sobbed in silence as he sat on the edge of the bed with his face buried in his hands.”
• She began to hiccup while her tears fell continuously like a steady rain.
•  “Her tears of sorrow were soaking the tissue as she clung to it to try to stop the flow.”
• “He failed his examination and had tears in his eyes that had swollen and turned red for hours.”
• “After crying for several hours, he stood in the doorway with his eyes red and swollen.”
• “As she struggled to breathe, she let out a series of hiccups, tears of sorrow still streaming down her face.”
• “He felt lonely as he stood in the corner, trying to gather himself while silent tears silently ran down his cheeks from sorrow.”
• “She let out a gut-wrenching wail, her Tears due to sorrow falling like rain as she collapsed to the floor.”
• “He sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his hand, his eyes red and swollen from crying.”
• “His tears of sorrow left a moist trail on his skin as he wiped them away with the palm of his hand.”
• “He sobbed quietly as he sat on the edge of the bed with his hands resting against his face.”
• She held a tissue to her face as she tried to stop the flow of tears, which left wet spots on the material.
• “She can’t stop crying and her body trembled as tears of sorrow fell from her eyes like a river.”
• “He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, his Tears due to sorrow leaving a trail of moisture on his skin.”
• “She can’t stop it and she cried so hard that her body shook, her Tears due to sorrow falling like a waterfall.”
• “He let out a strangled sob, his shoulders shaking as he cried into his hands.”
• “Sorrowful tears streamed down her face as she sobbed uncontrollably over her exam failure, her shoulders trembling with the force of her emotions.”
• “She sobbed heartbreakingly, her tears of sadness falling like a shower as she sobbed.”
•  “He sobbed into his hands with a strangled scream, his shoulders trembling.”
• “Her Tears due to sorrow fell like a steady stream, leaving wet tracks down her cheeks as she cried in her room.”

More Examples of Creative Writing

• How to describe a situation in writing
• How to describe fighting in writing?
• How to describe clothing in writing?
• How to describe death in writing?
• How to describe depression in writing?
• How to describe eyes in writing?
• How to describe “falling in love” in writing?
• How to describe fear in writing?
• How to describe voice in writing?
• How to Describes Eyes in Writing?

100+ Examples of describing in Creative Writing

Related posts:.

When A Character Cries

What response do you want to elicit from other characters, and readers, when someone cries in your novel? Consider the following.

Types of Crying

• Blubbering : Unattractive, loud crying. Characterized by mutters, truncated, erratic breathing, clinched facial expressions and hunched posture.
• Hyperventilate-Crying : Forceful crying causing heavy breathing, resulting in the inability to speak or produce sounds even resembling words.
• Scream-Crying : Violent crying accompanied with bouts of yelling or sometimes shrieking. May also include slapping, punching or other physical expressions of distress.
• Silent Tears : Soft, inaudible crying that does not draw attention; May manifest only in a single tear rolling down one’s cheek.
• Sobbing : Heavy crying with a large volume tears flowing steadily; Generally audible but not inappropriately loud.
• Snivelling : Audible, but soft crying, also prone to muttering and erratic breathing; May also show signs of drool or mucus.
• Weeping : A gentler version of sobbing; Involves soft, steady stream of tears with some times lightly audible signs of distress.
• Whimpering : Soft crying usually including few or no tears at all; Often incorporates muttering and/or high-pitched sighs.

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Writing FAQ

Writing a crying scene.

May 24, 2022

Asked by: Gerald Thompson

To put us in the moment, bring the rest of it to life. Give us enough detail to physically remember crying or watching someone cry and you will put us in the moment so vividly that some readers may feel themselves welling up. In short, show us what crying feels like; remind us enough that we feel it .

How do you write an emotional scene?

6 Tips for Writing a Sad Story

• Tap into your own emotionality. …
• Know the difference between sentimentality and truth. …
• Leave room to be surprised by specific detail. …
• Pair strong emotions with ordinary ones. …
• Use backstories to add weight. …
• Use sad moments to further character development.

How would you describe sobbing in writing?

Silent Tears: Soft, inaudible crying that does not draw attention; May manifest only in a single tear rolling down one’s cheek. Sobbing: Heavy crying with a large volume tears flowing steadily; Generally audible but not inappropriately loud .

How would you describe a crying face in writing?

Tears welled up in their eyes. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He felt his throat closing up. Tears streamed down her face.

How do you say crying in creative?

Idioms and slang synonymous with cry include “break down,” “burst into tears,” “choke up,” “crack up,” “dissolve into tears,” “let it all out,” “put on the weeps,” “ring the blues,” “shed (bitter) tears,” and “turn on the waterworks.” Want to improve your English in five minutes a day?

How do you express sadness in text?

Try using words like “unhappy,” “upset,” “lonely,” “down in the dumps,” or something similar . Some examples could be: “I’ve been feeling pretty sad about the breakup recently,” “I’m upset that I don’t get to go to the dance anymore.”

How do you describe sadness in creative writing?

His tearstained face was puffy and swollen with grief .

3. Crestfallen, he realised that his only chance to succeed was gone. 4. He had a lump in his throat and was blinking away the tears.

How do you describe a crying sound?

1 wail, keen, moan . 2 sob, bawl, whimper. 3 yowl, bawl, clamor, vociferate, exclaim, ejaculate, scream.

What is a simile for crying?

Tears of joy, like summer raindrops, are pierced by sunbeams . —Hosea Ballou. 1. Pearly tears, like rose’s dew, wept she.

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How to Describe Pain in Writing

What’s the worst pain you’ve ever felt? And how would you describe it?

Describing physical pain in writing is a challenge that most writers face at one time or another. A character might have a headache, give birth, or get injured in an accident or a battle. (By the way, if you’re reading this, you might also want to check out my writer’s guide to serious injuries and calamities .)

When I was writing my book The Equinox Stone , I did a lot of thinking about ways to describe pain since my characters get pretty banged up over the course of the book. Near the end (spoilers), one of them has several injuries, and I wrote: “His adrenaline was burning off, leaving him in a symphony of pain, one part of his body screaming, the other parts answering with agony of their own.” I really liked the “symphony of pain” idea.

Since so many writers look for ways to describe pain in creative writing, I figured I should do a master list of words and phrases to use. I’ve also suggested ways that the character can react to the pain, which you could use whether you’re writing from the point of view of the person in pain or the point of view of someone with them. Some of these could probably be adapted to emotional rather than physical pain.

In most cases, you probably won’t use these ways to describe pain verbatim (although you’re certainly welcome to, even with the longer phrases.) You’ll adapt it for the paragraph you’re writing. You might also combine one or two ideas. Like all my master lists, it’ll probably make you think of even more ideas.

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she braced herself for the pain

a dull ache

a deep ache in his bones

a throbbing ache

his head throbbed

pain filled her head

pain squeezed her head

a jab of pain

a burst of pain

a flash of pain

prickles of pain

a blaze of pain

a stinging pain

a spike of pain

white-hot pain

a sharp pain

a shooting pain

a stabbing pain

a piercing pain

a corrosive pain

a crippling pain

a searing pain

a grating pain

a grinding pain

a drumbeat of pain

pain shot up her leg

pain surged through her body

pain lashed across his lower back

pain ripped through her chest

pain branched across their back like lightning

pain lacerated her shoulder

pain twisted his belly

a cramp seized her foot

pain exploded behind her eyeballs

the pain flared in his leg

a flaming pain in her wrist

a burning pain in her neck

pain coursed through his body

pain like a sharp knife in his gut

pain lanced through him

pain went through her like a sword/spear

blinded with pain

dizzy from the pain

disoriented from the pain

the pain blossomed in his midsection

the pain spread through her bowels

a wave of pain rolled through her

pain crashed through his body

he let out a gasp from the pain

she panted with pain

she hissed with pain

he grimaced in pain

he managed to grin through the pain

he winced at the pain

she cringed at the pain

they strained against the pain

she curled up in pain

he doubled over with agony

she writhed in pain

he moaned in pain

she sucked in a sharp breath at the pain

he howled in pain

she grunted from the pain

he let out a cry of pain

she bit back a cry of pain

she yelped with pain

he let out a shriek of pain

he screeched in pain

she screamed in pain

the pain brought tears to his eyes

he quivered with pain

he was wracked by pain

she trembled from the pain

she was shaking from the torment

she convulsed with pain

his breathing was shallow

the pain took her breath away

they tried to breathe through the pain

she tried to focus on something other than the pain

he clutched his head in agony

she clamped her hand around her stubbed toe

he cradled his wounded arm

he grasped her hand tightly as the pain hit

she gritted her teeth against the pain

he clenched his teeth when the pain hit

his face was drawn with pain

her face was twisted with pain

she stiffened with the pain

he went rigid with agony

her back arched off the bed with the pain

she spoke haltingly from the pain

his voice was tight with pain

her voice was rough with pain

it hurt too much for him to speak

pain like he’d never felt before

the pain robbed her of rational thought

he was out of his mind with pain

she was delirious with pain

he prayed for an end to the suffering

she wished for the release of death

he blacked out from the pain

the pain abated

the pain eased

the drugs softened the pain

the pain faded

the pain diminished

the pain evaporated

the pain dissolved

the pain released her

the pain subsided

the pain dulled

the pain drained out of her body

Okay, I could do this all day, but I’ll stop it here! Do you have other thoughts about creative ways to describe pain? Let us know in the comments!

And if you’re not following the blog already, go ahead and subscribe below for more writing resources. Thanks so much for reading, and happy writing!

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35 thoughts on “ how to describe pain in writing ”.

These are fantastic references for even a causal writer like myself! Thanks a bunch!

Glad you like the post, Poppy! Have a great week!

This is a the most thorough list I’ve seen on this subject, and I will be referring to it often. Do you have an upcoming list for how to describe crashes—cars, planes, and snowboards in particular? ?

Hi MJ! You know, I haven’t done that yet…but it’s a great idea! Maybe sometime I will 🙂

Wow! Thank you for this exhaustive list. That’s really helpful. It is a great challenge in writing to describe pain accurately.

Aw thanks, Naomi! Hope everything’s going well with you 🙂

Bryn, you asked for the worst pain we had ever felt. I have been through childbirth – the memory of that pain has faded with the years. The abscessed tooth has no power of recollection. It whispers only from the gap between my molars. But the pain of betrayal still bears the image of suffering. Like a poisonous plant – dark and barbed – wrenched from my heart tearing away at life and ripping holes in my soul. Healing has come. The trauma is tamed. My life is no longer dominated by the toxic relationship, but in my memory, there remains the image of the event that nearly ended my life.

Hi Jessie! I never gave birth, but I have had an abcessed tooth, and that is definitely one of the worst physical pains I’ve ever felt… You write so well about a different kind of pain. That is so wrenching and powerful. Some of the worst scars aren’t the ones we can see.

Thank you Bryn.

My absessed tooth could not be numed so I endured 15 seconds of pain while he drilled into the pulp to relieve the pressure and ingect pain killer into the pulm.

It hurts just reading all of those ahahaha KIDDING! Thank you for sharing!

Hi, R.L.! Hahaha, that is honestly why I added the ones to the end about the pain going away!! Thanks for reading 🙂

This is such a wonderful list. Then again, all your lists are wonderful. They always help spark my brain when I’m looking for the right words.

Aww thank you Erin! Hope everything’s going well with you this week!

1 I was screaming before i hit the ground. 2 the X-ray tech Turned my foot to the side and tried to strangle her. Real experience

Donald—OWWWWW. And “I was screaming before I hit the ground” is an amazing sentence!

Those are great examples.

Aw thanks. Thanks for reading, Denise! Have a good rest of your week 🙂

“I was screaming before I hit the ground” LOVE IT!!

True experience, the best kind.

I haven’t really experienced a lot of pain. So I guess that the worst pain I’ve ever felt would be breaking my ankle- although walking with a orthopedic boot was pretty bad too, or even just wearing. You try wearing one for more than a couple of hours when there is a literal metal plate pushing against the pad of your foot.

This is an excerpt from the first book in my Chronicles of Undying series, Garden of Soul (which is currently unfinished and unpublished). I got a bit frustrated trying to find a creative way of conveying that she was experiencing a phantom pain from having her head busted open.

At first, there was only darkness and pain; something that I had gotten used to in my short life. I could see nothing but the dark corners of my mind, and the shadowy beings that dwell within them. But then I slowly forced my eyes to open, struggling to think through the mind-numbing pain which made me want to find a nail to ram into my eye to relieve it.

Have you ever had a doctor ask you to rate your pain on a scale of one to ten? Well, those numbers can’t even begin to describe the terrific pain that I am trying to relate. It felt almost like an intense headache; except that it was not localized to any specific part of my brain, nor did it spread across my head in dull, severely-debilitating waves of pain like many migraines. Instead, it felt like someone had taken a blowtorch to my skull before systematically removing my brain piece by piece with an ice pick.

A bit late to this post, but must say it’s a great list that will be very useful to me as I do the rewrite and revisions of my screenplay and finally get around to making headway on the novel.

A technique I kind of ripped off the Jason Bourne series, and probably a lot of other works out there, is having my main character show a degree of stoicism outwardly with minimal reaction to major injuries. That, combined with her flattened affect (that she has due to a mental illness) that she’s been able to override at will through practice.

Below is a scene from the screenplay that takes place during her escape from an assassination attempt on her in a crowded train station after losing her heels and crossing a subway train pit to get away.

Being that a screenplay is a recipe for filmed exposition, I’ll need to apply things similar to your suggested descriptions and those suggested by others above for the novel version so I can put readers in the mind of my character (I’m not quite skilled at that yet).

“As she’s going up the Outbound Green Line stairs, she hunches down, takes her light coat off, turns it inside out and puts it back on, ties her hair back in a ponytail with a couple of rubber bands, and puts on her sunglasses. Her feet ache from her rapid crossing of the subway pit and the rocks of the track ballast.

As she gets to the top of the platform a ROLLERBLADES GUY, wearing large studio headphones, crosses her path and runs over her exposed left foot, creating a bloody gash. She winces, ever so quickly.

The guy looks at her.

ROLLERBLADES GUY “God lady, I’m so sorry.”

ZOEY “Rollerblades. AND headphones. In the subway. Keep it up buddy, you know; shame I won’t get to see it someday.”

And on she walks on with a slight limp.”

Zoey’s no superhero and she doesn’t have a belt or watch with a million jaw-dropping tools like 007 (though at times I give her a collapsable baton and a Leatherman like tool). I suppose her superpower is her ability to withstand and overcome pain to complete her objective.

There’s a show (not the feature film) on Amazon Prime called Hanna, I was watching late last year, where one of the lead characters, Marissa, seems to constantly get shot, afflicted by enemies and torturers, injured in car accidents and left for dead, or otherwise beaten to a pulp.

Like Zoey, Marissa is an intelligence officer (this genre seems to be getting too crowded), and despite her ability to pass as a forty-ish soccer mom, she fights like hell to achieve her objectives. My best analogy would be that she’s a human Terminator, who would march on until she had no legs and even then would crawl with her last.

I’m eager to watch the next season as well as find a script of the show floating around, if I can, to see how they described what we see on screen and what I can learn from it to create my own unique story.

Another valuable resource. Thanks, Bryn!

Shared with my writer friends! Thanks, Bryn! -n

All of the ones you used.

The doctors last words were, “We’re going to amputate your foot.” // I, in my drug induced euphoria, blithely said Okay.” I woke up and the bastard quacks hadn’t done it.

In my current wip I have a birth scene where the young woman is unused to pain and makes a lot of fuss. This will be a great resource for that. Many thanks. I’ve bookmarked it!

Hi Vivienne! Thanks for reading, and I hope it’s useful. And hope the writing’s going well! 🙂

My MC assists in an appendectomy in the amazon where there is no narcotics. A paralytic was used. The MC demands to know if the doctor knows how much pain he caused.

I screamed while still flying across the intersection and landing did nothing to stop the explosion in my leg.

I have had basically 2 different worst pains, one for most intense, and one for longest lasting.

My most intense pain was from an intestinal blockage I had many years ago. I had chronic constipation for years, but this was different, I couldn’t pass anything. I woke up in pain and I was crying, the pain was easily an 8 or more on the pain scale, worse than any abdominal pain I had before or since. I texted my momma telling her that I had some really bad intestinal pain and I needed an enema. After a while of letting the enema work, I was able to pass it and the pain was gone.

My longest lasting pain started one day when I slipped on the stairs. My back and my tailbone were both hurting. The back pain went away quickly. The tailbone pain however lingered. And not just for hours or a day, it stayed there for 6 weeks. The first 3 weeks were incredibly painful for me, I was grimacing every time I got up or sat down because it hurt so much at that moment. And I naturally did it slower to try to minimize the pain, but, it didn’t work. When I was going to sleep, I had to sleep on my stomach. I generally start sleeping on my side, but that was too painful, so I went to sleep on my stomach with my head turned to the side so I could breathe fine. However, every day, I would wake up on my back. It didn’t immediately hurt when I woke up, but just like getting up from a chair, getting up from my bed hurt, and I had to do a certain maneuver to minimize pain when getting up from my bed.

The last 3 weeks weren’t as painful as far as sitting and getting up from a chair was concerned, but sleeping on my side was still too painful and getting up from my bed was still quite painful. Finally, 6 weeks after my tailbone injury, it finished healing and the pain was gone.

I’ve had a lot of pain, but those 2 are my worst. And I will find this page useful, as my stories almost always involve pain at some point.

The only pain that I’ve experienced was when I tripped and fell on to a metal separator for a garden and nearly lost my left thumb. when it happened, I couldn’t feel any pain, but somewhere in me, I knew I was in pain. I just couldn’t at the time.

This was maybe seven years ago, but I still remember the pain when the doctors stuck a needle in my hand to numb the pain to stitch up my hand. now that hurt, maybe even worse than me splitting open my hand. It felt like my hand was on fire and that it was spreading up my arm to the rest of my body. I screamed like I never had before, almost blacking out. I wished that I had.

When they put the stitches in, it felt like someone was poking and tugging at my skin. I didn’t look. I hadn’t wanted to because I knew what I would have seen. Blood, my blood, sweeping out of my hand and onto the table it was laying on. thinking about it new gives me chills and to this day I have slight pricks of pain every now and again from the wound.

I hope this helps with your writing or for anyone else who reads this. Thanks for the advice too. I’m trying to write a novel and was having trouble, but this blog really helped me.

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“My life is pain”

As someone who has struggled with chronic neck pain, I appreciate the emphasis on proper posture and regular stretching. For anyone looking for more detailed guidance on physiotherapy treatments for neck pain, I highly recommend checking out PhysioEntrust. They offer a wealth of information and practical advice that can make a real difference.

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12 Awesome Descriptions For Sadness

Sadness – an emotion that everyone and anyone can easily relate to. It is one of the most popular emotions to use in school compositions. However, many students simply use the word “sad” to describe their character/s. Teach your child these descriptions to use in their compositions and they will immediately add depth to their stories.

Let’s take a look at the 12 Awesome Descriptions For Sadness today:

1. She tried to speak, but she was  choked with tears .

2. His  tearstained face was puffy and swollen with grief .

3.  Crestfallen , he realised that his only chance to succeed was gone.

4. He had  a lump in his throat  and was  blinking away the tears.

5.  Sorrowfully , he buried his dead golden retriever at the bottom of the garden and  wept a silent tear .

6.  A hush fell  as the bereaved elderly man entered the church. During the service, he was  racked by sobs .

7. “Not again!” he  groaned in misery .

8. “Why would she do that to me?”  snivelled  Giselle  miserably .

9. For months, the  gnawing grief  kept him awake at night.

10. Jason announced the tragic news with  a heavy heart .

11. Sitting there alone,  misery was written all over his face .

12. He found himself  in the depths of misery .

Encourage your child to use these descriptions in the tests and examinations. Help them familiarise with these phrases through simple activities by writing short introductory paragraphs with one or two of the descriptions, or give them short dictation quizzes!

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How would you describe someone crying...

... To the point where they cannot control their breathing and tend to have trouble taking in air... kind of like a child who is trying to stop crying.

I'm trying to write an emotional ending where an onlooker can't take the emotional turmoil. Any help greatly appreciated :)

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Cacian Banned

How to describe 'crying'.

Discussion in ' Word Mechanics ' started by Cacian , Jan 28, 2012 .

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_500052e74476c5cfbabef85390362e1a'); }); I believe it is one thing to show a picture of somone crying and another trying to describe. There are tears of joy to take into account. How do you describe someone crying because of joy as oppose to crying because of hurt. I usually associate crying with saddness or hurt and that is why I am not finding the words to describe it convincingly. I find the vocabulary for that is quite wide. He burst into tears He cried his eyes out He shed tears He sobbed He was tearfull these would not apply to tears of say happiness/joy this for example is not correct He sobbed tears of joy He cried because he was happy. There is also tears of laughter. He laughed so much he had tears in his eyes. I am trying to describe someone with tears of happiness  

Kallithrix Banned

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_500052e74476c5cfbabef85390362e1a'); }); 'She cried tears of happiness' Done. Don't try to overcomplicate it, or it will look contrived or melodramatic.  

leadbelly New Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_500052e74476c5cfbabef85390362e1a'); }); 'His eyes welled with tears, his lips forming a smile.' 'He tried sniffing discretely, as he smiled brightly.' There's a tons of ways... just make sure you show and don't tell--it will have a bigger emotional impact on the reader. I find when I'm stuck on how to show something, I'll go to YouTube and find a clip or dozens of what I'm trying to convey, watch them and then work from there. Think of all the mechanics that actually go into crying and just write about that (not in the context of your story just yet). Once you feel good about writing the action, then try working it into your story.  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_500052e74476c5cfbabef85390362e1a'); }); leadbelly said: ↑ 'His eyes welled with tears, his lips forming a smile.' 'He tried sniffing discretely, as he smiled brightly.' Click to expand...

Show Contributor Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_500052e74476c5cfbabef85390362e1a'); }); Kallithrix said: ↑ Both of these are somewhat over-described, IMO. When showing emotions its best to keep it simple and concise. Going into minute detail of every smiling sniff and snot trail just looks over the top. Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_500052e74476c5cfbabef85390362e1a'); }); Show said: ↑ Anything can be over-the-top if overdone. Sometimes bare bones detail just comes off as flat and unmoving, which can be just as detrimental as overdescribing. I personally think "he cried tears of happiness" is a little more over the top than showing me the actions of shedding tears and crying. Click to expand...

Yoshiko Contributor Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_500052e74476c5cfbabef85390362e1a'); }); A character simply wiping their eyes is enough to convey that they are crying. As is bowing their head and their shoulders trembling. Or snuffling/a red nose and a shift in their breathing pattern. More frequent blinking and damp/glossy eyes can suggest they are about to start crying while bloodshot/puffy eye(lid)s suggests that they already have. Depending on the content of the scene itself it should be obvious to the reader exactly why they are crying -- whether it's from remorse, frustration, pain, relief, joy, etc or even a combination of reasons -- so I don't see a need to directly specify what 'type' of tears they are.  

Dante Dases Contributor Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_500052e74476c5cfbabef85390362e1a'); }); Cacian, you will not develop as a writer if you keep asking these questions instead of finding out for yourself. The best way to find out how to describe tears of happiness, etc, is to sit down and write . Then when that's done, edit . And then write some more. At the moment, you're using others to do your work for you, although you're clearly thinking about what you could say rather than relying on those others. You'll not develop your own style doing that - just amalgamate a hodge-podge of the styles of others without knowing why it is you're writing like that. There are a few pointers every writer should know, and which guidance (not specific advice) should be given on. Things like what showing is against telling. Reminders to do just that. Don't use two words where one will do, etc. So my advice to you, Cacian, is that you should go away and just write the scene. Remember to show, and not tell, and then look critically at what you've written. If you don't think it's good enough, edit it, rewrite it. Learn by doing. You'll become a better writer for it.  

mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_500052e74476c5cfbabef85390362e1a'); }); if you read enough good writing, you wouldn't have to ask, because you'd have examples to go by... as for yours, none of them are 'showing' us a person is crying... they're just 'telling' us someone is crying...  

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How to write a scene about a main character who is crying?

I am writing a scene in which I want to show how my MC is still weak and vulnerable. My character is emotionally strong, but I am not able to describe a scene where she is crying in a room alone, so she doesn't seem as strong as she thinks she is. How do you write about vulnerability without explicitly stating that?

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• showing-telling

• 5 Welcome to Writing.SE! Currently, your question is at risk of being closed, as it's unclear what exactly you're having difficulty with. What sort of advice are you looking for regarding this? –  F1Krazy ♦ Commented Apr 13, 2021 at 20:46
• Hi Valerie. Can you be more specific about your problem. Why can't you write a scene showing your character crying in a room alone? –  Marco Ocram Commented Apr 18, 2021 at 15:56

3 Answers 3

Crying who, me (sniff):.

I think you want something like this:

MC is reflecting on the person (tough characters are usually too busy saving the world to cry in the moment that something bad happens, it's a crisis-management thing), thinking about the great features of the dead person, how they'll miss them, endearing personal details, etc. They find tears welling up, and deny it (Damn allergies). Then they do the go-to tough thing, and get angry at themselves for showing feeling, and angry at the dead person (they aren't That great! {sob}).

Finally they insist they aren't going to cry, at which point they begin sobbing so uncontrollably they can't breathe and the air comes in through ragged gasps. They need to sit down and roll up in a ball because they can't move and start shaking uncontrollably. Drool or snot is a little over the top, but makes for good color.

The crying at this point is about lots of other things than the dead person: their parents, lost relationships, their childhood dog, and so on, but they never mourned any of those things, and they all keep slamming into the MC until they have nothing left.

If they have a companion (you said no, but stories change), they snuggle into them like a child until the crying passes, possibly until they fall asleep, or otherwise until they calm enough (still crying) to again get angry at themselves over their display (potentially setting off another round of bawling).

A word of advice, always avoid the word "I" when writing a question. They tend to close it.

As for your question:

People tend to act very differently after they have witnessed the loss of a loved one. If you are writing a book, then I would suggest that you build your character strong by showing off their traits at different moments. A simple search on google could be enough to know what are the traits of an emotionally strong person.

People tend to act very differently after they have witnessed the loss of a loved one

More importantly, you should show why are they being strong: is it because they are having trouble moving on? Or they are being strong for someone else like a younger sibling, another parent, or anything else. And by "show", I mean as in "Show; don't tell."

Now going to the first part again:

Your character is human and has emotions like a normal human being, so when the MC doesn't deal with their grief, they tend to go out of their character. They are mostly angry, they flip out on anyone, at any time for trivial reasons; they talk less and avoid interaction, and... don't make the right decisions. And this, until now, what we have discussed is all build-up to the breakdown scene.

The breakdown

As build-up can be for various reason, a breakdown can be caused by numerous reasons too. When they are confronted point-blank about "it", they will flip out and try to hurt the confronting person (with words ofc) too. And if you keep this long enough, the MC will definitely break. Or when they are alone, a special thing or some situation (like falling off an album or playing of a recorded message) can bring back some memories. Or the classic, breaking down when no one is around. Of course, these all are examples; you can be creative all you want.

What about short stories?

In short stories, you began the story after the build-up phase -- assuming your story is not tragic, or your plot is based on the MC's breakdown -- this also helps the story start on action. To explain the build-up, you can put a small paragraph or a dialogue explaining the backstory briefly.

I recently completed a story on this same topic. The MC in the story is still dealing with her father's death. Due to this, in the first part of the story, she appears timid and a loner. And when a boy tries to help her, she flips out on him, stating that he will leave her too. Thus, exploring her insecurities. But once she starts to deal with these emotions, her character becomes more assertive as the story progress.

“I want your diary,” he repeated calmly. “No way!” I glowered. “You have mine, don’t you?” “You gave it to me, on your own WILLINGNESS. You can have the damn thing back,” I said, punching the diary on his chest. “I don’t want it back, Zea…” “Then what do you want, Davis? Why did you ask me? What is it? You wanna hang out with me, or––or want to have some kind of relation… or you just waltz in here, being charming and smiling, then leave me — alone and broken,” tears heaped up in my eyes, as I took rapid breaths. “Zea, none of it is true, and people just don’t come and go in life.” “DON’T THEY? One morning you wake up, and they are gone, just gone, leaving you all alone. And they are so arrogant, they think they don’t own an explanation to you, or even have the courtesy to say goodbye. They all go, Davis. They all go.”

Before this scene, the story showed how nervous and uncertain she is, and as we look into her thoughts, we know that she has no interest in the present moment. Since it was a short story, you can see how close the build-up and the breakdown is: first, she flips out for a simple reason, and then as her anger gushes out, she breaks down. Three paragraphs later, you know why she broke down.

• When people die, their loved ones cry. That's natural. So your question: how to make her cry? Is improper. It's like asking why peter parker cried over the death of his uncle? Your main question should be how do make her seem vulnerable? Based on how your character is, the way they deal with this is different. But everyone cries! –  Momobear Commented Apr 14, 2021 at 2:02

Make it less obvious that she cried. Say something like, she was so sad that her cheeks turned salty and dry or that her face and/or clothes turned wet. Write it in a way that, at first, she ignored the whole act of crying and tried to supress it, and later realised that it's ok.

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How to Stop Crying When You’re Angry or Upset With Someone

I am not a big crier. I shed tears, if I had to guess, every few months or so. But my best friend? She cries at everything: Movies, love songs, memories, how adorable our dogs are—and, of course, during arguments. I know this because we lived together for years. We occasionally bickered, as roommates do , about dishes, bills, the volume of the TV at night, and how much we cranked up the AC during the summer. These conversations often resulted in tears (hers, not mine).

I found this reaction…confusing, since our disagreements often felt like no big deal to me. Why did suggesting she pay for our Uber ride (since, ya know, it was her turn) send her tear ducts into a tailspin? I’ve since learned that some people simply cry more easily than others . Confrontation, in general, brings up intense emotions, Molly Burrets, PhD , a clinical psychologist and adjunct professor of marriage and family therapy at USC, tells SELF—and some of us are just more triggered and overwhelmed by, say, a raised voice, direct tone, or slight criticism , Dr. Burrets says.

If you can relate and you’re fed up with not being able to get through a disagreement without breaking down, know this: It’s absolutely possible to cry less when shit hits the fan. Not that you even need to. But hey, if you want to, we’re here to make your dream of bickering with clear eyes and dry cheeks a reality.

Here’s why you start crying as soon as the vibe gets tense.

To be clear: There’s nothing wrong with crying. In fact, it’s a completely natural and normal physiological response to tense situations. “When you perceive a threat or experience high stress, your body reacts with tears as a way to release tension ,” Dr. Burrets explains—which is why you feel so much better after a good cry.

Crying is also how your body copes with emotional overload , or that feeling when sensations like sadness, joy, and anger become too much to deal with. At a certain point, you feel the need to let go and release those simmering emotions (cue the waterworks). But that tipping point—that moment when you can’t hold it in anymore—varies significantly from person to person, Dr. Burrets says. Some people, like my friend, are more sensitive to the build-up of emotions and well up with tears as soon as they feel a splash of frustration or sorrow.

If you’re an easy crier, that can also be a sign that you have a hard time processing and communicating your emotions, she adds. This might be because your family avoided conflict when you were growing up or you were reprimanded for talking about your feelings, or, for whatever reason, you just feel ashamed or embarrassed expressing yourself. These deeper-seated issues can make it tough to find words that accurately capture what you’re experiencing, according to Dr. Burrets. “As a result, crying can be a form of nonverbal communication,” she says.

How to prevent yourself from crying a river whenever you’re faced with conflict.

Even though crying is natural and healthy, you might wind up in situations where you want to reel it in. Perhaps you get choked up when you butt heads with your partner or your tears prevent you from having constructive conversations with your roommates. Maybe you’re just fed up with your eyes being red and puffy all the time when you bicker with your mom .

You can actually learn to cry less through a process called emotional regulation , which is essentially the ability to control your emotional states. There are a handful of different ways to go about this, but the key is to experiment until you find a tactic that works for you and then practice as much as you can. Here are four options that might help you gain some control over your tear ducts:

If you and your sibling get in a brawl about upcoming holiday plans (truly the worst conversation) and it makes you want to bawl, bring your focus to your breath. Deep breathing exercises —like inhaling for four seconds, holding your breath for four, and exhaling for another four—relax your nervous system, thereby reducing stress and suppressing your urge to weep, according to Dr. Burrets. You know how crying is a physiological response that calms you? It’s the same deal with slow, deep inhales and exhales.

Ideally, you can employ your breathing exercise of choice right before having a difficult conversation , so you can go into it feeling prepared and centered (this will cut your chances of sniveling). But that’s not always possible, especially if you suddenly find yourself in the middle of a heated debate. If that’s the case, you want to think about your breath—slow it down, deepen it, and feel it flowing in and out of your chest—while you’re in the middle of the discussion, Dr. Burrets suggests. It might take some practice to master this, but with time and experience, you’ll get there, she adds.

Grounding techniques can help you step back from your emotions and reduce their intensity. These exercises work by activating your parasympathetic nervous system, the network of nerves in your body that helps you settle down and relax—this slows down your heart rate and breathing (and all the thoughts racing around your head), Dr. Burrets says. For example, when you start to feel distressed, she recommends saying the alphabet backward in your head (Z, Y, X, W…). “It gives you something else to focus on,” she says—so you’re less overwhelmed by the worry or agitation boiling up during an argument.

Another tactic to try: Bring your attention to your senses . Think about five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, one thing you can taste. You can also conduct a body scan —focus on the sensations of each body part, starting from your head and working your way down to your toes. Or keep it simple: Focus on one single thing you can feel, like the fabric on the chair you’re sitting on or your toes wiggling in your shoes. Dr. Burrets says these exercises are helpful because you can lean on them in the middle of a strained conversation. (You’d be surprised, she adds, at just how easy it is to practice grounding techniques when you’re talking to someone.)

Jot down a few affirmations you can say to yourself when you, say, wind up squabbling with your BFF . Maybe it’s “I am calm and in control” or “I am doing my very best, and that is enough.” Without these self-assuring statements, your brain might say, OMG, I’m going to cry again. This is horrible! You know, the kind of negative self-talk that makes you want to bawl your eyes out.

Throw yourself some love and support— research shows positive affirmations can actually regulate some of the physiological responses that ramp up when you’re stressed out. Here’s the thing: You can’t have more than one thought at a time, Dr. Burrets says, so if you focus on how good of a job you’re doing staying calm, not only might you give yourself a confidence boost , but there will be less room in your brain to fixate on what’s going wrong.

No matter how well you practice the tips above, you may still find yourself tearing up during a tense conversation. “Sometimes you are so emotionally overwhelmed that you’re going to cry,” says Dr. Burrets. You’re a human being—it happens. But if it’s important to you to not bawl? Kindly excuse yourself and take a break.

Dr. Burrets recommends assuring the other person that you aren’t just abandoning the argument. That way they aren’t left stranded thinking, Well, WTF? So say something like: “This conversation is important to me, but I need to take a break for a few minutes so I can get to a place where I can really focus on it.” Then, clue them into how long of a pause you need. Ask if you can revisit the conversation in 15 minutes or, if need be, tomorrow, so they have an idea of when you can resolve the issue, Dr. Burrets advises.

To all you (and I mean this in the most affectionate way possible) crybabies out there: Please let it out if you want to. And when you don’t, I hope the above advice helps you feel a little more in control. My takeaway? Even if I don’t totally understand how a silly little disagreement about whether or not to put butter on our tub of movie theater popcorn could possibly make my friend tear up, I now know those tears are just her body’s way of soothing itself. And what’s so bad about that?

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SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.